| | Observations on a decade of internet dating...Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I agree with the girl above who said that it's an infliction spreading.
Someone treats someone badly, and they pass it on the next one.
It was way more easy going, open and light hearted three years ago; when I left
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 5/15/2012 11:59:31 PM | In my profile I have this line
"You will not recognize me. For my face is hardened, and weathered with lines of age. However with time you will know me, and I know you."
Is not describing me. It is describing what has happened to "Love"
You won't recognize love, because I feel for most of us on the surface love has been hardened, and withered.
However if given time with the right person you will recognize, and know love again. So will I.
It was just a creative way of saying it.
I do not believe people are giving each other enough time due to prior hurt, independence, and having so many other choices at the flick of the mouse. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/2/2012 9:01:53 AM | Something has changed in here and it isn't just me. People are different...women are different.
Interesting thread... thanks! And I agree that things aren't quite as they appear to be re: the "promise" of online dating. But seldom mentioned is the very nature of the internet... the anonymity, the lack of accountability, the "remoteness"... and how these qualities may actually be "attracting" certain kinds of people you normally wouldn't encounter IRL ("in real life")! And what sorta folks might those be, but the very people who don't do well with human relationships in the first place?!
Except here they try to "disguise" it (often from themselves as well), usually by going on about the importance of things like their "relationship" with their pet (who's also their "best friend"), or else they emphasize their need for "independence", "space", "just dating- nothing serious", "I am who I am", "confirmed in my singleness", etc., etc.. Which is fine, but if you're seeking someone who's "emotionally available" or has any interest in "partnership" or genuine "intimacy"... not so much.
And that also seems to be true even for many of the ones who claim they're seeking "true romance" or "the last great love of their life", etc.... except until you read between the lines of even their profile, and it's clear they're not seeking a "partner", they really only want a clone or a glorified 'roommate'!
No doubt there are "exceptions" and folks who've been "successful" with online dating, but I suspect those are pretty few and far between (or else they've finally found that ideal "roommate" or someone who just makes a good "pet", and doesn't expect much)!
So if one is looking for reasonably "whole" and "emotionally available" singles to date, these days IMO it's still best to stick to "IRL" (volunteer groups, church & political groups, friends, special interests, etc.). On the other hand, if you're the type who thinks a bar is a good place to find a mate, then probably online dating will also work just fine... ;-p | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/9/2012 4:34:28 PM | | I am basically agreeing with what many have already stated,it is not specifically Internet dating that has changed but our entire society has been turned upside down in the last 10 years. In the Western world we believed we were invincible. We believed we could endlessly consume. We believed that other nations would never catch up to our technological and educational gap. Now we know this is not the case. Even with two incomes, the majority of families are struggling with high costs, stagnant wages, and being overworked to the point of exhaustion. When they get home and turn on their computers, they are worn out and stressed before they even read the first email. There is less patience,energy, and time to get to know someone. However, I try not to get caught up in that, even though I understand why they feel the way they do. I think we have to take the time to really get to know someone because being hurried and rushed might seem like it's helping but it's actually making things worse. People need to really figure out what they want and be willing to invest the time it takes to find the right person. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:01:29 PM | | I've have not had good luck here. I've given up contacting women on here. This site isn't meant for everyone. Due to social anxiety, i would've thought here would be easier. Guess not. However, to everyone who don't think their looks arent the greatest,i know a site,just like this one caters to those who are average and below like myself. Shoot me an email if interested. If i advertise it on here,im sure im breaking a few rules,lol | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:55:30 PM | I've been using online sites since 1998, and there are some changes I've noticed online and about online. When I first started, very few others were using it. There was a stigma attached and seemed like people would deny using the resource. Over time (especially with all the myspace/facebook dating), the online scene has become more acceptable and now you hear all kinds of people talking about it. Seems like with more people joining is when responses would decrease. Some other sites that had fewer numbers of women members had better reply rates.
Now POF is being used by all kinds. There is a bodybuilding site (I mentioned this in another thread) that has multiple threads of close to 200 pages, just on their contests for POF conquests. Guys that aren't in the least bit serious, but are saying "I've exhausted all the 30 and unders in my area, time for 31-40 year olds!" | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:54:30 PM | People connect on other platforms. They've evolved to other locations not characteristically.
It's easier for me field a Tweet-meet, verify women through common interests on Meetup. I've
been spotted at Starbucks and invited back to a location for chit chat.
If I really want to date a bartender or waitress I go into their business where they have their
pistols loaded. They ain't changed a bit, which is why I don't date them online.
The bottom line is, I always paying for their time, showing them a little something. The world is
my oyster.
I can't see limiting myself geographically in pursuit of finding a worthy date. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:15:22 PM | If anything, it's gotten better (well on any site but this one - it's just always bad). It's easy to line up 4 or5 possible dates in a week using, say a pay site and OKC together, and that's as a black person, who gets 10% of the attention other races with the same attributes do. I would be doing good with 1 oe 2 a month in my 20s. I also meet a lot more interesting people; the last people I dated were artist, professor, doctor, lawyer - all of who were very worldly, as opposed to, like, homebody waitresses or something in my 20s (not that there's anything wrong with that, either - just a huge difference).
A big part of that may be me going from my 20s into my 30s, though. I'm more successful, more confident, more accomplished, and have more to offer, and that may just make me more appealing as compared to 10 years ago. I also don't make the same stupid mistakes as back then.
The only real difference I noticed is that you get a lot less new people on dating sites than you used to. My area has stagnated a bit, where you see around 2 new people a week, as opposed to 10 or 20 in the past (adjusted for filters on sites that let you do that in searches). | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/15/2012 1:47:48 AM | | smilen guy, you hit the nail right on the head. what you described is the internet dating experience for many men. im not a woman so i cant speak for them, but things have gone way downhill lately. its dating for the adhd generation. hey this guy seems nice... OH LOOK AT THAT ONE! it serves no one. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:20:05 PM | | After a decade of online dating myself, I can notice a huge difference, in a negative way. I started back in 2000, when I was 27. I would meet someone new, in person, at least once a week. If things went well, I dated them for a while. I even met my ex wife on line. After we separated, I went back online and like clock work, I was meeting a ton of women. One I dated for 2 years, another for a year. I then gave it up for a while, after my mother passed away and didn't want to date anyone at the time. I then signed back on with POF a year and a half ago and to this day, have met only 2 women in person! It even seems impossible for a woman to even message me. I'm lucky to get 2 people message me per week. I'll immediately write something nice back, then I'll never hear from them again! That is my biggest pet peeve so far. Having a woman message me first, complimenting my profile, wanting to get to know me and then they vanish in thin air. Why would they contact me first, if they had no intention of really getting to know me? I don't understand women now days. I'm divorced now, have no children or baggage, I'm smarter, totally independent, have a great job, a $50,000 vehicle paid for in cash. Yet, it's impossible to meet anyone. Internet dating sure isn't easy now, it's frustrating if anything. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/23/2012 10:00:21 AM |
I think you're right in that online dating has changed in the past decade. More people use the internet for everything, and have developed both a level of indifference and skepticism about the results. There are more people who join because they're bored or hoping to "score" than there used to be - the overall level of honest and serious intention is much lower now.
You are very much on point. I guess everything changes and rarely for the better. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/23/2012 11:37:28 AM | My problems are the same as they always have been. I'm not someone who is easily matched up and I live in a small town in the south and the gene pool is more like a puddle. I think searching in my area I found perhaps 5 available men online and I've known them all since I was born.
I'm also one of those people who took the eharmony 11,000 page personality quiz only to be told
"We cannot take your money. You are not compatible with anyone in our ENTIRE database. This happens
to perhaps 6% of the population. We're sorry."
Really? Not in the ENTIRE database?? Ok I know I'm a little different but... nobody??
However I'm finding that to be true here. I have found one person who I thought would be a very good match for me. Unfortnately he lives 5 hours away. We finally did meet a few weeks ago and unfortunately it was one of those deals where the sparks were there for me and not for him. This was disappointing as I don't think either of us expected it to go any way but swimmingly. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 7/23/2012 6:02:37 PM | | jayne, i had the same issue with eharmony. 20 mins of time wasting taking their test just to be told they cant help me. and i dont really live in such a small town either. im starting to think eharmony was right lol. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/17/2012 8:53:06 AM |
I think what I need to do is try to forget the past and treat this experience as something new. New rules, new game, new guy. It’s kind of fun actually…frustrating and annoying but still fun.
Bingo.
It's been 10 years for me, though I've only just re-emerged recently. I am sure that as time passes, and I send few hundred emails and go on a few dozen dates, I will figure it all out again.
M | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/17/2012 12:08:37 PM | Well it's been about three and a half months since I started this thread and haven't been out on a date since then. The closest I got was chatting to a woman who wanted to meet the next day but was suddenly (and inexplicably) called out of town on short notice...this is me waiting and seeing without holding my breath.
I get a fair amount of mail from wonderful women who live in the UK or Australia, even a few from the east coast of NA but for some reason, no woman who might actually be capable of meeting me in person seems interested.
Men in the forum write me far more often than eligible women...that is kind of sad.
There is one fella who seemed keen on the idea of going for a beer as a sort of "mandate" but the fun and cheeky aspects of this idea just seem pathetic and odd when it's the only date I can get.
Yesterday, I was walking my dog along the street and took a look at all of the couples that passed me. Sure, there were plenty of beautiful people who had paired up of course but the vast majority of folks strolling along hand in hand, seemed more like the type who would be labeled as "undatable" in here.
This tells me that there is something particular about online dating that does not reflect the real world. Is it the superficiality many have commented on? I'm not sure about that since we have a pretty wide selection of personalities in here. Maybe it has something to do with the technology? I don't know what it is but I do know this. I am way more inclined to want to get out and participate in life and hopefully meet interesting people as a direct result of NOT-dating online.
This can only be a good thing. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/17/2012 4:22:59 PM |
This tells me that there is something particular about online dating that does not reflect the real world. Is it the superficiality many have commented on?
Wouldnt you agree, this aspect was the same 10 years ago? Perhaps there are more people on these sites using them...but it's still as superficial as I've always remembered it.
I am way more inclined to want to get out and participate in life and hopefully meet interesting people as a direct result of NOT-dating online.
I will come here and launch a bunch of emails to ladies who interest me...when I dont have "real life" activity to keep myself occupied. Seems to me, the ratio has declined from yesteryear, as it relates to the percentage of women who are really serious about meeting someone online.
I am actively seeking to increase my "participation in life" opportunities...so I can wean myself outta here completely. That is how redundent I feel this place has become. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/17/2012 6:04:37 PM | addhomonym: it IS online people being superficial. just the other night i was approached in person by a young, attractive girl. SHE hit on ME. after a few weeks on POF, i kinda got an idea on what i can expect from certain types of people on here. if i were to see that same girl with a profile on here, i wouldnt even expect a response from her, let alone her to hit on me.
women now have a ton of guys vying for their attention online. they are going to talk to the best looking guys with the most lies on their profile almost every time. thats why they always complain about the quality of men they meet while decent, honest guys dont even get responses.
i miss the old way of online dating. i think there were far fewer people using it then, but the ones that were, were much more serious about it. we just have to accept that what we had is no longer here and try to adapt. i think online dating is broken these days for most people. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/17/2012 6:18:01 PM |
women now have a ton of guys vying for their attention online. they are going to talk to the best looking guys with the most lies on their profile almost every time. thats why they always complain about the quality of men they meet while decent, honest guys dont even get responses.
Truth:
A woman who many would "rate" a 5 in real life becomes a 7-9 online, whereas a guy who would be ranked an 8 or 7 in real life becomes a 4-6. We all know that their ranking doesnt "really" change, but as far as online value goes.... | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:32:05 PM |
Maybe it has something to do with the technology? I don't know what it is but I do know this. I am way more inclined to want to get out and participate in life and hopefully meet interesting people as a direct result of NOT-dating online.
This can only be a good thing.
Agreed. ‘Dating’ online is an illusion. Flesh and blood beats out pixels. But I don’t think this phenomenon is exclusive to online dating. People in general suck.
i miss the old way of online dating. i think there were far fewer people using it then, but the ones that were, were much more serious about it.
I miss the old chat rooms…far fewer people, way more personal and intimate. A core group of great friends with similar interests, we all met in person and I met one of the most wonderful men I’ve ever known. He was gorgeous, knew Latin and drove like a maniac.
None of this cynical numerical rating system. If a guy sees me as a number or worse, a diversion, he can take a hike and other stuff we’re not allowed to post. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:38:53 PM | fleuron: i used to love the chat rooms. i was one of the last people still using them lol. myspace put a hurting on chat rooms then POF and facebook killed them. i went into one of my old chat rooms for the final time last year and there were like 2 guys in there. they said no one ever talks in there anymore. i dont even know why they were there. maybe just trying to hold on to the past or something. last time i went to a chat room. i met some cool people that im still friends with to this day. like you say, it was much more personal and a few of us ended up dating.
i know pig latin and i drive like a maniac. is that good enough? | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/21/2012 7:28:04 AM | I've been online dating for 7 years and yes it has changed a lot! Or maybe I should say I HAVE CHANGED A LOT! I used to get dates all the time. but I was always ready to spend some money. I would take a girl some where really nice, maybe to dinner, or an outing to the zoo maybe the lake and dancing was always an option. All this on our first meet.
After doing that for about 2 years I realized it was just a waste of money and time.
Today I will offer a cup of coffee or a drink .... not many takers. I also will not 'work' it any longer. If she does not show an acceptable level of interest then I'll let it go.
Yep some may call this self distructive on line dating but honestly, after 7 years, I'm just not that into it. Maybe that is what has really changed! | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/22/2012 2:30:57 PM |
Well it's been about three and a half months since I started this thread and haven't been out on a date since then. The closest I got was chatting to a woman who wanted to meet the next day but was suddenly (and inexplicably) called out of town on short notice...this is me waiting and seeing without holding my breath.
During the same amount of time (three months) I sent about 20 first emails a week on another web site, in this one I sent about 3 emails a week. Got 2 dates a week on the other site. Here I got zero until out of the blue, one of the three responded and went out with her, once, twice and now more, to the point that I am now sending zero emails.
Dude, the problem is that you are separated, you smoke and you have a beard that ages you. Separated cuts off A LOT of women. Most will not even look at your pictures. Smoking also cuts a lot of women as well, unless they are smokers, or their exes smoked and they find it sexy. Then there's that beard. I have a beard and will not shave it off regardless, and even though some women do not like it, the ones that I have dated liked it. But I keep it trim.
If therms of now and then. The only difference I see is that NOW I have a hell of a lot more experience drafting an email that gets responded. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/22/2012 5:31:18 PM | Outmind, you left out disabled. That's a pretty big one too. I tried to address this argument earlier by stating that my circumstances have changed and I am not the same guy as I was ten years ago. It still doesn't come close to explaining the massive difference in how things used to be. I was an unapologetic smoker back then as well.
I could happily accept the fact that I'm just broken and "undatable" except for the fact that there are so many others in here who have the same experience. Certainly not ALL of these other people can be so defective that they don't deserve to go out on a date?
The date I mentioned in the last post surprised me with a message saying something along the lines of "it's not you, it's me" - I didn't expect to hear from her at all. Sure, it's no big deal, this stuff happens all the time.
That still doesn't mean it has to happen ALL the time, though.
I'm glad you're having a good time and meeting interesting people. I'm just curious about why so many others aren't. | |
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| Observations on a decade of internet dating...
Posted: 8/26/2012 1:20:08 PM | | My observation is society is in a much more state of fear. Its sad but I understand why. News is all about murder, rape, killing. TV shows are all about murder, rape and killing. Gee is there any wonder why so much fear. In the good old days you picked a lady up at her front door. Today you are lucky if she will meet you at a public restaurant. Tis a sad state of affairs. Thanks media news and the telly. By keeping us in fear, we as a population are easier to control by the ??? | |
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