| | is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my numberPage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Personally, I feel that if a person is serious about wanting to really get to know you, he/she should be willing to exchange a few "quality" emails in here first, rather than hi, you're hot, I'm awesome, gimme your number, here's mine, text me. And then they can add your number to their already long list of people to text "Hey" and "Wazzup?" to 20 times a day.
When the emailing has reached the stage of deciding to meet in real life, which really can and should take anywhere from a couple days to less than a week, then we can exchange phone numbers. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/16/2012 9:42:32 AM |
Really think back... How did you date before this website existed?
Most of us dated someone we already knew through someone or a common environment or met somehow at least once or twice - so the attraction was a given. Therefore going straight to a date to learn about them was a natural and desired next step.
With online dating, many times you have no mutual friends or circles in common, so you really don't know them - or if you'll have any interest in person. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/16/2012 9:49:00 AM | | I don't see any reason to care if a guy is turned off if you won't give him your phone number right away. It's good to weed out people who behave in ways you don't like. There's no reason to analyze your own actions if you are treating yourself the way you want to be treated. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/16/2012 10:10:48 AM | | I view dating websites as a way to meet women. If the women dosen't want to call me or vice versa, I take that as "not interested". I would much rather speak on the phone and meet in person than type e-mails. I hate texting, though. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/16/2012 10:19:51 AM | There are other ways of communicating besides always asking for a number. ( Even tho a number is a main way of getting a hold of someone ) We have e-mail ( google phone on the google e-mail accounts ), facebook, social apps on phones, internet that can keep us connected. In today's technology there's no excuse why people cannot keep in touch.
I can understand when a woman does not want to give her phone number out to early because she is not comfortable with the random man yet. I wouldn't be giving out my number to random people that I don't know either. Just like I would not go inviting a random lady that I barely know over to my apartment. It takes time to get to know someone and when you're comfortable knowing them, then yes I would give out my number. OP stick to your guns and the right people that care about you will understand and get it. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/16/2012 12:25:11 PM | | OP: I have never asked for a woman's number and never will. I prefer to not talk to a woman on the phone until I've got an idea what she's like through her writing... and even if she gives me her number, it doesn't mean I'm calling her. If she can't write, I certainly have no reason to talk to her on the phone... let alone WANT to talk to her on the phone. I'm in no rush to meet anyone and if there's some sense of urgency on the other person's part, it concerns me greatly. If you don't want to give a man your number, DON'T GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER. If he has a problem with it, that doesn't make it YOUR problem. If a guy gives you a hard time about not giving him your number, dump his ___ and move on. YOUR comfort level should, I think, matter more to you than any other concern when getting to know someone. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/16/2012 3:18:11 PM | And you're going to get to know them, HOW, exactly? By further continued IMing?
I would like to talk to them for a few days at least on the phone or texting or whatever. You can tell a lot by how a person speaks their level of intelligence. And yeah I'd like to know what kind of work they do, etc etc. Sorry I wouldn't want to waste my time meeting an ignorant person or a bum. | |
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| Any women that doesn't want to meet me in person or talk over the phone I don't consider serious dat
Posted: 6/16/2012 3:32:31 PM | | Easy. Think of it as if you were in a bar. Each message you send to each other equals, in the end to a conversation. You wouldn't give your phone number to a guy after 6 sentences with him. And there are other factors that you can use to decide. Will he accept to add you to his other Social network account (facebook, google+, etc). If yes, then yeah, maybe you can. And in the end, it's all a question of trust. But as with everything else, it's always a gamble... | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/16/2012 3:40:57 PM | If it is a matter of privacy (and with many it is) if it is only that you don't want them having your phone number, having a number specifically for in here is not a bad idea.
They will get no info about you; it will only be pof people that talk on it and you can keep your phone totally separate from this
(and having been burned big time on phone in the past by stalkers, it is not a bad idea either)
But some people WILL take it as not interested if there is no voice and it is kept to email. But if you don't want to talk to them period, then whatever you are comfortable with, go for it. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/16/2012 3:57:33 PM | why how soon would you ask for someones number im talking just after a few messages the number is aked for
There is no magic number, no magic formula, that works all the time. The key is creating comfort through communication.
I bet part of the problem is that the guys exchange messages like "hello," then a second message with what they do, followed with the fact they're a really nice guy. If that's the extent of the conversation, I wouldn't want to give them my number either. As someone else said, how does she know who you are from that? Based on that miniscule info, why would she want to meet or talk with you?
For example, usually between the third and fifth message I'll propose ideas for meeting up. Or exchanging numbers and talking on the phone to discuss meeting up. And I'm not emailing about how I'm a really nice guy. I'm asking about stuff from your profile you like/want to do, what you've done recently, answering her questions about what I've done recently, cracking a few jokes, etc. Building a good rapport. Moving the conversation naturally to a point where, after a few messages, we know what kind of stuff we have in common and if there's enough interest to meet, exchange numbers, etc. | |
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| Any women that doesn't want to meet me in person or talk over the phone I don't consider serious dat
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:35:38 AM |
You wouldn't give your phone number to a guy after 6 sentences with him.
No, you wouldn't. But that entire first conversation is on their profile. Just go read it.
What too many people forget is that dating websites are a business that relies on subscriptions. People didn't make these sites to find you someone to marry, they made these sites to make money. They're designed for you to be unsuccessful. There's actually a reason that you can pay for a year at a time (go check on PoF's subscription stuff).
The reason it seems like he's asking for your phone number so early is because you're used to actually talking to the other person, but just from reading each other's profiles, you already had an entire conversation with each other. The entire point of the profile is for your first date to be a complete failure.
If you REALLY want to treat it like a bar: You look at their pictures, and nothing more. And start talking.
There's never going to be a right answer to this thread. It depends entirely on how you approach this site. To some people, a reasonable first message is "call me" and then their phone number, to other people, you need to talk to each other for a few weeks first.
But the most important thing to do, is pretend that other person is talking to you in person. If you stick to the idea of it being a website (and following a bunch of "rules" made up by someone who needed a website to meet people), you'll never get anywhere, and no matter when that phone number is given out, it'll make no difference. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:58:26 AM | The problem I have encountered with giving out my phone number is...
The fellow will give me his phone number first, which has been an unlisted number. My phone number would give my full name . I suppose the only way to tackle this problem is to either get an unlisted cell phone number or use phone through POF. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/17/2012 5:25:41 PM | After 3-5 messages I ask for a number exchange if I think they are someone I want to meet. If they don't want to exchange, I move on. Whether those emails last days or are instant, it doesn't matter. But I limit each contact I get to no more than 5 messages so I don't end up wasting time emailing someone who will not meet me. I also preferrably like to have a conversation over the phone and if there is chemistry we'll be able to schedule a time to meet down the road that works for both of our schedules. Phone conversation is not required but it is so helpful in terms of getting to know a person.
I have a cell phone and a laptop. My cell phone has no data package so if I am not at my laptop, I cannot logon to POF. My cell phone can block numbers and I am sure all cell phone providers have that kind of feature by now. I have never had to block a number yet. Plus I am sure many people are accessing POF from their cell phone anyway so it really is the same idea. If a person really is that cautious about giving out their number, they could do things like get a prepaid phone and such. If a person doesn't put effort into meeting, then they won't meet anyone.
Simply put, use common sense when giving out a number. For example, checking over the profile(which I wish more people would do) to see if it is well written is one way to get an idea of who you are contacting compared to people who message solely off the pictures. Both men and women make this mistake. So even though the person may have messaged you for a short amount of time, there is still general bio of that person to go off of. The person made this profile to attract the type of person he wants to meet(which is you in this case when he messages you). So if the person put effort into their profile and some effort into messaging as well there shouldn't be much reason not to go further.
The main problem with messaging too long on the site is that writing back and forth is a conversation that is missing many elements of chemistry that would be picked up on if the two people were talking face to face or talking on the phone.
The most common mistake people make is forming their own idea of who the person is compared to seeing who that person really is when meeting up in person. So people will write too long and form feelings for someone who they don't realize is another person and the two people meet face to face and end up finding out they are totally different people. This is why I am biased for the idea of talking on the phone as it also makes that first time meet a lot easier since you'd have already had a conversation with that person. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/17/2012 5:32:15 PM | You don't have to give your number.
Just remember...after awhile some other woman will give their number instead and he will date someone else...you will be able to keep your privacy.
Play hard to get and no one will want to "get" you.
Enjoy. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/17/2012 5:51:32 PM |
so a guy may message you hello then a second message with what her does then followed with the fact he is a really nice guy and can he have my number
You guys are obviously way more intelligent than me because I'm still trying to wrap my brain around this. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:36:48 PM | For me, if I've messaged a few times with a woman already and I ask for a number and she declines, it makes me wonder what she could possibly be hiding. I've been burned before by the "no you can't pick me up", "don't call me, I'll call you", etc.
Yes, there is something to be said for keeping yourself safe ladies, but at some point it has to happen. And if you aren't getting some kind of vibe that the guy is on the level after a few messages, why continue at all? | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/18/2012 4:48:01 AM | | ^^^I agree that a woman should try and make the call even if she has to block her number to take the next step, but her calling you instead or you picking her up is another story - are you saying her meeting you somewhere is offensive before she really knows you? In the first couple weeks at least, knowing where she lives (and her knowing where you live) shouldn't be a requirement. Also, the point is to get on the phone and talk - it shouldn't matter who calls who - until you're actually dating. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/18/2012 10:30:48 PM | I've seen divergent plans on this topic.
My bud is a clone of Ariel (the mermaid), also looks one hell of a lot like Dawn (comic book charachter)- supra hot, red head. Stalks guys in irish pubs, and other pubs, really anywhere the guys are -carnivore. She'd leave her phone number open listed. God a bud to give her the easiest number to remember - 270-0300 (she moved - forget it). When we were out, like at a Costco or restaraunt if it was a hot black guy checking she'd insist on paying, so he could see her credit card, maybe look her up. Very wild lass- guys would chase her home from pubs weaving around on the street and following her into the underground parking. Her prey.
Looking back I have to ask why I ever abandoned her in strip bars. Teams of guys leapt to their feet when me and my bud left the Fraser Arms. Six met her in the parking lot. Three chased after her in cars. I sorta explained what happened to the guy who made it past the gate in her apartment complex..
On the other side-- well, why ask for a number early? I suppose if there's no other way to communicate, if the little keys on the board are leading to wrong messages (which can happen)- sure get a number before text messages destroy hope,.. but otherwise - it just seems best to build something, see how it goes, develop a bit of background and feel things out.
HOwever, its possible to wait much too much too long. Don't wanna hear this again "OKAY?!! why didn't you do something earLIER? - I'm leaving- the train IS going!!) | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/20/2012 12:45:23 PM | Get a cheap cell phone with a second number. Give that one out. If/when you're seeing each other on a regular basis give your real number.
I don't like being on the typing/email mode for too long. Like to have a phone conversation then either meet for coffeee if there's mutual interest, or move on. | |
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| is it a turn off if i dont want you to have my number
Posted: 6/20/2012 12:56:48 PM | | I can totally understand some hesitation about giving your number to a person from the internet... but just as the other gentleman posted earlier in this thread... if you were to run into someone at the grocery store or mall etc etc and struck up a quick conversation would you hesitate to give out your number? I think it depends on your instinct! | |
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