| | Are men really willing to wait for sex?Page 15 of 17 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17) |
The "sex is fun, let's have fun as long as it's safe" viewpoint is really the only one that doesn't prop it up as a commodity that must be obtained.
How about a viewpoint of "I want to spend some time getting to know this person to make sure he's not bat sh*t crazy or married or has a GF or to see if I even like him enough to have any kind of relationship with him including a sexual one"? How in the world could someone view that as a "commodity that must be obtained"? I really don't get why some men think of it that way and can't see it for what it really is. I'm sure there are SOME women that DO use sex as a commodity.......but I would be willing to bet that most women don't do that and have valid reasons why they don't have sex with a guy right away. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 8:07:01 AM |
The "sex is fun, let's have fun as long as it's safe" viewpoint is really the only one that doesn't prop it up as a commodity that must be obtained.
I don't view sex as a commodity that must be obtained---nor do I view it as a necessary bodily function like sitting on the commode, as do some men.
True, sex can be fun---but only under the right circumstances. I get much more enjoyment out of sex after I've gotten to know a man and have developed feelings for him. That's just the way I roll. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 11:50:46 AM | True, sex can be fun---but only under the right circumstances. I get much more enjoyment out of sex after I've gotten to know a man and have developed feelings for him. That's just the way I roll.
Yep. It's amazing how mechanical sex seems to be for some of the posters. "We've known each other for six weeks, it's time to have sex!" | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 11:54:55 AM | Halcyon_Skies,
This isn't necessarily directly addressing you - I'm using your quote as a springboard here.
nor do I view it as a necessary bodily function like sitting on the commode, as do some men.
Except...that's exactly what it is. You can say "it feels better to me when it's with someone you love" or whatever, but the act itself is an evolutionary body function just like sitting on the toilet or eating, that your body gives a pleasure impulse to (just like eating) so that you'll keep doing it. People have figured out ways to stop the intended purpose of sex (kids) while still getting the pleasure sense out of it, which is awesome and fun.
Any additional poetry or meaning you want to apply to it just comes out of your own head, probably from a mix of religious stuff or watching too much romance media. And withholding it from someone you're attracted to until they fulfill certain prereqs means that in your head it's something special that must be "earned" and therefore a commodity.
This isn't quite the same as what you said...
I get much more enjoyment out of sex after I've gotten to know a man and have developed feelings for him.
...as what you're saying here is that sex isn't fun for you/worth having until a certain point, which is fine, and I'm sure you wouldn't have a problem with many men allowing for that. The issue is with people that WOULD have fun, and want to have sex with the person, but withhold it for some goofy, arbitrary reason, normally based in outdated religious morals. And that's what's being discusse | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 12:54:25 PM | | If it's a woman I consider "girlfriend" material, with longterm potential, then I dont mind waiting a little while..(Mind you, I will be getting some on the side until she comes around.).Provided it isnt too long...3 or 4 dates is usually the limit. Unless she has some major sexual hangups, then forget that , stay away. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 3:06:05 PM | nor do I view it as a necessary bodily function like sitting on the commode, as do some men. Except...that's exactly what it is. You can say "it feels better to me when it's with someone you love" or whatever, but the act itself is an evolutionary body function just like sitting on the toilet or eating, that your body gives a pleasure impulse to (just like eating) so that you'll keep doing it. People have figured out ways to stop the intended purpose of sex (kids) while still getting the pleasure sense out of it, which is awesome and fun.
I wouldn't say sex is quite the same type of bodily function as sitting on the toilet or eating, but if you want to make sex analogous to eating, fine. Eating gives us a pleasure impulse, but if we eat too much, at best we'll get sick---and at worst we'll get fat and unhealthy.
Most of us have an innate sense of when to indulge, and when not to. Some people need (or want) more food than others. It's the same way with sex. I have an innate sense of when to indulge and when not to. Some of it has to do with my innate sense of self-preservation and personal safety. I don't need sex for reproduction since I'm beyond my child-bearing years, so I don't feel a ticking biological clock---I could survive without sex if I had to.
Any additional poetry or meaning you want to apply to it just comes out of your own head, probably from a mix of religious stuff or watching too much romance media. And withholding it from someone you're attracted to until they fulfill certain prereqs means that in your head it's something special that must be "earned" and therefore a commodity.
The desire for sex (or not) may come out of my head, but it has nothing to do with religion or romance. I need to get to know a man before my level of attraction is sufficient enough to where I want to have sex with him. It has nothing to do with intentionally withholding sex from him because he has to "earn" it. Not everyone develops attraction at the same rate---some us us need more than simply looking at someone "easy on the eyes" to want to have sex. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 3:24:45 PM | Yes,
Sex is complicated, everyone has different views on when to start and has different levels of comfort even talking about the subject. If someone isn't willing a few months for sex, than I would question on their commitment to you....Not that it would easy for most guys, but if there is a commitment than it would be worth it. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 3:42:34 PM | | Im willing to wait till a point. Infact the girl ive been on 2 dates with now has made it clear that she does not jump right into bed with me or anyone. Im fine with that but i would like to get the first time out of the way sooner then latter to find out if we are sexually compatable. I have waited in the past and it turned out they were on two totally different pages when it came to sex. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 4:12:51 PM | | I guess for myself waiting comes down to how much feelings I have for the girl. That might seem a little shallow but that is the way I think about it. Would anyone consider that shallow? | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 9:14:28 PM | | I've just started dating again. I like 1 lady very much and have told her and shown her as much. I've seen her 4 times in 10 days. I can wait awhile, but months? I hate to say it, but yeah, someone else will distract me pretty easily. If you really like him, ask him about it. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 10:13:42 PM | | Not the ones ive known ;)..sex is so common place these days. Casual sex is everywhere, most ppl (women included) dont wait too long. | |
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hstkc
| | Joined: 7/28/2012
Msg: 362 | |
| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 7/31/2012 11:26:47 PM | I dated the woman I ultimately married 3 years, no sex until our wedding night, didn't see her bra till our wedding night. I was 24 she was 21, we dated and married in the same church.
Best relationship since the divorce began on the first date, dinner together then she followed me back to my place for the night, and lasted 2 years, mostly her coming over just to spend the night, maybe going out, maybe not. I would have married her but she said from the beginning she just wanted a live-apart relationship.
Does waiting 2, 3, 4 months make for a better relationship? Not in that case.
It depends on what each one wants, and each one needs to be honest about what they want, right from the get-go.
In that example we both agreed we wanted a sexual relationship before we met in person, so when we met in person it was understood, if we liked each other we head to my place and get it on.
Like I said, it was the best relationship since my divorce, went smoother, lasted longer.
I wouldn't want that now. I'm hoping for a live-together relationship now, possibly marriage. It would make sense to date longer, make sure we're compatible enough to live together, then maybe begin sleeping together. But it would be followed by living together. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 8/1/2012 12:28:41 AM | | It basically just depends on the man. If the guy is a devoted member of a religion that abstains before marriage then you could go the whole relationship without having sex with him. There are guys like that. If you are just picking up a guy in a bar then chances are that you will not find one that wants to wait too long before having sex. It all depends on where you look and what type of man you are interested in. Another important fact is how you present yourself and what type of woman you are. If you believe in casual sex and you put it out there, then you will attract guys that just want to have casual sex. That type of guy probably will wait weeks not months. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 8/1/2012 5:36:00 AM |
Except...that's exactly what it is. You can say "it feels better to me when it's with someone you love" or whatever, but the act itself is an evolutionary body function just like sitting on the toilet or eating, that your body gives a pleasure impulse to (just like eating) so that you'll keep doing it.
If sex was never something "special" then I'd just stick to masturbating everyday. Much safer. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 8/1/2012 7:03:42 AM | Short answer is yes... I am willing to wait until we both are ready.
I don't think anyone should be pressured into sex. I think that it should be a free expression of your feelings. Be it lust or love that drives you, it should come freely. Would I have sex on the first date? Probably not... I'm usually too nervous and self conscience on the first date... Would I wait months? I would hope that the timeline would be fluid... If you are saying that you need to feel comfortable first and that may take an undetermined amount of time, then I would wait. Is there a specific "time" that you expect to hold off? IE "I'm not putting out for 4 months"... If that is the case then you are controlling the relationship with sex... That is just as bad as pressuring someone to have sex.
Sex should be a natural thing that just happens because you both want it. Humans are sexual animals... I think there is only one other species that has sex for the fun of it... A species of monkey as I remember. Sex, in humans, was made to be fun or we would be like other animals and it would be emotionless. Sex is nurturing, healing, and a bonding experience for most people. Sex is like laughing... You don't know in advance that you are going to laugh, its spontaneous and best when not forced.
I think it is important that you communicate your feelings on the matter to your partner. If you don't he will feel that you don't care, or find him sexually appealing, or inadequate, or you are not really interested in him and he will head out the door.
I leave you with this thought for fun...
Sex is like snow... you never know how many inches you will get or how long it will last. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 8/1/2012 7:31:55 PM | | I'm not willing to date someone with a much lower sex drive than me. Making me wait for sex for months means you are fine with going without sex for months, which means we have absolutely no reason to even attempt a relationship. I'm not willing to be punished for your past mistakes. If you slept with a bunch of guys and ended up getting ditched afterwards the problem is not sex or men, the problem is you making horrible choices in your love life. I'm not willing to date someone who uses sex and the withholding of it as a tool or measuring stick for my level of commitment because i have enough self respect to not put up with those silly games. And the second any kind of religious opposition to sex comes up i will be asking for the check and wondering what the hell made me think we had anything in common at all. Want to get to know me? sure, a couple weeks or 2-3 dates is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to get to know someone. Any longer than that and you are just jerking me around, and like the site says there are plenty of fish out there. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 8/1/2012 8:01:22 PM | | they say good things come to those who wait. well, id be willing to wait for good things and im sure quite a few men will agree. some women really are worth waiting for. however, not every woman is. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 8/1/2012 9:20:56 PM | | I am (obviously) a female and I can tell you that I personally do not invest too much into relationships until I know we are compatible sexually. Trust me -- that is huge let down. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 8/3/2012 8:52:02 PM | Speaking for myself I have found that as i got a little older, early 40's, that companionship was more important than sex. yes sex is great but i for one have started off to many relationships with sex and it was all downhill from there!!
I would rather get to know someone intellectually and as a person before jumping into bed.
And again speaking from experience I have found that if a relatioship doesn't work out it is much easier to go your seperate ways when sex wasn't involved! | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 8/5/2012 10:48:41 AM | | Do you know why women make wrong decision? Because while thinking the man she thinks she loves her is having sex with someone else making her believe he's waiting. So he is relaxed on that side of the relationship, and she loves that in him. Come on be real. We have a need and needs to be satisfied. If you are hungry would you wait a long time to eat? | |
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