| |
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/20/2012 3:36:45 PM | I have seen the same from my end- meeting mostly divorced men- or men who have children and yes they do put that stereo type to me, wondering why never married? Why no kids?
I wondered the same as you- do all men who are divorced feel this way, that there must be something wrong if never married and over 30, actually over 35 in my case? Why isn't it looked at that I haven't met the right person yet?
I hope you have found a great lady who accepts you for you. | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/20/2012 5:48:42 PM | | I've never had anyone ask what was wrong with me - but I get the "You're too pretty to be single" comment all the time. I usually say, "No, I'm too smart to NOT be single :P" Sure I'd like to be in a relationship, but I'd rather be alone than with the jerks my friends get involved with. | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/20/2012 7:28:58 PM | Guys, I'm 40 and I've never married or fathered children because
1. it hasn't been a priority and 2. I have control over my impulses
and 3. I have control over my impulses.
Seriously, being single is the only way to develop certain faculties
and virtues within yourself. It is a discipline and a pleasure to
be celibate for extended periods if your character merits it.
Making babies without being specific and prepared is like
getting on roller coaster and not putting on the seat belt. Just
because a lot of your peers and old school chums are haggard,
overworked parents is no indicator of rightness. There's this
cultural ideal that you owe grandchildren to your parents
and a family to your spouse... blah, blah. It is a biological drive,
sure, but mixed up with a crazy amount of propaganda.
If you want to be happier, statistically speaking, don't have kids.
If you want to split the difference, have them or adopt them
at an appropriate point in your life. Clue: when you're young,
dumb and poor isn't the best time, statistically speaking.
Read Dan Buettner's research on happiness and longevity if
you don't believe me. | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/20/2012 7:39:27 PM | I am believe that a lot of women think "hot damm...a guy in his thirties with no child support or spousal support issues and has time to spend with me since there are no visitation issues".
Don't worry if women think you are impossible to marry....ALL women feel that they are the one to change that....ok maybe not true....A COUPLE of women feel that they can change that. On another thread a thought came to mind ; If you think a woman will pass you buy for a guy that has been married 2 or 3 times before...well....
Just because you have been married before doesn't necessarily make you marketable.
Personally I think you are worrying a little too much...I say this as a 43 year old single guy with no kids. | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/20/2012 7:41:44 PM | Oh. And I don't have anybody telling me I've less
that a catch.
Go hang out at a kiddie birthday party and you won't see
a lot of people you'd want to hook up with unless your
standards are somewhat slanted from the norm for
single people in your age bracket.
... among the adults in your gender preference I mean.
Parenting, especially single parenting contributes or
at least appears to contribute to or correlate with
general haggardness in all but the most affluent
who can and do employ surrogates.
| |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:40:05 PM | For some reason, there seems to be a lot more men over 35 without kids than women over 35 without them. Guys like me who have never been married and have no kids are a dime a dozen. But there are few woman in our situation.
It's almost as if many men are doing double or triple duty and impregnating more than one woman. I guess these Don Juan creatures are what are called, in zoology, alpha males.
LOL. | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/21/2012 12:21:15 AM | | Mate try being 46yo and never married and no kids,the looks and expressions at times are fun to watch,when i tell people(sometimes the replies are.."why not,whats wrong with you?" etc etc) .....i guess when i was younger my priorities were different,i worked hard and travelled when i could (thus seeing many places around the world)although i did get engaged for a short period,and then changed carreers and worked different hours and alot (which made dating slightly difficult at times) and bought a house.In all that time i guess i either forgot all about it or wasnt something i wanted ,and thought to my self,i have plenty of time. | |
|
| |
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:43:42 AM | I have never been married or have any children. I have been in long term relationship..
I have been told by a friend when a man finds a women with no kids or have never been married. It's like hitting the lottery!!! Not sure about that.. But it was funny..
I'm 43, and yes I have been asked 'why' 'how come'... To answer ; No children due to me being selfish when I was younger and traveled. Not married; haven't found the man who I'd spend the rest of my life with. | |
|
| |
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/22/2012 7:13:39 PM | OP, I'm in the same situation as you (well, almost 35), and I think you've got the advantage. I'd much rather date someone who's never married and/or had kids because (and this is strictly MY opinion) that means you've made your decisions wisely.
I think so many people rush into marriage and/or kids because they feel society says we're supposed to have "done these things" by a certain age--but I actually think it's more commendable if you're waiting for the right person.
I don't think I'm at a disadvantage for not being married, but I do think my stance on kids does put me at a disadvantage (since I don't want any, and many guys on here, apparently, still want kids at our age). | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/22/2012 7:52:23 PM | It's nice to see it's not just us males with this issue. There are a number of beautiful women that have replied to this thread that think the same way.
I do get odd looks when I say I'm now 30 with no kids and I'm not in a serious relationship at the moment and I've never been married. It's like they are sizing you up to figure out what's "wrong" with you so they can have it make sense in their head why somebody would be 30 and single with no kids.
Scifi, you need to move a couple of hours north so I could have a female mind to discuss The Walking Dead with. The girls around here won't even watch it with me based just on the title, haha. | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/22/2012 8:32:44 PM | | Actually I don't think this puts you at a disadvantage at all. I am single with no kids myself and I find it difficult to find men who are also. Although I do respect and give credit to the ones who are divorced have have kids and are taking part in their kids lives it's hard to find someone single w/ no kids out there. And a lot of the guys w/ kids want to date someone else who has kids. | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/22/2012 9:21:25 PM | "I have been told by a friend when a man finds a women with no kids or have never been married. It's like hitting the lottery!!! Not sure about that.. But it was funny.."
^^I think your friend is a wise person. I'm 33, and It seems to be almost impossible to meet a woman that has no children, and has never been married. My Fiancee' and I split over a year ago, after being together for over 6 years, and now she just had a baby. In all honesty, I'm glad that the child is not mine, though I wish her well. I would love to "Hit the lottery!!" | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/23/2012 12:15:36 AM | well if you are over 30 you won't fall into what you won't approve and that depends on your standards. I'm single with no kids and never been maried and never felt the connection with divorced or single mothers at all.
Be yourslef and follow your heart, how about a vacation out of the US? trust me you'll feel that you are alive. | |
|
| |
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/23/2012 3:03:59 AM | 36, never married, no kids.
There is a certain worry among women, (or concern), that what is exactly that kept you a single with no children, so their first mission is to find out why.
Basically, they will try to find out if you are a weirdo, or missing some parts, or if you are a psycho.
Once they eliminate all the bad things, that could be wrong with you, then they start almost worshipping you to a point, where you will be more annoyed by it, than enjoying it.
And to make it worse, while you are dating someone, suddenly all the other women will be hitting on you.
The saying is true: "Women are attracted to the scent of other women". Basically , if you you are dating, then you are date-able , if not, then they will be carefully trying to make sure that you aren't a psycho. | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/23/2012 4:56:31 AM | | It goes against you if you're a woman. Some guys see it as you may want to rush to have a kids, click is ticking OR as being too selfish to have settled down. I am a career woman. I didn't want to rush in with the wrong one. Why is that a bad thing? | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/23/2012 11:00:18 PM |
Another reason NOT to date women w/kids is(& you can make your own decisions here obviously) is that women w/children(no matter.the.number)will ALWAYS.put their kids as #1 priority in their lives, meaning YOULL be #2, always, always ALWAYS. AMEN AMEN AMEN!! SOOOOOO True! This is why I NEVER date woman with kids!!! You will ALWAYS be #2. WHo the F wants that??No thanks! | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/23/2012 11:25:26 PM | It goes against you if you're a woman. Some guys see it as you may want to rush to have a kids, click is ticking OR as being too selfish to have settled down. I am a career woman. I didn't want to rush in with the wrong one. Why is that a bad thing?
Wait til you hit 40 and the statistical reality of birth defects
hits you. At 34 you're not even playing the countdown game.
This is why women pushing 40 who haven't done the prego
thing with "mr. right" start freaking out.. because they
feel their "chance" slipping away.
This probably comes off as a dickish thing to say, but there's
a day of reckoning that comes when you turn 40 and for
women who haven't borne children yet it's a realization
that they are on the cusp, weighing the decision to carry
a child themselves and courting birth defects with the
(comparatively ugly) option of adopting.
For the record: I don't think adoption is an ugly thing at
all - I think it is charity and kindness itself in many cases,
yet I know for a fact that many women have a sincere
and very, very heavy-duty attachment to the idea of
carrying a child to term as the ideal form of becoming
a parent. I don't know if most men don't share this
fixation on biological child-bearing as a superior
method of family creation... but I sure don't. | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/24/2012 12:35:16 PM |
I am 35, never been married, and I don't have any children. The profiles that I have read almost all 95 % of women that I have read have been married and divorced and have children.
I don't have a problem with women who have children and in fact I think that would be very cool and I respect that wholeheartedly. In fact, I know exactly what it is like to come from a single parent house hold first hand because that is exactly what I myself grew up in.
However, I kind of feel like that this puts me at a huge disadvantage and does this put a big red check by my profile and make women look down upon me because of this or is just as acceptable as being on POF and you have been married and divorsed and have children?
I'm sure they would love to have you, but I don't see what benefit you would get out of that arrangement. You walk into a situation where you are always #2 (behind the kids), you have an ex-husband in the picture that you will need to deal with regularly, you get to raise someone else's kids - yet they won't really see you as their Dad, etc. It really is a tough road to travel. I have tried it a few times and it was never a good situation. :\ | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/24/2012 5:37:08 PM | | I agree, someone that is divorced and has kids means that they come with baggage - no disrespect to people that do I understand things happen and everyone has different life experiences. I'm almost 30, no Kids, never been married. Truthfully I'd like to share those share those experiences with someone that doesn't have kids and never been married; but it gets harder as we get older as more people have started to settled down or were settled at one point or another. I don't know about you but I date people sometimes 10-11 years older than me and they rarely have never been married with no kids. I wouldn't fret about it too much, like the other guy said - it just makes us a catch. | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/24/2012 7:51:20 PM | | Personally, I wouldn't look down on a single, never married male with no kids. Everyone is different and everyone has their own "red flag checker". You will find a woman who accepts you for who you are. Be positive and good luck!! | |
|
| Question about being over 30 and never married, not with kids?
Posted: 5/25/2012 10:56:33 PM | | Hi, for me i do see it as abit of a red flag because i have been married and have children - i have dated both (men that have been married/kids & men that haven't) and i've found that men that haven't been married at some point have issues with me having kids ect - but again, this is only in my experience. I honestly would prefer someone that has been married but i would date someone that hasn't been. | |
|
Home
login 
