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| | attractiveness differencePage 2 of 28 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28) | Not taken as one :)
I just see it a lot in the forums, and one too many of them specifically today about how he just couldn't get any good looking girls to message him back.
I have messaged rather average looking guys that I have something in common with just to say hi before and them point out my horsey teeth or that they think I'm fat and that they could do much better. They are free to TRY. I usually don't even message the super good looking guys as they seem to be way too much trouble and maintenance for my speed. Really, if a guy takes longer to get ready and has more hair product/beauty creams etc than I do then I really am not interested.
I am not whining on here, I really am mostly here for the forums anymore anyway. This is just something I have noticed as a generalization. Not all will fall into it, but read back through some of the forums and you will see that a LOT do. | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 6:23:12 AM | Something to watch out for, and allow for:
A lot of people get stuck at a certain childish stage, wherein they actually believe that being negative about others, means that they are themselves, superior. Children get the idea, because they get criticized a lot by authority figures (or feel that they do), and have to go through a fair amount of life before they recognize the difference between playing negativity superiority games, and making careful critical, but improvement-encouraging suggestions.
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Posted: 6/10/2012 7:01:25 AM |
I have messaged rather average looking guys that I have something in common with just to say hi before and them point out my horsey teeth or that they think I'm fat and that they could do much better.
Are you serious? Wtf….. how unbelievably RUDE.
Who wants some delusional puke with the manners of a pig? I’m sure ‘much better’ for him equals yet another long night with a couple of six packs and porn.
OP, you’re adorable and any guy who calls you ‘fat’ has realized he has no chance in heck with you and needs to lash out to soothe his non-existent ego.
I’m INFP, too. :) | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 7:19:23 AM |
This is just something I have noticed recently. Women over 30 seem to think they are less attractive than they are and men have absolutely no problem with self-esteem.
So you're annoyed that men over 30 dare to have self esteem? Is self esteem a bad thing now?
I cannot get over how many guys are on forums whining about how they think they are really good looking and can't understand why the hot girls won't respond...
Your response to this is to start a thread whining about men over 30?
when they realy are most of them quite average.
They might be average in your opinion, but your opinion doesn't mean much to them.
What delusion sets in at about 30 that makes a pudgy balding rather unkempt looking guy think he is still 19 and the quarterback and able to get any woman that walks by him?
But you just finished saying that they were on here whining that they can't get hot girls to respond.
but I have large teeth and sometimes wear glasses.
Maybe most men aren't interested in girls with large teeth who sometimes wear glasses.
Why is it that guys are not more realistic?
Oh, now you are blaming your lack of success in the dating world on men. I see.
If this thread were started by a man he'd have been crucified by now as being a whiny insecure loser who is angry at women and can't take responsibility for his own failures. | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 7:40:00 AM | I don't think it's always ego for the men, although I do get a good chuckle outta the short, bald, potbellied men without a smidgen of grammatical skill or other apparent redeeming quality whose profiles list their minimum demands to be slender nineteen-year-old virgin supermodels. They don't send me messages, though, so it's OK, LOL!
A for the grandpas messaging attractive young or middle-aged women, men often use a machine-gun approach, messaging every female in range. I'm pretty sure they don't even read the profiles or know who they message. guess these fellas figure it's better to spray than aim...I think most of em would be shocked if they actually got a nibble from a woman as attractive as the OP.
Self esteem, though. That's a complicated one. Few of us have a truly accurate image of our looks. For me, I know I was a lot hotter at twenty than I am now, but I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. I own a mirror and know that the woman who stares back looks perfectly fine, but that those who use words like "gorgeous" are overstating a bit. Maybe, since men are such visual critters, they think looks are the ultimate draw for women, and if they tell us over and over how handsome they are, we'll believe it? | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 8:09:54 AM | | I'm 32, and personally I just accept age for what it is..I mean it's no secret that as you get older, much of your physical appearance, health, and insight on life somewhat change as well. Though for some it doesn't matter how old you get, 30,40,50..if what they find to be attractive is someone 20 years younger then they are, tall, slender, sexy, etc..then that's just there preference, as we all are specific about certain criteria of a man/woman , that would appeal to what attracts us to certain qualities...I don't find myself to be less attractive than when I was 21 or 18, but my appearance has definitely changed over the years...I just find other ways to feel more confident in myself, like staying in shape, being around positive people, going to spas, pampering yourself, etc..lol..idk best of luck to you:) | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 9:07:12 AM | | I think this phenomenon happens on both sides of the gender divide.. for instance, who would honestly post photos with sores/scabs all over their breasts expecting positive attention? Some things just make no sense, but all you can really do is mind your own side of the fence. | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 9:54:31 AM | First off, OP, you are very pretty; don't let yourself believe otherwise; in spite of what some incredibly rude people have said to you.
I’m INFP, too. :)
hey, me too. I didn't think many of us existed!
I honestly don't think some of it has anything to do with attractiveness at all.. people can be comfortable without thinking they're "all that" and beautiful people can be very insecure.
I have come across many guys' profiles over time that are relaxed, sense of humor, deeply passionate, where they come across as confident in themSELVES, not anything to do with their looks but their outlook for life. And I found them incredibly appealing; the confidence wasn't in what htey looked like; it was in how they portrayed themselves. I call it comfortable in their own skin.
I know many women that are online that are beautiful in real life (and I think their pics are too) and yet they don't hear from a lot of people; so they doubt themselves a little (though in one case she is convinced it is because of her age and projects that no woman over 50 will ever be able to find anyone; over 40 even; she literally thinks we all become invisible (though in another thread a guy commented on how everyone in the thread were old hags and wanted to hear from "datable aged women"; so maybe it's because of comments like his that she felt that way.
They were very pretty, nice, interesting, and had a ton of interests; and yet they did not hear from that many people.
I don't think I'm all that; some people like what I look like; and some don't. For some reason though, I do get a lot of email; I dont' assume it's because I'm "all that" lookswise; I just think I'm approachable and easy to talk to. So people talk to me, and people want to meet me because I can make them feel comfortable really really fast. So some people might take this 40 something few extra pounded (though again, that's a label; that can mean a lot of different things in reality) not the world's most beautiful woman getting a ton of mail as "all women have all the options" but, like I said; I don't think it's because of my looks and I know MANY beautiful women who don't get a ton of mail (though one of htem I rewrote her profile and she DID start to get a lot more) so it isn't an all anyone thing. Every situation is different. And so my comfort in myself is not my assuming I'm this amazingly great looking woman. Some people for whatever reason think so; some don't. And I don't lose sleep over either one. I'm just me. But I am comfortable with what I look like and have been thanked pretty profusely from some even for what I look like while others I'm no big deal, and I feel exactly the same in either scenario; while knowing I have my fair share of flaws; but still hold my head up high because I think we ALL are beautiful in our own ways. I'm comfortable. And I respond to those who are comfortable. I also look for things of beauty in people; whereas others seem to look for things to criticize... it's funny; last week for a joke I sent a pic taken at 4:30 in the morning on a worktrip when I was dead dog tired, bleary eyed, no makeup, hair sticking up all over the place and barely conscious. I thought it would scare the crap out of them when they had been asking for a pic. They actually loved the dumb thing and said they could see the kindness of my soul in my eyes and with my being tired the walls were down and it was genuine and very lovely to them. They didn't look at the no makeup; they didn't look at the scary hair. They looked at the heart behind the features. It was one of the nicest things I've ever heard (though I still think it was the scariest pic I've ever been in lol)
I think if more people were comfortable with who they are; and assumed people would be interested in who they are; and looked for attractiveness and beauty instead of doing the lazy "obvious" and projecting based on labels and prejudices; there would be less insecurity; less projection and a whole lot more positive give and take both genders. And very probably a whole lot more given and taken email. | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 6:27:57 PM | I have messaged rather average looking guys that I have something in common with just to say hi before and them point out my horsey teeth or that they think I'm fat and that they could do much better. They are free to TRY. I usually don't even message the super good looking guys as they seem to be way too much trouble and maintenance for my speed.
So is this really what this thread is all about, OP? Some guy you messaged rejected you and told you that he thought you were fat and had big horsey teeth---and this made you upset because he really wasn't all that attractive himself?
Well, you need to get over it. He is the one with issues. There are tons of bullies on these dating sites, both male and female, that feel the need to put other people down to feel superior---and you have to develop a thicker skin in order to be successful on here. | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 6:37:56 PM | | No, not really at all. I just had read a thread asking how a guy could attract better looking women because he's dis-satisfied with the fact that the "hot" girls won't respond and so forth... I have read a lot of those recently and had noticed a trend, whereas I almost never read about a girl griping about the same note. | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 7:15:44 PM | | My 2 cents is to look for a guy in his early to mid 40's who has similar interests and is at a similar place in his life maybe with a son or daughter close in age to yours. I think you will have better luck than messaging early 30's guys. | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 7:37:39 PM | I think to each their own. I am very ordinary looking and I am not going to settle with what someone else feels that I can get. Now, if that means I date alot less than what I could be doing, that is my choice.
And OP, the Biltmore is an awful place to be in a zombie apocalypse. Too big and open. I'll take a fully stocked panic room with a bathroom and my Blu-ray movies anyday (in case internet -and Netflix-goes down). | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 7:42:21 PM | ^^^^^^ Huh? Out of 7 photos, only 1 am I wearing make-up.
I think what he is saying that most women are also ordinary but they cheat on their looks by being able to wear makeup, already making the playing field unequal.
That if everyone didn't wear makeup, many attractive women would look as "ordinary" as ordinary men.
Just interpreting. | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 7:44:37 PM | | Seems like if you fortified it,with enough people it would be an awesome stronghold! Snipers up top, open all around to see, and PLENTY of books to read in that library :) | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 7:52:21 PM | Abelian-
I know, you moderators don't get enough credit and a lot of times have very good advise. I may not agree 100% of the time, but appreciate the feedback and you guys keeping some of the threads in line as I know you mostly get bashed and hardly anybody says thank you.
V- | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 8:55:54 PM | I have messaged rather average looking guys that I have something in common with just to say hi before and them point out my horsey teeth or that they think I'm fat and that they could do much better.
What the f*ck? They had to be gayer than a Richard Simmons look-alike contest. You're pretty damn hot. | |
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Posted: 6/10/2012 9:26:41 PM |
I’m INFP, too. :)
hey, me too. I didn't think many of us existed!
That must be one reason we get along so well.  | |
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Posted: 6/11/2012 11:03:38 AM | I have messaged rather average looking guys that I have something in common with just to say hi before and them point out my horsey teeth or that they think I'm fat and that they could do much better
One guy replied to a message I initiated and said, "I like women with big eyes, full lips and a curvy figure". Basically, he was saying I wasn't good enough because I lack those features. I am well aware of it and didn't need to be reminded!
I don't think it's fair for anyone not to expect others who aren't physically attractive in * your* eyes not to have confidence. It's actually rude and the guys you're messaging may not think you're all that either and say to themselves, "why is she writing me?" It is a sad statement that those who are less attractive are less equal somehow.
My former bf of seven years stood 5'2" tall, was bald and grey, was overweight, with a small chin and big nose. Wanna know why I fell i love with him? It isn't because he was short and chubby - it was because of his confidence, cool personality and simplicity. As time went by he became very attractive to me and I admired and still admire his confidence, who he is and what he represents. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2012 11:48:51 AM | | Chessman I get emails from men my dads age who are so damn dellusional so those dont count as messages because they are totally on another planet and not in the realm of reality | |
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Posted: 6/11/2012 12:20:37 PM |
have messaged rather average looking guys that I have something in common with just to say hi before and them point out my horsey teeth or that they think I'm fat and that they could do much better.
I want that girl.
Bad.
'nough said.
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Posted: 6/11/2012 12:25:18 PM |
I get emails from men my dads age who are so damn dellusional so those dont count as messages because they are totally on another planet and not in the realm of reality
Then set your mail settings for the age range you want to contact you. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2012 2:40:59 PM | scifichicky, men's attractiveness is in our minds! Litterally! My late father was bald at 50 and a bit chybby too and he was still the funniest guy ive ever know personally, and a party animal and company soul!
im a bit like him although not bald and chubby :)
stop obsessing about brad pitt darlings - u wont get his pecker
we are men, it was scientifically proven that estrogen makes faces prettier, if you want someone pretty with a c&ck, go fo androgyne's (heshe's) LOL | |
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Posted: 6/11/2012 5:22:02 PM | Women over 30 seem to think they are less attractive than they are and men have absolutely no problem with self-esteem. I cannot get over how many guys are on forums whining about how they think they are really good looking and can't understand why the hot girls won't respond... when they realy are most of them quite average. What delusion sets in at about 30 that makes a pudgy balding rather unkempt looking guy think he is still 19 and the quarterback and able to get any woman that walks by him? I have been baffled. I know I am really just average looking, not overweight per se... but I have large teeth and sometimes wear glasses. Why is it that guys are not more realistic? Just curious
Captain Lee 'Apollo' Adama: I thought we were sparring.
Commander William Adama: That's why you don't win.
I can only determine two things from your post really, as clearly "all" type posts tend to have certain unsettling issues within them to start. I don't think many are untrue, I just think most people are mistaken on the entire methodology about it.
I can determine
1) It's clear to me, that this post is just more evidence, that if you wanted to point out the difference between men and women, its that women are simply more free and it's more socially acceptable to vent their frustrations in a public way and not be ostracized for it. Not completely acceptable, but more acceptable in relative terms.
2) Maybe it's not a great idea for you to consider dating. Obviously you are upset. Maybe it would help to take some time off and heal a little or work out some of the things going in about dating that bother you. I used to be a lot more angry in general, in the past, not just life, but about people. Sometimes it takes time to find out that how we see the world is a function of how we process what we feel, and those processes are not always emotionally healthy. I wish you better luck out there, not just dating, but how you feel about this process. | |
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