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| | Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates? Page 3 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | nativerock wrote
Well I consider myself a work in progress..So I am constantly revolving and hoping people enjoy my progression as well.. Besides if I ever do couple he will never be bored.. lol Whether we believe it or not, we are all changing as we age. Please don't change so much that you could be picked out of a line-up. Even worse would be your significant other does know you when awakened the next morning. [Goes to sleep with a blonde and wake-up with a redhead!] LOL Please don't be that person. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 4:37:17 AM | Well, let's see.........
I weigh 100 lbs., carrying a 100 pound bag of concrete.......LOL....very muscular, very active, 3% body fat....if I went to the gym, I'd disappear.
I've done the facial hair thing. A beard makes me look older. I sported a goatee for two years and looked more like I should be doing card tricks. Facial hair is too much of a hassle for me to maintain. I even shave my nose hair.....LOL......I prefer clean shaven or a little scruffy shadow.
Nope, got plenty of hair. Fortunately, baldness does not run in my family.
My gray is not that pronounced. Most of it is in my facial hair and that base is already covered.
Look Ma!!!! No cavities!!!
I'm the last of my family to wear glasses. I was apprehensive at first but have received quite a few nice comments on them. Plus, I had an eye accident when I was a child, so I have a bit of a phobia with sticking things in my eyes. I'll pass on the contacts.
I like me. I grow a little bit happier every day and that inner happiness, I think reflects outward. So, I like what I see in the mirror. I can't complain for almost 45. I only choose people who like me for me, anyway...... | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 5:29:59 AM | tbicon
Welsh, almost all guys are looking for women they find "hot", shallow or not, and by that I mean women who guys find physically attractive. (Not disputing women are looking for the same thing). It is not shallow to want to be with women who are attractive because, in the end, without attraction, there is no relationship possible. What makes up attraction is partly the physical, for better or for worse. It cannot be shallow to follow our biological instincts. And no, I think any person who would reject an otherwise suitable person simply because of finances is NUTS. I say this because it is really, really hard to find people to connect with, and it is far harder, I am sure, in middle age as opposed to younger ages. Money should never be an issue to come between true love imho. That's the way I see it, and if there are those who demand financial equality, they are simply looking for a partner, not true love.
I have noticed something which you fail to see.
Those that are well off financially think money shouldn't be an issue with true love. Those men that are tall don't think height should be an issue with true love. Those that are very attractive don't think beauty should be a reason that men choose to date them. Those that come from well educated parents don't realize what an advantage they started out life with. Those that are smart don't realize that average / below in intelligence is a problem in life.
Naturally one needs to be attracted to someone to date them, but they don't need to be in the top 5% of what most men consider "hot" I am not sure those women are the best for true love anyway, the ones I did date were vain.
Some men / woman are naturally plain looking, nothing they can do about most of their physical features. Some people do gain weight because of medical problems, some people become rich because they were born to it, some are poor because of tragic accidents.
But most people who gain weight, have financial problems, poor hygiene etc do so because some area of their personality is dysfunctional. If you think that is true, then financial problems can reflect personality defects.
The majority of people fail to see why such and such is a problem when for them this aspect of life has never been a problem for them. And honestly, many problems are self inflicted.
If you could walk a mile in someone else's shoes you would see some things differently. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 5:58:13 AM |
If ur striking out on POF, maybe u need to update ur appearance?
When I started this thread I should have worded it better...
I have a friend who met many men on POF & other sites who struck out all the time. She used to "whine" to me about it...When she was married, she REALLY let herself go...When she got divorced, she worked on her appearance & did date initially...but she sank back into her old habits & became obese, too lazy to wear her contacts/put on some makeup for 1ST MEETS (altho her pic was taken when she was fixed up)...well, hello...
I know another lady, she has a tummy & insulin dependent diabetes & she also complains about it all the time...yet she eats all types of carbs & stuffs herself on pretzels...What a person chooses to do is their own business, but when they whine about it to me, while engaging in self-destructive behaviors, then it starts to become my business.
If someone is not willing to work on whatever, they need to keep their mouth shut & go on about their business. So whether it is dating or health/weight, why shoot one's-self in the foot REPEATEDLY, blame someone/something else for it- then have the nerve to whine about it?
We've all cringed thru the nice guy/BBW threads, etc. but seriously, the ones who r striking out, what r u doing that makes u "undateable"?
If u r here not to date- fine, if u r not striking out- fine, if u want to stay the way u r- fine, but if u do stay the way u r, try to date, & then whine- I say u deserve what u get for not making any effort to change...change yourself, u will change your circumstances! | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:14:28 AM | ^^^^^^^^
Just out of curiosity, what is with that phenomenon? Some women who are married or in a relationship "letting themselves go?"
Is it some kind of unconditional love test?......because it's a pretty sure sign when a woman is in a relationship of some kind when she goes back to the gym or focusing more on her appearance the man is either in the process of getting dumped or she's having an affair...... | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:14:28 AM | | I let my self go after my last boyfriend. I am losing weight now because of my health I am close to being a lifetime member for weight watchers meaning I finished the program. If you let you self go and do not take care of your self you will not find people that will want to date you. You have to love your self. You have to take care of you and feel good about your self. And others will see it and want to know you because you are projecting being a person that is a grounded stable person and comfortable in there skin. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:15:23 AM | BLoNde__ANgeL, you bring up a related but very important issue.
Once somone does find a relationship that is some form of LTR, then do they "let themselves go".
I know it's very easy to cut back from going to a gym (or whatever) once a day when you find someone. Then it become twice a week, then once in a while twice a month. It is very, very easy to slip back into old bad habits.
Maybe some people are more comfortable being whiny martyrs. They get some attention that way, it is easy as they don't have to work at becoming better people. Becoming a better person is hard work, being a whiny martyr is fairly easy.
My round about way of saying, you can lead a horse to water. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:23:32 AM | Just out of curiosity, what is with that phenomenon? Some women who are married or in a relationship "letting themselves go?"
Is it some kind of unconditional love test?......because it's a pretty sure sign when a woman is in a relationship of some kind when she goes back to the gym or focusing more on her appearance the man is either in the process of getting dumped or she's having an affair...
Actually it is unfortunately becoming the norm in modern American society where *currently* we have an over-abundance of sugar-water beverages and high carb low-nutrition foods in every supermarket in every town.
Dang-it people always drink zero-cal WATER instead of that hyped cornsyrup-filled toxic trash!
And most people indulge in eating the easy sweet sugary desserts, bringing them home to their gluttony partners and pay less or no attention to the much healthier veges/whole grains/low-cal high nutrient foods.
VVV
Once I prove I can accomplish the goal, I lose interest in maintaining weight or continuing to make money.(...) I would love to understand this, but it's not an easy problem.
And THAT is another reason why Finding and MAINTAINING a compatible long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life for most everyone,
it REQUIRES sharing about 50% of that power/daily focus/control with another imperfect human being like yourself..
So you BOTH can support each others goals and CONTINUE to maintain optimum health.
And here is an opportunity to state what IS obviously the GREATEST challenge in life for ALL, that is a healthy LIFE itself,
achieving optimum mental and physical health over time through your own mindset with the daily determination to fully adopt and LIVE the healthy LIFESTYLE that can add a decade or more to your lifespan,
and as a fringe benefit makes you much more energetic and ATTRACTIVE to other people! S
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:23:41 AM | Well sure! Ya gotta put your best foot forward. There are a couple of things that I still need to work on, but for the most part I've taken care of what can be taken care of without a major overhaul. As odd as it seems to me at 55, I don't seem to have any problems getting noticed.
I have a friend that was recently divorced. Always had the unkempt mountain-man look. He lost weight, bought new clothing, got his hair styled, his wild-looking beard trimmed and teeth fixed. It worked wonders - but he said to me "D*mn, but this being single is hard work!" :-D
For me, what would really help MY cause would be to develop a sudden case of religion. A heathen such as myself is a tough sell right here in the middle of the bible belt. THAT has derailed several potentially good matches! :-) | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:25:38 AM | dreamfire, letting myself go as regards weight has happen to me several times. Financially it has happen as well, when I hit some goal of hitting a certain monetary gain, I change and start to lose money.
If I achieve my goal, sometimes I am sort of burned out, and just start focusing on other things.
If I get involved with a women, it's sometime hard to find time to go work out in a gym. This time I am going to get her to work out with me.
I think maybe for me, I want a challenge. Once I prove I can accomplish the goal, I lose interest in maintaining weight or continuing to make money.
But I am not really sure about the dynamics of this for me, but I been working on how to maintain my gains after, whatever they are, health, financial or emotional. I would love to understand this, but it's not an easy problem. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 8:08:34 AM |
I have noticed something which you fail to see . . .. The majority of people fail to see why such and such is a problem when for them this aspect of life has never been a problem for them. And honestly, many problems are self inflicted.
Self inflicted, a victim of circumstances, luck, parents, environmental or genetic defects, none of this really is of relevance to my point, which is simple. Rich or poor, healthy or not, smart or dumb, the most important thing in life, along with food and shelter, is an honest to goodness, love relationship. If you have that, you can withstand almost all of life's travails. If you want to achieve that, you have to put your best foot forward and forget some of these barriers that so many people throw up to reject other people. Attractiveness to the other person is an absolute. That can not be compromised. What is "hot" or "attractive" is subjective and different for different people. To some it might mean personality or inner beauty or outer beauty . . but it is a necessity. If a person does not attempt to make all aspects of their person more attractive, whether it is by losing weight, by educating themselves, by seeking a healthier lifestyle, etc. . . they are hurting no one but themselves and lessening their chances of finding true love. Having money in and of itself should not make a difference if the person has all of the necessary attributes for attraction and for love to bloom. People do not need more than a minimal amount of money to be happy. Now granted, more dynamic, intelligent people are more likely to have money . . and of course that is part of the overall package.
I suppose what I am saying about money is this... if I were dating, I would have very little interest in an unintelligent or uneducated woman . . because we simply would not be compatible on the most basic of levels. But if she is intelligent and educated, warm and kind, sensitive, decent . .and attractive to me, money would not matter in the least. I would not expect a school teacher to have much money . . but a teacher would be high on my list of desirable traits in a woman.
At any rate, getting back to the theme of this thread. To me its simple. . if a woman does not put her best foot forward and has the attitude of take me or leave me, my response would be to leave her. She doesn't want to make an effort, she is not worth effort from my point of view.
And by the way, just because people are in long term relationships does not mean that they need to let themselves go. Once staying healthy because part of your lifestyle, that's just the way you live. That means regular exercise and eating well.
Yesterday, I had a business lunch and ordered what I thought would be a healthy meal . . chicken breast and vegetables. Both were smothered in butter, as I forgot to make my preferences known. I did not ask them to take it back, did not want to make an issue of it, and so ate the food. Did it taste good? Sure. But I literally felt somewhat sick afterwards, because butter is not something I normally eat spread all over my food. I just am used to eating steamed vegetables, etc. I drink water or unsweetened ice-teal, or light beers when at the bar. I will work out in the morning six - seven days per week. . . on the road or not. It just becomes a natural part of the lifestyle. There is no excuse for getting lazy about this stuff except for being lazy of course. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 8:38:46 AM |
but if u do stay the way u r, try to date, & then whine- I say u deserve what u get for not making any effort to change...change yourself, u will change your circumstances!
With all due respect to this line of thinking (and thanks, "Star" for showing me these POF wonders called "italics" and "bold":)
There are a few things we cannot change about ourselves. One of these is our birth year aka our age. The other is the flagrant ageism in dating practiced by so many 45+ adults.
Many many many of these people (often blessed with a high number of qualities and blessings which combine to suggest very promising romantic potential) enthusiastically initiate contact us, raise our hopes to the point where we take the time to write thoughtful, appreciative, encouraging replies. . . and then reread our profiles to learn that we are god forbid only 5 years younger than they ----- or god forbid we are their age. . .
Dear Fellow Forumites, You can stop reading anytime now. This is where the story ends. . . and happens again. . . and ends. . . and happens again. . .
So yes: some of us whine. And all the logical "It's their loss" lines you can toss out to us don't do a darn thing to minimize the reality of this dating over 45 challenge. Unless, of course, we were to become utterly immune to the disappointment and frustration, in which case we'd be comfortably numb (thanks Pink Floyd) at best --- and jaded at worse, and no thank you to either.
Scene dissolves as the distinct sounds of "Some Day My Prince Will Come" echo in the background :) | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 8:52:29 AM | | Ready, this thread has nothing to do with ageism as I see it. It has to do with people who state that they are not changing themselves to be more attractive to the opposite sex. Obviously age is not something that can be changed. But things like unhealthy habits . . smoking for instance . . . can be changed. If a person says I am not going to give up smoking to be more eligible, that is a choice they make . . but then they shouldn't complain that so many guys want nothing to do with them. That's how I see this thread. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 8:54:36 AM | Have I stated lately how much I dislike texting language......lmao
I hope that all of us are willing to take a long hard look at ourselves, no matter the age and feel good about doing things to improve yourself for you and the benefits from all of that......for you. Living a healthy life style will benefit you no matter your age, and hopefully keep you in the mix with those that live a similar life style. Unfortunately for far far to many, as they age, their willingness and desire to maintain their healthy life style changes and then they wonder why those that look younger, act younger and feel younger......just might decide to date younger.
I prefer to date the person, not their age, and if they can keep up with me and I with them......we are attracted to each other......have that awesome chemistry......and find compatibility........we are good to go, no matter the age!!
And for the record......I like "utters".....;)
cd | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:24:30 AM |
Ready, this thread has nothing to do with ageism as I see it. It has to do with people who state that they are not changing themselves to be more attractive to the opposite sex. Obviously age is not something that can be changed. But things like unhealthy habits . . smoking for instance . . . can be changed. If a person says I am not going to give up smoking to be more eligible, that is a choice they make . . but then they shouldn't complain that so many guys want nothing to do with them. That's how I see this thread.
I reread the OP's questions 3 times and every time I read, it was about "looks",nothing about "unhealthy" or "healthy".
If you decide to "change" for someone, you must agree on what that INDIVIDUAL person believes to be of importance. I, for one, will not "change" because of what the MAJORITY of people in today's society/world find appealing. In fact, I tend to do the complete opposite,just because I see how phucked up people are,with their line of thinking and what they "value".
I have no problem with being single if they only other choice is for me to "change" for others. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:46:01 AM | Walt, can you think of anything that has more of an effect on looks than a healthy or unhealthy lifestyle? I can't. How "good looking" you are or are not is very much under your control. It shows when a person is healthy and fit. It shows in their eyes, their skin, the way they move. I just don't see how you can separate the two.
As for what the majority of people want . . I agree a thousand percent. Who cares what women demand as far as jewelry, or clothes, or whatever. When I am talking about being as presentable as can be, I am talking about the basics. . being as healthy as you can be, as respectful and polite as you can be, clean and properly groomed . . beard or not, the types of things that really matter in initial attraction and relationships overall. So yea, as Sinatra says, I have to be me, but I also have to have the basics down if I want to attract or remain in a good relationship. If a woman does not feel it is necessary to give up smoking, or too lose excessive weight, or to be properly groomed for a first date, she is going to not have a lot of second dates in my honest opinion. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 10:10:45 AM |
I just don't see how you can separate the two
A person living a "healthy" lifestyle does not always "look good" to the everyday person. I know people that don't live here in Vancouver,but, what a lot of people call the "bush" or in the "boonies". They live a VERY healthy lifestyle,but, as soon as they step within the city limits their "look" is defined a little differently no matter how "healthy" they are.
A quick and easy example of this....
I think it's nice when my guy (who is very fit and well groomed) says to let him know if he should change up the wardrobe a little, as he is not a fashion expert.
And though you agree with me a thousand percent, you will still believe this
When I am talking about being as presentable as can be, I am talking about the basics. . being as healthy as you can be, as respectful and polite as you can be, clean and properly groomed .
So, in fact, you don't agree with me. Not a worry. "Clean and properly groomed" are subjective,based on what people "believe" to be true. Different societies and cultures have a varying degree of "properly groomed", and what is "respectful and polite". That is all based on people and their different "beliefs". I'm just having a tougher and tougher time with our North American society and the "beliefs" that come with it. Like I said, not a worry. I can live with being single. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 10:30:47 AM | @mjinict-
Not to take away from Walts contribution, but I answer for myself.........
I shower daily, sometimes twice a day. Were I to wake up late, I would rather be late to work than not have a shower. I brush my teeth (and my tongue). I'm finicky about my hair. It's embarrassing. My hair is very fine and I have a lot of it. Plus a pesky cowlick that, on a bad day, gives me 'Alfalfa syndrome.' I wear clean clothes all the time. My 'casual', it has been said, is other people's 'dressy.'
So, no, it's not out of the realm of expectation to ask of these things. I think it is reflective of the persons' taking care of themselves and being good to themselves. However, no one is afforded the right to tell me what to wear because I think it's a personal comfort thing. Yup, I suck at the fashion thing but I know what I like. I also don't subscribe to media programming which usually tries to tell me that a Ferrari makes my penis look bigger and that I'll get the girl if I buy one.
.....but what kind of girl will I get???.......hmmmmmmm...... | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/23/2012 11:03:16 AM | I also don't subscribe to media programming which usually tries to tell me that a Ferrari makes my penis look bigger and that I'll get the girl if I buy one.
If I could afford a '60 - '63 250 GT Spyder SWB, I'd have one. But only because I think it's the most gorgeous car ever produced. Unfortunately, they are currently selling for more than twenty times what I would call affordable.
As for the topic being discussed, I change my appearance often. If the woman I'm involved with thinks I'd look better if I tweak this or that, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Within reason, of course. I don't like long hair, I did that when I was young and I still remember what a hassle it was. But I hate wearing a suit and tie, so that'll only happen on special occasions. In the summer, it's shorts and a polo. | |
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