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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/24/2012 5:04:46 PM | It sounds like the man hasn’t met ‘that special someone’. He might be looking for someone special but not think there is only ‘one’ so does not see things in the way you express. He may think that there are many possible suitables and so doesn’t want to start something with one of the many suitables if they have an issue with his beloved pets. He is maybe trying to save both his and women’s time by being upfront.
Also they may not consider that being over a certain age means that they have to be willing to settle for someone that might mean giving up their beloved pets. Why when they can meet other possible people that don’t have an allergy or other issue with pets.
At 45 I don’t think I have to widen myself to the chance of meeting someone by giving up on things that I set as a rule not to accept. I really hope I never get that desperate when I’m older even if I do compromise there will be things I am not willing to do so on.
Maybe that is the only ever compromise this man is not willing to make. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/24/2012 6:07:42 PM | Today I noticed that my street finally made it to Google Maps Street View and my dear old cat is visible right there on the front porch of my house (when you zoom in). For some reason I was all, "Yay... my kitty!" Apparently she got outside somehow and was patiently waiting for me to come home.
Sure I get lonely, of course I would like to find my significant other. But for those of us who love our companion animals, there is simply no way we would give them up. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/26/2012 5:02:51 AM | Honestly??? I think that 2 things are pretty obvious from your OP. 1) That you don't want to come right out and say that YOU are the one who is "closing yourself to finding Mr. Right unless he accepts your no pets dealbreaker"; and 2) That you are not so much looking for "The ONE" as you are.....looking for someone that you can mold and manipulate into being what YOU want them to be.
Pets ARE part of a person's LIFESTYLE, and for many...they ARE "members of the family". Just because you don't hold our 4 legged friends in any sort of regard does not lessen their standing to those who have adopted them. And the term "adoption" is relevant.....because your attitude may lead others (like myself) to wonder....whether you might have the same ranking system for "real" family members.....LIKE....an adopted child? By your method of elimination, it wouldn't be difficult to see those same distinctions being made between "real children" and "adopted ones"....or between a sibling and a cousin. One might regard the cousin as closer to a sibling than their siblings are....but by legal relationship, since they are not as closely related, you could blow them off as "distant relation" and not given the same consideration simply by virtue of the closeness we FEEL for that person.
I also don't believe that it shows very good judgement to "disregard" what a person has stated HONESTLY....and lure them into "figuring out" that they are a "Special Someone".....knowing all the while that you have a BOMB you plan to drop on them as soon as your place is "secured".
The whole behavior which you describe is "passive/aggressive". It SOUNDS very "reasonable" to you, all neat and logical and politically correct....except, that it's an agrument based on deceit from the get go. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/26/2012 5:35:34 AM | What seems very obvious in this deal breaker debate is that when a person thinks something is unimportant, something which is someone else's deal breaker, they scorn the person and their deal breaker, like the man in message 103 calling it an "absurdity." But if something is important to them, they expect others to accept it or take a hike. I'm sure that the man in message 103 has his own deal breakers, and though he thinks they are perfectly natural, normal, & reasonable, someone else would see them as unreasonable.
There is a current thread where people are talking about "occasional smokers.' For some people any kind of smoking, however limited, is a deal breaker. Those people are being scorned as not being opened minded by those who have a different perspective. Don't people realize that there are no absolute right and wrong ways in this kind of thing, and that their scorn for those who don't see things their way is more telling than anything else? | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/26/2012 6:42:47 AM | | I think all of this talk about "firsts" is silly. How many of us are ever going to find ourselves on a deserted island where we have to chose who goes into the row boat with us our kid or our chihauhau or our lover? Most of us can effectively manage other situations with a bit of diplomatic communication and maturity. That being said, my bonds with my companion animals are as unbreakable as that with my child. Read that whatever way you like. It is not changing and I don't apologize for it. My animals are ALWAYS there for me, lovers rarely, particularly those I have met online. Not interested in dating people with allergies or phobias or whatever. My animals mean too much to me. Read that whatever way you like. If that means I am single, I am fine with that. Doing well. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/26/2012 8:23:39 AM | If your attitude is that his priorities are ridiculous and if you think that his dog and cat are mere "pets" that should be tossed aside when you and your allergies choose to grace his life with your presence, do everyone a favour, leave him alone and go find someone without animals in their life.
I have 4 dogs who are my dogs: they aren't my kids but they sure as hell aren't just "pets". They're part of my family and part of my life.........permanently. I won't have anyone significant in my life who doesn't respect that. I don't expect a man to love them but he must accept them. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 4:59:29 AM | Well, Ready_R, the gentleman made clear what is important to him.
Once you meet one like him, then you can decide what to do.
Met someone with 9 cats, mostly stray, indoor ones; at first I thought she was nuts, not so; I accepted all of them with the smell and all the hair on my clothes: they were not a problem, liked me, even.
But if I were to choose, I would take the dogs, here is why:
Gratitude
While eating chicken legs, the dog and the cat
Waited for a movement of my arm,
The fall of the bone to the ground.
And I, a good master,
Without impartiality
Gave some to both.
As soon as the plate was cleaned,
The cat went away: “What you doing?” I said ...
“Eh, replies, I go outside,… you understand,
You are done”.
The dog instead jumps on my leg
Playful,
Grateful just like men,
And licks my hand like a stamp.
“Oh! Good, I said, at least you stay!”
He said:” Yes, because tomorrow
You will eat another chicken!” | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 5:47:59 AM | When you take on the responsibility of a pet, it is until they die. Not until someone cute comes along, not until you get bored of the resonsibility. Until it dies!
I would never give mine up to date someone with allergies. There are already too many abandoned animals and I wont add to the pile.
Pets are human responsibilities. They were domesticated by humans and that comes with great responsibility....one that I wont walk away from...and I lose any respect for anyone who does do this.
Just move on if you have allergies. There are LOTS of people who have allergies, leave the animal lovers who are honoring thier responsibilities alone! | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 9:39:01 AM | | None of my pets have ever cheated on me, stolen from me, disregarded me, wrecked my car, wrecked my life, belittled, deceived, used me or abused me in any way. My dogs and cat don’t care if I am rich or poor, fat or thin, beautiful or butt ugly. They love me just the same. To give that up for some “me or the dog" narcissist is unthinkable. | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 112 | |
| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 9:47:55 AM |
None of my pets have ever cheated on me, stolen from me, disregarded me, wrecked my car, wrecked my life, belittled, deceived, used me or abused me in any way. My dogs and cat don’t care if I am rich or poor, fat or thin, beautiful or butt ugly. They love me just the same.
Do you find those "intimate" physical, spiritual and emotional moments with your pets just as fullfilling as with a person? | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 11:06:37 AM | | There are animal lovers and those that arent into it. I am allergic to all my critters, I take zyrtec and problem solved. But I will tell ya.. any asks me to give up my dog, my horses, my chickens, even my stray wild cat, and I will say no. They have been with me for a long time, they are part of my family. I love animals, and "pets" are a life time commitment... hell if someone did tell me they would give up their faithful companion for me, I would run like a rabbit. Anyone that is that cold hearted wouldn't treat me any better. | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 114 | |
| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 11:13:34 AM |
any asks me to give up my dog, my horses, my chickens, even my stray wild cat
If your relationship with chickens takes precedence over a relationship with a guy, I suspect you are going to be looking for a long time. Good luck anyway. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 11:39:58 AM |
Do you find those "intimate" physical, spiritual and emotional moments with your pets just as fullfilling as with a person?
That's comparing apples to oranges. Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. If someone is honest up front about who they are and their expectations, it seems to me that the person trying to "change" them is the one with the issues. We are a whole package. You can’t just pick out the bits you like and expect the person to discard the rest on the iffy proposition of a relationship. Many profiles I have read say stuff like "Friends first". Well friends don’t do that sort of crap to each other. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 11:50:21 AM |
any asks me to give up my dog, my horses, my chickens, even my stray wild cat
If your relationship with chickens takes precedence over a relationship with a guy, I suspect you are going to be looking for a long time. Good luck anyway.
Its about a life style. Its about being accepted for who you are. Living off the land is not terribly popular I know, but its important to me. If a guy can't see that or accept it, thats fine. Many actually do, and I for one would never ask someone to give up anything for me, if we are compatable...just make some room for me in their life. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 11:54:58 AM |
I do believe that the "Middle Ages" occurred a long time ago - though many of us have in fact reached "middle age" ...
Just another "square peg in a round hole" thread , as I see it.
If you don't "get" someone's fondness for pets, or motorcycles, or religion, or sports, or porn, or knitting, or whatever ... find another profile that resonates with YOU.
Each of us come with a "package" of situations and conditions - there needs to be mutual acceptance of whatever those packages are, for a relationship to have a chance to grow.
I happen to be someone who has had pets of some kind all my life - so middle age is certainly no different. And they definitely are family.
If my cats don't warm to someone , I pay attention.
And if someone doesn't like, or is allergic to cats - then that person is not for me.
(I have a couple tarantulas too - so they have to be at least ok around spiders ... ha.)
So I'm dating someone now (who just might be that "Special Someone" ), who appreciates the whole menagerie , and they are fond of him as well. Simple ! | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 118 | |
| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 12:07:49 PM |
If my cats don't warm to someone , I pay attention.
And if someone doesn't like, or is allergic to cats - then that person is not for me
Need to add this to my list of why women reject men:
1153) My cat doesn't like him.
1154) He is allergic to cats. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 12:35:34 PM | | I have two dogs and a cat. i made sure to state that in my profile. i also made sure i stated that one of them is huge, a 150 lb newf. they are animals, not like children to me, but they are my animals and the commitment i made to them was for the duration of the life they have left. the cat was a stray, one dog a rescue, the newf a rescue and the owner passed away. the owner was also my nephew. i won't be getting rid of any of them for someone. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 12:58:17 PM |
If your relationship with chickens takes precedence over a relationship with a guy, I suspect you are going to be looking for a long time. Good luck anyway.
I think it's fairly apparent here, who is going to be "looking" a "long time". I'm sure there ARE people out there who will be delighted to date someone who feels threatened by someone else's pets,companion animals,livestock...hell look how many people feel threatened by a potential romantic partners' children or grandchildren.
When it comes to allergies, thats' a tough way to go. Allergies isn't something that is anybody's fault, it isn't the result of a bad personality but I think for most people who are owned by companion animals, or who have livestock or live in farming environments, they are not going to give that up to date someone with allergies.
Do you find those "intimate" physical, spiritual and emotional moments with your pets just as fullfilling as with a person?
Really, dude? REALLY? You are so threatened by people's affection for their pets, companion animals and lvestock, that you have to be INSULTING about it?
I think I know who is going to be looking a long time for any genuine intimate moments with any other living being,because the rigidity, insecurity and immaturity come SCREAMING through their conversations.
I completely GET those who have to avoid contact with animals and the outdoors due to severe/intractable allergies,those folks have my sympathy. I also understand about those whose lifestyle or living situation preclude having companion animals.
But people who simply dislike companion animals, horses, livestock and country lifestyle? I respect their right to have their dislikes-but when they start petty-ass shit trying to insult/shame those who DO love their pets and companion animals, as if this trait was a defect requiring correction, then my respect for them tends to evaporate.
Rapidly.
That said, I have to somewhat disagree with the poster who says they "know" that "living off the land", is "not terribly popular"...
the hell it AIN'T! Farmers' markets and community-supported agriculture garden farms are springing up all over the place. Every feed store, plant nursery, etc are offering small portable chicken coops for sale, "patio" vegetable planters, books and magazines about suburban and even URBAN "farming" are filling the newsstands and bookstores...
There is absolutely no need to be defensive about keeping chickens, growing vegetables,even keeping your own milk cow or having a feeder steer or pig. I don't recommend having them living in the house with you, LOL...but raising/growing some or all of your own food is highly popular and highly commendable.
Cindy O | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 3:14:36 PM | | i recently made the decision-no more leather- & I am vegetarian 5-6 days a week...it's a start...not only 4 my health, but my love of animals...it's a start...I switched to almond milk, it is so yummy & less calories than skim milk! Go figure :0D | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 3:35:36 PM | Rho61 beat me to it.
I've never had a dog or cat overdraw my account, lie to me, mis-spend the bill money, wreck my car, call me in the middle of the night to get them out of jail, lie, cheat, or conspire against me. I can't say the same for people, but I haven't met every person yet. Dogs and cats, however, have a pretty good historical record to their credit in my experience. Animal behavior is also considerably more trainable and predictable than human behavior.
I'd also state that I run my household, not the dog. The cat believes he does, but without opposable thumbs he's somewhat handicapped at feeding himself from the sealed dry food container in the pantry.
Allergies? My condolences; I have them too; not to animal dander, but it's same/same. Sudafed is effective, doesn't cause drowsiness and inexpensive.
One maxim my parents taught me growing up was "love me, love my dog". I probably took it more inclusively than they meant but I'm independent enough that I never felt compelled to bend to ultimatums, nor do I issue them. | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 7:05:18 PM | BlondeAngel
I've milked cows, goats, sheep-hell I remember milking mares a time or two-but I can't for the life of me figure out how the hell to milk an almond....LOL.
I'm not opposed to using animals for food and clothing- I do advocate for the humane treatment of animals used to produce food, or slaughtered to provide food and leather.
Seriously I have tried almond milk and it does have its' niches, but I'm an old' farm gal-and right now, a lot of my protein is coming from milk/dairy and eggs, moreso than meat and poultry, because it seems quicker and more convenient to prepare (and less goes to waste). I just don't think I'll ever be able to have a cold glass of almond milk with a peanut butter sandwich-or chocolate chip cookies.
Cindy O | |
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| Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 6/12/2012 7:35:51 PM | Since we have the topic of milk/almond-milk - do cats like almond milk? I know regular milk isn't all that good for them (although I do let them lick the cereal bowl on occasion when I'm done), but do they even like almond milk? soy milk? Never tried giving them either.  | |
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