| | We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?Page 3 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | "A mothers love is very important to kids.
JV1979, I kept that thought for years. Even though she never helped financially. He's almost 18 now, if I had to do it again, I'd of cut her off. Maybe that would've made her grow up. | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/27/2012 5:59:26 PM |
Tealwood wrote:
Perhaps time has come to consider calling accountable both custodial and non custodial to task for the lessons and choices they makes
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yet advocates not getting support.. contradict yourself much?
Really it is not that difficult a premise....Each parent works to provide for themselves and their children in both homes....as a part time or not employed single mother...or one who has not spent time developing their job prospects.... I can perhaps see your problems...or lack of comprehension!....Once I had children I saw my responsiblity was to support them and insure they had what was required without looking at the lack of support from the ex as the reason whey they did not have what was required....one only needs to look in the mirror to see who really is the reason for what is lacking.
For two parents both the be involved and both emotionally supportive of their children they both will have additional costs to provide housing for their children when they are with each of the parents........but having reviewed the housing costs of single bedrooms versus 2 bedrooms....in Colorado....your earlier comments of hundreds of dollars was reckless...but then...if you did not want to incur higher costs....why did you have a child in the first place?
The point of responsible parenting is to provide for your children. My ex like many other woman felt she was entitled to being financially supported....that she was not required to pay the bills....if she was legally required to pay cs...would cause financial hardship and lower the opportunities she would have or be able to enjoy with her children when and if they were with her....LOL...mind you I would also have to prove what she was actually earning as she has lived and worked under the table for about 20yrs now.....what is a pisser is her pension plan will be almost non existent but she can apply for parts of mine...after years of defrauding CRS....it seems you cannot legally sign off access to the pension plan ....so when I gave her the lump sum spousal payment....she still kept her legal right to my pension plan....
The kids did not suffer...they had food on the table each night...they had clothes purchased for them when they required and they had more than many and of course less than others....but they had a 2 homes....2 safe havens in which they could go to if they required safety or comfort......But then I did work and never left my job or felt it was too stressful....and in this time of uncertainty....I keep options open as I have 1--2 places to go if the job disappears.
Been considered upper middle class and living in poverty. I don't think superdad up there has ever struggled. It's not fun to be starving, it's not fun to watch your child eat a full meal, knowing that there's none for you, it's not fun watching him out grow his clothing but still stuffing him into them for a month longer then he should be wearing them, it's no fun having Christmas delivered in a big black bag by a bunch of strangers who have no idea what your child's interests are. Full time work does not always equal enough to support the kiddos, many times you still need child support to pay the bills. Get off your pedestal.
You are where you are based on choices and decisions you made as a youth and as a young adult. But you are perhaps right....I do not ever suggest I have struggled....I have always had a job or was able to earn money in which to live....as a high school drop out...I learned that if I wanted to better myself it would take hard work and paying my dues so that I could get ahead and better myself....and as a single parent I also would not pick up and change cities with out a job in which to go to.....but mid 20's I was living off the street or out of my car as I had not yet decided to grow up. There was a period of almost 2yrs I did not have a regular job yet I still was able to find day to day work in which to pay for my gas or pay for the food and housing I required....
I was also perhaps lucky the few times I strayed to the wrong side of the tracks I was either fast enough to outrun or lucky enough not to get caught.
But then came a day when I decided to grow up....start earning an income and worked 60--80 hours a week to start a career or a life.
And I spent a few hours doing some paperwork this morning...will have some emails prepared tonight so early morning they will all go out....unlike some others who have degree's and who have management protection...I just work on performance and hard work.....Strange but Hard work and effort always seems to be rewarded?
Gxsmith...I feel for you...mine pleaded guilty to assault...6 months suspended sentence....and if she was a good girl.....the charges would be expunged from her record....I never sought help....victims services did contact me and said they had nothing available for guys.....and they thought it was funny the lack of requirements on the probationary order.
But then I am a big boy....I have no problem providing what is required and unlike some feel no reason or see no reason to live off society.
GX....Truc....it sounds like both of you did what was required to provide for your children....it might have been a little easier with financial support but you seemingly managed on your own effort and your own perseverance....Soon to be 11 years....and I still have a job and still am capable of paying for my responsibilities.....sure was either when my responsibility was just myself....but unlike some...the village will not be financially responsible for my choices...for my responsibilities.... | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/28/2012 4:15:48 PM | Well there is the difference between you and me sir. I've lived through all the scenarios I talk about on here and can attest to what it was like. Having a child working 60-80 hours a week is not something i'll ever do, again. It's just not worth it. Since your children has 2 safe homes to go to and mine only had mine to go to, that option isn't open to me and never really was, although I did do it for many years and sacrificed things I will never sacrifice again. (mainly my time with my child).
yes.. EACH PARENT WORKS TO PROVIDE FOR THE CHILD. and when one doesn't? There is nothing wrong with child support. When the custodial parent does and still can't make ends meet then nothing is wrong with child support. Just because the income falls short doesn't mean they are irresponsible, incapable or unfit as you seem to allude to. I think your personal struggle with your ex is the reason you seem to have tunnel vision. And if you are divorced and the agreement was one parent would stay home or only work part time until the kids are grown, why should that change? Why sacrifice the quality of the child life by changing the arrangements. That's extremely selfish of the non-custodial parent. But in your view, throw the kids with strangers, babysitter or whoever and go work, get rid of the quality time and the time they are used to spending with you. It is still work to raise a child.
the housing costs.. I know the apartments you refer to. No RESPONSIBLE parent would live in those. 500 dollars for a 2 bedroom means ghetto, your neighbor is probably a crack dealer. I don't care if you believe me. I'm the one that sees it every day. Living on the streets is completely different when it's just you, versus when it's you and a child. If I was faced with that again.. i'd be in the housing office or welfare office with my head held high, until I got back on my feet.
Lucky you.. I've never worked a position that offered pension, I've never had a job "in reserve" and with things the way they are I am grateful to have my position. You have opportunities that many others do not. You wouldn't pick up and move without having a job to go to? What if you were facing homelessness and where you were headed offered better opportunities? You can't say what you would or wouldn't do if you were in my shoes. You don't know because obviously you have never been in the positions I have found myself in. This move is the best thing I've ever done for my son and I, my only wish is that I had done it years ago. But I guess because I threw caution to the wind and took a chance I'm irresponsible or something. Like I said.. walk in my shoes, then judge me.
I think it's great that you took care of your kids. I think you're dead wrong on your attitude and opinions on single moms, child support and your view on "how easy things are". If you look past the end of your nose you'll see that there are good single parents out there struggling to make ends meet who don't fit into any of your views and aren't able to do what you managed to do. You'd have to prove what your ex was making? Welcome to a little taste of normality. Secondly, you don't have to prove it. When I pursued it he hasn't working, the courts "assigned" him a salary and based the support off of that. Of course if you want the actual amount that you should be getting you'd have to become a detective.
Why did I have a child? Well I was young, dumb and in love. I never dreamed he'd walk out on my son. But he did. and despite it all, i managed to do a pretty good job even when it was tough. Before you say I chose him and I made my choices and blah blah blah along those lines. Yep I did, but I didn't make his choices and HE chose to walk out and left me to figure it out and make it work alone. Why shouldn't he be held responsible for the choices HE made? Everyone always seems to place all that responsibility on the shoulder of the custodial parent.
My argument goes for either gender. Your ex should have financially supported the kids, just like mine should support mine. I went years without a dime from him. My son does't know he missed on out things. I know. I think we're arguing two sides of the same coin. You just can't seem to understand why someone would need child support to properly raise the child. Not everyone has the opportunities you do.
If you are talking mainly about the minority of single parents who live off of welfare, then I agree with you, they should go find work as quickly as possible. But the other parent should do their part financially and emotionally. But we never worry about that part right? It's always the custodial's parents fault.. never ever should we place blame on the parent who left.. surely it's all the custodial parents fault.. right??? (bullshit, in case you didn't catch the sarcasm in that last statement)
As for the other assumptions you infer about me.. I won't even justify them with a response... You have no idea what kind of position I am in today. | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/29/2012 12:52:00 AM | | My sons mother is a piece of work to say the least but its ok i want my son 24 7 he makes me a better man so its ok with me she doesnt know what shes missing out on bit she will one day when its too late but i hope not for his sake! | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/29/2012 7:08:22 PM | I've known a couple dead beat mom's. Fathers stepped up and raised the kids alone. In both cases when the children were older (and all the hard work done) they wanted to be a part of their lives. The children had no interest.
Deadbeat parents, man or woman, do a lot of damage to their children. Imagine being rejected by the one person that's supposed to love you unconditionally. | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/29/2012 7:15:24 PM | Yep. My son and his half sister both want nothing to do with their dad. His sister told him where to stick it.. My son just refuses to speak to him.
I just smile after he goes to bed. I'm glad he got what he deserved. I also think it's very sad for the kids. At least his sister has a step-dad and another man who was there when she was a baby who treats her like his daughter. My son doesn't have that. I wish he had been there for my son growing up, but I couldn't make his decisions and I couldn't force him and I think that it's his just desserts that now that he is trying to force me to do what he wants, my son and his half sister have both basically spit in his face. It's sad, but i'm just happy my son sees him for who he is. | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 3:13:57 PM |
well my ex owns alot so i let it go, because my kids didnt wont her gong to jail kids comes first
Would have to agree with this premise....and would it be fair to suggest you work and pay your own way in life?
Some single parents seem unable to pay their own way in life and require the ex to subsidize what they are incapable of earning themselves....they then seem to whine and blame the ex for what they do not have....when what they do not have is a reflection of where they would be with or without children.
my oldest son has been living with his Dad full-time..(with the occasional 4 week stay here when they get into it)..As for child support and custody for my circumstances go with my middle son...I agreed to wipe out the arrears in cp (not like I would get it or got it anyway) and agreed to shared custody without any kind of child support for the future after a 3 year court battle
Well......my compliments are required....as I would never have suggested you would ever agree to shared custody after the postings and comments you have made in respect to shared custody....and the court battles you discussed the relish and satisfaction you posted of in respect to having the courts quash the wishes of your children....I will admit I need to have a level or degree of respect towards yourself that you allow or enable your boys to have a degree of control in respect to where and how they desire to grow up. And I would probably agree that the motivation he had was probably more about lowering or eliminating his payments....but...you also ended up getting him active and involved in his children...so they win do they not?
^^^^^How soon does one forget the struggles they encountered before the predjiduce comes to take over?
What struggle? I ate when I had the money....I lived or stayed in places based on the income I was earning! My lifestyle or quality of living was based on what I was able to do it terms of employment and choices I made. If I had no food or no money for a place to sleep....that was my own fault and not someone elses.....society does not owe me a lifestyle or a quality of life....I alone have the responsiblity of determining how I will live or not live.
I just smile after he goes to bed.
I used to smile after they came home from spending time with their mother that I pushed or advocated to happen. The easy thing to do is to take satisfaction from misery or rejection of one person for another.......when in reality the best thing is to remain open to doing what is best for the children in terms of short term and long term....even though I will acknowledge there is satisfaction in knowing you have to force the children to go see the other parent.
but that would be the petty part of my character!
I want a grown up, young at heart, active man who is gainfully employed,
Confuzzled....from your profile....I agree it is important to find a partner who is gainfully employed and can pay their own bills in life.......I always figured the single mother who was collecting cs...the cs at one point would run out and then the individual would need some other poor sap to make up the loss of monthly revenue..... | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 3:51:53 PM | | This is a funny post. I didn't know there were forums on here. I have had my son since he was 2 1/2. He's 13 now. The egg donor bailed when he was diagnosed with cancer. He's recovered now. But yeah.. no help with hospital bills, football, clothes. Not even an email on his birthday. She has her replacement family now. | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 5:01:11 PM | hahahaha.. As I said. You know nothing about me or my situation except things you make up from things I post based off my own past experiences and sometimes those of close friends. I have a lot of single parent friends and they are from all spectrums. So I have a lot of experience to draw from as I go through their struggles with them, as well as my own.
if when you were living in your car and eating or not eating when you had kids.. you don't think you would have pushed a little for the child support while you were looking for work, so your child could eat? You don't think you think that little bit of money would have made a huge difference in the kids life? Now you look like a really bad parent. Because as you said in another post, you life would be the same regardless of parental status.
Also, I wouldn't force my son to go see his dad. Not at this age. I, personally, don't think that's good parenting.
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 5:05:45 PM |
I have had my son since he was 2 1/2. He's 13 now. The egg donor bailed when he was diagnosed with cancer. He's recovered now.
Your son's mother left because the child got cancer???!! What a f--cking ****! I'm glad he is healthy now. | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 6:11:28 PM | | Wow.. yea. you're egg donor is a POS!! So glad to hear he is healthy now. It's so sad that a child has to go through that kind of thing. Can't believe a mother would leave her child in such a time of need. What a pos!! | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 8:34:28 PM |
What struggle? I ate when I had the money....I lived or stayed in places based on the income I was earning! My lifestyle or quality of living was based on what I was able to do it terms of employment and choices I made. If I had no food or no money for a place to sleep....that was my own fault and not someone elses.....society does not owe me a lifestyle or a quality of life....I alone have the responsiblity of determining how I will live or not live.
Responsibility for one's choices doesn't equate to the inability to admit the struggle. Accepting assistance does not equate to society owing you anything. Frankly, I think you have some deep seeded issues to deal with.
Let's face it, your kids weren't subjected to the lifestyle of that time in your life, now were they? They weren't forced to eat only when you could afford food for them, were they? Forced to live in a car, were they? Do you have an intense aversion to helping the unfortunate? or the young victims of a vindictive or uneducated parent? Surely, a parent has a responsibility toward their child(ren), but since we as a society pay the price for wayward children, wouldn't you rather acknowedge that contributing to the betterment of society entails assisting those who may need your help? After all, our tax dollars contribute toward the (individual, home schooled) environment of those children deemed too violent to be in our public schools on a daily basis; why not contribute towards their neccessities while allowing them to have at least parent around who cares instead? You seem to suggest that, in the case of the particular poster you seemingly need to berate, working 32 hours/wk is insufficient. Have you such harsh words for my ex, who chose to cut his hours to 30/wk so as to reduce cs? Is that we are to call fair? Since I have my kids 24/7 and work in excess of 60 hrs/wk , am I to suppose that that is what makes me a better parent? I think not, and the fact that I disagree with you doesn't mean that my priorties are misplaced, even if you tell yourself that. How convenient to judge when even your own scenario doesn't apply to you. Some small concessions as to having a heart might go a long way in your favor. Just sayin'. | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 9:25:34 PM | "Some single parents seem unable to pay their own way in life and require the ex to subsidize what they are incapable of earning themselves....they then seem to whine and blame the ex for what they do not have....when what they do not have is a reflection of where they would be with or without children." ... Teal
All I have to say to this is BULLSH*T ... On so many levels . I have read through this whole forum and while I have no children , I know many single parent , both male and female . Life isnt as easy as "oh hell , I have a child now ... I guess Ill go get a better job or work longer and/or several jobs" . The main thing about raising a child is time ... children need parent time . Now when one of the parents decides they do not want to be part of their child/rens life , the parent left with said child now has to spend that extra time . So working extra hours , several jobs etc .. is kind of tough . Yes parents need to support their children , and even sacrificing some quality time together with the child/ren . But saying all single parents should be able to earn the income needed to support their child/ren alone is BULLSH*T . Not everything is that easy or black and white . Just because a parent (male or female) needs help in supporting a child does not make them a bad parent or a deadbeat . As for the "when what they do not have is a reflection of where they would be with or without children" part of the comment again I call BULLSH*T . I know many people whose lives would be completely different without children . Children cost money , clothes, school activities, food,sitters, etc ... . Now I work hard for the money I make , nothing was ever handed to me . If I had a child ,and was a single parent, my life would be completely different . I work a rotating shift now . With a child , this would be difficult as not everyone has access to babysitters or daycare at midnight . Accommodating jobs let alone any jobs are hard to come by nowadays . | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:26:51 PM | What's even funnier is that the comment is directed at me.. and I don't even receive the support i'm supposed to received. lol It is very sad that this is an image he projects to his kids. If one of them does mess up, I wonder if they would come to him. I certainly wouldn't. That's very sad.
Time is the only thing we cannot make up, it is the only finite variable in life. You can always make more money, you can always buy something you've always wanted. But you cannot get back lost time. I will not give up my time with my son in order to have a large bank account. I will not do it. It's not worth it. It makes me, and all the other single parents who do this, good parents. You don't have to agree with me.. but most single parents will.
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Really it is not that difficult a premise....Each parent works to provide for themselves and their children in both homes....as a part time or not employed single mother...or one who has not spent time developing their job prospects.... I can perhaps see your problems...or lack of comprehension!
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lol. this is directed at me correct? You don't know me. Where did i state I have ever worked only part-time? I did state I wasn't eating at one point.. guess what.. I worked full-time then and I made a decent paycheck.. it just didn't cover the cost of living and there was no time to work a 2nd job, oh and just to ease your mind I didn't have help from any source. How does one develop job prospects when she's fresh our of college, new to the industry and working all her "free time" to support her family? Again you assume there are 2 homes.. often times there are not two homes. It's much harder to parent when you are doing it solo. The comment you are responding to, you seem to have missed the point. Both parents work to support the child, and when one doesn't then child support helps maintain the child's quality of life.
once again I will state. both parents should be held to raise the kids. Child support (or some arrangement for support between the two parents) should be paid by the non-custodial parent and both parents should stay in the child's life. Ah if only this were a perfect world. | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:32:18 PM | I think it's reprehensible.
BOTH parents should be there emotionally. Both parents should be there financially. Both parents should interact with their kids physically.
A mother walking away from her kids for any reason; I have no respect for that whatsoever.
Shame on her if she does it (and yes, I do know some women who indeed do do that; I have been adopted by several of my kids' friends because of it and also see it in my group)
It happens, same as deadbeat dads. Both miss out on how incredibly lucky they are to be blessed with such amazing human beings. | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/9/2012 3:54:56 AM | | I don,t get any money from my ex but at least I have had no hassle, she,s only seen them for two weeks in the last eight months, even her own mother says she treats them like she,s an auntie rather than a mother, the longer she,s away the happier i am lol | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/9/2012 10:31:24 PM | | I for one love this forum as I am a single dad with custody of my son. Its just been him and I for the past couple years. There should be more out there about this as it seems to be becoming more and more prevalent. Not all dads are deadbeat dads. | |
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| We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/10/2012 1:24:53 AM |
I for one love this forum as I am a single dad with custody of my son. Its just been him and I for the past couple years. There should be more out there about this as it seems to be becoming more and more prevalent. Not all dads are deadbeat dads.
you are correct. There are MANY custodial dads out there; some with joint custody and some with outright. And I have ben impressed beyond belief by many of the dads I know who are being mom and dad and everything else to their sons or daughters.
With having a deadbeat dad as father to my kids; it REALLY does my heart good seeing other men cherish, value and take responsibility because it is a blessing, not because they are being "made to do it".
And when they have to do all of it like I do? Bless them for doing it gracefully rather than shoving it in the kids' faces that their mom has bailed on them and rejected them; the kids are already reeling knowing they have been bailed; having it reinforced by the parent that's left does SO much damage (either gender) so I applaud the classy parent who is therfe for the kids and who doesn't rub salt in a wound.
Kudos to you sole custody dads, and know more and more of us are aware how many dads are not deadbeat dads.
happy father's day in advance. | |
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