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| | Are men really willing to wait for sex?Page 3 of 17 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17) | And realistically, I've had sex too soon and lost interest in the woman... I probably would have stayed longer if the sex had not happened so quickly...
Major logical fallacy going on here. I, too, have had sex with a new partner relatively quickly, and I know that it led directly to the failure of the "relationship."
So why do I call it a logical fallacy? Because regardless of whether we waited 2 dates or 200, it was going to end as soon as we slept together. Why? Because we weren't remotely compatible in bed. What he wanted out of sex and what I wanted out of sex were lightyears apart. Sure, if we had waited 6 months instead of a couple of weeks, we would have clocked more "relationship time" and thus been seen by others as a more successful couple. But really, we would just have wasted a major chunk of time and made it far messier when we needed to end things.
I absolutely refuse to believe that a mentally-healthy man would dump a woman he had great sex with simply because he had already made the "conquest." And if anyone did have that mindset, sex would be a small "price" to pay to get them out of your life. Humans are logical creatures; if someone is a match in bed, you're not just going to throw that away. And if they're not a match, isn't it better to know now, before you invest time/emotions into the "relationship."
I might as well address this while I'm at it:
That's fine until you realise later in life that you've probably dated hundreds if not thousands of women... likewise women can get dates even easier than men... It's not like they're going to want to sleep with every guy they've had 1 or 2 dates with... For some women that could mean literally thousands of partners over a lifetime...
Answer one: Thousands? Try to be serious here. If a woman goes on a date every single week, and if each date goes so fabulously that she sleeps with each suitor on the second date, and if she never goes out on any further dates with the men she has slept with...it would take her 40 years of this hectic schedule before she reached 1,000 partners.
Answer two: And...so what? If you feel that intense connection with a bunch of people over a lifetime, what's wrong with that? Take precautions and I don't see the problem. It's not like vehicle; you're not going to wear out. And as they say, practice makes perfect. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/25/2012 5:28:24 PM |
Try to be serious here. If a woman goes on a date every single week, and if each date goes so fabulously that she sleeps with each suitor on the second date, and if she never goes out on any further dates with the men she has slept with...it would take her 40 years of this hectic schedule before she reached 1,000 partners.
40 years times 52 weeks = 2080
Many women date more than once per week... Hell, as a guy I've had periods of my life when I've dated 3 women in one weekend...
if someone is a match in bed, you're not just going to throw that away. And if they're not a match, isn't it better to know now, before you invest time/emotions into the "relationship."
Two flaws with this statment then...
First time sex, or even the first few times, you're not in a position to judge whether the sex is great or not... Many people simply may be too nervous or may take a few times together to see what makes the other person tick...
Often the best sex happens quite a while down the road... not right off the bat... I've met some terrible lovers who were amazing once they had gotten over their nervousness and jitters and figured out what we both liked...
and the second one.... Any woman can learn to be a great lover... likewise so can any man... Lousy sex is 50% the fault of each partner...
and if each date goes so fabulously that she sleeps with each suitor on the second date
Well, you see, that there is a bit of a catch...
Maybe the second date was NOT fabulous enough to make her want to sleep with him... YET....
Maybe the third... and maybe not...
And so on... but she still thinks there is potential there so she keeps seeing him...
And then it comes down to are men willing to wait for sex?
Maybe women should simply NOT date any guy a second time unless he is so amazing that she knows that she will have sex the next time they see each other... Of course, that means women will raise the standard of who they will date... or not date... Then the average and less than average guys will get almost no dates... precious little sex... and only a few of the most desirable men will ever have a chance to sleep with the women... (unless they can find a woman with low standards who will settle for a less than fabulous suitor....)
LOL | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/25/2012 5:40:59 PM | "I have been divorced 4 years, was married 14 years. I made mistakes from my first marriage before we were married, one's I have learned from. I don't want another relationship that is sex based, yes a months of dating down the road I might be ready for the sex, but I don't want to date a man twice and then hop in the bed with him. I want to know he loves me for me, and not what's between my legs, and how good the head is. So for the guys, would you really be willing to wait a few months before having sex with a woman you are dating? "
I'm sorry to hear about your Marriage. Nearly 20 years ago, I dated a woman who had similar issues with men, and she wanted us to wait for a month. Because of her unfounded , and extreme Jealousy issues, our relationship would have ended exactly the same way, if she and I had first jumped each other's bones in the first hour, or 6 months later. Her Jealousy and mistrust issues were not about me, I just happened to be her target, because of her unresolved past.
If I'm with a woman, and we've been dating for awhile, I'm not being myself if I am not sharing communication, trust, affection, bonding, and other qualities. And sex is also a part of those qualities. If , in a committed relationship, I can't give ALL of myself to the woman I am with, and she won't do the same, I'm out of the picture. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/25/2012 7:27:27 PM | | Men are in physical pain when they have women ration out sex. If you've been in a relationship where you want to severly curb your sex life, then you are still carrying baggage from your marriage. Don't go into another relationship without a new attitude. Yes, it's not just about sex;but that's on the women's side. Men need sex, women need shoes. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/25/2012 7:39:52 PM |
men should be whiling to wait for sex until they really know the lady they are with.
Why? You'll never really get to know someone until you have sex.
True.. that's still only a small intimate amount of knowledge that you are in fact hot for eachother and that you have sexual chemistry, but generally, you're not going to "get to know" someone "very well" for a LONG LONG time, anyway. How well can you know someone in 3 or 4 dates, anyway? I personally think that's a useless plan.. waiting a few dates.
If not you know where their minds are : on sex and intercourse and that's it. not a meaningful relationship with a lady.
I've never quite understood why it's such a crime for men to want sex. It doesn't mean that they ONLY want sex.
. likewise women can get dates even easier than men...
Man oh man, do I wish that were actually true.
I find it strange that for myself, I usually know whether I want to have sex with a guy long before I know whether or not I actually want a realtionship with him. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:30:59 PM | Now that I think about it I remember reading something in a communications class in college:
"Men see sex as a way to build intimacy in a relationship, whereas women see sex as an indicator that intimacy has already been established."
Sound accurate to anyone? | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:50:40 PM | Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Message:" Not a chance!
How did this thread survive?"
Because not enough necks were romanced ? : ) | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:57:23 PM | Igor, my hat is off to you! Not only are your posts logical, deep, insightful, instructive and well written, they are hilarious too!
You got me twice in one post: suspicious punch-bowl log and Raoul the Ravager! I'm still on the floor laughing! | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/25/2012 9:10:12 PM | As to waiting for sex, hell yes!
So many here want to put all men into one barrel but you can't do that.
I appreciate women that are intelligent, educated, cultured and accomplished.
I am a horny old **stard but when I meet someone that truly interests me I will wait as long as necessary because a woman like that is rare, uncommon, and not easy. We will have open conversation so we understand each other and will talk about sex. And usually they don't make me wait very long. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/25/2012 10:48:34 PM | First time sex, or even the first few times, you're not in a position to judge whether the sex is great or not...
Sure I am, because I don't consider mechaanical skill or experience to be relevant, since anyone can learn the mechanical part.
Many people simply may be too nervous or may take a few times together to see what makes the other person tick...
Often the best sex happens quite a while down the road... not right off the bat...
Only for the person who equates good sex with mechanical skill. The only things that really matter are what can't be learned - imagination, intuition and sensuality. Those are self-evident in a person who has them, even if that person has little or no sexual experience.
Maybe the second date was NOT fabulous enough to make her want to sleep with him... YET....
Well, she'd get a couple of more dates to figure out I was fabulous enough or we wouldn't be a match.
Maybe women should simply NOT date any guy a second time unless he is so amazing that she knows that she will have sex the next time they see each other...
That's a pretty good idea, however, regardless of what women say to the contrary, most will will sleep with a guy quickly if the chemistry is there and no, I don't believe it's possible for a guy to create chemistry with a woman who isn't brain dead.
I find it strange that for myself, I usually know whether I want to have sex with a guy long before I know whether or not I actually want a realtionship with him.
I don't find that strange at all. Lots of people get married before they know whether or not they want to be in a relationship. You simply can't know a person well enough to know if you really want to be in a relationship for a long time because you can't know how well you get along with someone until you get along with them and have a few arguments. Sex is going to happen long before that, even if you wait 6 months or year for sex. Thinking that waiting a month or two will pin down the relationship first is just silly. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/25/2012 11:14:25 PM | This applies to both men AND women does`nt it ?, i`ve had relationships at both end of the scale, ie, slept together the first time we met...on the other hand, there has also been times, where 5 or 6 weeks have passed from time of first meeting, and that was more than ok too,
I`ve been single almost 5 years now, and in the time, i hav`nt even kissed a woman, much less taken it further, someone previously mentioned that "guys get frustrated without sex" of course they do, but there`s a very simple remedy for that ;), ..
The thing is, every one is different, we have our own values, morals blah blah blah , for my part ?, well...good things are worth waiting for :O) | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 12:42:13 AM | "The thing is, every one is different, we have our own values, morals blah blah blah , for my part ?, well...good things are worth waiting for :O)"
I would not make payments on a car for 6 months, never having test driven the car. My time is valuable to me, and I want to know ALL of a woman, and her aspects, and she the same with me. Not having sex is not knowing each other , as well as can be possible in the time constraints of how long they have known each other.... say, months.
Would I wait a month to sexually be with a woman ? Not likely at all.
Would it make a difference in the outcome of the relationship, if I waited a long time or not for sex with that woman? Very unlikely at my age, because I know myself well, and would expect my partner to have the same maturity about herself. If I were 18 again, it might be a different answer, and outcome. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 8:22:25 AM | "Men see sex as a way to build intimacy in a relationship, whereas women see sex as an indicator that intimacy has already been established."
Even if it hasn't been! lol
Sound accurate to anyone?
If you feel the need to generalize...why not this one?
Men: Sex first...love later.
Women: Love first....sex later.
I tend to think of them as one in the same,but then again,I can't seem to compartmentalize so I wind up being this saying:
Making love: What women do when a man is f*cking her! lol | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 9:01:23 AM | | I HAVE NEVER BEEN PRESSED FOR SEX, BUT IF I'M REALLY INTO THE WOMAN AND SHE IS STIMULATING ME ON A MENTAL LEVEL, WAITING IS NO BIG DEAL BUT ARE WOMEN WILLING TO WAIT FOR SEX, ALL MEN ARE NOT SEX DEPRIVED ANIMALS THAT CAN'T GO WITH SEX, ALTHOUGH WE DO LOVE IT. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 9:12:54 AM | | Only the good guys will wait for that special moment...and really its a good thing. I f you dont have a ring from him...dont offer it... as it will be expected always from that moment on....and when a guy has his favorite ice cream taken away...he will find a new store to get it......im just saying | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 11:06:09 AM | Look prometheus, you're a butt. Don't worry I wouldn't date you either. I don't have a logical breakdown associating sex as a chore. I love sex, I love oral sex, thats not the problem. I would have sex with a guy if we were both ready. That isn't what I am saying. I am asking knot head if a man is really willing to wait for sex, like they say they are.
Sex isn't the only thing I have to offer to anyone. I'm a good person, fun to be around. I just have been out of the dating game SO long. Gee with asses like you on this site who wants to try dating someone off of POF. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 11:14:41 AM | | citigent, I know that it might not sound like it, I want sex, I need sex. I've been without for 4 years. I lust after the nice smelling guys I pass in the grocery store. I'm not carrying issues for my marriage. I want sex in a relationship. All I want to know is, IF I would ask a guy to wait, is he really willing to wait for sex, or is he handing me a line of bs. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 11:36:09 AM | | you would any person wait for sex and the ppl who do seem crazy to me like said if ther gir dont put out in frist 2 weeks am gone no point in hanging around | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 12:18:46 PM | There's no easy answer to this question. I think it really depends on how the two know each other.
If they were friends in real life before they started dating, then yes, I think the man would be willing to wait a few months. But, if they met online with the intent of dating, and starting a relationship; I don't see how/why the man would wait that long.
I personally wouldn't wait more than 3 or 4 weeks to have sex. I certainly wouldn't exclusively date ANYONE before sleeping with them. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 1:34:47 PM |
I am asking… if a man is really willing to wait for sex, like they say they are.
a) Men vary. Some will be willing, some won’t.
You haven’t told us anything about the men or the circumstances you’re referring to, so who’s to say if they’re telling you the truth or not? Why would they lie?
Expecting that we know their intentions just because they’re men is a bit problemmatic to begin with. We weren’t there. All we know is that they’re men.
And if you’re ready to throw in the towel at POF because you encounter one butt, I think you’re generalizing much from little rather then seeing men as individuals.
I wouldn’t wait for sex. We would be waiting for sex. Not since I was twenty-one have I been with a woman who saw herself as the gate-keeper. We’d wait for mutual reasons that we both agreed were important to us. And we’d probably both know when the time was right. If we weren’t in synch with each other right from the start, I’d wonder if it was worth continuing.
If you’ve encountered men who agreed to wait and then changed their minds, they may not have lied to you. They may have reconsidered for any number of reasons. Maybe they found other reasons to move on. Maybe they weren't really on board to begin with. Who knows.
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:10:49 PM | I guess I'll be the oddball on this thread......30 years ago I lived for one one night stand after another. The morning after, I'd put another mental notch in my belt and try to feel good about myself after using yet another woman to appease my selfish lust. Then the emptyness sets in and scan the horizon for another night's entertainment. Something happened along the way. I started feeling guilty about treating woman like a piece of meat...so I changed. I changed so much and have come to cherish the female gender that I've gone about 10 (yes TEN) years now, refusing to settle for just sex but rather waiting for the right relationship and commitment to experience intimacy as it was intended to be...making love.
I no longer see it as a chance to get pleasure but rather give it. Any pleasure I would get, is considered a bonus. I kid you not. I've turned down offers from "plain Janes" to models and even one former top model (which was looking mighty fine if I might add). To each their own but there's no compromise here... | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:31:28 PM |
I appreciate women that are intelligent, educated, cultured and accomplished.
I do too, but none of those qualifiers eliminates enjoying sex.
An emotionally healthy woman should want sex as much as you do.
I will wait as long as necessary because a woman like that is rare, uncommon, and not easy.
You mean the kind of woman that thinks of her junk as some kind of commodity she can use to bend the relationship to her control. You cannot sit there and really believe that waiting for her to say "I'm ready" isn't her way of controlling the line as long as she can.
We will have open conversation so we understand each other and will talk about sex. And usually they don't make me wait very long.
You are confusing the issue at hand. The OP and others are of the mindset that a man should wait an indefinite amount of time for her to "be ready" to have sex. What you are experiencing is completely normal.
In a healthy relationship the female does not control the advancement of intimacy, if she throws up road blocks when the mood is definitely right; then she is the one with issues. Not the man. | |
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| Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 4/26/2012 2:39:43 PM |
Look prometheus, you're a butt. Don't worry I wouldn't date you either. I don't have a logical breakdown associating sex as a chore. I love sex, I love oral sex, thats not the problem. I would have sex with a guy if we were both ready. That isn't what I am saying. I am asking knot head if a man is really willing to wait for sex, like they say they are.
Sex isn't the only thing I have to offer to anyone. I'm a good person, fun to be around. I just have been out of the dating game SO long. Gee with asses like you on this site who wants to try dating someone off of POF.
You aren't the keeper of the potential sex in a new relationship. It's not your responsibility to force a wait time and if you attempt to do so; you are going to get static from healthy individuals.
I'm sorry if I misconstrued your intended point, but your OP isn't exactly the clearest of communications. | |
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