| | How To Be Polite in This Situation...Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) |
The kindest thing is to tell him the truth, that you don't have a romantic interest. Kindness trumps being polite in this situation IMO. There are numerous ways to say that you enjoyed talking, but aren't interested. Just use your own words. Also, make it short and sweet, it's like a bandaid, the quicker the better.
I'd go with bucsgirl's advice, myself. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/15/2012 4:15:30 AM | From an old fart, there is really no way to control how "another" feels about something. NO way. Some can handle bluntness, other's can't handle the "truth" though it may be staring them right in the face for decades. Say what has to be said, and be done with it. If you start worrying about how every person "feels" about your actions or words, you'll be sitting in the corner for the rest of your life, doing nothing. Zilch. Zero. Natta.
All because of how somebody else "feels"?????? Not a good way to live YOUR life. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/15/2012 1:33:38 PM | Say you're not compatible, that you have different interests values etc.
Not that it won't hurt, but all you really can say.
If he persists, then block him. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/15/2012 4:52:11 PM | I wish every guy could carry this opening post around in his wallet.
This is what women DO.
They don't want to "hurt your feelings," so they answer your fawking lame ass messages and file your scintillating texts in the "pest" folder and just generally drag sh1t out until you give up and go away (they hope) or the guy tries to take it to the next level. In that case, she does the classic "poof" and deletes her profile.
Then the guy comes to the forums asking why the love of his life disappeared when she was so over the moon about him. 
Ladies - quit being "nice" and try being real. You can still be kind, but for criminy sakes, NIP IT IN THE FREAKIN' BUD.
Don't be so passive. Let him know you are not interested as soon as it becomes clear to you that there is no possibility of a romantic connection.
Quit with all the friends krap.
He doesn't WANT to be your "friend."
He wants to do it to you every way he can think of.
Please, I beg you young ladies ... Rip the band-aid all the way OFF!!  | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/16/2012 7:54:48 PM | | You can be thoughtful of some of the people's feelings all the time, you can be thoughtful of all the people's feelings some of the time, but you can't be thoughtful of all the people's feelings all the time or something like that. No matter what you say to some people, their feelings will be hurt. Personally, @ 61 I'm not sure what it would take to hurt my feelings, but it sounds like something I'd like, it would show signs of life. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/17/2012 1:53:23 PM |
There isn't one.
This x 10000
Your only hope of getting out of this without hurting his feelings is to make him stop being interested in you. You might have to do some lying though, for the greater good. If he's he's pro-choice, start talking about how Roe Vs. Wade was the single biggest tragedy in the history of the world. If he's jazz nut, start goin' off on how you're a Knickelback-lovin' Belieber. If he's a Democrat, bring up the whole Birth Certificate thing.
Come to think of it, you could actually have a lot of fun with this... | |
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| RE: How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/17/2012 5:10:49 PM |
Hello, now you know why so many of us avoid starting conversations with men we have zero interest in dating. So true. I learned this the hard way (didn't realize until YEARS later that conversations with guys are more than just sharing opinions).
Tell him you've enjoyed talking with him... you appreciated the conversation...you don't think you are the right fit together.. and you want to concentrate your efforts on finding the right guy for you. Awesome advice, man! Very eloquently phrased.
nihilist_, Good luck, girl! | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/20/2012 1:29:24 AM |
Tell him you've enjoyed talking with him... you appreciated the conversation...you don't think you are the right fit together.. and you want to concentrate your efforts on finding the right guy for you.
Pretty much what I'd do.
If he wants to argue or debate the point be a bit firmer, and if he still has romantic intentions and you don't, then break off all contact. I'd even be inclined to break off all contact anyway.
Do you have anything else better to do? I mean, you could always just oblige and meet him. What's the worst that could happen?!
He could turn out to be a stalker? lol That's exactly the LAST thing I would do.
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/20/2012 4:10:37 PM | What is an "excessive texter" anyway?
This whole notion that people need to follow strict rules and a timeline for dating is a bunch of crap in my opinion.
If you don't want to date him, just tell him so. Yes, it will hurt, but that's life. It's not like he hasn't heard it before and won't hear it again.
See, the thing is, most of us talk with people that we have no intention on dating. We send out subtle hints to this, but if the other party doesn't pick up on them, then we just have to suck it up and tell them outright. Happens all the time.
I frequently talk with people that I have no intention on dating, it's called being friendly. I will admit I don't do much if any of that on a dating website, but if somehow a person has my phone number and starts texting me, I'll chat. And eventually if the question of "is there interest?" comes up, I will tell them.
By far the worst method is being ignored and/or blocked without a proper response. Because then the person has no idea what happened, and their mind can go wild thinking up all sorts of answers. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/20/2012 8:46:39 PM | @grantfl80:
Tell him that you're a nihilist, and that it is very exhausting. Bring your marmot as back up, and threaten to cut off his Johnson. If all that fails...send him a severed toe with nail polish, and I think he will get the idea.
But be sure that nail polish is green.
That rug really tied the room together... | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:22:02 PM | nihilist- Honesty is always best. Since you have already talked on the phone, that's the way to go. (sorry, texting is a cop out when you want to end things)
You have two choices-wait until he calls you or go ahead and call him, I favor the later because I am direct.
You don't have to be mean, just say something along the lines of "I didn't mean to lead you on or take things too far. I just don't see us working out. I truly wish you the best, but I'm not the one for you."
If he contacts you after that, block him. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:58:12 PM | | You dont engage in conversation with someone you dont find attractive. Men on dating sites are not looking for friends. They want sex naturally. Why not just say goodbye. He will get over it and I am sure has spoken to many other women and is probably still doing so. That is the nature of dating sites. Dont take it too seriously. You have not even met. If he is texting you too often, that is a dealbreaker for sure. You need to cut it off now. Give a reason if you wish but you may need to block him as well. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/22/2012 7:03:04 AM | | Tell him that you are chatting with other guys from POF as well as him..then slip in that you have been seeing one and that you will be exclusive - and it was nice talking with him but good luck. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:54:40 AM | | Be honest with tact. Tell him something like "we're not a match" and wish him well on his search. If he says something rude in response or asks you "why not?", then ignore / block him. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:44:14 PM | Lie... tell him that you met someone, haven't gotten around to taking your profile down.
Then stop answering his letters. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:56:00 PM |
Also, I feel like he's going too fast, but I don't wanna say that because it somehow might translate into "keep trying". I don't wish to be rude, but I don't have interest in this person. What is the best way to convey my message without hurting feelings?
"After thinking it over, I feel like you're going a bit too fast, but at first I didn't want to say that because I thought it might lead you to keep trying. I don't wish to be rude, but I just don't have romantic interest in you. I really don't mean to hurt your feelings and I'm sorry if you feel I've led you on in any way."
You've pretty much answered your own question, OP. No guarantee of no hurt feelings, but this is about the most polite you're going to be able to get. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:23:31 PM | View it as doing him a favor by cutting him off, and send a polite good bye if you feel the need to. Anyone who is allowing themselves to have strong feelings before even meeting is someone who really needs to get a hold of themselves emotionally.
Next time you have no interest in someone, don't respond. People may complain about this but it is so much better than having someone message you repeatedly. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:15:49 PM | There's a few ways.
The truth. Tell him that you are not interested in him. I recommend this, even though it will hurt the most.
Lie. Tell him that you are seeing someone and you want to pursue that exclusively and thank him for his interest.
Lie. Turn him off on purpose. Perhaps mention that you cheated on your last two boyfriends and you can't seem to stay faithful, and that you don't believe in sex until marriage, and get super over-religious so you come off as crazy and he doesn't want you anymore and stops talking to you. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:39:13 PM | | Your afraid of telling someone, you never met, never spoke to and never will meet in person your not interested?? Cut his losses already, he's not going to be your friend, he wants more. Get over it. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/25/2012 3:39:35 PM | You have to be forward. Outside of this site I met a man that ended up being head over heels for me within meeting me. He was so shy and nervous around me but pur mutual friend said he liked me a lot. I tried giving it a shot, he sent me flowers all the time and showered me with gifts and compliments. The only problem was he was moving too fast he claimed to have understood my schedule but kept trying to make plans with me, and after a while despite how sweet and endearing he was I had to be as brutally honest and forward as possible. He couldn't handle it so he decided it's best we didn't speak. It hurt but Everytime I asked for him to take it slow he didn't respect my wishes. Sometimes you must have to be as forward as possible, you have to be cruel to be kind.
It was even harder because I did it in person, and he cried. I felt terrible. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:32:23 AM | I sometimes think people are reluctant to reject another because they are cowards, not because they are trying to save the other's feelings.
Yes, it's hard to be honest and say you're not interested.
Do it anyway.
Stringing him along, coming up with excuses or other stories are lame and MEAN.
Be nice... be honest with the guy. | |
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