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| | Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?Page 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | I regret the fact that instead of having a girlfriend, I was building websites and databases at the age of 13. And now your job is Web Designer. (You gained employable skills and a career path). It's all part of your life journey. Enjoy the ride. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:31:22 PM | I liked a boy like that in high school.
When we reconnected on facebook we were chatting & were like "we kinda liked each other in the 11th grade how come we never dated", & he was like "you were always busy doing girl stuff with your friends i thought you weren't all that interested", i was like "how many times did i go to talk to you & you never looked up from your latest gadget or game"...........lol. Oh well. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/22/2012 2:01:51 AM | I was the class nerd in high school, harassed, didn't have any friends, didn't stand a chance with even the more unattractive, not so popular woman. Didn't go to either of my proms. Wasn't even used in school as the gay friend. Was called ugly, creepy etc. . Then ended up dating one of the prettiest girls from my grade 8 years later (we knew each other by name and face but didn't know each other or in many classes together) and went on a date about 6 months ago with another cute girl from my grade that I didn't know at the time and made out with her.
High school means nothing. A lot of the "popular" people I graduated with are still in the same town, hanging out with each other and getting drunk on weekends and pretending high school never ended. In fact, one of the "popular" girls has been on pof for 3 years looking for bf then complains "I meet these guys and there's no chemistry." It's like, "No, maybe you're picky and stuck-up and looking for the wrong things."
Nerds have the last laugh. Remember that. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/22/2012 2:56:05 AM | | If it were abnormal, dating sites may have never came into existence. I felt pretty abnormal, and it did have long term effects on my self-esteem. I kinda dated a little in my freshman and junior year, but then I had to move across the country and meet new people. It was awkward and I got my first taste of rejection which may have scarred me. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:37:04 AM |
I was the class nerd in high school, harassed, didn't have any friends, didn't stand a chance with even the more unattractive, not so popular woman. Didn't go to either of my proms
Same thing here, although for me it was basically just because I was fat lol. And Ihad a nerd-=ic personnality, Star Trek, Star Wars, all english language stuff when most of the kids my age were French.
Then puberty hit. Then I started trainning on my last year of high school. Funny how superficial people are; 2 years latter, we have a little high school reunion, and all the girls, and I mean ALL the girls that showed up were all over me "Oh My, How You Have Changed, We Should Do Something Together..."....HAHAHA lol. I had so much fun with that, just denying everyone, and hooking up with the girl who, like me, was rather rejected, and then all those shallow high school people name calling her on the internet site we were at in thepast 
Anyways, point is, I didn't have time for it in High School. Right now...have a lil bit more time, but not in a hurry that much either. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/22/2012 6:19:05 AM | I don't regret not having dated in high school, mostly because it was not my choice. It's probably a lot different if you had the option to do so and chose not to. I went to a very small high school in rural Alabama that was 99% white and 100% racist. By my junior year there was only one black girl total in tenth through twelfth grade, and she happened to be my cousin. Although certainly something of a nerd like you (self-taught computer programmer by middle school and a creative writer), I was not a particularly shy nor apparently wimpy individual because I eventually asked out almost every girl in school (which honestly wasn't all that hard to accomplish), and they all said the same thing about not believing in interracial dating, some because they were afraid of what family and friends would think and others because it was "against God's law." Getting threatened with lynchings and cross-burnings and actually getting beaten up a few times never really seemed to stop me.
My school was also so small that you couldn't go to the prom by yourself and expect to dance with anyone -- everyone always had a date, and obviously even if a girl did end up there by herself, she wasn't going to touch me, so I didn't ever seriously consider going. My brother was in the same boat and never went either -- indeed none of the handful of minority males ever went (although to be fair, at least one of them found a girlfriend outside of that school system, but he wasn't going if the rest of us weren't).
So I definitely wish I had gone to a different high school where I could have had a much different experience, but that wasn't my choice either so it's difficult to "regret" per se things you have no control over. Now not dating in college is a little different, because I chose my college at least partially on dating prospects, and had some 20,000 co-eds (about 500X as many as high school) and there were at least a couple of opportunities I possibly blew due to my social awkwardness and there were probably some opportunities that I missed by not being social enough in general, so I do have some regrets there. But you can't change the past (or CAN you? see below).
That said, I disagree with those who claim high school or college has nothing to do with who you are now. Nearly everyone I know still has friends from college and often high school, too -- they help form your social circles, both directly and indirectly, where a lot of dates come from, both directly and indirectly. I've not been in communication with anyone from high school since I graduated (with the exception of a reunion I foolishly attended) and I only had one friend that stayed in touch with me from college. There aren't too many people that literally completely start from scratch after leaving high school AND college. But it is what it is.
Not dating in high school and college is definitely "not normal" (the only place I ever come across other people who didn't date in high school and college is this website's forum! Maybe Dom has a point) -- and it certainly creates a lot of awkwardness when (not IF) past relationships come up with current dates, not to mention just general PAST discussions. It's not something I'd be upfront about, though -- dance around it the best you can, though ultimately it probably will have a negative influence on your relationships unless it's with someone that also had no youthful dating experience, because women are pretty big about wanting to date someone on the "same level" as them (or a higher level). As you can see in just about any thread around here, it's one of the reasons why most don't want to date younger men. Being the same age and having the dating experience of a 9-year-old vs. your girlfriend's dating experience of a normal grown woman is never a good thing. Which is not to say the situation is hopeless. Just don't be surprised if you end up being a "science experiment" for some oddball woman into such things. Not that being a science experiment is necessarily a terrible thing, but it is not a normal existence.
I suppose there is always hope for a second chance to do it all over again differently, ala "Never Been Kissed," "21 Jump Street," "Peggy Sue Got Married," etc. I make that normally ridiculous "suggestion" only because I'm probably one of the few people on earth that actually did get some real life "movie magic" and go to do high school and college all over again in a far superior manner than the first time, with dates and girlfriends and constant partying and hanging out and even prom invites. You may be like, how the hell did that happen and how do I get in on a deal like that? That would require a VERY long post to explain, but the conditions that led to this happening aren't likely to repeat themselves very often and it's certainly not something you can purposely make happen -- it just fell into my lap (somewhat literally) and although I thought what was happening was absolutely INSANE, eventually I just figured, why not just go for this crazy ride until it's over? I'm not sure that was necessarily the world's smartest decision on my part, but I must say I regret what happened during those couple of years a lot less than I regret what DIDN'T happen in college and it makes the nothingness of high school much more easily forgettable. (And it's definitely not a similar story to Captain America's -- had absolutely nothing to do with a reunion and is FAR more bizarre. Really, I should write a screenplay about it, but as one of my screenwriting colleagues told me about one of my other screenplays the other day: "That it happened in real life is no excuse to use it in a screenplay because real life is ALWAYS crazier than what we'll believe in the movies.")
PS to the OP: Looking forward to Debbie heading in our direction? Hey, the direct hit's gotta happen sooner or later! | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/22/2012 10:33:36 PM | Yes extremely normal I didn't date in high school. I was very socially awkward, and only had 1 best friend. I was more busy with studying, and not trying to get the attention of other guy's. Plus I was very shy, and more into reading anime during lunch time at the library.
I don't regret it the people I saw from high school who were dating either ended up getting pregnant, and left school, or were not ready for the relationship they were in. A lot of people self worth was defeated in high school due to the individual they dated, and the simple fact they still had a "childish" mentality where they thought it would last forever and ever even when they were being abused in the relationship.
The longer people date the more jaded they become I heard. I was more interested in reading when I was in high school, and not guys. I didn't go to any dances either didn't suit me.
I started to date when I was 19, and in college my second year. I would say no it's not bad at all to not have gone on date in high school, or been asked out. It's not because we were not attractive just that at that time in our life we were more busy developing our self. I feel like my life is coming together rather nicely, and I have no regrets. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/22/2012 10:54:03 PM | Well at 24 it might not be too late to go to the prom.. unless they have a rule now that says girls cant bring older dudes to prom. All the girls in my class brought 26 year olds so you have got a shot! At the time I thought to myself.. when I get to be 26 I will FINALLY be able to date these girls. Comically once I was 26 I realized those guys who were dating my class mates were flippin LOSERS! Why would you want to date an idiotic HS girl!? BleCH!
Anyway altho its best not to miss the once in a life time events.. its prolly not a huge loss as you were prolly building skills for your future.. which will help you in the long run. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/22/2012 11:31:45 PM | Nah, never doomed. You'll be more experienced by tomorrow - experience is like that, it builds regardless of where or when you start it.
My kiddo is a few years younger than you - she's a jock geek math girl. Spent her high school years teaching herself html, making smart phone apps, playing hockey. Had one bf in HS who was in the student run school IT dept. Frankly, there weren't a whole boatload of people she would have been interested in dating, so I'm glad she didn't try to force it because *you're supposed to date*. Fun for her was getting together with her geek friends, setting up a LAN at someone's house and having 24 hour gaming party. She skipped prom - said she wasn't much interested in hanging with a bunch of people she hadn't liked all that much. I said sometimes people regret missing it - she figured she could live with the lifelong disappointment **grins**.
She'll likely start dating at uni - she'll find a larger pool of geeks, err compatible people. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/22/2012 11:58:14 PM | ^^^
my youngest is like that; was called Napoleon Dynamite through school (and in thearmy); massive gamer, massive mathlete; knowledge bowler, presidential scholar and voted smartest senior. Never had a date; always was embarrassed hwen a girl would talk to him; at one point I literally wondered if he was gay (he isn't). So I'm also waiting for him to eventually ask out a girl. I wonder when it will happen... :)
Same thing here, although for me it was basically just because I was fat lol. And Ihad a nerd-=ic personnality, Star Trek, Star Wars, all english language stuff when most of the kids my age were French.
Then puberty hit. Then I started trainning on my last year of high school. Funny how superficial people are; 2 years latter, we have a little high school reunion, and all the girls, and I mean ALL the girls that showed up were all over me "Oh My, How You Have Changed, We Should Do Something Together..."....HAHAHA lol. I had so much fun with that, just denying everyone, and hooking up with the girl who, like me, was rather rejected, and then all those shallow high school people name calling her on the internet site we were at in thepast
Anyways, point is, I didn't have time for it in High School. Right now...have a lil bit more time, but not in a hurry that much either.
I started high school that way. I was TOTALLY into sci fi, books, ridiculously high scoring in math and had the glasses thing (that I quit wearing I hated them)...
Was the butt of jokes and was tortured for being a nerd...
then I grew into my looks and when I moved back north from Texas went from people joking about asking me out to being asked by the bass guitarist from Judas Priest to go on tour with them; hit on by Dino Cicarelli; businessmen at work taking bets over who I would accept a date with and being asked out by every single guy not only in school but in the gym and at work... whether I wanted htem to or not (most I didn't)
and I remembered EXACTLY what it felt like before; I didn't change THAT much; but people changed how they saw me.
I have never gone to a high school reunion and I doubt I ever will. But I will always remember what it felt like to be invisible before I suddenly became visible; and I will NEVER treat anyone else that way. And I will never feel better if someone notices me than if they don't; because I know it doesn't matter a damn in the grand scheme of things if I'm pretty, hot or a dog to someone else; I'm still me. And I will always find something of beauty or interest in someone else. In women and men both; people are amazing; no one is invisible. It's there; just some people try to hide it sometimes... | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/23/2012 2:47:58 AM | All the girls in my class brought 26 year olds so you have got a shot! At the time I thought to myself.. when I get to be 26 I will FINALLY be able to date these girls. Comically once I was 26 I realized those guys who were dating my class mates were flippin LOSERS! Why would you want to date an idiotic HS girl!? BleCH!
Lol, I always wondered about that myself(lol like the character in "Dazed and Confused" He said I keep getting older they stay the same, the majority of the girl's my age in high school dated out of school, then I realized these are the same dudes who will be in their 40's dating 20 year olds. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/23/2012 8:07:26 AM | Somehow I had forgotten this, but the lead actress in my last film (a very attractive woman) never dated in high school, despite being as outgoing a human being as is possible -- she said she was just too busy being a drama school geek and an aspiring cirque performer (although, that didn't seem to stop any of her drama school or cirque freak friends from dating -- many of whom I also know).
We discovered this was the case with her after we cast her in role that had a romantic interest and some kissing scenes, and during rehearsals her kissing with the lead actor was so awkward that the female producer in our group (none of us guys wanted to say anything) finally just stopped them and asked her what the hell was going on and the actress stumbled through an explanation for a couple of minutes before finally breaking down in tears and admitting she had no kissing or dating experience at all. We were all floored -- I had known her for a year prior to her being cast, and I didn't get that vibe from her at all. Eventually the female producer took it upon herself to teach the actress how to kiss, both directly with her and with the actor (who's married and a veteran actor and had tons of kissing experience).
At the end of that day, I walked the actress to her car and told her not to feel bad because I never dated or kissed in high school or college myself and we talked for a while and it seems I helped her get herself together over that and glad she was not alone among people that she knew. By the time of the actual kissing shoot, she no longer looked awkward but she still had a bit of an emotional breakdown on the set over it.
Now that shoot was in December of this year. Since then she's gone hog wild and has dated and lived with (and I presume kissed and had sex with) both girls and guys and has even done a couple of semi-nude photoshoots -- she really came out of her shell fast; not sure how much our production had to do with it! It won't be long before she passes me in dating experience!
Just wanted to re-emphasize something for the OP: the only truly comfortable dating experience I ever had was with my ex-girlfriend, who also was the only woman I've ever dated who had less dating experience than I did (she had none before me). So she was the only one that didn't have any hang-ups about the fact that I did NOT know what I was doing... because she also did NOT know what she was doing. All the others truly looked upon me as a science project or just looked down on me because they didn't understand how I could have so little experience. Obviously, an attractive woman with your level of dating experience of legal age is extremely rare, and again, I just lucked into that situation, but it will undoubtedly be the best thing for you. Especially if this keeps up into your 30s, because no woman in her 30s wants to "train a boy to be a man." Yup... no question about that... | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/23/2012 11:19:39 AM | I didn't date at all during high school because I was busy with other things that were more important to me at the time. I also skipped out on my prom. Did I miss things? Yes. Was it abornmal? Compared to everyone else, yes. Has it affected me since then? No.
You can't control your past but you can control your present and your future. If there are things in your life that you feel you have shortcomings, work on them. Try to fill in the gaps as you see them. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/23/2012 11:31:22 AM | | I didnt date in high school. It is what it is. But I have been approached by a few of the guys who were not interested in high school. And guess who gets to say no this time around. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/23/2012 11:48:12 AM | | I didn't really date in high school, but I think that was a result of me being shy. Does that mean I'm doomed now for not gaining the experience then? I don't think so... True, I'm on an online dating site because I'm still single. lol (& still shy) but don't worry about what you've done in the past, or didn't do -- & focus on what you're looking for now. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/23/2012 12:12:23 PM | OP I don't think its damaging in any way.. I was never allowed to date in high-school and I turned out fine. The valuable experience you gain is generally when you are older and more emotionally/mentally ready to handle an adult relationship. Sure people learn things from experience even high-school ones but I'm sure you can still do just as well as anyone else.
However Prom I did go to (without a date) and it was fun.. I think whats more important is gaining social experience so you feel comfortable in social and dating situations.
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/23/2012 1:16:52 PM |
my youngest is like that; was called Napoleon Dynamite through school (and in thearmy); massive gamer, massive mathlete; knowledge bowler, presidential scholar and voted smartest senior. Never had a date; always was embarrassed hwen a girl would talk to him; at one point I literally wondered if he was gay (he isn't). So I'm also waiting for him to eventually ask out a girl. I wonder when it will happen... :)
If they haven't started in a few years maybe we should introduce them **grins** | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/23/2012 2:51:13 PM |
If they haven't started in a few years maybe we should introduce them **grins**
I like that; it's a deal... :) (for that matter my oldest hasn't gone out yet either and with him I honestly don't know if he ever will; he's aspergers and INTENSELY shy... incredibly decent and utterly gorgeous; there have been some girls have been in love with him for years... and he is clueless. (tell her if you guys come out this way I'm five minutes from the mall of America so she could shop AND see if she wants introduced lol)
So if if your daughter and either or both of my two boys haven't started by then; tell her she gets her pick of tallish, usually described as beautiful, dark and mysterious (and quiet but REALLY decent) or almost six foot; my coloring (strawberry blonde with greenish eyes) and usually described by most girls as extremely cute but pretty warped sense of humor and clueless in how to be social around girls lol but scary smart and very curious and VERY high energy.
if both of those sound bad to her, well, we tried :) ONE of them has to date eventually, right? lol | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/23/2012 10:53:12 PM | | In my high school years, I have 'never' been on a date before. I was really shy, back then, but at least I can focus on other things in my life. Moreover, it gives me a lot of space to develop my personality. ^_^ | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:50:48 PM | When I was in high school (1996-2000) I refused to date because of the way girls were at my school. They had some unrealistic requirements they wanted in a guy; and the few they did date ended up being something they regretted later. I also had 0 dates in college because I had "no experience;" instead of looking at it from a negative perspective I used that time to actually study and get caught up on whatever video games at the time I was playing.
Now I'm almost 31 (at time of posting) and still have yet to even date once (or touch a woman for that matter); and I'm actually surprised more guys were actually wishing they were in my situation because I have 0 baggage, 0 drama, and I can do whatever I want whenever I want without limits. If a woman was to come my way yea I'll take the opportunity, and yea I'll be up front about having 0 experience, but It's more of a positive note of why the lack of experience. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/24/2012 10:54:25 PM | When I was in high school (1996-2000) I refused to date because of the way girls were at my school. They had some unrealistic requirements they wanted in a guy; and the few they did date ended up being something they regretted later. I also had 0 dates in college because I had "no experience;" instead of looking at it from a negative perspective I used that time to actually study and get caught up on whatever video games at the time I was playing.
Now I'm almost 31 (at time of posting) and still have yet to even date once (or touch a woman for that matter); and I'm actually surprised more guys were actually wishing they were in my situation because I have 0 baggage, 0 drama, and I can do whatever I want whenever I want without limits. If a woman was to come my way yea I'll take the opportunity, and yea I'll be up front about having 0 experience, but It's more of a positive note of why the lack of experience.
You see THIS is a bad thing.
It's one thing to not date in high school because you're still young; college I'm 50/50 about because you should focus on your education, but you should experience things outside of school and video games. You're 31 and haven't dated sounds more like a red flag than something positive. No experience means you don't try or you're off putting in your personality or you just don't want it or some deeper psychological issue I don't have a PhD for to figure out. If you want to be with someone you should wait for HER to make a move (especially since most women prefer a man to make a move). What you're doing, Tetsujin, is hiding from life. You have to take the good with the bad. The drama with the relationship, sometimes they'll be baggage, but it all depends on how you handle it. As you get older, that lack of experience you believe is a positive is going to be a red flag for her because it makes her think you're some kind of mole man that hides from society.
It's one thing to take your time with something, but it never hurts to try and take it at your own pace. Tetsujin you aren't doing anything but playing video games, and that's concerning. I play video games, but not majority of my time because I got things to do, people to be with, and hopefully a woman to cuddle with (it's a work in progress at the moment). You have to take dating and relationships at your own pace, but not at a stand still or glacial or with the same perspective Tetsujin has because that's more out of fear than wisdom.
What bothers me most dude is that you're on a DATING site. If I wanted friends I'll stick with facebook. Serious oxymoron. | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/25/2012 12:47:46 AM | High school is in the past, and, like everything else of yesterday, it's gone, and it's not coming back. Here's the thing: it doesn't matter! I didn't date in high school at all, and I also skipped Prom, and...so what? I started dating at 18, began my first year of college simultaneously with my Senior year of high school, and didn't miss a thing by waiting to date. I'm actually very glad I didn't date in high school, and I've never had a single issue with dating, beyond the usual fakes, flakes, and characters, lol.
Oh, and btw, there is a Baptist church in Philly that holds an annual Christian Prom For All Ages. Care to go? ;) | |
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| Is it normal to not have dated in highschool?
Posted: 6/28/2012 9:55:58 AM | | I do NOT regret NOT dating in High school. I look back at my friends at the time and how much drama they had because they were dating. I was busy having too much fun to bring some boy into the picture to ruin my fun! I did not have a date for my high school prom but I went anyway! Had a blast too with my friends, whom all had dates. I'm not going to lie and say there weren't times that I didn't want a boyfriend because I had my moments. I got over them quickly though. I wouldn't go back and change it for a thing though! I'm glad a waited until I was 20 to start dating. I don't think dating in high school could have prepared me any more than what my preconceived notions already were. Don't sweat it, you are not in HS anymore. Get out there and get some experience as an adult! The past is the past and it's done, it can't help you so just get out there and start dating! The experience will come! | |
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