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| | Divorced? Would you re-marry?Page 3 of 21 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21) |
whattheheck1: Modern marriage is not marriage at all. It's viewed as only temporary. Disposable.
For some people it is, but I believe there are still plenty of people out there that take marriage seriously. I think there are many people that get married with the intentions of having that one special person to go through life with and grow old together but you know.....sometimes life doesn't go as planned. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:01:00 PM | Just curious. To all of you men that have said "No way!"
What is a commited relationship to you? What does that entail?
Would you live together? | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:12:28 PM |
cariboolady1: Just curious. To all of you men that have said "No way!"
What is a commited relationship to you? What does that entail?
Would you live together?
Well, I'm not a man but what the heck...I'll answer anyway. I think the ONLY way a "committed relationship" would work for me is if we WERE living together. A lot of the men I've dated in the past have actually lived a little way's from me (I think the furthest was an hour's drive) so with everyone's busy schedule these day's....it's impossible to see each other on a daily basis...and seeing each other once or twice a week really doesn't work for a "committed relationship". Someone's going to get bored with that...lol | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:19:03 PM | Post # 52 and the quote from Holy Cow is what makes dating a pain in the a$$.
Really? No longer have to work, have lots of spending money, vacations. Oh and he's got to be emotionally supportive and loving too.
It's best for the two of you to stay on the sidelines - why bring your misery into someone elses lives? Jeezus.
Marriage may cut off years from your lives because of your jaded, self-centered points of view and unrealistic expecations.
Later!!! | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:42:41 PM |
Just curious. To all of you men that have said "No way!"
What is a commited relationship to you? What does that entail?
Would you live together?
I dont remember lol.
A commited relationship to me is actively working towards the happiness of the other, and of yourself.
...isn`t that the opposite definition of marriage?  | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:46:44 PM | whattheheck
Commitment with one person? You bet. Quite capable. Can't wait to meet her.
Soooo....what is your idea of a commitment?
Laws for living together are the same as marriage in most places.
Pre-nupts basically have to follow the prevailing marriage/common-law laws.
I am interested to hear from all you men out there on what commitment means to you. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:49:23 PM |
Just curious. To all of you men that have said "No way!"
What is a commited relationship to you? What does that entail?
Would you live together?
That is a easy question.
I would only want a truly equal relationship. One where we kept our finances separate.
We would pay all common bills on a 50/50 basis.
Then if we wanted something for our selves we would pay for that out of our own account.
If the relationship ended then no problem figuring out whom owns what and no worries over splitting a common account.
Why should anyone have to pay to be in a relationship?
I learned very quickly after my divorce there are plenty of women that want no strings attached sex so that is not a problem to find.
Having my freedom to go and come is very valuable to me so why should I give it up?
The current dating scene is ideal for men over 40 that have raised their children. Many studies show men are no longer wanting marriage.
Mostly because the advantage to us a lifelong partner to help build a life and wealth has been destroyed by the current divorce laws and attitude of no fault divorce.
Though when you realize that house work can be done in a few minutes a day now that the kids are gone. Cooking can be very rewarding to learn and enjoy.
The loss of traditional marriage is not such a bad thing for men.
So the real question is why would one want to remarry when there is nothing but risk in doing so when you can date and live a better life?
edit to add....
Soooo....what is your idea of a commitment?
Laws for living together are the same as marriage in most places.
Pre-nupts basically have to follow the prevailing marriage/common-law laws.
I am interested to hear from all you men out there on what commitment means to you.
Better check the new laws.
Common law is only recognized in four states now. Living together in the rest of the states dose not include splitting assets according to divorce laws anymore.
As far as commitments meaning that was lost when no fault came along.
Commitment to me would be having a partner that wants to actually stay together for life.
However the way a partner can be tossed aside and half of everything that you have worked for stripped from you.
It is just not worth the chance anymore. Besides dating is great it is like going to a buffet. I have different ladies that like different activities.
When I want to do a short bike ride there are a couple of ladies that love it I call them.
I have some that love to go dancing and some that like the beach.
So I am covered in most any activity I want a lady's company on.
Dating after 40 great fun hardly any pitfalls......A divorced mans dream! | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:50:12 PM |
I dont remember lol.
A commited relationship to me is actively working towards the happiness of the other, and of yourself.
...isn`t that the opposite definition of marriage?
Isn't that...ummmm.....what you do before a meet? Or...before the first or second date?
Are you one of those that thinks you are commited after you first meet her?
I think there is another thread on here to do with feelings or time about that. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:56:51 PM |
I learned very quickly after my divorce there are plenty of women that want no strings attached sex so that is not a problem to find.
Having my freedom to go and come is very valuable to me so why should I give it up?
The current dating scene is ideal for men over 40 that have raised their children. Many studies show men are no longer wanting marriage.
Well....that is your definition of a commitment. I see.
Are you sure you are not pursuing this lifestyle hard on because you are still angry that you feel you lost some coins in the divorce? That it was marriage's fault that you lost financially? You weren't partially to blame at all that your marriage caved?
So, now you are going to be the stereotypical "silly/angry newly divorced man" riding around in his sports car?
And....that is commitment for you.
Well....I am glad there are plenty of other men out there who are not like you. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:03:37 PM | Isn't that...ummmm.....what you do before a meet? Or...before the first or second date?
Are you one of those that thinks you are commited after you first meet her?
I think there is another thread on here to do with feelings or time about that.
NO, I'm not one of those psychos lol. I commit to DATING one person, after a couple of weeks, say 8-12 around that time, you can officially consider yourself a couple. By then, I AM commited, and in love, and I expect the same. If I commit to a marriage, it's...surprisingly unimportant. Mariage at its base was always a religious ceremony (basically designed by the Church to busy a man with his personnal life while not paying attention to how the Church and governement were at the time spending his money....) and in most respects...pretty useless.
Seriously, I mean...what are really the advantages? As a kid, I always wanted to marry, but...now? Anything? Giving half my cash, or receiving half or cash, do I REALLY need money? Having the salvation of my soul because I didnt spend my time screwing a lady I wasnt married to? REALLY? In 2012??... What else...lol.
I just dont see it. If it were just a question of love, sure, but as it stands now, it's a LOT more complicated if I marry..... Which BTW I never have been yet. Been in LTD, but not married. My cousin just did, last summer. By his own words, he still wonders why; nothing has changed. She's great, he's great, everythinjg is great. Just like before... | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:11:32 PM |
Dating after 40 great fun hardly any pitfalls......A divorced mans dream!
Cap_n_mORGAN, I guess YMMV... Personally, I always thought dating pretty much sucked. As a 40+ guy, I think dating REALLY sucks...
Being a divorced man has been a dream, alright... a friggin' nightmare. I pretty much hate it.
But then again, I've never been one of those "love em', **** em', and leave em'" type of guys. The heart and soul are heavy things to mess around with. Just one man's thoughts. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:16:18 PM |
Are you sure you are not pursuing this lifestyle hard on because you are still angry that you feel you lost some coins in the divorce? That it was marriage's fault that you lost financially? You weren't partially to blame at all that your marriage cave
Didn't loose any coin in either of my divorces. They cheated and adultery was still a ground in the state I lived in at the time. So no I had little to do with the demise of my marriages.
I got the kids so didn't even have to pay child support.
So the answer to that is no. I enjoy dating because it is much more fun than marriage.
So, now you are going to be the stereotypical "silly/angry newly divorced man" riding around in his sports car?
And....that is commitment for you.
Well....I am glad there are plenty of other men out there who are not like you.
I didn't say that was commitment I said commitment has been destroyed by no fault divorce and the caviler attitude of what marriage actually means.
Oh there are a growing number of us men that feel this way and as others find out the benefits of dating more will join the ranks.
There are reactions to every action by people treating marriage as a revolving door it looses its attraction to the ones that actually took it serious.
Also calling names because you don't like the way I choose to live is very unbecoming and not very lady like.
I an not silly or angry I am simply a man that figured out marriage in this day and age is not worth the trouble.
But then again, I've never been one of those "love em', **** em', and leave em'" type of guys. The heart and soul are heavy things to mess around with. Just one man's thoughts.
Who said anything about loving and leaving. I date and the lady's I date I am sure date others. We simply share time together when it is good for us both.
Sorry it is a nightmare for you I am having the time of my life. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:21:52 PM | I've met a few women in their mid to late 30's that have never been married and what I seem to detect is that they want to get married for the sake of getting married. Not necessarily that I am the man of their dreams, but that I'm decent on paper and dammit, they want to have a wedding day. Recipe for disaster. The one that don't need that piece of paper to feel security are the ones that have already been married. I'm sure that's no revalation.
BTW, Cap_n_morgan, I agree 100%. Most people don't want to hear it, but you pretty much nailed it. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:26:07 PM | cap'n morgan
Yes, I think you are. Are you trying to tell me how I should perceive things?
It may be my opinion as your opinion is yours.
I asked what you consider a commitment to be. You want your freedom. Random sex. You said it.
Reason why you won't do marriage? All the ugly things about it apparently. I guess it's marriage's fault.
Marriage caused your ex's to wander. So, now you're are off marriage.
Sounds kinda like an angry man who has issues. Commitment issues. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:27:31 PM | Marry again? No, most likely not. I would definitely love to be in love again... totally and completely. I would be special to him and he special to me and co-hab perhaps, but unless he wants babies  marriage wouldn't be for either of us. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:29:58 PM | | I did remarry, but it was truly a case of extraordinary compatibility and deep love that had already been tested and confirmed by 7 years of living together. Neither of us needed to be married, or cared if we did not, but it just finally felt right. We were more worried that marriage would ruin our blissful relationship, and were very relieved that it did not. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:36:29 PM |
I asked what you consider a commitment to be. You want your freedom. Random sex. You said it.
Reason why you won't do marriage? All the ugly things about it apparently. I guess it's marriage's fault.
Marriage caused your ex's to wander. So, now you're are off marriage.
Sounds kinda like an angry man who has issues. Commitment issues.
Um, sorry to butt in, Cariboo. But your really reading into it, because he never said anything about commitment issues, wandering ex's and the ugliness of it. He just said he liked dating more. Maybe your reading too much into what he's saying.
I mean, you can hardly blame the guy; 50% is the divorce rate in the US, which means half the population doesnt want marriages anymore, for the most part. Does that mean 50% of people can't commit?
What I'm, saying is, marriage and commitment go hand in hand. Yet marriage and commitment don't NECESSARILY go hand in hand. You can marry without commiting, and you can commit without marrying.
I don't see where the Capt complained of either one.
What I CAN see is the mention of random sex really put you off. Honestly, it does me too, but its a reality we have to adapt to in 2012. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:37:40 PM |
So if you're divorced, would you re-marry? If so, what are your concerns? If not, why not?
Nope, no way, no how! I've been married and divorced twice now, that's enough for me. I was married at 21, divorced at 22.....married again at 26, and divorced at 31. Both times, the minute we were married, our relationship changed, they had higher expectations of me than when we were just living together. It seemed as if the moment I said I do, that meant I should just suddenly change everything about myself and become the doting little housewife. Up in the morning making their breakfast, cleaning the house, cooking all their meals and catering to their every desire and wish.....and *I* no longer mattered. I just don't get it....it doesn't matter if you are married or not, it seems when you get into a relationship, the person you are involved with always wants to change you, in some way or another. If you truly love someone, you accept them for everything they are, you won't want to change them in any way.
I don't know, it seems that that little piece of paper changes people. Also, I don't think that little piece of paper is needed to prove to each other that you love the other person. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:49:42 PM |
Yes, I think you are. Are you trying to tell me how I should perceive things?
It may be my opinion as your opinion is yours.
That is what you think I am a very happy man. You seem to have to think me a silly and angry man to satisfy yourself.
I asked what you consider a commitment to be. You want your freedom. Random sex. You said it.
Reason why you won't do marriage? All the ugly things about it apparently. I guess it's marriage's fault.
Marriage caused your ex's to wander. So, now you're are off marriage.
Sounds kinda like an angry man who has issues. Commitment issues.
Marriage is not the problem as I said before it is the way people treat it. Marriage is not a commitment anymore it is disposable.
I was very committed to my marriage's both of my mates decided to stray I moved on. I just don't see the reason to marry if it is not taken seriously.
Marriage if taken seriously by both and if both stay committed is a wonderful thing. I just don't see it happening anymore.
Divorce rates are pretty study at around 48% for first 65% for seconds and 75% for thirds.
When marriage really means a lifetime commitment again I will consider it until then I will be dating and enjoying my life, and it seem much to your chagrin. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:00:54 PM | I was dating casually right here in POF back in 2005. There was a regional gathering in Nanaimo where I met the woman who would become my wife. It was the proverbial first date that never ended. She was a single mother who appeared to be working hard and struggling which tugged at my heartstrings since I was raised by a single parent in poverty. I had a promising career as a naval officer and felt I could really make a big difference in their lives, so I did.
Well that turned out to be a really bad idea. I lost my health, my career, my hopes and dreams and was stuck in a horrible marriage with a woman who refused to contribute in any way whatsoever and actually worked against me. My wife, my partner in life was my greatest and most dangerous enemy. I left a little over a year ago and am still trying to find a decent lawyer to help me sort through this nonsense.
Getting married again...I seriously doubt that is going to sound appealing to me after what I've been through. Trust and faith in love have been curb-stomped. I'm still in love with the idea of being in love but from this point to my grave, I don't think I want to be involved in a relationship I can't just walk away from easily. Being lonely is infinitely preferable to being trapped, manipulated and financially ruined.
Right now, I'm disabled and on a fixed income but I feel like a rich man. I don't have a demanding alcoholic going through my wallet to take my cards and max them out on a regular basis. I don't think I'll ever let another human being have such power over me again. When I left, I gave her far more than half of what I managed to keep safe from her, gave her everything we owned and took on all of the debts. The only thing I took was our dining room table which the girls didn't want anyway. I continued to pay her rent, and food etc. for about six months until my portion of what we split was gone too. I'm still paying her because she refuses to get a job or to get herself on disability or even welfare...nothing. I wish I was a **stard who would just cut them off and go to see a judge - no court order from any judge anywhere would cost me nearly what I am paying now. The problem is that there is a teenaged girl that doesn't have the option of getting a job. She needs my help and therefore I need to help her mom.
On the plus side, I get to have a relationship with my daughter that is independent of her mother's input. She comes to visit me here in Vancouver and we have a great time together. I'm going to see her this weekend in fact. I'm pretty psyched to see her.
I'm not afraid to date single mother's, I'm just not financially capable of taking on any more dependents. That rules out cohabitation and marriage according to the laws in BC. That is unfortunate.
For now, I just want to keep things fun, easy and hassle free. The words "happily ever after" sound more like "eternal financial burden" to me at this point and I'm in no hurry to take that on...again.
I wonder how many women would be eager to marry if the laws were more equitable? | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:11:48 PM |
She was a single mother who appeared to be working hard and struggling which tugged at my heartstrings since I was raised by a single parent in poverty. I had a promising career as a naval officer and felt I could really make a big difference in their lives, so I did. Maybe you should work on yourself, as YOU WERE ATTRACTED TO A NEEDY WOMAN...in the urban dictionary, there is a phrase called: "Captain Save a Ho"....no disrespect meant, look up the meaning...
being attracted to broken people & expecting that you are so special you can make them whole is just the flip side of it...what about being attracted to a whole person???
Sometimes we blame others for OUR poor choices... | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:14:50 PM | Because I will have no more biological children, there is no fear of tearing a family apart, child support, etc. This is where my pain from divorce stems from.
I would marry again [with separate bank accounts ;) ]. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:17:20 PM | @Blonde Angel
I understand and agree with your point but....
There is something primal in the nature of a man that is to protect those he cares about... I believe also, that most women have a similar primal instinct that is to be protected. She obviously exploited his instinct very well in a bad way. | |
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| Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:28:00 PM | cap_n_morgan: We would pay all common bills on a 50/50 basis.
Then if we wanted something for our selves we would pay for that out of our own account.
Yes, if I were to ever get a roommate, this is how we would do it.
cap_n_morgan: Why should anyone have to pay to be in a relationship?
They shouldn't. Believe it or not, relationships are not all about money for many people.
cap_n_morgan: I learned very quickly after my divorce there are plenty of women that want no strings attached sex so that is not a problem to find.
Does this surprise you? There will ALWAY'S be people that want sex just for the sex and nothing more.
cap_n_morgan: Having my freedom to go and come is very valuable to me so why should I give it up?
You shouldn't have to give it up if this is what you enjoy? You say that as if someone is asking you to......maybe someone has, idk but I feel like people should do what's best for them.
cap_n_morgan: The current dating scene is ideal for men over 40 that have raised their children.
The current dating scene is ideal for women over 40 that have raised their children
cap_n_morgan: Many studies show men are no longer wanting marriage.
I don't know about any studies BUT: women are no longer wanting marriage. I should probably say that there are many women that feel the same way.
cap_n_morgan: Though when you realize that house work can be done in a few minutes a day now that the kids are gone. Cooking can be very rewarding to learn and enjoy.
Well, that's a relief that men have figured out how to cook and clean so they will stop marrying women for these reasons!
cap_n_morgan: The loss of traditional marriage is not such a bad thing for men.
The loss of traditional marriage is not such a bad thing for women
cap_n_morgan: Besides dating is great it is like going to a buffet. I have different ladies that like different activities.
It's like this for the women also. Not just different men that like different activities outside the bedroom....but also inside the bedroom. You have some men that are better at certain sexual activities than others.....so depending on what your in the mood for that evening.....you can call the guy that's the best at it. In the mood for oral sex tonight? Great....I think I'll give ____ a call! (ok......I *might* be just BSing about that one......but we COULD do that if our moral compass didn't get to some of us)
cap_n_morgan: Dating after 40 great fun hardly any pitfalls......A divorced mans dream!
Dating after 40 great fun hardly any pitfalls......A divorced women's dream!
cap_n_morgan: Oh there are a growing number of us men that feel this way and as others find out the benefits of dating more will join the ranks.
Do you think MEN are the only one's that feel this way?? I kind of get the impression that you think by saying this....it's going to some how "show" the women out there that men don't need us long term?? You might be surprised to learn that there are a lot of women that feel the same about men??
cap_n_morgan: Who said anything about loving and leaving. I date and the lady's I date I am sure date others. We simply share time together when it is good for us both.
And I 100% guarantee you this is the way the majority of people will be dating in the "future". It's already happening to many, many people now, they just don't realize that person they are "dating" is already hooking up with other people (and has from the beginning and will continue to do so in addition to looking for new "friends") while they continue to date you.
cariboolady1: Sounds kinda like an angry man who has issues. Commitment issues.
I think it's much better for someone to be honest admit they aren't interested in anything long term vs trying to play it off like they are. If someone isn't interested in anything long term, I don't see that person as having any kind of "issue"......If someone isn't interested in "commitment" I feel like that's their right. | |
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is really the best you'll do for yourself at this stage, I think. 
