| | Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the funPage 2 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | ^^^^^That's what I was trying to say.........while being VERY excited (and grateful) about my house, my vision of "home" always had kids and at least a significant other in it. Seriously doubt marriage is in the cards....and that's okay.
Maybe this is my mid-life crisis? Just kind of taking a look at what "is" compared to what I always thought "this" would look like at this age and stage of my life.
I'm not moping around!! ESPECIALLY since Walts is going to do the landscaping (UK.....I've got dibs!!!), host Kayla's bridal shower (where Walts will be her maid of honor.......that's a brilliant idea)!! You're all invited!! Afterwards we can all get nipple piercings!! Isn't that what people do when having a mid-life crisis?
Cynthia: Congrats on your house! May we both have loads of fun making it a "home"!
OT: Any others out there that had a significant "something" that made you realize it was time to accept you were out there on your own? It's not necessarily a bad thing.............though I think a nipple ring might be. | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/9/2012 6:26:12 PM | Congratulations to you, too, organic.
This is my second house as a single person (ex-husband kept the marital house). The first was at the height of the real estate bubble so the house I bought was in pretty rough shape and I knew that my son would never want to live there with me and it was unlikely that I'd meet a man who'd want to live there either. So, in some sense, I felt very alone when I bought that house.
But this house is very different. With the real estate crash I was able to buy on the island I've wanted to live on for many years. With my son going off to college he will not be moving there. And the man I was seeing, who visited the island with me once and said he could see himself living there, left me a few months ago. So, in that sense, buying this house has made it clear that I'm not 'just' single. I am alone.
I'm not moping either. I'm wiggly excited. I move in 3 weeks and can barely stop smiling. | |
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largo2
| | Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 28 | |
| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:32:39 PM | I was glad to see this here, cause its exactly what I've been feeling.
I just bought my first house on my own. Now while married, we bought several houses, and I was an equal contributor in terms of finances, etc. in my marriage. Still it was kind of a thrill to hear I'd been approved on my own.
At the same time, it does drive home that I am on my own now. I moved out into an apartment, and it's felt temporary even though it's been over 2 years. This move makes it seem more permanent somehow. And that has a sadness to it.
I move in 2 weeks- maybe we can share our experiences as we go. | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/9/2012 9:19:45 PM | I've travelled alone and that can be fun and exciting but when you see other couples that are obviously in love, it can be bittersweet.
I think the worst moment that drove home how alone I really am was when I got sick and needed to go to the hospital. I went outside to discover I was snowed in and couldn't drive myself. I stood there for several moments wondering what to do next and realizing how alone I was.
I do believe though that love is in my future but at the moment there are a few things I need to do.
Congrats on your new house! | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/9/2012 10:08:34 PM | | Realising I could pay all the bills myself and manage month to month on my carers wages. Enjoying being able to go to bed when I wanted without someone asking why I was sleeping again. Eat what I wanted without someone saying "are you sure you should be having that". Buy some small treat for myself or the kids without someone complaining and reminding me of the time his mother had to water down tomato soup to feed the family. For me it's the small stuff that's significant. | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/10/2012 5:44:53 AM | ^^^The house full of kids idea has LONG been gone!! It's best for all of humanity! :)
Largo: I just added you as a favorite......I'd love to hear how things go with your move! Mine won't happen for about six months........the waiting is going to suck!
Providence: If a hospital visit were required, I'd be in the same boat. I don't know many people here and certainly none well enough to ask for a ride to the hospital :( I'm hoping to change that when I move and actually get to know my neighbors.
Icon: Thanks for the congrats.........and I'm darn thankful I'm not homeless!
Harmony: It really is in the little things........good for you for getting out of what sounds like a very depressing situation!
Time to write a new chapter!! | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:32:27 AM | "My question................has there been a substantial "happening" in your life that, while exciting and fun, also drove home the fact that you're on your own?"
On your own. Most people do not like the concept of being on their own. I have "been on my own" since I was 14. At first it was tough, but as time went on, I learned 2 things- basically we are all on our own anyway because you are the only one that can live your life, and that you are never really on your own if you are an honest friend to yourself and have some form of faith. Yes, you can be your own best friend without being egotistical about it.
There is a huge set of life events that we are all dealt many of. A majority of people are dealt the usual- born, grow up with friends and family, meet a mate or two, possibly have a child or two, divorce or grow old together, lose friends and/or family (death and fading as friends), and more. All the rest is what you serve yourself or what you get served. How you play them is your choice. At any moment of your life, you become aware of your place, or position at the moment. Sometimes positive, sometimes negative. How you deal with it determines your mental and emotional state.
As for your question and the buildup to it- congratulations on the new house, and the excitement it is providing. Your sadness is not really sadness. It is just the part of your mind that is confusing/blending memory and emotion, and a little expectation thrown in. I will assume you have owned a house with someone else. Knowing you will be living in this home for at least a little while alone, your mind is not totally satisfied because it has been conditioned and "believes" some things are missing. When you get the feeling of sadness, remind yourself of your situation- you have just purchased a house (big accomplishment), you will have a lot to keep you busy and occupied, and it will give you time to become a friend of yourself if you haven't already. What I mean is take a little time and take a look at yourself, and how different you are from 5 or 10 years ago. There are new versions of you coming through, get to know them. There is nothing to be sad about! Nothing to be lonely about! it is just a new phase in your life, one of the events you were given. Be open to your new position and serve yourself well. Everything else will fall into place depending on which of your cards that you have been dealt you play next or gets played. It's all your choice. Again, congratulations on your own home.
sorry for being longwinded, must have been cup of coffee #3 | |
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largo2
| | Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 35 | |
| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:43:10 AM | For me, the feeling of sadness isn't that I am alone. It is just a bit of a feeling that this is final- moving on from my marriage- and even though it has been a couple of years, somehow buying the house made it feel more final.
It doesn't totally make sense, but feelings don't always make sense, I've learned. Guess there is just something that was still there somewhat unresolved inside me.
I just bought a honking big house, so whether its roommates, or some other situation, I kind of doubt I am going to be alone for long. First thing I am doing is putting in a ground floor apartment to rent out.
2 weeks till closing!
Edit post: Noticing 2 posters who are both in Florida ;) | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:48:52 AM | Msg. 37: What an amazing post! Thank you! I'd like to offer you coffee #4 to see what else you have to say!! (mental note: go buy a printer)
Largo: I think it would be fun to create a space that someone else might live in....as in, a renter. Best of both worlds! My house isn't exactly "honking" big! :) In fact, that's why I'm so excited......my last house was way too big and this one is JUUUUUUUUUUST right!
(Might change my screen name to "Goldylocks") | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:38:46 AM | | You are welcome, organic one... a few years ago I was told that I can give great advice, yet realized I don't take my own. I bought a printer when I got tired of writing it out. Now I review and get reality checks from myself. Thanks for your words. I'll be back, don't forget to tip your barista! (just playing) | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/10/2012 12:25:05 PM | You know what? When I think of growing old, its just me in my vision.
There's a little cottage just big enough for a little old lady to maintain surrounded by an enormous tangle of a garden.
Theres a few chairs on the porch for when my little old lady friends come by for iced tea and gossip.
That vision doesnt make me sad at all.
I'd be willing to revise that ideal for the right guy of course. I'd build him a garage out back so his little old man friends could do whatever little old men do, but that would be a revision on the original ideal.
Right now I'm still renting, I'd love to find my dream house, I just have no idea where I'd put it at this stage in my life.
Maybe when my nephews are grown.... | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/11/2012 11:04:59 AM | I am SO upset right now that I want to CRY!!
Just got a call from the "agent" that has been handling this whole house buying issue............the lot he said he'd been "holding" for me (so I could make up my mind about buying), he is now telling me has "permit issues".
Meaning......."permits" have come back "approved" for the lot I chose to have my house on. Problem is, it's been approved for a style that I don't want.
According to the agent, there is NO way to change what has already been approved.
Basically, in a nutshell, this ****ing asswipe spoke out both sides of his mouth............told me what I wanted to hear while I was undecided. Now that a deposit has been made........he's changing his story.
I WANT TO MAKE CLEAR................I CAN get a refund. There will be NO monetary loss to me if I don't follow through...............but that's not the point.
Just sad, MAD, and SOOOOOOOOOOO frustrated!! | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/11/2012 12:38:47 PM | told me what I wanted to hear while I was undecided. Now that a deposit has been made........he's changing his story.
Lesson 1: don't put money down without having what he "told" you in writing, even if you hand-write it yourself on the receipt (for the Sunnyside model, etc.).
Lesson 2: don't settle for the house you didn't want in the first place. Get $$ back now!
Lesson 3: don't work with that agent.
Good luck! 
P.S. I guess my approach to keeping it all business doesn't seem so silly, now?
There is plenty of time to feather the nest and make it your "home" AFTER the deal comes together.
Don't let your emotions keep you from doing what is right for you at this point!!! | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/11/2012 1:11:34 PM | P.S. I guess my approach to keeping it all business doesn't seem so silly, now?
um, it was me, not organic, who made the remark about buying a Home. But, your need to say 'I told you so' is duly noted.
My deal is done - monies paid, keys in hand.
Organic - sorry to hear about the a$$wipe. Hope you find a way to make it work out. It took me 4 offers over 7 months to get my house. I'll send good thoughts your way. | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/11/2012 1:25:45 PM | um, it was me, not organic, who made the remark about buying a Home. But, your need to say 'I told you so' is duly noted.
I know what you said, SM. I am addressing my opinions to the OP. Your post is immaterial. I would have said the same thing regardless of your post. I am reiterating my position on keeping it business (as that has worked for me). I still think it is advice she (the OP) can use AT THIS POINT (while deciding how to move forward).
If you want to interpret it as "told you so," that's up to you, but when I posted originally, I tried to point out that, for me, it works best as a business transaction. You are free to approach as you feel works for YOU. I never tried to single you out or criticize your approach. My original post was directed to the OP, as was my follow-up "reminder" to try and keep emotions out of it. I really hope it helps her to regroup.
BTW, one of my fondest memories of making a "home" was when I worked overseas for nine months and filled my leased space with new friends, new memories and parties that were simple but soooo much fun. Owning and decorating had nothing to do with that experience. | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/11/2012 2:29:23 PM | There comes a time for many of us that something happens and the realization that you are alone, or lonely, happens and the situation that made the feeling occur, can be quite different for many.
Buying a home or two did not phase me at all, but what did and changed my thinking was totally different. While still married many years ago, and on yet another trip by myself, I remember being in Cozumel, having a great day of diving, eating alone, and then sitting on the dock taking pictures of yet another sunset, and seeing others hand in hand, walking up and down the beach and dock. It hit me that this was my life, and even though still married and working hard at that marriage, I knew that I was alone and going to stay alone, so my mind was made up to plan my separation and divorce, which I did.
There does come a time for many of us, that the hammer hits us right on the head and we realize that what we are currently doing, or who we are currently with, is not working, and all the reasons and excuses that we used to stay, seemed illogical from then on. So, staying for a child, or to maintain financial advantages, or because you actually believe that you still love someone, when you know that they do not you, or if they do, they do not show or share it anymore, just does not work, once that hammer hits you.
So for you OP, it was buying your home, and for me, it was yet another vacation alone, and for some it is eating alone again, and others, going to parties alone, and still others, sleeping in your own bed while your spouse sleeps in theirs, and even worse.......that you are sleeping together, but never cross the center of the bed.
It brings back memories, and I hope that your home brings you new ones that are happy too.
cd | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/11/2012 4:32:39 PM | That would be the normal thing, you would think, but as usual.....I did ask and was not accepted......so goes the world of marriages some times.
The point here was that while in counseling for trying to fix the marriage, I was told by my counselor to ask but still go if not accepted, or my resentment would increase even more, and the point needed to be made that the invitation was sincere, and the desire to go just as great, so, you either go or you do not, because I am going. What it did do for me, is present the way it was in my life, my marriage, and my ex.......and I had to come to terms with that on my own.
cd | |
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| Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 6/11/2012 7:17:49 PM | What has transpired has absolutely nothing to do with emotion, Kayla. Not sure where you pulled that from..........
Deacon: I think you have two very willing travel partners..........Icon and me! I know that's not your point and thanks for your post. I think it would be quite difficult to be alone on an awesome vacation and come to the realization that the future was about to drastically change. I spent two weeks at a Romanian orphanage. While I was there, I realized how completely opposite my husband and I were.....all sorts of troubling thoughts. I returned home to learn he'd cheated while I was away. Nice.......problem solved.
Not sure what I'm going to do about the house. I'll know more tomorrow when I go see the lots still available for the style of house I want. The remaining lots have TINY backyards.........just need to see with my own eyes if they're just too small to make the move worth it. Size DOES sometimes matter! :)
I'm just PISSED that the agent didn't have all his ducks in a row. He's offered me an "upgrade" (that the lot has already been approved for) without cost to me. Problem is I very much prefer the style WITHOUT the upgrade.
Pffffftttttttt.........THIS little scenario is really driving home the fact that there is no one to discuss this with that has a vested interest.
Anyone want to meet for a drink? I could use one! | |
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