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| | So, men aren't serious... and women are?Page 6 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | I think there are a load more guys and girls out there than we think who don't seem to get any responses from people; no matter how hard they try to make the message entertaining.
I've had that same problem, but I just take it as normal and don't let it bother me that much. One way to think of it is practice for when you DO meet that special someone, as it means if you want to write something nice then it should come as no problem to Shakespearians like ourselves, right?
Another thing I find a little bit helpful is just knowing that there are others out there with the same problem. Hell, we're all nice people, but as they say, shit happens.
Time to dust off the dictionary, navigate past the text speak lazy freak from three clicks before and keep on going :) | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/1/2012 5:58:37 PM |
My motto, it's what I tell anyone who's new on here. I have one thing to say to all. I'm 48 yrs old. I haven't found it in 48 yrs, what makes me think I'm going to find it in a day on here? If you think you are supposed to find it in the first day, week, month you are on here, you aren't thinking rationally. It takes time. I haven't read your profile, I would say, make it your own, be who you are, if they don't like it or you, then they just don't like it. You're only gonna please one person in your lifetime...YOU! If you are lucky, you'll find someone who's pleased enough with you to take you on for life. Good luck finding her, hang on to her when she comes along. It won't be love at first sight, it'll grow in time. Love comes as you get to know someone.
That sounds like the dour rhetoric of a spinster. So, at 48, you've not found one single meaningful, worthwhile relationship?! Either you are in a terrible location with a tremendously sparse male population, OR your ideas of a good mate are so utterly demanding, you're doomed to a life of romantic poverty. I mean, I've had four long-term relationships since my early twenties, and while not perfect, I'd say I "found it" with people who made each other happy.
Exactly. The key is to not let lack of interest make you feel like a failure. Think of it this way. WHen you're job hunting, how many applications do you send out? Many of them, right? How many calls for an interview do you get? I'd bet cash that the ratio is pretty damned small.
I dunno, that's kinda a crap analogy, IMO. The employment market is a much different animal than the dating market. One, the dating market is roughly 1:1, especially as we edge towards our 30s, most job vacancies-to-applicant ratios hover around 1:4, 1:5... and due to structural employment issues (that being the types of jobs available not being compatible with the education and experience levels of the average applicant, or overqualification on the other end of the spectrum) most are not qualified for the positions available. I'm no "romantic economist" but I bounce around socially, and I'm not seeing any superior qualities in women in general that leads me to believe a similar situation exists in the dating arena.
To all the guys upset by a lack of responses, don't let it get to you. It's really not that you're uglier than you thought you were or anything like that, most of the women on here just overestimate their own looks. I share my online dating experience with as many people as possible in the real world and women just have a totally different experience on here. If you're a decent looking woman you can expect 5-10 messages per day from different people, more so when you first open your account. So after a week on here an average looking girl is has been contacted by quite a few guys and will most like be interested in the best looking and most charming ones. As an average looking guy, that means you're out of luck because a few of the guys she's talking to are better looking. When the woman meets these guys and they turn out to be douchebags, she'll talk about how all men online are jerks. Too bad she ignored messages from decent guys.
So, all decent looking guys are douchebags? I mean, I consider myself a good looking guy... not stellar, but at 35, most have let themselves go, and I started this thread because I felt like I was serious about actually meeting women, in pursuit of an, at least, somewhat long-term relationship (I admit things don't always work out "forever") but I'm just not getting any women to even go out for a F'ing cup of coffee to see where things go. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/1/2012 7:40:46 PM | | Hybridized: Not all good looking guys are douchebags and not all ugly dudes are nice. The women I've seen on here just set their sights waaaay too high. The women you're trying to talk to probably have a ton of other guys talking to them at the same time and you just don't stand out enough to get anywhere with them. Standing out is really hard to do online unless you have great pics. Not to mention perhaps you might be ovestimating yourself a bit and messaging a bunch of women out of your league? I don't know. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/1/2012 10:16:10 PM |
I dunno, that's kinda a crap analogy, IMO.
I'm not talking about the job market. Most people apply for many jobs and only get a few calls for interviews. Not every employer you send a CV to will call... the point was only that we don't always get tons of replies.
Standing out is really hard to do online unless you have great pics.
Take Hybridized, for example, he used to have lots of pics... back in the beginning of this thread I looked at his profile. LOVED his pics. Say we started e-mailing. Just becuase he's good looking, smart and interesting doesn't mean we'll actually hit it off. The great pics might reel someone in, but more than great pics are required to keep any interest going.
I've messaged men here who I thought were great looking and loved their profiles, but we had nothing in common... nothing to talk about so in the end and any intial interest we had through our photos and profiles just didn't continue.
It's so hit and miss, it's not even funny. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/2/2012 10:52:22 AM | A lot of women on here, are really just looking for attention, going out on dates as often as possible
(free food, and entertainment)
having sex
and looking for a man that they can marry, lots of money lol
but some are real
just have to weed, the users out | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/2/2012 2:52:02 PM | | I agree that women on this website aren't interested in a serious relationship. Even the women who have long-term relationship on their profile. It is a down right lie. I try to talk to alot of women with long-term relationship in their profile and they say they want friends first and long-term down the road. Usually 1 or more months later! Typically they tell me they want to date around and date many guys at the same time to see what's out there. To think that they want to go on all those dates with multiple guys and kiss them. Nasty! I am a one man/one woman guy! Too bad women say one thing but mean another. It is true women are venus and men are from mars. When I say I want a long-term relationship with committment! I mean it! I don't want friends, pen pals or to date on and off and definitely not someone who hangs with a woman for friendship. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/2/2012 3:16:20 PM |
but some are real
just have to weed, the users out
Given the sheer volume of posts on this type of topic... the weeding process isn't going very well for anyone. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/2/2012 6:16:56 PM | | Fixedvariable: I am now convinced that the Internet is the absolute worst place to meet a woman and have stopped trying. Most of the women here are totally full of themselves and not worth the effort of sending out 58737 messages hoping for a decent girl to respond. I now only recommend online dating to players lookin to get laid. Anyone who is able to meet someone in the real world and get a date, that's what they should do. These sites are full of broken misfits. To the few decent ladies here, I don't mean you. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/2/2012 10:33:58 PM |
Hybridized: Not all good looking guys are douchebags and not all ugly dudes are nice. The women I've seen on here just set their sights waaaay too high. The women you're trying to talk to probably have a ton of other guys talking to them at the same time and you just don't stand out enough to get anywhere with them.
I'm 35 years of age, kind sir... I'm well aware that not all decent looking people are D-bags and vice versa. All types make the world, all types. Even the jacked thing, of which we were speaking about earlier: I've got two very good friends who are serious body-builders who are both extremely worldly, intelligent, and decent human beings. Pretty much the total opposite of douchebaggary. Of course, they're both in their 40s, and don't dress in the D-bag uniform in the least. Bags make it pretty easy to spot them 9-times-out-of-10. There's a pretty obvious dress code.
Standing out is really hard to do online unless you have great pics. Not to mention perhaps you might be ovestimating yourself a bit and messaging a bunch of women out of your league? I don't know.
Please... I'm not overestimating anything. I wouldn't hit up any type of women on here that I wouldn't/haven't dated in real life. In fact, women typically tag me first... I've found that's the only way it works, and I've had relationships with regular girls, to ones with a little more, to girls with modeling portfolios. The concept of leagues is ludicrous and laughable. The world just doesn't play out that way. While I think it helps both genders to "mirror" themselves in their expectations of those who would date them, remaining a bit flexible either way isn't a bad idea either. For instance, I'm a pretty trim guy, in shape, but not super athletic, but I'm also fine with a girl who's a bit curvy, or one who's a bit more tightened-up than myself. Some people don't get completely hung up on that stuff. Really, they don't.
I mean, what the hell is good looking anyway!? I recently had an [awkward] meeting with a web developer I'm working with, and his client who was getting all up in my grill, saying stuff like, "You must have girls all over you." to which I replied, "Um... not really". Pretty good looking lady too. Last show we played, I had two occasions of women telling me I was gorgeous straight to my face... then I come on here and, "Below average bums like us have to suck it up accept failure." is the default advice. Its weird, as a male, I haven't the slightest idea of how good looking I am. I've narrowed it down to somewhere between a 2-and-an-8... LMFAO. No joke. That perceived range has only gotten wider as I've gotten older.
I'm not talking about the job market. Most people apply for many jobs and only get a few calls for interviews. Not every employer you send a CV to will call... the point was only that we don't always get tons of replies.
Actually, before the economy tanked here in September of '08, I spent very little time looking for jobs. Not much more than a couple of weeks, and I've nailed 80%+ jobs I've interviewed for. Post-recession, however, the response rate is as abysmal as on here... LOL!
Take Hybridized, for example, he used to have lots of pics... back in the beginning of this thread I looked at his profile. LOVED his pics. Say we started e-mailing. Just becuase he's good looking, smart and interesting doesn't mean we'll actually hit it off. The great pics might reel someone in, but more than great pics are required to keep any interest going.
Awww... why thank you. :-D I've recently switched up my pics because I got some advice on a love & dating forum that said I should NOT put out my musico/rocker side of things on my profile because apparently (news to me) musicians are "more repulsive to women than nerds are", apparently. It's only a part of my persona, so I thought I'd go with my "regular guy" side which is how I roll most of the time. In any case, it's not really important at the moment as I'm moving back to Arizona next week, so I'm not really focusing on this total loss equation at the moment. Kinda got other things to tend to. I'll continue the experiment later.
I am now convinced that the Internet is the absolute worst place to meet a woman and have stopped trying. Most of the women here are totally full of themselves and not worth the effort of sending out 58737 messages hoping for a decent girl to respond. I now only recommend online dating to players lookin to get laid. Anyone who is able to meet someone in the real world and get a date, that's what they should do. These sites are full of broken misfits. To the few decent ladies here, I don't mean you.
I tend to agree. I just don't get the whole sweet+demanding facade, if you, yourself, are ill-intentioned and have little to offer to qualify your demands. Just be straight up honest about what you want. End. Of. Story. I'm not here to judge those who have different relationship needs, just like I'm not here to judge homosexuals on their needs... just STATE IT!
I'd love to take the "real world" advice, really I would... but the sad fact is, the only reason I'm on here is I don't meet single and/or otherwise attractive+worthwhile women in the real world. It's mostly due to my hobbies an interests, which are VERY male-centric. I'm pretty active with a band and the heavy music community, which is 95% guys, and 5% girlfriends of guys in other bands, or damaged goods. It's really quite bleak. I'm also a motorhead, but into more European forms of motorsport (I believe AwesomeKisser on this thread can relate to this) and that's also male-centric, not to mention a draw for both a higher age and income bracket than I'm compatible with. I'm not saying this is a last and only resort and I'm still fairly social and try to get out and about here-and-there in my very busy life, BUT it is probably the best shot I've got at dates as it's still outgunning my usual gallivanting 1-to-0. ¯\(º_o)/¯ | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:50:49 PM | Hybridized: Didn't mean to offend in any way when I suggested you might be messaging women out of your league. Generally, I do believe someone can be out of your league, I don't think it always means looks. Some people are just more appealing than others because of their situation, not just their looks. I only mentioned this to be fair to the ladies.
I also know what you mean about not being able to meet anyone in the real world. My hobbies are as bad as yours when it comes to meeting women. I tend to work a lot of hours sometimes and I have Internet access at work...so here I am. Even so, I'd rather hit on a random woman in the grocery store than hit on a woman online. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/3/2012 1:42:33 AM |
Hybridized: Didn't mean to offend in any way when I suggested you might be messaging women out of your league. Generally, I do believe someone can be out of your league, I don't think it always means looks. Some people are just more appealing than others because of their situation, not just their looks. I only mentioned this to be fair to the ladies.
LOL... No worries. What is it about Americans that makes you immediately think that if I contend a differing perspective on things than you, that I'm inherently offended?
Again, I don't believe that there are women who are in different "leagues" (being a defined collection of people in a closed group) than myself, however there are certainly individual women whom I don't fall into their "scope". Some I won't be rich enough for, some I won't be tall enough for, some I won't be old enough for, some I won't be black enough for... LOL! It's not like I'd bother sending a message to a woman that says, "I need a guy with blonde hair, no exceptions." But, then, like I said, I dated women who were models, some from far wealthier families, some taller than me, and so on. I don't even know what qualities I'd even look for to purport some sort of elimination factor.
I also know what you mean about not being able to meet anyone in the real world. My hobbies are as bad as yours when it comes to meeting women. I tend to work a lot of hours sometimes and I have Internet access at work...so here I am. Even so, I'd rather hit on a random woman in the grocery store than hit on a woman online.
Yeah, it's really rough. I used to have some places where I just seemed to "gel" with the women, for lack of a better word. Where single, attractive ladies were abundant, open, and receptive. I never really found that here in Portland. I tend to get on with people in general... I'm pretty sociable altogether, but single women are sparse (sooooooo many coupes in bars and coffee shops and whatnot these days), and those who are out there, are generally of low quality/intelligence, super stand-offish and introverted, and not really even into me. It's like the anti-mingle out there. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/3/2012 11:13:13 AM |
It's like the anti-mingle out there.
Well naturally.
Divide and conquer the masses wouldnt work so well if the masses were friendly to each other, and trusting of each other now; would it.
Just sayin | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/3/2012 9:27:16 PM | | You tell em bro LOL all i get is women that wanna play head games or 1 night stands ..which is quite amusing considdering im in the looking for a relationship section ' Then when i say im not interested suddenly im the bad one who isnt serious ahahha Ladys get a grip if you want a nice guy we are here & waiting ,!! | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/4/2012 11:58:22 PM | | Maybe it's just me, but it seems like I had better luck on these online dating sites 10-12 years ago. I guess it was because the whole internet dating thing was still in it's infancy but I also think people were more approachable back then than they are now for one reason or another...they either seem overly guarded or just plain selfish with unrealistic expectations. Oh well, I used to let the lack of interest/replies get me down but now I just go about my life and do the things I enjoy...I guess if I'm meant to find the right woman for me, it will probably happen when I least expect it since I've given up several years ago on the search for a long-term meaningful relationship. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/5/2012 12:38:23 AM | Chazz:
I know what you mean. Online dating was much better a few years ago. Nowadays it's overdone and people are picture and profile obsessed. There shouldn't even be a forum dedicated on how to make a profile. Just shows how much nonsense is involved. Just be yourself on your profile, people will find out who you are if you ever meet anyway. Just a few years ago, one bad pic and the ability to start a conversation was all you needed to get a woman's attention. I enjoy the forums here, the online dating is ruined. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/6/2012 7:30:58 AM | | The only women that seem to message me are obese and unattractive. Not sure what is more unsettling, the fact that they think I would like them in the first place or that they are the only ones who message me. I workout 6 days per week, have competed in bodybuilding contests, so why are severely overweight women messaging me? I'm not looking for Ms. Perfect, but I want someone I find attractive. I will never ever settle for anything less. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/6/2012 7:32:55 AM | | Why is it wrong for guys to just want sex? Maybe they don't want a relationship, to be tied down to one woman. Nothing wrong with that. Just like wanting a relationship is cool, nothing wrong with that either. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:46:56 PM | My dudes, you are all correct. I don't know why there's a perception that somehow women are more serious about relationships than we are. This is total BS, especially in big cities like New York.
Now that women are able to make as much money (if not more) than men, they feel much less inclined to date the average hard working Joe but instead (unrealistically) hold out for a Channing Tatum or Ryan Reynolds type. Good luck with that ladies! | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/6/2012 8:22:48 PM |
I'm just not convinced that the lack of response I'm receiving is due to my profile.
It's not your profile.
Rather, I'm inclined to believe that it has more to do with my pictures; specifically, I'm starting to think that I might be uglier than I ever thought I was.
And it's not your pictures, either.
It's the current atmosphere of online dating sites. The majority of women on most sites are in a state of inertia at the present time. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:27:34 AM | | I'll tell you another thing I've noticed that has changed a lot over the years. Women don't seem as open to "long distance" relationships like they used to be which is a shame, because isn't that supposed to be one of the ideas behind online dating...meeting people outside of your local area? Maybe I'm just too open minded but I don't think limiting myself to finding the right woman to spend the rest of my life with to just a small radius around my home is the right approach, if someone does that then why even try online dating in the first place? | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:43:14 AM | ^^^
there are too many people "playing relationship" who aren't free and available; and also there are a scary number of scammers who use long distance to reel in a con...
That has hurt the long distance quite a lot I think.. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:58:13 AM | | Well last time I checked I didn't consider someone who lived about an hour or two away long distance, but from some of the responses I've gotten recently women now view it as such. I don't know, maybe it's because women hate driving? | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/10/2012 4:31:02 PM | "My friend; a guy who is an 8 in everyday life becomes a 5 in online life, whereas a woman who is a 5 in everyday life becomes a 9 in online life (mass indexes taken into consideration)
Dont get down on yourself one bit; it's the nature of the beast."
Sort of.
(let me preface this by saying that I am 30 years of age. It's probably much different for those who are 18-19 and likewise for the 45+ crowd)
Women come on here to get either 1) NSA sex or 2) a date with their dream man. Since no guy is a 'dream guy' you have to either market yourself as an NSA option or quit.
That is the short version of what I discovered about online dating.
I also figured out the best times to message certain age ranges of women but that's a whole other topic. | |
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| So, men aren't serious... and women are?
Posted: 6/10/2012 7:20:59 PM | | Write it the way YOU want it. Be you, just in words. Be completely honest in who your are, what you want, and who you are interested in. Make sure you read their profile B4 you post a reply to them. Lastly, and listen up on this one, if you see a lady you want to get to know send her a msg. NO MATTER HOW PRETTY. I went through this time at first where I would not message what I considered very pretty or attractive women especially if I didn't match most of their wants. Eventually I got tired of not getting any responses from women that I thought might be good matches so I went outside my comfort level and started messaging all the very attractrive women that I had been bypassing. I have now had quite a few dates with several more repeat dates with the women I originally bypassed. One of which really clicked and we've been going out for a month now. I've been on here for the better part of 5 months so it is possible. | |
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