| | What should I do?Page 2 of 2 (1, 2) | Well the guy I've been talking of who texted me around 5:50PM I texted him a few times sharing a mini conversation then the last text I sent him was around 7ish no word from him since.
Nor have I heard back from the guy I told I had taken a nap he left me hanging too.
When both of these guys said they really liked me. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 5/26/2012 10:24:19 PM | | Texting stinks! DO NOT text when you first start talking.....TALK! If we keep up this "texting revolution" EVOLUTION will make our voice boxes as useful as our appendixes! | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 5/26/2012 11:37:47 PM | I’m not sure that you are deliberately playing games as some people have said. I just think that you have learnt without full understanding, that there are unwritten rules and you are following them without giving much thought to the situation.
It might be that the men are doing the same thing – waiting to see if you contact them first for the same reasons. They might have the same concerns as you do when they don’t hear from you.
It is like there is some stupid test like says it is desperate to contact first and one should play it cool. In fact it is really down to maturity of not being swayed by stupid unwritten rules and just going with what ones wants to do.
Thoughts about it appearing desperate arise from nothing sometimes but also from experiences that happen a lot in society. For example people reacting to rejection or wrongly assumed rejection with paranoia or irrationality. So society builds stupid assumptions about thing. If instead of so many people reacting irrationally they reacted with reasoned thought and assertiveness communication and knowing what to do with it might be a lot easier.
If I had been up all night talking to someone I would realise that it had either gone really well or that one or both of us had been talking too much and the other had not been able to say so.
IT would be perfect acceptable and not, desperate and damn good manners to contact the person next evening and say that you enjoyed the conversations (if you did) and ask if they slept /slept well considering you’d both been up all night chatting. If they think this is desperate then they are immature and you should ask yourself if you want that.
If after a few days of not hearing from someone you could text/email to say you enjoyed the time together chatting and got the feeling they did too so therefore thought you might have heard from them by now. And that you are wondering whether the fact that you haven’t is down to them not wanting to or simply not knowing if they should. This shows that you have considered that there are unclear societal rules but that you have the maturity to understand, give space but then not let the rules imprison you. The directness puts the ball in their court. If they don’t reply or reply negatively then you move on with dignity.
Some people are against texting and think we should phone more but phoning straight off is like we expect them to drop what the are doing to speak to us and these days is seen as such. Texting first to ask if they are free to chat is respectful of their time. If they say 'no' then leave it to them to contact you after that. It might be that they are not interested or it migt be that they are but didn't think to add that they woud like to chat but not right then. If all you get is a 'no' then it is not the best of replies. Ask yourself how you feel about that think about if the person might have difficulty texting (I do) or if they have have not been brought up to understand etiquette, or if they mean (I don't want to continue communicating with you) and have the integrity to youself to do what feels right to you about it. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 5/26/2012 11:52:04 PM |
Yeah
One of the guys texted me earlier around 5:50PM saying "hey" I replied back with "hi" and he replied with "how are you" I replied back with "I'm fine and yourself" and no response back. Should I wait for him to reply or should I text him again?
You should ask better questions.. all of the above is VERY easy to blow off.
Ask something about something you saw in their profile.. or something you find interesting in general. Get a discussion going.
When I get messages that are just "Hi" or "hey" I will write just hi or hey back.. or worse ignore it completely for what I perceive as lack of trying from the other party. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 5/26/2012 11:58:49 PM | People have told me to just leave the guy alone and let him come to me but thats the thing I usually do leave them alone and wait but then he never communicates back after a few days to a week's time. Then I think to myself well maybe he thinks I'm not interested when I AM.
To that part of your opening post - what if he's thinking to himself maybe she's not interested when I AM?
Well the guy I've been talking of who texted me around 5:50PM I texted him a few times sharing a mini conversation then the last text I sent him was around 7ish no word from him since.
Nor have I heard back from the guy I told I had taken a nap he left me hanging too.
Um, did you tell the 2nd guy you told you'd taken a nap via text too?
Do you know about that other function that comes with a phone, called "voice communication"? I personally hate texting, I get sooo much more info over the phone, voice intonation, interest, etc. Are you sitting home waiting by the phone for their call for days, or going about your life as usual? Do you think/expect they are sitting there waiting by the phone for your call/texts? (I don't carry my cell phone "bolted to my hip" 24/7). | |
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Posted: 5/27/2012 12:06:56 AM | | I do have my phone and laptop by me at all times since I don't go out much and yes I texted him too. I would call but you never know who would answer it could be him or a friend or family member or he may have been busy etc. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2012 2:48:02 AM |
What IF they don't reply back?
Welcome to the club. This is a big reason why this site can be a soul-crushing experience. It makes it easier to meet people, and easier to blow them off.
Instead of just a "wazzup?" message, tell them about yourself, the things you have in common, and ask them some questions about themselves so they feel compelled to answer.
Its not desperate if it sounds like you're just investigating further before making a decision.
c'mon, you're a journalist. This should be easy for you. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 5/27/2012 4:49:31 AM | i don't understand why you're texting with virtual strangers. seems you'd have to have enough of a conversation somewhere to exchange phone numbers and i personally do not give anyone my phone number if it's at the hi, how are you stage of saying hello - meaning at the very beginning.
why don't you keep things here online longer and write emails....and not chatting (or texting) since exchanging a couple of emails takes more effort on both your parts and, imo, is a far better indication of who we are and if there's a genuine initial interest. if so, only exchange phone numbers to say hello by voice and have maybe one or two phone conversations and very quickly from there, if there's still a mutual interest, get yourself out, girl, and make the move to ask to meet in person?
you won't appear desperate - you'll appear honestly interested and you'll be able to gauge if they are also honestly interested if they agree. if not, then there's no point in keeping the communication going on any realm. and it keeps you feeling empowered and not at their mercy to initiate or dictate your contact. it's just being honest and open and allows them to be also.
but the more you share trivial things like you took a nap and now you're back and expect them to still be standing by, or hoping for a text reply right away, or leaving things unclear on whether you have a date or not, the more disappointed i think you're going to get.
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Posted: 5/27/2012 10:06:08 AM | | I've never understood the belief some women have that initiating contact means they are desperate. I'm flattered when they do, and it makes me feel like they are genuinely interested. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2012 10:06:31 AM | | I like your replies, flaneir001. Also, I agree that dynamic is different for 20's and 50' age ranges and so as etiquette, but common social logic is still the same . We are all looking for that spark of interest between both people after that first initial meeting. Although, our goals (age related) could be different, but if there is no replies from a guy it almost always means that he is just not into you even if he has said that he liked you. And there is nothing wrong with that. You can not force love and attraction and you are not the one to blame for it Ever. It has to be MUTUAL. So keep on trying!!!In our age range, we are able to go on with no regrets and hates or very high expectations, although it is still frustrating. This free internet dating site caters to way too many people and you are not obliged to like everyone at all. I only find it diffucult to actually meet a person face to face. In now days, I found, men on that site aren't that forthcoming and enthusiastic and lack initiatives sometimes. That is just my insight, perhaps I am wrong? | |
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Posted: 5/27/2012 10:07:38 AM | | 1Wild Hare, if you keep bombarding the board with this same message in multiple threads, you won't have to worry about it. You'll be a candidate to have your profile deleted. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 5/27/2012 10:14:40 AM | | Forget the games and be yourself. if this is always happening then I'd worry more about who you are picking than how they are acting. You are obviously not choosing good guys. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2012 10:50:10 AM | Well today is a new day and I was thinking of texting one of the guys and asking him straight out "are you still interested in me or no because we hit it off really well talking the other day".
Or should I ask him "lets meet up?". | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 5/27/2012 10:57:44 AM | OMG - I'm not sure how you would say "are you still interested in me or no because we hit if off really well talking the other day".... but I really think this would be a huge mistake. Lighten up. You haven't even met, how is suppose to answer that. Just say something like" hey, I enjoyed our talk the other day, would you like to meet over a coffee/drink and talk some more?
Vampynapy - you are too wound up about all this. Please, before you go on the date...run a 5 k, hike...do something to relax your body and your mind. Dating is suppose to be fun! | |
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Posted: 5/27/2012 11:35:30 AM | What is it you're hoping for with this guy? Would you like to hang out in the real world?
It really sounds like you should meet and stop with the texting.
Most people text while they're doing 3 other things, so if one of the other things becomes at all fun the texting stops... and you haven't met them anyway, so you are not yet a real person to them. Respect them and get a little self-respect and make yourself their number one event face-to-face.
Texting is not for getting to know someone, it is for letting someone know you'll be 10 minutes late to meet them because you missed the bus.
What is the best result you have so far gotten from texting? Have you met anyone you've texted? Have you been asked on a date after texting? No? Then Texting Is Not Getting You What You Want. Please meet someone in person.
To do that, do not text "lets meet up?".
Call a real friend of yours, and plan something to do tomorrow in a public place (and tell them you're asking a guy to meet you there too). Then tell the guy you're going to be at xxxx tomorrow at this time with your friend and it would be nice to meet him there.
If he can't make it -
a) at least he now knows something you enjoy doing and that you actually have a life which sounds like more fun to join than sitting in your room, and
b) if he likes you and can't make it he'll come up with another place/time for you to meet.
Make it happen! It's you life!
Even if the guy flakes out and doesn't show up, who cares? You can have some fun anyway instead of looking at your cell phone every 3 minutes all day.
I think your whole approach of texting makes no connection with any of these guys. Stop being wishy-washy and stop hanging out with your computer and cell phone in your room. Don't ask if they "still like you?"... how could they like you? They don't know you. You're just some letters on their cell phone, not a real person. Get out in the world and see what/whom you find.
I don't think you'll do it,
so get used to sitting in your room with your computer and be happy with that.
Realize that you are actually hanging out with your computer, you are not actually hanging out with friends or any of these guys. It's fine if that keeps you content, just be satisfied with it and stop wishing for your computer to turn into a guy.
Good Luck. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:24:18 PM | | I heard from 1 of the guys today, he says "Kinda boring play video games again" I then suggested why don't we talk on the phone he replies with "Maybe later cuz I'm focus on the game lol" its like WTF you say your bored and you have an option to talk on the phone with me and you still whether be bored by playing video games..... | |
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Posted: 5/27/2012 3:32:29 PM | Let it go.... don't text again. You'll be coming off as desperate.
He's given you his answer. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2012 4:03:54 PM | Or should I ask him "lets meet up?".
Thats what I would do. However; go somewhere you're ok with being yourself, and make sure you have YOUR fun; because these guys sounds like the type who will say to meet them somewhere, then not even show.
Not calling him a douche; just an inconsiderate as*hole.
You see; people dont see online people as people; they seem them as video game characters or something.
Weird phenomenon; but it happens to the best of us.
I heard from 1 of the guys today, he says "Kinda boring play video games again" I then suggested why don't we talk on the phone he replies with "Maybe later cuz I'm focus on the game lol" its like WTF you say your bored and you have an option to talk on the phone with me and you still whether be bored by playing video games.....
He's a loser; block his number. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2012 4:05:34 PM |
I heard from 1 of the guys today, he says "Kinda boring play video games again" I then suggested why don't we talk on the phone he replies with "Maybe later cuz I'm focus on the game lol" its like WTF you say your bored and you have an option to talk on the phone with me and you still whether be bored by playing video games.....
Geez, that is crazy, huh? It's almost like I just said
Most people text while they're doing 3 other things...
You've already set the tone with this video-game boy by starting off with texting. He doesn't want to get to know you, he doesn't want to meet you. He would rather play a video game That He Is Bored With than talk to you. By texting him all you have done is given him a More Boring Cell Phone Video Game than his boring TV video game.
Texting is not making connections with these guys for you. Stop Texting.
If he doesn't want to talk to you on the phone, just quit with that guy. He means nothing, and has nothing to offer you.
If he doesn't want to meet in person, drop him and look for someone who does want to meet you.
Meeting does not mean you'll get a boyfriend, so don't make it a big deal, but the only way you'll have fun hanging out with someone is to meet In Person.
Best Wishes. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2012 7:55:47 PM | | Just because you are at your pc/cell 24/7 doesn't mean that everyone else is. So you get upset if he hasn't messaged you back in an hour? People have lives you know. It seems to me like you have unrealistic expectations regarding your online relationships. Give it awhile and you'll figure things out. Good luck! | |
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