| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/16/2005 5:01:08 PM | I some times wonder myself. I hope I wont ramble to far off base here.
Being a single father raising my boy I havent gotten out to date until he was old enough to understand. That was five years.
I had a couple of good dates with a woman wish she had stayed in Maine and one that sorta turned me off to the prospect of dating for a while. She kinda implyed that my kid was baggage because it conflicted with what she called our time.
Now that pissed me off I should have seen this but whoremones took over and you know BLIND. I told her it does take a little time for me to get things lined up for a night out and my time limit because I had to get him off to school in the morning.
This has to be hardest of them all to just get up and walk out of a date with out a word as the face of OHH PLEASE with rolled eyes came from her.
Little understanding came for finding a trusted sitter for my boy for a night out is not only expencive but hard to time in terms of setting things up for me to go out. Others have a life too. I felt so insulted.
I could see "I am not ready for kids" or some other honesty but to tell me my kid wasnt any thing but a drag down was a little unsettling. Like I should put him on hold while I have a good time. I dont do that ever.
you guys missed a couple of things your kids reactions.
The rules are simple for kids that dont understand why your with a diffrent woman guys: {ladys as well}
Dont confuse your little ones. Be a little more honest than treating them like they dont "understand" because they do or be an idiot and tell them half truths that only gets confused muttled and off the subject and before you know it youve got a problem kid.
Tell them openly it's about you not your kid,
It's alright to tell your kid that mom is mom and your not going to ever loose that love he/she has for thier mother.That part of your kids heart will always be therefor the other parent. You have nothing to do with that as it is thiers alone. When you take love and use it like a weapon you teach love to your kid is a weapon. It will come back to bite you later in life.
It makes it easyer for you less confusing for them.
Once my boy figuared out what I told him, things are easyer. Mine fully understands I am not replacing HIS mom.
My Exwife hasnt got the germ of green eyed jealousy as she moved on with her life way back when but she still loves her boy. I wont stand in the way of that it's not my place to restrict his feelings to his mother. It's called respect for her standing as a mother. What ever diffrences which were small we had it is not the BOYS diffrences.
Now as we go on I get muttled in some things written here.
I read some of the responces from some ladys I am both moved and moved off and even a bit more confused. If I am to date again it should be known: I am not asking for a replacement mother up front. If things are well and a long term relationship should happen
then I want her to think of my kid as a freind not a parent simply because my kid wont call her mother he already has this.
I want my roll as parent to be taken serously and to know that I need a bit of prep time for me to go any place or I stay home or take him with me. I do all the same for a woman that has kid/s it's only fair. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/19/2005 11:11:02 PM | I am a single mom and would have no problem dating a man with kids .In fact I may prefer it.AT least he would understand if i had to cancel a date or wanted my kids to join.All I would ask is that if it got serious he showed no difference between his kids and mine.As a matter of fact when my ex and I were split the first time I dated a man with a son about my youngest daughters age and I loved that boy sooooo much he called me mommy cuz his mom wasn't around and when she was wasn't a good mom.I helped him fight for custody and sometimes the boy was the ONLY reason I stayed even when my ex wanted me back.When we split it killed me and I still miss him.If I declined getting to close to a man with kids that would be the ONLY reason.I know I am not the only one who loves kids enough to accept someone elses.Just remember be totaly honest and if she isn't happy about you having a kid .If she can't see how wonderfull it is or what a good man you are for taking care of your child she just isn't the right one MOVE ON your child should be your priority and ANYONE in your life should love her or him as much as you do. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/19/2005 11:52:56 PM | | I guess i am not good at this I just realized I have been posting my replies all wrong I 've been posting at the last one .Any way I meant to write to you so if see my post its to you | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/20/2005 8:13:12 AM | I've tried dating men with children (twice) and it just never seems to iron itself out properly. Those of course have been my experiences, and mine alone, I certainly don't mean to make it sound as though 'all' women are jaded when it comes to dating men with children.
As a single parent myself however, I find it nearly impossible to date others that have children as well. I think it takes a very special person to be able to take that on....and perhaps it may be easier for a single woman without children to date someone that has them.
Children really 'are' so much of a solo parents' life (as they should be) and I found it just too difficult to attempt to 'join' two families together. It's my preference to date men that don't have any children. Again, no offense to those that have them, single parenting is both challenging and rewarding and I can understand that as well as anyone........but as a single parent, I've narrowed my dating pool to those that are childless. | |
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kloopy
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Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 132 | |
| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/24/2005 12:14:38 PM | Agreed.
If the only reason was my daughter? Please.
I mean, if you were not attracted to the guy, or did not like HIM.. Fine. But because he has a kid, its not worth the chance that he may be "the one" (Ref: The Matrix, LOL) | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/24/2005 1:26:06 PM | | Yes they are. As far as not getting responses-I dont think that is it. Most women like kids. I have a 4 year old son and he is my world also. I always put it in my profiles and if no one likes it-well then I dont care. Because if they cant except him, then I dont want to talk to them anyway. | |
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tami24
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Joined: 6/23/2005
Msg: 134 | |
| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/24/2005 2:35:27 PM | | I would love to date a guy who has kids, and as far as what the other female said about she would never again date a guy with kids because the mom is still involved well just dont let her get to you, if u really liked the guy then u would stick by his side no matter what | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 135 | |
| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/24/2005 6:48:36 PM | Some women are and some aren't. It depends on the situation, how old the kids are, how many kids he has, what his relationship with his ex is like (if he's divorced).
At my young age of 49, I wouldn't date a guy with a twin set of 3 year olds! Believe me, I'd head for the hills and quick. Also, I wouldn't (if the relationship headed towards marriage), I wouldn't want to enter into a union, know that the ex can take him back to court for more child support.
On the other hand, if he's got grown kids, I'm open to it. No matter the age, I wouldn't consent to meeting the kids quickly, I'd want to make sure that our relationship was on good standing.
I would expect that his children would be important to him, very important. If they were young kids, I would expect them to come first. However, if they are grown kids and have lives of their own, if he and I would entertain the thought of marriage or live-in, I would expect that our relationship would come first! There are times, he may have to do something for the kids, but on an overall basis, he and I would come first.
What I'm running into at my age, the guys even in their mid 50's are ATM's and land lords for their grown kids. I'm seeing more and more Dad's sacrificing their lives, their retirements, their finances for their kids, and that is a scary thought. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/26/2005 8:33:34 AM | I have been single for 2 years. My wife died and i have my 2 kids. I keep hearing from woman that "I dont want to start over again'. I can understand that way of thinking to a degree but gezz Ladies, Single dads can be good fathers, lovers and boyfriends/husbands IF given a chance. Its funny , you could be that greatest guy ( i have been told i am a good guy and a great catch!) but since i have 2 young kids , I am penilized . And women think guy are tough!
So any Ladies care to date a middle aged dad of 2 young kids HERE I AM!. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/26/2005 10:54:48 AM | Personally I would rather date a single dad.. I've got 2 kids of my own, and a very demanding job it doesnt bother me one bit to take a back seat to the kiddos. As long as that street goes both ways..I can't always be available either.
The only problem I see..Isn't with the Kids or the Dad..its the ex-wife causing problems because of jealousy or whatever and hurting the kids.
If more ex-wives were like me life would be grand
But on the flip side of that my x has been with a woman for 4 yrs, who has 4 kids all by different dads the latest being my x's and she is 10 yrs younger than he is, he never sees our kids. Why? well you can chalk it up as he's too busy or he never was a great dad to begin with. But her attitude has a big part in it, she doesn't like my kids, why who knows they are good kids... I have never meddled in their business, me and the kids live our life they live theirs. So anyhow I can see 2 sides to this from being a single parent and understanding how hard it is to date myself, and having the x hook up with someone who would rather your kids never be around | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 138 | |
| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/27/2005 4:45:39 PM | Lonesome Knight,
I have not a doubt you are a night in shining armor. You are probably the greatest of Dads to your children. At my age, I wouldn't want to have to deal with 8 years old. I'm not sure how old you are, but you may have to open up to dating women in their early 30's as well as the early 40's. If you are looking at someone (like me) in their late 40's, it's like finding a needle in a hay stack. I'm at the point in my life, I want to travel the globe, pick up and go.
Heck, I'm having problems with men in their late 40's and mid 50's having the ability to pick up and go, because they are too darn busy paying for the expensive toys, gadgets, college educations, and weddings, as well as other things for their kids.
One thing each and every one of us needs to realize, in the game called "Love", we all like to come first. I know if I get into another serious relationship, and should it head towards living together or "marriage", I will have it very rough knowing I'm in 3rd or 4th place. I'd like to be at least tied for first place. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/27/2005 6:26:31 PM | I can't speak for all women, but I personally am definitely okay with a single unattached man with kids.
Of course their has to be mutual chemistry, etc there too and alot depends on what I observe in regards to their attitude, and treatment towards their kids etc too. I have seen fathers who really do not take the time to spend time with their kids, listen to them, or they discount their needs just because they are older, etc etc.
Our parenting outlook should be compatible with one another in regards to teaching compassion, morals/values, etc. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 7/27/2005 7:17:15 AM | I won't date a man who doesn't have kids. I need to know that they understand how much a child means to a parent - someone who has developed patience, is used to being with kids. It is just too much of a hassle to bother dating someone who doesn't get it.
So the answer is yes - for me anyway. I have married two men who didn't have kids and treated my boys with disrespect - won't go there ever again.
I am dating a man right now who has a young son - he is adorable!! And he is so good with my boys too!! I would keep your son in your profile - what you need to do though, is add more about yourself - you are too vague about yourself.
Good Luck!! | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 8/28/2005 6:59:28 PM | | #1 reason that women dont want to date men with kids is not the ex-its that in most cases the man will be paying child support and thats less income< | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 8/29/2005 1:12:46 AM | | I don't have any kids, but most of the guys I date do. I don't have a problem with it. Seeing how they talk about/treat their kids is a good way to tell how they would treat any future kids. | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 8/29/2005 10:44:00 AM | i think i would rather date someone with kids, cause i'm a single mother myself, and they would have more compassion and understanding then most men that don't have kids... | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 8/30/2005 7:09:38 AM | When I was out dating and looking for dates,I wish I had a dollar for every woman that turned me down because I had kids.
I think here lies another double standard.Women who turn down single guys with kids are not looked down upon as much as a man who refuses to date a woman with kids.Most women who turn down a guy with kids are seen as smart and practical.Most guys that do the same thing are seen as jerks who hate kids and are scared of committment.This is just what I've experienced.
When I was young and single if I openly said that I didn't want to date a single mom,I caught all kinds of grief.When I was dating after my divorce if I mentioned a certain woman didn't want to go out with me because I had kids,I got,.."Oh that's understandable..."
WTF???? | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/4/2006 8:14:23 AM | it sounds, from reading this forum, that the general concensus is that guys with kids need to mostly look for ladies with kids. the majority of women that came back with "yes, i'd date a man with kids," shortly followed with "i'm a single mom, myself."
perhaps there's another double standard, and it's understandable in either direction. the thought goes like this: i have kids, i don't need to take care of someone else's while i'm so busy taking care of mine; then, the thought continues: but there are no *cute, single, caring* women who are willing to date me otherwise.
seems to me that if you're looking for someone to accept you for everything you are and everything you have in your life, you should accept the same thing, or quit whining.
I also believe it's important to accept that not everyone is ready for kids, whether you want them to be or not. I am not ready for human children right now. I'm not opposed to having friends that have kids, but I'm not there yet, and I don't like feeling belittled by people who want me to be. my canine children and my students are enough at the moment.
it is also disheartening that so many men believe that money is the single most important thing on a woman's mind when deciding if a man is good enough. sure, stability is nice, but i have *never* looked at someone and thought "oh, he doesn't make enough money for me." And IF you find a girl who really does care how much money you make, you don't need her to begin with.
/rant | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 6/4/2006 12:48:38 PM | | I have no problem dating a guy with kids. My only problem is that most guys that i come in contact with either want just sex or some kind of model. Well lets put it this way after having 3 kids i'm no kind of model lol | |
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| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 3/13/2007 4:51:10 PM | | Now if a woman has kids, what is the point to not dating a guy with kids. You know then they like kids, and are capable of caring for someone. You are worried about the ex, why? my son has a mother, he doesn't need another one, just someone to accept he exists. I don't expect the girl I see if she has kids to expect me to be the kids father, it won't happen. I will accept them, not be their father, they have one (good or bad). | |
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PammyJ
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Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 150 | |
| are women ok with dating men with kids
Posted: 3/13/2007 9:32:10 PM | | I have dated men with kids and can say on the whole, it has been a positive experience. It does add complexity to the relationship, dealing with ex-wives and not being the natural parent but it was worth it. I always see single dads as a package deal. I was with a guy with a daughter for four years and it was hard when we broke up because I lost my boyfriend and my daughter . No matter how many children I have she will be in my heart as the first to call me Mommy. I have since dated others with children and I am sure I will again. You should absolutely post that you have kids in your profile, you have to be up front about it, because it is not for everyone. | |
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