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| | Living on a shoestring budgetPage 3 of 13 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13) | Notricksters, these days many folks are in your shoes, I am one of them; self-employed like you, May is past, I no longer smell the roses.
We can date just like anyone else, and, do not need a lot of money: attitude, a smile (a real one), some honesty will do.
Someone advised you to tell a prospective date soon about your situation, no.
It is nobody's business to know how rich or poor you are. Explain your finances only after you have met the person for sometime and feel comfortable to share some of yourself. | |
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dm_347
| | Joined: 5/26/2012
Msg: 52 | |
| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 2:43:47 AM | I'm a single parent and my budget is not even as generous as the word shoestring would suggest, although I manage to run old car, an old motorbike and I rent a small but comfortable house. There isn't a lot left over at the end of the month but there is enough for a modest date, a meal or the cinema.
I'm in the position that many middle-aged men are in where a divorce has left me flat, stony broke and my life seems to be on hold. I'm not bitter about giving nearly everything to my ex as that's the way the law runs in the UK and it's not her fault.
I regularly see matches on this site who seem to be enjoying the benefits of our divorce laws, having kept the family home and probably receiving generous child support. Again, I'm not bitter but I do feel intimidated, as though I have little to offer in a traditional role as a breadwinner or main provider in a relationship. I couldn't afford to be as generous as I would like or to make a grand, romantic gesture.
Before anyone says it I do realise that a lot of my problem is my perception of what a woman expects of me and how I expect to behave in a relationship but I'm old-school, this is the way I was raised and no matter how hard I try a lifetime of tradition and cultural influences are difficult to overcome.
Unfortunately there are those who seem to be actively seeking a financially stable man, probably for the reason that he is financially stable. I can't change a woman's personal preferences but as I click through picture after picture of expensive holidays, nice cars and extravagant nights out I get the sinking feeling that I'm limited to meeting women with low expectations when I genuinely believe I have so much to offer.
Am I alone in this or does anyone else think there is a financial apartheid at work in the dating game? | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 4:42:45 AM |
Unfortunately there are those who seem to be actively seeking a financially stable man, probably for the reason that he is financially stable.
Yes most of the women including myself would want a man that is financially stable.. However I do not even own a car, or take fancy trips but will have dinner out from time to time at a nice restaurant..
Lifestyle is huge in a relationship so chances are you would not be compatible with these women anyhow..After all I am not compatible with a man that can afford 3 or more trips a year. When I see this after he contacts me, I just let him know that I cannot afford to travel that often and I do not think we are compatible.. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:07:55 AM | If I had the opportunity to go to Europe or to put money into a 401K, I'd be packing.
For me, the 401K comes first. I live pretty well on what's left, though. I like to travel, but I'm not a big fan of staying in pricey resorts and dining in expensive restaurants. So I can usually go where I want and do the things I want without busting the budget.
As for the topic being discussed, I generally do not know the financial status of the women I'm casually dating. All I can say is that when I've been expected to pay for everything, I just moved on. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:23:59 AM | | Don't worry about your income but don't milk it either. I have had a couple of dates who ordered expensive meals, nibbled around the edges and asked for a doggie bag. Instant turn off. If I had known they were that desperate I would have bought them a bag of groceries. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:42:03 AM | For five years, I had an off/on relationship with a man who is rich. He lived in another state and when I saw him, it was first class all the way, including buying me anything that I mentioned admiring in a store.
It did not mean that he was emotionally mature or stable--except financially, of course.
Because I had nothing after my divorce (some women get the shaft) and because I supported a man for about seven years, I said that I would not date a man with no money. I am now dating a man who is a student and who works part-time--he has NO money.
I date him because I like him, but when he finishes school (he is 55) and cannot get gainful employment or pull his part financially, there will be no long, long-term relationship. I won't live with a man who cannot support himself, but dating a man with little money is now in my realm. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:55:57 AM | concerts in the park, fireworks displays, fishing, strolls through farmer's markets and art fairs, picnics, free sample day at the local club mart, church/library events, camping/campfires etc. We even found a little bar that offered free salsadance lessons on Wednesday nights. A home cooked meal and a DVD rental
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These are great date ideas....Funny how most posters are sympathetic with this OP (as am I) and assume that another with long blond hair is out to take advantage of men for extravagant dinners, etc. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 7:46:52 AM | Anybody want to define rich or financially stable from their perspective.
Gwen i don't get it. Clearly not only do you not love this guy, but you expect him to fail. Why waste your time..and his.. dating him? | |
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dm_347
| | Joined: 5/26/2012
Msg: 59 | |
| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 8:28:21 AM |
If I had known they were that desperate I would have bought them a bag of groceries.
A new technique, perhaps, hanging around the supermarket and offering to pay for a lady's groceries? | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 8:49:41 AM |
A new technique, perhaps, hanging around the supermarket and offering to pay for a lady's groceries?
Or, maybe just a sammich. :) | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 8:55:24 AM |
Funny how most posters are sympathetic with this OP (as am I) and assume that another with long blond hair is out to take advantage of men for extravagant dinners, etc.
Assumptions ---- as well as presumptions --- are apparently in the ears and eyes of their beholders! | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:03:43 AM |
Anybody want to define rich or financially stable from their perspective.
Rich worth a couple of million
Financially stable worth anywhere from 500,000 to a million, however am talking about people over 55 | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:30:30 AM | Assumptions ---- as well as presumptions --- are apparently in the ears and eyes of their beholders!
I think I just heard the choir sing. In glorious perfect tune, that is. ;)
Financially stable worth anywhere from 500,000 to a million, however am talking about people over 55
that's pretty lofty for my definition, Native.....and the way I see it "stable" can change at the turn of a dime. Just watched the movie "Too Big to Fail"---whoosh...there goes stability. Stability can mean being able to live within your means, be that 730 bucks a month on disability(yep, folks are doing that in the US) or 100,000 year or more. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:46:53 AM | Well it could be property you have paid for in full..Not money invested in the market, because that is not nearly as stable.. As far as income goes around 3-5 thousand a month.. not to include any Social Security retirement money..
Also no debt, since not something you want in your last chapter. I made my living in your lovely country by the way and still have a son living there in VT.. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:52:49 AM |
Stability can mean being able to live within your means, be that 730 bucks a month on disability(yep, folks are doing that in the US) or 100,000 year or more.
Stability does mean living within your means and no big debt like a home you are still paying off..Unless very little is left to pay on it.. 730 bucks a month on disability and no debt and nothing else? That not being financially stable in my books.. That could be equal to very high condo maintenance fees or rent.. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:15:42 AM | tbicon, it would appear you have a fair amount of money, how would you define rich or financially stable from your perspective?
BTW, I think it's complicated a little. Liquid assets, home, debt, ability to earn, expenses, health and health care plans have to be factored in. Children living at home?
For instance, I would say my mother is financially stable. 2009 Honda Accord paid for in cash, ~250.000 in liquid assets, home paid for, no debts, medicare and a crappy suplemnetary health plan, SS and Pension checks. No reason that can't last her 20 more years with a lot of cash left. Her monthly income covers all expenese plus a little, she can draw on liquid assets if she want to buy a new car or take a more expensive vacation. She would never call herself rich, even if she had a 1 million in cash. Only because she was born in the great depression, and has never been a big spender.
BTW, the market is less stable but very liquid, and homes have proved they aren't really stable, they aren't liquid at all. But most important in my view, you can't sell your home at the top of the market and live in a tent for 5 years waiting for the bottom. You and do this with the market no problems. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:46:59 AM | Well dragon, I suppose everything is relative and based on perspective. I am sure some people here would consider me "rich". I see myself as just getting by to comfortable. I am fortunate in that I never have been divorced so did not have to split my assets. Still, raising a family is very expensive. My girls compete in one of the most expensive sports there are. I have college to look forward to paying for over the next few years for them. The market, both housing and stock, shaved a very signficant percentage of my net worth over the years. I guess in the end, when I ask myself how I am doing, I compare myself to my peers in my profession. I am doing far better than some of them, and far less than a few of them. But I am healthy, and so long as I keep my health and mental acuity, will always have a very good earning capacity if I choose to exercise it in the future rather than retire. So overall I guess I am doing okay.
By the way, my wife has not worked since our youngest was born. When we first started dating, she was making twice what I was making at the time, and I was a professional. I was really impressed at the time. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:53:49 AM | tbicon, then for you I would guess over 1.5 million total assets, but not more than 2.5 million, including real estate. Liquid net maybe 700,000.
Just my guess, I don't expect you to confirm or deny.
ciao | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:56:03 AM |
730 bucks a month on disability and no debt and nothing else? That not being financially stable in my books.. That could be equal to very high condo maintenance fees or rent..
Ah, but folks are doing it...for real. Living with others and/or with other subsidies and for some, after life on the streets, it's pretty stable for them. Most of the folks I cared for in the last facility I worked at, had been living on the streets literally. Mental illness, drugs, not bathing, stealing...on and on. They were given a "stable" home in the facility and --to them--wallah! Stability! I realize it's all in one's perspective....but when the topic comes up for me I remember Katrina, the bailouts, the world economy. Enough---hijacking this lady's thread. :)
Point is: we can make a whole lot of good times with the right person, the right attitude and very little money if we're up to that, OP. Sometimes being ourselves is enough for someone, and who knows...combining survival skills could be the makings for our best great love! :) | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:09:04 AM |
But I am healthy, and so long as I keep my health and mental acuity, will always have a very good earning capacity if I choose to exercise it in the future rather than retire.
That’s what many people ignore. Earning capacity is very attractive. Most women who are interested in a man with money are not that attracted to what the money can buy, but rather to the qualities of a man that make him financially successful (smarts, guts, energy, risk taking, etc). However, it’s always easier to call women “gold-diggers”. Shifting blame works for self-esteem :-) | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:12:56 AM | Since shoestrings come in various lengths, I like to dutch treat on most dates. I can pay for the snacks if he will pay for the movie. It just seems more "fun" if we don't have to feel obligated in any way.
I have my exit financial plan that includes working part time at something either physical to keep me from spreading further or mentally stimulating 'cause I don't want to be a drag. The important thing to me is that if something magical were to happen between myself and someone else - I want to know they have forsight and some sort of exit plan for themselves. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:36:05 AM |
That’s what many people ignore. Earning capacity is very attractive. Most women who are interested in a man with money are not that attracted to what the money can buy, but rather to the qualities of a man that make him financially successful (smarts, guts, energy, risk taking, etc). However, it’s always easier to call women “gold-diggers”. Shifting blame works for self-esteem :-)
Indeed smarts, guts and energy are really attractive attributes..I knew one man that worked the same job for 30 plus years at a low salary and was satisfied with that.. But guess this he did not even like his job, in fact worried about all those chemicals he is exposed to daily.. But would be try for something better nope.. Rather complain about the job and do nothing about it. In fact his brother got him in this job way back then so not like he went out looking for himself..
Women simply gravitate towards those that they have things in common with.. Someone that had little would probably not be sharing the same lifestyle or thought process they do.. If they are seriously thinking of coupling and not living apart this would matter to them.. If living in separate homes as was discussed on another thread this might not matter to them as much, but really do not know am guessing here. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:41:39 AM |
Rich worth a couple of million
Financially stable worth anywhere from 500,000 to a million, however am talking about people over 55
I agree with nativerock's criteria, assuming one's home is paid for and is living in a country with a stable government and economy. Most homes in a middle-class or upper middle-class neighbourhood in major Canadian cities are in the range $500,000 to $1,000,000. It also requires sufficient and stable income to maintain such property as well maintain a comfortable lifestyle.
See the web site below for reference. Note that these are averages across all neighbourhoods and house types.
http://canadabubble.com/charts/canadian-major-city-housing-price-chart-.html | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:46:04 AM | Nativerock, I think when I hit that mark and work part time and accept SS, I will become a home share person. Maybe find a Victorian and do a B&B. But, I really loved living in my RV, so I might hit the road and keep things, get mail, etc in a family members 'garage apt'. In any event, sharing is a necessity to me rather than a preference. Thou I have always gotten along well with roomies. We will have to get creative in our shoestring old ages and sharing seems sensible.
Geez, I can't imaging "falling head over heels" and sharing because I can't stand to be away from someone's side. | |
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| Living on a shoestring budget
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:46:48 AM |
Gwen i don't get it. Clearly not only do you not love this guy, but you expect him to fail. Why waste your time..and his.. dating him?
Ah, but I do love him--he is kind, smart and funny. Plus, I find him very attractive. I do not expect him to fail, but I am realistic. If I did not love or if I truly expected him to fail, I would not invest my time or waste his. I have the feeling that if the relationship fails, it will be for religious reasons, not financial.
When I met this man, I had a dream in which I asked him, "If you knew this will not be forever, would you still want to date me based on what we can have even in a short time together?" In the dream, he answered that he would take even the short-term, so I asked him in real time. His answer was the same.
He is responsible for his decisions, as I am for mine. | |
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