| | What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | The only people who have ever told me to lower my expectations didnt have a chance in heck of ever meeting them. lol
My expectations are simple, like me.
I guess if I never got a date because of them, Id consider reviewing them, but since that is not the case, I'll just keep mine. | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 4/30/2012 9:11:08 AM |
What criteria do you use to decide on expectations when it comes to dating/ searching for a partner?. How do you know that criteria is realistic?
Basically, you "read the defense". Every woman is different, and every woman's going to have a different perspective about you. They could be "looking for Long Term", but with you, not so much. Or they could be looking just to Hang Out, but with you, want more.
Really, you just take it without expectations. Sometimes it's easier to move the ball down field (hitting it off), and sometimes you fight and squeeze to move the chains... and sometimes punt. Putting stock in what they say to a wide, general audience, or even to you on a 1st meetup/date isn't the way to go. How open and willing are they as far as communication is concerned (texting/emailing/calling)?
In the end, it's about reading (actual) interest. Much the same as in the moment you approach a woman at a bar and have some convo, seeing if she's really interested in you or not. Body language, tone, attitude, etc.
And keeping with the football analogy, play Zone, not Man-to-Man early on. Especially if there is some interest on her part that's read, and also if she wants to 'take things slow' (that means she wants the option to continue window-shopping). There's no silver-bullet answer, no one-size-fits-all. | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 4/30/2012 1:49:47 PM | Pretty much an open ended question. Open because so much depends on the particulars of the person and their situation. Compromise or no compromise. If the latter to what extent and on what issues?
There may be some correlation between realistic expectations (however you want to define them) and affairs of the heart, but how much of one is something that has no ready and fast answer. I think most people would agree with that.
With respect to listening to others "advice" on the issue: it might be helpful, especially if many are essentially saying very much the same thing. The extent to which you listen and take action on those around you is entirely up to you. Especially if you are finding that it just isn't fun or enjoyable and increasingly it is like a job or leading to more and more frustration. That's no good for anyone. Not to you, the people around you or those you date.
To look at the flip side of the coin, if you are steadfastly firm in the qualities that you are looking for no two ways about it, then by all means forge ahead and keep on at it. After all, there is something to be said for determination. Sure it's a numbers game, but if you are facing increasingly long odds, then so long as you are aware of that fact then you go in eyes wide open.
Best of luck. | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 4/30/2012 4:01:59 PM | What criteria do you use to decide on expectations when it comes to dating/ searching for a partner?. How do you know that criteria is realistic?.
Op, I think it all comes down to what your looking for. As well as what your fellow dates are looking for. Where it all gets tricky, is in how you and your date define dating??? I have what I've called a 9 point system, that works off of 9 aspects of life, divided into groups of three. I think it could be a very reliable. However, it only applies more so to those daters who are looking to get rather serious. | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/1/2012 11:39:09 AM |
As far as expectations are concerned, I have always been a fan of the advice to bring what you seek. If you want a hard-bodied athlete, be a hard-bodied athlete yourself. If you want a generous and well-educated partner, do some philanthropic work while you pursue your Master's. I'm not saying athletes never wind up with chubby couch potatoes or PhDs never link up with high-school dropouts, but the things that we value in our own lives tend to also be what we value in a partner. If you are expecting more than you bring to the table, it may be time to re-assess, either by lowering your expectations or by improving yourself until you attain the standard you seek.
This is how I feel. I'm seeking basically the male version of myself, nothing more and nothing less. Since I exist, I don't think it's unrealistic to expect that guy to exist as well. While my standards might be strange, I'm strange, so it fits. | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/1/2012 11:54:54 AM | The only people who have ever told me to lower my expectations didnt have a chance in heck of ever meeting them. lol
Ain't that the truth! lol
The thing to do is get out and meet lots of women. Ask out those you find attractive and see how they react. Expect and accept rejection when it happens, then move on - next! If too many are saying "no thank you", better reduce your expectations to women perhaps a little less attractive and/or a little older. Eventually you will find your dating level which, by the way, will change over time. One learns by doing. As you gain experience you will likely increase your ability to connect with women and obtain dates with them. You may eventually find you will start attracting women you never thought you could, such as the younger and prettier women who may have rejected you in the past. By dating you will also learn how to retain a dating partner. None of this is easy but relax, take your time, have fun, expect and blow off rejections and above all remain confident and retain your sense of humor. Good luck! | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/1/2012 1:44:41 PM | 1. She is alive
2. Not fugly
3. Doesnt talk too much
4. Knows how to cook
5. Can carry on a conversation
6. No baggage
7. Not a religious fanatic
8. Can make my toes curl
9. Is down to earth
10. Does not smear on makeup to make herself look like a raccoon | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/1/2012 1:44:51 PM |
I agree when I message someone back to say they arent my type they get all pissed and say you cant afford to be picky. Im sorry I cant afford to date a douchebag
**snicker** You're so funny! 
What criteria do you use to decide on expectations when it comes to dating/ searching for a partner?. How do you know that criteria is realistic?.
I don't care if my crieria is realistic or not. It's mine. I own it. The blessed thing about criteria? I'd rather fit someone's unrealistic expectation than just be someone's "(S)he'll do."
If other's keep telling you that your expectation are unrealistic is it wise for you to take their advice and make adjustments or hold steadfast to your beliefs?
I don't tell anyone my criteria nor do I heed unsolicited advice.
If you choose to not make adjustments is it then wise for you to take yourself out of the dating pool instead of wasting other peoples time with your unrealistic expectations?
This reads to me like your stating that if people tell you your expectations are unrealistic, they are, in fact, unrealistic.  Just because someone tells me the Moon is made of Swiss Cheese, doesn't make it fact. Someone telling me my criteria is unrealistic doesn't make them right. So no, I'd not take myself out of the dating pool simply because someone else thinks I'm wanting too much in the partner I seek. And why on earth does anyone else care what my criteria is or is not? Last time I checked? No one wears my shoes but me. As long as I'm happy with my single-ness and my criteria? I'd think those people who care about me wouldn't be bothered with my status or my wish-list. JMO  | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:11:25 PM | The only people who have ever told me to lower my expectations didnt have a chance in heck of ever meeting them. lol
LOve that
I agree when I message someone back to say they arent my type they get all pissed and say you cant afford to be picky. Im sorry I cant afford to date a douchebag
;) That too
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/2/2012 2:53:32 AM | I have what I've called a 9 point system, that works off of 9 aspects of life, divided into groups of three. I think it could be a very reliable.
Interesting Big-fun-wave...I think you should share your 9 point system....might be helpful to some of us. 
When it comes to dating.....I've learned to have no expectations. Dating means taking chances.....sometimes the out come is good....sometimes, not so much.
I once went out with a man who was like 5'2. Hello.
That made me laugh! | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/2/2012 6:09:16 AM |
I once went out with a man who was like 5'2. Hello
Hey, good deal....actually, that's quit shocking considering you're tall for a woman, most 5'7" woman won't even date a guy of equal height. lol
Did you meet him from the net...or out and about in the real world. :) | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/2/2012 6:06:23 PM | Interesting Big-fun-wave...I think you should share your 9 point system....might be helpful to some of us.
I posted this in a previous thread response, but unfortunately couldn't find it. It's a system I devised based upon the three categories love and relationships revolve around. You can ask yourself these 9 questions, from these three categories. And if your rather positive in all area's, you and your partner I would say have something wonderful going. If you had some doubt's in some, well then you and them I say both have some things to work on relationship wise. If you were very doubtful and answered no to many, there's probably not much hope. I devised this scale through years of learning experiences and lots of thought.
Physical attraction:
1) Can you see yourself possibly wanting to kiss them? If yes, you must be a little attracted to them.
2) Can you picture yourself being intimate with them (having sex)? If yes, you must be attracted to them somewhat then.
3) Can you see yourself wanting to perform oral on them? If yes, You have a strong physical attraction to this person.
Emotional attraction:
1) Do you want to be with this person? If yes, there's some emotional attraction present.
2) Do you both get along most of the time? If yes, then there must be some emotional attraction from both sides
3) Are you proud to be with this person and want to introduce them to friends and family? If yes, there must be that thing most would think of as chemistry present.
Compatibility:
1) Do you both enjoy each other's company most of the time? If yes, there's potential!
2) Do you want to be together often? And are you both together often? If yes, great potential!
3) How well do you both get along? If you get along well most of the time and answered yes to both of the above questions, you have great compatibility. | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/2/2012 11:26:03 PM |
I devised this scale through years of learning experiences and lots of thought.
I just copied and pasted this in MS works and am totally going to start using it.......and thanks for sharing!
Oh, and for the record book, relating to my above post, I'm sure I found only one lady, who I was able to answer yes to in all those area's.
Really? Only one? I want to ask if it worked out but I'm guessing it didn't because your on POF?? | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/3/2012 12:33:48 AM | Really? Only one? I want to ask if it worked out but I'm guessing it didn't because your on POF??
Your very welcome cautiousluv. That lady one of my former gf's, we were together for a short while. Unfortunately it didn't work out.We both still communicate and respect one and other allot. It was just a $hitty twist of fate that came between us (the best way to describe it). Not something I like to talk about, or reflect back on. Btw, when I initially thought up that scale listed above, in the compatibility category, I thought of "The quality of your sex lives` as a crucial determining factor as well. But this was a while back I came up with this method of determining what could make for a healthy relationship. That factor I'm certain is one of the originals. But I forgot about it when writing it out again and somehow came up with what I did. regardless, I`m sure it could be a reliable scale to work off of. As it works of the grass roots basics of what healthy relationships would be built on. The broader spectrum of what makes two people click and what could ultimately drive them apart I believe stems from what I touched base on, In all three of those categories. | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/3/2012 4:41:42 AM |
As far as expectations are concerned, I have always been a fan of the advice to bring what you seek. If you want a hard-bodied athlete, be a hard-bodied athlete yourself. If you want a generous and well-educated partner, do some philanthropic work while you pursue your Master's. I'm not saying athletes never wind up with chubby couch potatoes or PhDs never link up with high-school dropouts, but the things that we value in our own lives tend to also be what we value in a partner. If you are expecting more than you bring to the table, it may be time to re-assess, either by lowering your expectations or by improving yourself until you attain the standard you seek.
Although I agree with this on paper because it makes sense, oftentimes, it's not necessarily what people end up with. Any sort of "expectation" could easily NOT be realistic because you're thinking in terms of what you want in the person and will do your best to zone in on that characteristic/trait only to be crestfallen if that person doesn't possess what you want them to have. Humans aren't customizable. This is why internet/online dating doesn't work like 99.9% of the time. All this over-analytical mess doesn't help. People go by what they see in a profile, think that the person on the other end are going to be what they say they are, when in reality, people are just people and are more flawed and imperfect.
I don't have any expectations. I enjoy getting to know the person for who they are and just being in the present. | |
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| What are realistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Posted: 5/3/2012 6:24:13 AM |
As far as expectations are concerned, I have always been a fan of the advice to bring what you seek. If you want a hard-bodied athlete, be a hard-bodied athlete yourself.
Funny you mention that, there's this one woman I saw, been on this site forever, must've wrote a novel in her profile by now...she kept adding on and on.
She eventually contradicted herself in her profile by saying, "I know you might not be into heavier women, and that's okay, because I know there are some men out ther that are into that" . Had the whole, "If you're looking for a Barbie, move to the next profile."
Mind you, she was attractive, pretty face....but could stand to loose a few pounds. She was actually rather curvy. But I got a kick out of how she mentioned later in her profile she liked an athletic man with a flast tomach.
When she didn't have that to bring to the table. | |
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