| | Cheaters are people tooPage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) |
Nothing can justify cheating, I'm not saying I deserve to be cheated on, I'm really just trying to say... I know I've done some terrible things, and in no way should I be upset if those things were to happen to me. WHY ON EARTH NOT, OP?? You're human, for crying out loud! Your emotions would be involved, and even tho you'd cheated on other women in the past, it certainly doesn't mean that anyone has the right to return the favor! Just learn from your previous behaviors (which you stated you have) and move forward. Good luck! | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 4/29/2012 9:03:59 AM | | Until you go back and make it right with everyone you cheated on, you'll always be the bad guy. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 4/30/2012 3:07:37 AM | | olny thing i can say is You choise to cheat there for you olny have yourself to blame for being weak willed | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 4/30/2012 7:53:49 AM | | Well karma is a b!tch and I'm sure so are the women you cheated on. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 4/30/2012 1:00:22 PM | I can understand in some way where your coming from. I myself was a very skinny kid at school. Bullied, Very shy etc. Didnt talk to girls, Never had any girls interested in me etc. So ofcourse you feel bad about yourself why does no one like you what is wrong with you etc.
So then when your older you seek validation that your desirearable, attractive, something women want etc. I remember how it was when I went off to university. Suddenly people thought I was hot and fit, people loved me, I had maybe 5girls a night coming up and hitting on me. And its a hard thing to handle when you've never had anyone interested in you your entire life previously, and your desperate to be validated.
Your finally the attractive one, the one the girls want, desired, the one your friends are jelous of, the ladys man etc. But at the end of the day it really doesnt mean anything your worth is not measured by how much other people think of you. How much the opposite sex want you etc. Your worth is measured by yourself.
I should point out I've never cheated on anyone, Was just saying I know how it is to go from the kid in school no one wanted to the guy lots of people wanted. Its intoxicating and makes you feel good for a while. But its still no excuse to cheat.
Personally I grew out of that need to be chased, desired wanted etc within the first year of university. Because once you finally are wanted you realise it really doesnt matter in the long run. It doesnt matter if the whole world wants you if you;ve ot that special one person who does.
No matter what you went through as a child (And trust me I know personally how hard it was) Theirs no excuse for cheating. Yes the first few times an attractiive girl wants you can be euphoric, but your not a animal, you are in control its still your choice whether you act on it or not. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/1/2012 5:55:21 AM | dafuq is it with all those negative replies to the OP's post on here? Equaling cheating with murder. What the hell?
For the record: I've never cheated. I've been cheated on once. It sucked, but eh... sometimes shit just happens and you accept and/or move on.
But a male wanting to have sex with lots different females. WHAT A THOUGHT CRIME! It's been like this for hundreds of thousands of years and only in the last couple of thousand years, has the institution of marriage developed.
Everybody, who replied here with such negativity, especially the MALES, should watch this south park episode about sex addiction:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s14e01-sexual-healing
Men naturally have the urge to spread their seed.
Women naturally have the urge to seek the genetically best suited father to their child, while at the same time dating, possibly even marrying another man, who is socially more fit (rich) to bring him up.
It's still not cool and nobody wants it to happen to him or her. Since there's this thing called empathy, which keeps most people from doing bad things to others, it also doesn't happen as often as it would otherwise.
Branding this dude, because he decided to tell his story and, yes, maybe get a little bit of absolution so he can feel better about himself, is to me utter hypocrisy. Every freaking time you jerk off to porn, you're "cheating". How does it matter, if you do it with another person or "just" with porn? How do you justify that?
You can throw the first stone if you've never jerked off to anybody else but your current girl/woman, while in a relationship. And if you do, I'll catch the stone and throw it right back at you because you're probably lying or really weird. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/2/2012 2:44:13 AM | Just wanted to thank everyone for the feedback, both positive and negative. I'd also like to thank those that sent messages after reading this thread and sharing their stories with me. Ousting yourself in the fashion that I did isn't the easiest thing to do and as you have all seen it can be met with severe hostility.
I forget what even prompted me to tell this story as it isn't something that crosses my mind often. Perhaps it was just browsing the stories of heartbreak here that made me want to tell it. I've long since apologized to those I've wronged, some apologies were ignored, some were met with hatred, others with forgiveness.
Maybe I was reaching out to those who have been hurt before, to the people who wondered "what did I do?" "why didn't he/she love me?" and ended up letting what happened ruin their self image/esteem/confidence or somehow blamed themselves. It wasn't you, there is a very large chance it was "us" and maybe by seeing this they can know that at least a few of these "murderers" feel bad for what they did in their ignorance. I certainly don't speak for all "cheaters" but the thing I can say with a certainty is that the girls in my story that were hurt were never at fault. It was nothing that they did which caused me to behave the way I behaved.
Posting a thread like this on a dating website is very counter-intuitive given the fact that the eventual goal is to be in a relationship. Were this my only venue for meeting people I probably wouldn't have posted it but now that I'm looking at it all, I'm glad I did. It lets people see that even the seemingly cold hearted can regret what they have done and maybe serve as a possible answer to those questions you have been left with after being hurt by somebody.
So chin up! Know that you're an amazing person and deserve better than what's happened. Being cheated on hurts, and the most they can do is apologize but it's up to you whether or not they're forgiven.
Cheers | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/2/2012 2:43:28 PM | Its always interesting to understand the motivation behind why someone did something. I know alot of people struggle to understand why someone might cheat.
I mean if you understand why it happens you cna avoid it yourself, Or avoid doing it again if you have. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/2/2012 3:43:34 PM | | if it walks like a duck quacks like a duck and swims like a duck it is a duck and that dosent change | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/3/2012 8:09:54 AM | | I honestly hope you have changed and dont cheat on another girl the sick feeling you get when you know the man you have feelings for does that to you is indescrible, you seem honest and genuine long may it last and you find happiness eventually | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/3/2012 8:30:47 AM | What's your point? In a few words if you can. I haven't followed your argument so far, just too long and involved, seeming without a point in sight other than the original thesis, "cheaters are people too."
Of course, they are. There are all kinds of people, having all kinds of qualities and characteristics. You appear to lack a few of the better ones that might make you generally likeable and trustworthy. You've made your own bed, as they say, now lie in it, sleeping or whatever you do in it. Quit whining when people actually "get you!"
You are NOT the victim, here, except in your own mind. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/4/2012 3:08:00 AM | | I could have had NSA sex with a girl because she wanted to get back at her ex. I was like "who the hell do you think I am?" YES, I TURNED DOWN SEX WITH A PRETTY GIRL. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/4/2012 3:11:03 AM | | No, he is not as bad as a murderer, but it will be a cold day in hell before I leave him alone with my chicken nuggets. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:41:00 PM | On the other side of the coin do you know how it really feels to be the one who was cheated on....
Let me tell you it feels like shit... In my story I was married for 8 1/2 years, I raised this womans kids as my own till they all left home, then she left about 8 months after the last one and moved in to her Momma's house and had her boyfriend move in with her.
After we were divorced all these people that I thought were my friends started telling me about the other guys she had been seeing while we were married. All total 6.
Now this is a second marraige for me and it took alot after the first one to even get into a relationship...
Now do you really think it would be easy for me to ever have the trust in another person to feel totally comfortible in a relationship. I didn't even date for over a year and in that time I was always ready for the shoe to drop and she would dump me to date someone else, then in the mioddle of January it did and she told me she wanted to date other people....
now how do you think I feel about people who cheat....they ruin lives, not just the relationship...but future relationships. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/4/2012 10:29:05 PM |
On the other side of the coin do you know how it really feels to be the one who was cheated on....
My ex-fiance charged an all expense paid vacation for her new boyfriend to Japan shortly after my deployment. By the time I realized she was charging all my cards up she did roughly 20,000$ worth of damage. Yes I know what it's like to be cheated on. Everyone has their own stories and the degrees of each of them varies. I know the people I hurt may never trust again and sometimes thinking of all the times I've been hurt added to what I know people are capable of doing because of personal experience, it just seems it would be better to give up and just get a cat.
You gotta have hope though. Hope that people can learn, hope that there are still a few good ones left in the sea.
That's just the very abridged version of what happened, and just an example of only 1 of the times I've been cheated on. Yes, I know how it feels. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/6/2012 4:01:25 AM |
I don't judge people, I judge their actions. YOU cheated,,,,more than once. I'm gonna judge you for that. Got a problem with that??? Too bad,,,I'm still judging what YOU did.
I'm glad you are feeling all nice,warm and fuzzy that by the time you reached 27 years of age, you figured out what MOST children already know before they reach their teens. Feel better yet???? And yeah, don't tell me what you are going to do, or not going to do in the future. SHOW ME. After ya die, than we can all say,yeah,,,he never cheated AGAIN. Till then, you're just talking outta the side of your mouth and basically it's BS.
YOUR OWN HISTORY tells a different story than the words you have posted. Funny thing about history, you can't rewrite it.
Good points; that's why I've always been so careful in my dating life.
I think what makes me laugh to is that the same people saying awwww; give them another chance; are the first people that would tell a past thief that it's ok to work at their business or an abuser or sex offender to take care of their kids.
There is a reason we have a work history and a credit history. It is a great indicator of what we may do.
people's dating past is that way too. Our history DOES matter. I dont want someone who sleeps around as a partner. For my health and possible STD's that haven't shown yet, as well as their mentality.
Cheaters are people too; they are people that have a history of cheating. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/6/2012 10:27:26 PM | 1. Do what you do.
2. Deal with the consequences.
Everyone's different.
Some will compare you to a murderer, some will shrug and not give a care, more will excuse you, and some will tell you ducks are the answer. Forty billion answers for one question.
I agree. Cheaters are people too.
"You have to prove you're not a cheater anymore." to those who think/said it, How? The same way everyone else does it? There's nothing that you can do to prove you won't. In fact, 'nothing' IS the answer. Which for some reason, is something that isn't good enough. What do you want? A pact signed in blood?
If you won't personally date someone who's cheated in the past, then don't. Whatever. That's your decision.
Those willing to give a chance, that's your option.
Either one is a good option, but neither does his wrongs excuse you to be a jerkhole at him for being a cheater.
If you've been hurt by a cheater, feel the pain, deal with it, then move on. I'll be the first to admit I'm no guru on the matter, but still. Some of the comments on here are just harsh. Had to say something.
PS. Those who say TL;DR(Too long didn't read.) Don't post if you don't read the subject matter. If you didn't read the subject matter, you're making an uninformed opinion and should be ignored. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:22:45 AM | | So it didn't matter to you how badly you hurt those women, it only mattered when YOU got hurt. So very narcisstic & self absorbed. Yes you will cheat again. Once you get in a relationship that is not going your way, you will cheat! | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:29:52 PM | | OP: You are not a bad person. You are a human being. You still deserve good things in your life. Happiness is for everyone. Fill your own cup in a healthy way until it spills over. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/7/2012 9:15:35 PM | | I agree. People can change AND resisting temptation and moving yourself from the temptation is part of recovery. You have to really want it, move on honestly, possibly see a therapist, and don't date until you have grown up to being a good man. Start to forgive yourself but that means nothing if you don't change. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 5/7/2012 10:11:30 PM | So it didn't matter to you how badly you hurt those women, it only mattered when YOU got hurt. So very narcisstic & self absorbed. Yes you will cheat again. Once you get in a relationship that is not going your way, you will cheat!
I'm sorry you feel that way. I think instead of "narcissistic" a better word would be "ignorant" or "moronic". I was doing these things but never knew how it affected the people I was hurting until I saw it first hand and had it happen to me and that's when I said "this sh*t stops now".
I've been in relationships since the ones I've mentioned that I didn't behave idealy in; that weren't going my way. I've had the opportunity to both be the cheater and the cheatee (is that a real word?). But I told myself a long time ago it wasn't going to happen anymore.
2 more recent examples are the relationship I had been in back in Jan of this year. The girl couldn't exist without someone else and she needed more attention than there was time in the day. If my shower ran longer than 10 minutes she would be knocking on the door wondering why I wasn't out yet and on the couch cuddling. When I get off work at 7am and don't have errands to run I try to get my sleep so that I'm awake around 3-4pm before going back to work at 11pm. With her around there were days I got no sleep at all because she wanted to do this, or to do that, or to watch movies with me. I never had any time to myself, it took me a week to file my taxes because each time I sat at the computer she'd start whining from the other room. I can't do clingy like that, it was a relationship that wasn't going my way, and so I broke it off; I didn't, however, find someone else on the side and cheat.
Just this last weekend I was at a party, beautiful girl, really close to my height (which is rare) got a little friendly. I saw her wedding ring, excused myself and asked the hostess what the deal was and when I found out the ring was legit and not just used to scare people off I pretty much stopped talking to her. Yea, I'm single and technically I wouldn't have been cheating, but along with my resolve to not cheat again I also promised myself I'd never be "the other guy". Yea, if a girl wants to bad enough, she'll find some moron to cheat on her significant other with, but I'm not going to take part in putting that sort of pain on someone else.
Sorry to burst your little theory, but those days are behind me. I've gotten multiple messages from others who applauded my courage to post this on a dating website of all places because their stories are similar to mine. Yea, it probably wasn't the best idea to oust myself like this, and there's a good chance I'll miss out on potential relationships because of this but I'm an honest person and just wanted to add a little perspective to the same story that you see over and over in the heartbreak forums. 99.9% of the threads here are "I was cheated on" and it really does suck that it happened and it hurts me to see others having to go through that. I thought "there aren't any threads telling the other side of those stories" and I just thought I'd share mine.
Edit: I just realized from most of these responses that people seem to think this was a recent transition or change of heart. No no no, this all happened more than 6 years ago. I've had 6+ years of relationships in which I was not tempted in the least to do those things I used to. As I said, this is just my story I'm telling. The change happened long ago and I've been a happier / better person ever since. Sorry for not making that clearer in the OP or any of my responses since. | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 6/27/2012 3:06:06 PM | | yo homie, read your post on the cheating thing, that was some deep stuff. Just had a question for u, the ones u cheated on and loved, did u ever get back with them or did they take u? im in the same position im a total moron, i cheated and treated this girl like shit who absolutely loved my guts of, but i was to blind to see it now shes gone to another guy im bieng a lil **** about it, but i definitely do want her back, in your cases did you ever go back to your women | |
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| Cheaters are people too
Posted: 6/27/2012 3:20:28 PM |
You cheated because you're selfish and Your meanderings are a testament to the fact that you no more care for the women you hurt than Ted Bundy cared about the women he murdered.
Dear oh dear! Some people really do write some nonsense on here.
(Thanks for the laugh though) | |
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