| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/9/2004 10:21:23 PM | i think there an awful lot of women who are thinking the same thing - that most men won't get involved with women with kids. but it's not really that way in either case, i don't think. i got two - both terrific, and i think most women are even impressed that a man can raise two kids by himself!  | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/9/2004 11:07:58 PM | rEALLY N tRUELY i THINK MEN COULD BE GREAT.....REALLY...I like them more when they are honest....Loving, caring, a tad on the emotional side would help.....See FATHERS are great men cause they really know the meaning of love....All parents do...
I mean I adore my kids, and I know several dad's who adore their kids too...Most only get to see them part time, some dont ever get to see them, my heart goes out to those...But the single dad, the one who has the kids full time, NOW there is a worthy man....He is the one to get to know, and love......
Ok my opinion.... | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/9/2004 11:28:49 PM | yeah it can be pretty tough. What father doesn't want the kids full-time? Ain't so easy, I love my son but shes a good mom and my family is'nt as supportive as hers, 4 generations within a block of each other. Where do you see that these days? Her re-married? Me single?
I am moving closer so I can spend more time with him as I live an hour away right now. I do get to see him a couple times a week, hopefully she'll let me see him more when im close.
I'm sorry about your fiancee that must of been difficult. I can't believe you have a teenager, you look way too young. My ex can be a little unreasonable at times but does look for my input and lets me know whats going on. My ex and I we're split before he was ever born so my son doesn't know anything different. I think he thinks im just a big brother sometimes, so if anything I think it will give him another person to learn from and lean on rather than scar him in anyway.
I say your right! We are! | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/10/2004 12:02:50 AM | Ah well thanks...My fiancee loved his kids...strange how life works out...I know now that the kids are actually better off without him around [as he was an alcoholic] But never the less he adored them....
I am so sorry you dont get to be with your son more...I imagine that has to be hard, kinda watching someone else raise your child....I hope that she married herself a good man one you feel secure with helping to raise your son....
It is always good to hear that you and your ex dicuss the child and do whats in his best intrest....
Moving closer to be with him is a great idea.....Really I am all for it..He needs to know that you will always be there for him ,and love him....
I have watched some horrible custody battles [my friends and family] I mean my heart goes out to the kids....I think uinless there is a case of abuse, that the children should have equal time with each parent....
I think for you to date perhaps you should fist and foremost ask the woman her feelings on kids? And see what she says....
I do believe that you should not have a problem with finding a woman who is willing to not only see you, but be good to your son as well....You are not only attractive but seem to me to be honest, caring, and intelligent....What a catch for any of the fishers around here... | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/10/2004 12:43:34 AM | Aww thanks, you sound like some kinda wonderful also. Spread the word maybe more Californians will get out fishing, your a definite catch.
He's alright, I actually took him to a parenting class and we took the kids out to a movie around that time. Obviously, don't want to be his buddy but he seems to love the kids so im relieved she picked a good one, wasn't always her way.
Yeah I don't want to go there, she has another son from a previous guy, I always said to myself he's better off with his brother but I would like him with me, I guess once im closer ill get that, without the custody battle...I moved downtown closer to work to start fresh but realized all my close friends and my family live out there so I'm going home. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/10/2004 12:49:44 AM | Well sweety, I wish you the very best with that... Kids are meant to be loved, and cared for.....I think you are likely a great dad when you are with him....
I understand the missing the friends, but for me moving myself out here was best for the kids....Starting over, and having a new better life...
My daughter is gonna be 14yrs old today in 6hrs...But thats been an amazing 14yrs 9months of my life.....I would never ever ever trade my kids for anyone, or anything....
Most important to me is that any man I ever date must accept my kids, and be willing to love them.....
I wish you the very best....
Tammie | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/10/2004 7:24:26 AM | | Well i am a single father of an 8 year old girl who is everything to me .....and the problem that i have is most women want to date me until they realize that i am a single father and that my daughter takes up most of my time and the one thing i wont do is take the attention that i usually give to my daughter away from her, and alot of women dont like the fact that i wont direct all of my attention towards them...also im in the military and i go overseas quite a bit and the women dont really like that either....so between those two i have a very hard time finding a woman for a relationship(at least one thats worth while) | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/10/2004 11:48:30 AM | | I have been turned down numerous times by women because I am the custodial parent of my two daughters and my ex is not even in the picture.I admire the ones who were at least honest enough to tell me up front,even though I feel that there is a double standard among the single parent dating crowd.A guy is expected to accept a woman with kids and he had better welcome the kids with open arms if he hopes to stay in the relationship and accept the second fiddle position.It's not a two way street though as women,in general feel they want to be the man's "one and only" or "main interest".I've actually been told that by more than one women.I also feel alot has to do with the sex and age of the children.Witness the earlier posts by men with boys vs. guys like me with girls,one of them a teenager.That's my experience anyway.Good thread. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/10/2004 12:08:33 PM | navy4u
I am soooo sorry, see women have that problem too....But it is differnt for a single dad...
Now the fact that you are a Naval man and serve your country, I think ANY WOMEN would, or should be proud to be with a man who has such honor and intergirty to not only sever our country, but to raise his daughter, and be a devoted dad...Perhaps what you need is a woman who is also a mother.
You will eventually find the right woman for you...AND YES, I think more women should go for men with children... | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/11/2004 12:30:53 PM | Well .....actually the best g/fs i ever had were single mothers.
So maybe its the same for the guy with kids. Any input ladies ???
william in
seattle | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/11/2004 12:38:57 PM | sure I would agree wit that william.....
I think a man with kids is great....While i havent dated any, I have many who are friends, and well they are all very great guys..... | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 11/30/2004 9:11:06 PM | | I'll get involved with a man with kids. I've had a man with kids that I was interested in before, and at the start of getting to know him - all he did was talk about his kids....his kids...his kids. I knew everything about his kids, and nothing about him. Turned me off in the way that I only saw him as a Dad, a coach, and a provider. Somehow he just "un-sexied" himself. When I kindly let him know that I loved hearing about his children, but would also love to know about him as well...he was shocked and was like, "um, well, I was married, have 2 kids..." LOL ---- was comical. Hey Dads out there, we enjoy hearing about your kid(s), but we want to know about you, too, especially! | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/1/2004 8:12:24 AM | I've dated four guys with kids, two were really good experiences, two were awful it all depends on the man and the ex!!
Only one actually had custody of the kids and that was actually one of the better ones.
It's not something that i consider as a postive or a negative, and i would do it again depending on the person, it's not something to take lightly though it's really hard work and both people have to be willing to work at it!! | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/2/2004 5:11:17 PM | | I would definitely date a man with kids. I don't think it's the kids that women fear...it's the insane ex/mom! But not all women react so badly, so, yeah. I'd say not to worry about it. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/3/2004 4:34:28 AM | | Hello all. Pls bear with me I'm new to this forum thing. Personally I don't have a problem dating a man who has kids. I even like doing things with the kids ie. outings, provided they are comfortable with it. To me dating a man with kids involves making sure the kids are comfortable about the relationship also, as they are part of it. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/3/2004 10:57:17 PM | Hello from Germany, my experience with my kids is positive, why ? because a woman see's a guy with his kids, I have three 11, 7, and a 5 year old girl, so if you tell a girlfriend that you have kids and she does not like the deal, dump her because one day she will be saying that she wants you for herself or whatever, I have always told any "prospective" girlfriend that I have kids, it seems that most are happy about that as they might not want to have children, so they are not menanced by any desires to have kids right
My new girlfriend is a dream, she loves my kids and is happy to meet them and accept that before i met her I had a life as well, I would never give up my kids for a date, so if you love your kids my friend, even if you are alone as I was for over two years, just live it and enjoy beeing a DAD, that is a very good thing indeed to be.
Its a womans world anyway as far as having the custody and so on, but slowly we dad's are becoming a force to be reckoned with and children NEED both parents, so thats it from me all I can give ya | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/5/2004 12:13:30 PM | File this one under..Just when you thought it was safe to date..
My ex and I have a wonderful relationship as far as parenting goes, and we can still go out and shop together, have fun etc. Though we don't "date" each other, we dont kiss, etc. We are just friends. Its been four years now that we have been apart. At first, she was the psycho girl, who through unbelievable psycho tantrums when it regarded any girl in my life. That all seemed to disappear over the last few years. Then.....I go meet a girl, we go out, we end up at my house ( socially, not romantically), my daughter ends up telling my ex..and out comes the foul languaged, evil, negative remarks regarding the girl, who she has never met, seen, smelled or has any clue about. ( including the fact that that same girl and I would be better off as not dating. )
So..if you wanna date me..watch out for the ex...even after four years..sheeesh...
Girls are freaks. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/5/2004 12:34:41 PM | I've dated several people with kids (full and partial custody) and have no concerns about the whole "the person I'm dating has kids" in general thing.
A lot of comments have been made about specific parenting styles etc. That is all very individual and speaks to that one person's character. For me, when I am dating someone with kids, I _expect_ to take the backseat to them. Kids come first. Period.
Having said that I've been lucky perhaps not to have any of my relationships kaiboshed because the kid didn't like me. Then again, I prefer not to meet the kids until we've been dating for a while and both agree that I will be around for a long period. IMO, the kid generally sees someone new as a potential new parent or at least partner for their parent, and unless that is in fact a potential, I don't wish to build up the kids' expectations.
The main limitation I've found resides in whether I am looking for a relationship or for dating. If I am in a space to date and go out every week or perhaps a couple of time therein, then a single parent is simply limited in their time and may not be the best match. If it's a relationship however, frankly if the person has prime custody, that just raises them up in my estimation as it speaks to their commitment and dedication. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/5/2004 12:47:39 PM | | Let’s put it this way women are hypercritical when they see a single man has a child. There much less likely to go for a fellow than a man would go for a woman with children. You might assume women are more caring, but I’ve watched how people have acted. Us guys may act more macho but the females seem to more than willing to do something extremely cold and be happy with themselves for doing it. Simply many females are a great deal more shallow then men when it comes down to it. Don’t worry though you’ll find someone. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/5/2004 1:01:23 PM | | im seeing it really depends on the person like everything else i guess...just thought i'd pass on this little thing my son said to me this weekend, it was pretty cute. He asked me who I was married to when he was a baby, mom and her new husband are expecting, i said i wasn't he said you should get married, i laughed and said, you think so...its just so simple for kids, they just want us to be happy. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/5/2004 1:36:55 PM | I just wanted to say, "Congratulations to all our single fathers out there because I know it is not easy raising children on your own!" I experienced this in my 8 year relationship with a guy who was raising his daughter and in those years, I saw so much grief/sorrow/frustration/confusion/anger/inlaws/ex-wife/no support out there for the guys. It was bad and I felt so sorry for him and his daughter. When he wanted things for his daughter, it was a constant battle all the time for him to get approval or help from social workers and other agencies. All he wanted was the best for his daughter and very few wanted to pitch in. He was boasted upon and watched all the time. Now his daughter is in her first year of high school and doing well in her studies. Another period in my life that showed what we needed out there for resources and many times I wrote letters to the newspaper and other places to open more for the single fathers and I got a lot of rift raft out there, I spoke out! Because I believed they needed the same respect as single mothers had. My hard work and effort was one step to the brand new men's resources center we have now in our town. They were getting rift-raft and finally because of determination and not giving up, they finally succeeded and now our single fathers have a place to go.
Charming  | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/5/2004 9:13:37 PM | thanks Charming, its true theres not a lot out there, i was a single father from the start and tried to find places to go, they are heavily mother focused...i didn't find much so settled for father son ACCESSIBLE places like the aquarium, science world, pools, beaches etc, i did find one drop in gym I could go to, but nobody really interacts except the children. I've been so tempted to crash some of these motherly focused places, cause well ya id like some support. Luckily, I haven't had too many issues the mother and I couldn't work out on our own but also realized the odds were stacked against me and I had better work it out, some frustration in that but as long as you keep focused on the children it will work itself out.
Thats really cool what you have done over there Sweet, any knowledge of similiar places on the mainland? I'd love to know I could go somewhere anytime with my son and hang out with the boys to get their prospective on things, hopefully not just b*tch about the ex. Its gotta be evenings and weekends though as most of us dads only get to do the weekend thing or maybe in the evening during the week...i said most not all (anticipating spam on that one) if you have them full-time you are both my hero and i envy you. | |
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lsmith
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Joined: 10/31/2004
Msg: 50 | |
| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 12/5/2004 9:14:56 PM | well; good for you charming!! That's very empathetic and caring of you. 
As far as I'm concerned.. I know that I've often steered away from men with children as far as dating goes; cause I'm not certain yet if I ever want any - but.. I would NEVER ever rule anything out if I totally dug the guy Know what I mean? I mean.. how many times have you not liked something.. anything.. country music.. or a certain hairstyle.. anything.. then you fall in love.. the person is into these things.. and in no time at all you can find the beauty in them. Make sense to anyone out there? I believe it to be no different with children (though slightly more complicated :) I REALLY support the philosophy that life is about learning; and I'm always surprised at what I walk away having new appreciations for!! | |
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