What happens if we happen across the L word? Would you play again?

You have to love how the nurturing card is thrown any time joint custody is mentioned. I guess the father doesn't have any effect on the child's rearing.

Read here to find out just how wrong they are.

http://www.civitas.org.uk/hwu/fathers.php

Besides the fact that over 80% of the prison population was raised without a father in the house.

Fact is joint custody is gaining popularity as the judges see the effects of fathers only having 4 days a month with their children.

Even 10 years ago the chance of a father getting custody or having joint custody was unheard of unless the mother was dead or in prison.

Now as I am proof of it is becoming possible for the father to gain either joint custody or at times full custody.

We still have a long way to go as only around 10% of fathers get full custody.

Yet this absolutely is having a huge effect on the decision to remarry after being married before.

The amount of comments from men on this thread is a huge increase from just two years ago, when you would be doing good to get three or four guys bold enough to say what scores and scores are willing saying now.

I absolutely agree that fathers have, and should have an effect on child rearing, and also that things are changing, but let's be honet. It is obvious that many of the stats posted here are done so to promote a specific agenda. Truth is, WHEN MEN SEEK FULL CUSTODY, they are successful nearly 70% of the time. The vast majority of couples (approx. 85%) agree on custody arrangements. As I have said before, despite what we may read here, things are changing, but slowly, and that includes attitudes on child rearing, attitudes of men & women alike.

It matters not that those 80% of prisoners had no father present, in & of itself. It may well matter that their fathers have records, or that their mothers have children by several different men, or how many of those men supported their children, but the statistic itself promotes nothing at all. In any case, the number in no way indicates that more men should have custody. If one were to delve further in to this stat, is more likely that the statistic indicates that convicts are not good candidates for procreation, don't you think?

That joint custody is gaining popularity may well be due to the fact that men & women alike see a benefit and may have little to do with judges, period.

Ten years ago almost no fathers sought custody! Historically, fathers ALWAYS retained custody, as children (much like women of the same time period) were property. At some point, custody was decided based on finances alone & child custody was sometimes taken from BOTH parents if they were deemed "too poor" to have and raise offspring. Since the 19th century the concept of primary caretaker has come in to play, and it has become the intention of the courts to place a child with it's primary caretaker, so as to best serve the (supposed) interest of the child. Those are the facts.

While I agree that issues surrounding children have had an impact on decisions to marry, I don't see that a desire by men to retain custody is directly related to a desire to marry. One can have children and/or custody of children without marriage; it is the way one views the issue of the relation of finances/marriage/cs that impact, seemingly & supported by the participation in this thread, one's desire to marry or remarry. A desire to have children at all may well impact one's decision to marry, most likely for moral reasons and in keeping with my own personal decision as well as what I feel to be a reason for many who decide to marry.

I don't disagree that men can be very nurturing, and that is a good thing. Rather than place blame on a gender, though, let's deal in facts, actual facts, not simply as you see them.

The bottom line: statistics can be used to argue either way, whatever the argument. Most of us are bright enough to avoid falling under the "spell" of those seeking to promote an agenda by spouting numbers accumulated for that purpose with total disregard to the myriad implications derivable from the very same numbers. Truth is, we know what we know & our personal experience colors our interpretation of the numbers.

What men are willing to say these days seems to me to be more an indication of the sense of entitlement that abounds nowadays, and is not specific to either gender. For whatever reason, and there are many, we seem to be less willing to accept our responsibility for our choices & less willing to accept the consequences of our chosen actions, choosing instead to cry foul when things don't go our way. A sad commenary on society, if you ask me, but hardly a reason for either marriage or child rearing.

Just my two cents.

these forums don't always reflect reality.......

So if someone wants a commitment of love a covenant for the rest of our lives. Then yes I would be willing to marry again.

My actual response to that question was: because often times that it NOT in the best interest of the child/children because unless the parents lived close to each other, that would mean the kids would be going to 2 different schools... and would have to move away from all their friends for 6 months.... then move back after 6 months and start all over, etc. That's why starting out with joint custody is frowned uPon.... because it's not in the best interest of the child/children. Get it?

don't take him to the dark place...

I like the good place-- (stay in the good place Cap n Morgan)

(we all know that divorce, custody and property settlement suck -- and are rarely in favour of the children)

about 50% get custody get it when they sue for custody and less than 20% actually go for it.

the importance of the father in the life of the children is becoming evident.

When you find such opposition to equal treatment one has to ask why.

So when men want custody, 50% of them are successful? That's great! Btw, 50 years ago my bio-dad got custody of my older sister. According to my mother, he simply took her when he left and then told my mother that if she tried to regain custody, he'd go to court and take the other two kids as well (my younger sister and I). She was convinced he'd win; at that time, it seems the legal system was geared toward the man rather than the woman.

More good news, though why it was ever thought a father was less necessary is beyond me! Maybe the whole "nurture" thing for younger children misled us all, including men!

Funny how, despite all the words back and forth, I haven't seen a single poster who doesn't support equal treatment.

Equality? I believe most people are all for equality. Why do you keep thinking when 2 people get divorced that it's just the MAN that get's half of HIS assets and money split?? Everything that was accumulated during the marriage get divided.

And Cap-N-Morgan...congratulations for turning yhis thread into a gender issue. This thread is NOT about "why men are having the time of their life and won't remarry".....The question was would YOU (male or female) remarry.

This thread is NOT about "why men are having the time of their life and won't remarry".....The question was would YOU (male or female) remarry.

So if you're divorced, would you re-marry? If so, what are your concerns? If not, why not?

Now for the kicker; It cost me $12k worth of legal fees to gain this 'equality'. It's getting better for men, but we have a ways to go. Do I want to go through that again? Umm...no!
Still on the fence about marriage again.

Sorry if I was off topic a bit, I wanted to provide a real world example of what some are speaking of.

Go back and look at the percent of fathers that had custody over the last 100 years.

The idea that the legal system on divorce and custody has been anything but lopsided and is still lopsided is ludicrous.

One even went on a self claimed rant because of it, that just proved the anger and bitterness is not from the ones wanting equality.

One even went on a self claimed rant because of it, that just proved the anger and bitterness is not from the ones wanting equality.

Wow, your complete lack of comprehension is stunning!

The idea that the legal system on divorce and custody