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| | Divorced? Would you re-marry?Page 18 of 21 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21) |
So Cpn ....a sense of humor from me, is not given towards bias gender bashing. I probably would have laughed had I seen both genders displayed letting themselves go after marriage.
I really don't know how to tell you this but both genders are in that picture. The bottom is the male before and after. The way you can tell is the top two pictures have the word girls and the bottom two have the word boys on them.
I will say though for the first time in more than a year, I drove through McD's tonight because I wanted a burger and that damn fat chicken popped into my head so I told the lady I was sorry I was going home and eating Tuna.....so yea, thanks for embedding that into my head!!! I really wanted that burger!
Glad to help anyway I can.
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I have my kids a weekend out of two, and a wonderfull relationship with my ex, that works great, and the kids are cool, and everything is numero Uno. Some single fathers had a rough time, but are working their crap and getting a good life and a helluva time. Kudos to them. Same applies to single mothers who lived through rough periods and came out on top. Instead of crapping on people, we should look at the upside.
I agree this is a great Idea. Before I got custody of my children the mothers made sure my life was a living hell. The mother of my daughter would take her to the emergency room at least once a week. Just so I would be responsible for the bill.
I just bit my tongue and waited sure enough it wasn't long before she left my daughter with me for three months with out any contact. I continued to pay the support to her.
I contacted an attorney and filed abandonment charges she then tried to get my daughter even brought a deputy.
I explained what was going on and showed him the paperwork and asked the deputy to remove her from my land he did just that.
She talked to her attorney and then signed the papers to give up custody as he explained to her there no way she would retain custody.
Of course the judge didn't give me child support even though the law says she has to pay, That was okay though as I had my daughter and didn't have to pay her child support anymore. That was more than enough to meet every one of my daughters needs and most of her wants with thousands left at the end of the year.
The way I got custody of my son was very similar and the crap I had to take from them was worth it when I got my children.
Many times if you are nice and just allow them to take the rope they will hang themselves. Remember you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Besides be nice treat the children good as well as their mother. Let her be the one acting like a azz the children will figure it out.
A friend of mines son just received full custody after five years of the mother degrading the father and all kind of outlandish behavior.
The judge ended up telling the mother that she just needed to shut up before he charged her with perjury.
See our justice is normally after years of being mistreated lied about and all kind of vile things perpetrated upon us. However your children are always worth it and they will figure out whom actually tells them the truth.
So while marriage is not worth the trouble anymore your children are. Be the better person no matter what.
Did I mention that having to put up with such garbage from a person that vowed to love you forever is a huge reason we are not wanting marriage anymore? | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:25:40 AM |
I will say though for the first time in more than a year, I drove through McD's tonight because I wanted a burger and that damn fat chicken popped into my head so I told the lady I was sorry I was going home and eating Tuna.....so yea, thanks for embedding that into my head!!! I really wanted that burger!
Funny how that works, huh? I had cheesecake for the first time in years two weekends ago. I did two extra pilates classes out of guilt.  (I enjoy reading your posts. Sadly? All of your words are wasted on those you are trying to communicate with. The majority of us "old timers" here have tried reason, logic, empathy, sympathy, and even a few "tough love" posts trying to impress that it's not women who are the problem, it's the women they chose which was the problem. You'll do nothing more than give yourself carpel tunnel if you keep on posting. The truth about one or two? They f*cked up and now someone is gonna pay. And yep, that means financially. Such a sad sad state of affairs. I once communicated with one of those boys. Thought he might be datable even. Thank God for forums!!!! Made my eyes  and my jerk-o-meter go full tilt.) 
My kids have ipods they have itunes accounts we have high speed high definition internet fastest possible. We all have flat screen tvs and computers hooked up to them with blue ray players. They have nice beds and of course they have cable. My kids hate going to their moms cause she doesn't have any of that.
Your kids have it all figured out. There was a joke told at our house post-divorce. And yep, even my son said it many many times when he'd be going with his Dad. "He's with the Fun God this weekend." When all was said and done? He was happiest with me. The nurse, the tutor, the counselor, the car-pooler, the shoulder to cry on, the pit-bull who always had his back, the one who was there when he truly needed someone, etc. All that fun meant nothing to him when he had good news to share or hard times to get through. He wanted the parent that was truly there for him, not just "there." All the luxuries don't mean jack. If you're kids are attached to the luxuries, they're not choosing YOU over their mother. Their choosing what you have versus what she has. I'd not take that as much of a compliment. (And I didn't get to read the rest of your post because POF has blank screens for me today for some reason. So if I missed the part where you state that you are more than just "the luxury man" ~ I apologize in advance for not seeing that.) JMO  | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:42:40 AM |
Many times if you are nice and just allow them to take the rope they will hang themselves. Remember you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. ...
Besides be nice treat the children good as well as their mother. Let her be the one acting like a azz the children will figure it out. ... So while marriage is not worth the trouble anymore your children are. Be the better person no matter what.
Not often I can get behind what CapM has to say, but in this instance I can - I think this is good advice from an unlikely (in my opinion only!) source! :) | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/31/2012 11:07:20 AM | "Women do; according to one poster, that's exactly why the laws are so lopsided - women empowered themselves and said "We will not give up". Men, on the other hand, seem to be saying "Give up, it's not worth the hassle". "
I take great offense to this statement since myself and other men fought tooth and nail for over a decade to get the divorce act amended to make the presumption when a couple first goes to court joint custody (you know that whole equality thing we keep talking about). At every turn we were shot down by women's groups, that are directly funded by our tax dollars, who would simply said that the majortiy of fathers are abusive and the natural place for children is with their mothers. Men should not have to fight to be part of their children's lives. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/31/2012 1:17:27 PM | Sounds more to me that marriage isn't the problem, so much as having kids while married is the problem. It may well be why you find so many who have kids live an unsatisfactory married life until the kids reach the age of majority and then divorce. Then it's blamed on a "mid-life crisis" and one or the other partner "didn't see it coming" when, in fact, the crisis was there all along and one party may have had their blinders on and the other just didn't want the horror that they've heard about from so many others experiencing custody, child support and financial problems.
Divorce is difficult enough without children involved - I can't imagine what it would be like when they are. Everyone thinks they're 100% blameless when it comes to these fights over custody and child support but there's generally the third side to the story. The guy I see has his own story when it comes to his daughter and his ex, but I can still see where he's made all kinds of mistakes himself to be part of the problem, but in his mind it's all one-sided and she's the evil biotch, much like many of the posters in this thread if you knew the true story and not their one-sided version of it, both men and women.
I'm not saying there isn't a lopsided system in a number of ways, but I'm sure there is some form of contribution to the problem by both parties when the matter actually winds up being brought to the courts instead of working things out between yourselves before it reaches that stage - unfortunately, in some cases that's an impossibility because of different matters that come into play. It's funny (not) what hate and hurt make both men and women capable of. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/31/2012 5:04:41 PM | Let That Be Your Last Battlefield
The Enterprise picks up two survivors of a war-torn planet who are still committed to destroying each other aboard the ship.
Instead of calling a truce, the two beings begin to blame each other for the destruction of the planet and a physical brawl ensues. As the two aliens fight, their innate powers radiate, cloaking them with an energy aura that threatens to damage the ship. With no other choice, Kirk sadly allows the two aliens to chase each other down to their obliterated world to decide their own fates, consumed by their now self-perpetuating mutual hate. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 6/1/2012 9:01:22 AM |
Let That Be Your Last Battlefield
The Enterprise picks up two survivors of a war-torn planet who are still committed to destroying each other aboard the ship.
Instead of calling a truce, the two beings begin to blame each other for the destruction of the planet and a physical brawl ensues. As the two aliens fight, their innate powers radiate, cloaking them with an energy aura that threatens to damage the ship. With no other choice, Kirk sadly allows the two aliens to chase each other down to their obliterated world to decide their own fates, consumed by their now self-perpetuating mutual hate.
And this is why the system is what it is. Instead of being civil adults and putting aside emotions like anger and hate they would rather destroy it all.
Why would anyone want to be a part of such?
Not I and not most of the posters the real funny thing the male and female both agree on not only that they don't desire to marry the reason they give are the same.
The thing I am pondering at this point if some won't put aside their anger and hate to even discuss this topic when they were asked several times......What chance does marriage really have?
This thread has shown me I am getting better at discerning the character of the fairer sex.
So while I would never be in another state sanctioned marriage I would like many others here would be willing to marry without the state contract, if the right lady came along. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 6/1/2012 11:02:30 AM | cap_n, there isn't any such thing as a non-state sanctioned marriage.
So while I would never be in another state sanctioned marriage I would like many others here would be willing to marry without the state contract, if the right lady came along.
When I got divorced it wasn't such a big deal to me. I told my ex-wife to file several times. She surprised me one day by actually filing. She paid for a lawyer, I didn't have any money at the time and I never bothered to get a lawyer.
I was out of a job for a couple of years, and it was impossible in Texas to get back into a job that was similar, so I had to either change careers, move to a better locale or eke out some sort of crappy life married and in a low paying job. So IMO it was an excellent time to get a divorce, she could stay in Texas and I would go live for a while with my parents.
We had a system worked out. All the debts were in my name, about $80,000, so I filed for personal bankruptcy. She kept all her assets, maybe about $90,000, don't know exactly because even after 13 years of marriage she kept her finances to herself. She filed, I signed, it was over in 3 months. Then we sell the house and split the proceeds, she had made the down payment I think. But I had given her $35,000 at one point in the marriage (which was more than the down payment) to buy a stock I thought she should own. It went down to $8,500 but then went up to $300,000 after that, but she wouldn't sell till it fell back to $60,000. It's hard to sell a winner, and she never really fully trusted me.
So we wiped out $80,000 of debt and kept all of our assets, we could have gotten back together a year later and started over, but I wasn't that happy being married to her. No one cheated, there were no other men or women involved, I just wanted to have a more active sex life and better communications.
Poor communications and a crappy sex life was just too much for me to put up with, even though she was an excellent cook and would have taken care of me.
I suppose I could have argued about getting more of her assets, if I did I think I could have gotten ~$25,000, but I didn't really care all that much about the money. Likely she needed the money more than I as she was never a big earner and was older than me. She had owned a small business long before we got married, which is where most of her original assets had come from. But since then she never earned more than $25,000 a year. I had ran up most of the debts so my filing bankruptcy seemed fair, she was always a saver and I liked to live it up at times. But I always made pretty good money till I lost my job.
I got about $7,000 cash out my end of the house, I used that to run up to $144,000 in the market in about 9 months. It isn't that hard to do when the market is running in your favor and I didn't have any expenses to worry about. So the extra money wouldn't have been a big deal to me. I haven't worked a regular wage job since 1998, but I don't have a very easy to explain lifestyle, and it could change at anytime. I do have to maintain a good balance in my emotional life.
IMO it was better to just leave all this behind and move on with a fresh outlook, I seldom think about my previous marriage. I don't have any problems with marriage laws, I can't worry about other people's problems, but I didn't have any children to worry about.
What I have seen from personal experience with others is sometimes the women gets screwed, sometimes the man does, sometimes it is fair and equal, sometimes the women was at fault, sometimes the man, sometimes they were just both idiots.
One male friend of mine went to jail for 7 years because of his wife and step daughter, you could say that was a nasty divorce. So when I say screwed, besides losing a ton of money and his career, I mean a little more than what you mean. No idea if he was guilty, but odds are he wasn't. BTW, when he got out he did get remarried and now has 2 children.
I did get remarried recently, it should work out well, but I am not worried about my assets even if it doesn't.
I tend to be a nester, so even if I tried to date causally, it usually turns into a LTR and I would have to make a lot of effort to keep it casual.
To each their own, take care. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 6/1/2012 11:35:56 AM |
cap_n, there isn't any such thing as a non-state sanctioned marriage.
Actually there is.
http://www.amazon.com/MARRIAGE-WITHOUT-LICENSE-Alternative-ebook/dp/B0050VILR8
Here is a link to just one book about it there are more.
No the state doesn't recognize the marriage as legal.......However that is the point.
There was a case in Florida where a woman that was getting alimony flew 50 friends to Vegas to marry the man she had been living with. They had the ceremony with no licence.
The ex husband took the pictures they posted on face book of the wedding to court the judge could not stop the alimony because though there was a wedding there was no licence.
The Florida law makers now have a bill to change the alimony laws to include marriages without licences.
So this is a very real option.
I did get remarried recently, it should work out well, but I am not worried about my assets even if it doesn't.
I tend to be a nester, so even if I tried to date causally, it usually turns into a LTR and I would have to make a lot of effort to keep it casual.
To each their own, take care.
I wish you and your new bride all the happiness in the world.
And where you are not worried about assets I have three children I want to leave mine to and will never put that at risk for any woman.
And a state sanctioned marriage would put my assets at risk so to me there is no reason to do so.
As you said to each their own. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 6/1/2012 12:25:13 PM | cap_n, I could have a Buddhist wedding in Thailand, it's the same sort of thing. Nothing new with that.
For that matter, why bother with God, a minister or the bible, just click our heals together 3 times and declare ourselves husband and wife.
I got married because I needed to in order to get her a visa, I want her included on my Social S, and it makes putting her on my life insurance easier.
But if it wasn't for that, I would just date and not bother with marriage, either contractual or otherwise.
Put your assets in a trust for your children, you can set it up so you have income while alive, it's hard to break a trust. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 6/1/2012 12:43:28 PM | | like you said, I think marriage is about the person, not just the marriage factor. 'for the right guy' is key. I recently met someone who absolutely made me rethink my views on marriage. he's the first one ever, after spending time with him, I didn't walk by a ring store and roll my eyes...! | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 6/1/2012 1:13:44 PM |
cap_n, I could have a Buddhist wedding in Thailand, it's the same sort of thing. Nothing new with that.
For that matter, why bother with God, a minister or the bible, just click our heals together 3 times and declare ourselves husband and wife.
I got married because I needed to in order to get her a visa, I want her included on my Social S, and it makes putting her on my life insurance easier.
But if it wasn't for that, I would just date and not bother with marriage, either contractual or otherwise.
Put your assets in a trust for your children, you can set it up so you have income while alive, it's hard to break a trust.
You could also jump the broom and the Irish traditions have some really neat ways of forming a union as well. Is it any less a commitment just because the state is not holding a contract on it?
Not going to argue about it ,people have different reasons for wanting to marry and not wanting to marry and different ideas of marriage and what it should be.
That should be left up to the couple and government should not be in it. Remember "to each their own".
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A trust sounds good but I was advised by my attorney that it was not a good idea, as it could still be considered martial assets. Basically if a divorce court decides it is marital assets it is.
There is much better ways to make sure assets could never be considered martial assets but that is not the topic.
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The reason I like talking about this topic is many people don't know exactly how the contract and laws of marriage work.
Wouldn't you say a person has the right to know about a contract and how it works before entering into it?
I have read extensively on this subject and was shocked at what is allowed. There is no equality much less fairness in this.
I have no problem with people wanting to marry. I just think they should know all about it, the good and the bad.
An informed decision will normally negate regrets about it later. I also think people empowering themselves with this knowledge is why there is such an increase in them not wanting marriage.
Many have had to obtain this knowledge the hard way. What my Dad use to call bought education he always told me that learning from others was much cheaper.
I think it is good to discuss these things so others can learn about it, without having to buy the knowledge so to speak.
My Dad always told me knowledge is something no one can take from you. I have found that true.
I know my stance on this will not be popular with many on here and will surely make my dating pool smaller. However I don't look at that as a bad thing. I look at it like this.......By the ones that are so against a equal relationship letting their stance known. It keeps me from weeding through them and gives me more time to concentrate on the ones that do want a equal relationship. Be it marriage or a LTR.
I mean why would anyone be against people talking and sharing their knowledge so others can benefit from it? | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 6/1/2012 1:45:54 PM | capn, of course a contract is a lot more serious commitment than just your word. Your idea of marriage means nothing really, it's the same as buying a car and tell them, take my word for it, I will pay you each month.
I have a thought, before getting married they should roll out a contract like you get when you buy a house and sign a mortgage. It actually makes sense, since a marriage commitment is no less serious than a 30 year mortgage on a house.
If they did that, maybe people would think twice before signing on the dotted line.
Without the government you can't enforce any sort of contract, so of course the government has to be involved with contracts. We left anarchy a long time ago, and frankly most people couldn't survive without the Gov protecting them, everyone wants the Gov involved in the USA, as long as it helps them, everyone likes to play the victum, it's a moderm phenom. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 6/1/2012 6:38:05 PM | capn, of course a contract is a lot more serious commitment than just your word. Your idea of marriage means nothing really, it's the same as buying a car and tell them, take my word for it, I will pay you each month.
Actually it is more important than a contract. As the vows are a covenant not a contract. Yet in a divorce the breaking of the vows that both people actually here and agree to mean nothing.
So my idea of marriage w/o a contract with the state is just as binding as one with a contract. At least for me as I keep my word. And have bought cars and other things that way and paid every penny.
I have a thought, before getting married they should roll out a contract like you get when you buy a house and sign a mortgage. It actually makes sense, since a marriage commitment is no less serious than a 30 year mortgage on a house.
If they did that, maybe people would think twice before signing on the dotted line.
Now you are talking lay it out, let both know exactly what can happen by signing this type of contract. Both should have to have attorney's go over how divorce and child custody is divided before the marriage.
I would bet the rate would drop to the point the laws would have to be rewritten.
Without the government you can't enforce any sort of contract, so of course the government has to be involved with contracts. We left anarchy a long time ago, and frankly most people couldn't survive without the Gov protecting them, everyone wants the Gov involved in the USA, as long as it helps them, everyone likes to play the victum, it's a moderm phenom.
For me I would like the government to actually be cut back to the bounds of the Constitution. Let each couple write their own contract for marriage and it be binding if someone wants to leave the marriage.
You know be like any other contract.
Many people are so blinded by love when they are getting married, thinking divorce will never happen to me. That is no way to go into the most important decision of their lives.
That is my biggest complaint about this topic it seems as some do not want all the facts laid out where people can make a informed choice.
Ask yourself if you would sign a contract with a company and and go to work for them knowing, that if either of you decided to end the work relationship you would have to give back 50% of everything they paid you.
No one in their right mind would do that yet that is what happens everyday when people marry.
It is also why so many men and women here have just said no to marrying again. As many of the ladies that said they wouldn't marry again sited assets and money as a reason.
So for me keep your license. I would rather pledge my love and faithfulness before my friends, family and God, If I ever meet another lady worth sharing the rest of my life with. And I would keep those vows just as I did in my first two marriages.
Besides marriage licences were not even around in the US until after the civil war. So marriage thrived back then and now is in serious trouble.....Do you really think that is a coincidental?
I don't. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 6/1/2012 7:11:29 PM | Capn, no offense, but I think your ax has been well ground down, now. Let the people marry who want to marry. They, themselves, will either make it or they won't. It is people behind the commitments, after all, as someone said earlier. A few bad experiences does not make a bad institution, but it does explain why the institution is not for you. So enjoy your freedom.
There are happily married people out there, I believe. For me, personally, I could see myself happily married one day...maybe. Or maybe not. He would have to be one hell of a guy, that's for sure. I could not live with anyone until after my kids are grown though. The happily married are under-represented on POF, I believe. | |
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| Divorced? ...
Posted: 8/2/2012 10:08:03 PM | I advised my children to never marry a divorced person. Most, but not all of the divorced people I've known, got divorced again. It is too big a risk.
There are plenty of exceptions where the 2nd marriage did work well. I'm just referring to the odds, the chances, the probabilities. | |
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| Divorced? ...
Posted: 8/3/2012 4:45:50 AM |
I advised my children to never marry a divorced person. Most, but not all of the divorced people I've known, got divorced again. It is too big a risk.
Since the majority of people marrying for the first time also end up in divorce court, should you not also be advising those children to "never marry a first-timer"? Statistically, they are also more likely to end up in divorce court.
Which leaves them with? | |
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| Divorced? ...
Posted: 8/3/2012 5:09:25 AM | | I got divorced almost 8 years ago but it didnt put me off marriage, made me cautious though i suppose. I do not see my marriage as a failure as we had some good times and 2 great kids. Ive now met a wonderful man who proposed to me a few months ago. We are getting married next may and are very happy. My kids like him and they all get on well. (theyre 23 and 21 so theyre adults ) so a happy ending, well so far! | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 8/3/2012 8:10:59 AM | There are pros and cons to be married "legally"... every situation is different.
The older I get, the less concerned I am about leaving assets to my children. They are both adults now and doing very well on their own.
I'm practicing being married now, and maybe if I really good at it I'll want to make it official.
Until then, practicing is sure a lot of fun. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 8/3/2012 4:58:14 PM | | I have been married 2x (both times married way to fast) and so no I would never ever marry someone fast again, but since I am headed toward that 50 mark...yes...one day I do want that to be the ultimate goal--marriage. But it would take me a long time in e relationship to ever get to that point again. I want to know the person extremely well this time ! | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 8/3/2012 5:15:28 PM | | I think my username (and the tattoo0) states my stance on remarrying. I have 3 in the rearview. I'd date someone monogamously but marriage is off the table. | |
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