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| | Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates? Page 4 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) |
So Walt, you don't think it's reasonable to shower, brush teeth, hair, wear clean clothes daily?
I've gone without,and yet, I've survived. Pretty hard to have a shower when ya don't have running water. Teeth, ya, I give em a quick clean. Hair???? Brush????? LOL. And my clothes don't have to be "clean" to keep me warm or protect me from the elements. I pointed out your words because you brought "fashion" into it. Your "opinion" on what is fashionable(or looks "good") is based on what you have been fed. Why do you think "fashion" is a never ending cycle????? It has a lot to with the money in your purse,not because it's a "requirement" of life or happiness. | |
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pfif
| | Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 77 | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/24/2012 9:54:06 PM | Would I change?
Hmmm..
Depending on what it was, but probably no.
If a man said he preferred my hair up or out.
Or he said he liked a particular outfit I would probably wear it more frequently.
I have changed things to suit myself since my divorce.
My ex wanted me to change a lot about myself even wanting me to have plastic surgery.
I did have some 'spots' that he considered ugly, removed off my back and felt terrible that I had gone 'under the knife' purely to please another person. No medical necessity, purely to please him.
He also hounded me for years to have a breast reduction. I got to the point of a consultation with a plastic surgeon before coming to my senses.
So would I change something about me that I did not want to change purely to please another person NO.
Would I do things that please them and make them happy? Yes. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 6:36:00 AM |
If you let you self go and do not take care of your self you will not find people that will want to date you. You have to love your self. You have to take care of you and feel good about your self. And others will see it and want to know you because you are projecting being a person that is a grounded stable person and comfortable in there skin.
Yes, it all starts with you, regardless if in any relationship,or not at all.
And like I mentioned in another thread, if he or she does not possess any inner beauty, its imo, all for not, regardless what gets you to the big dance. As we both want & need these,the special of all gifts that are out there but, are so dog gone at times, hard to find....
Dear Fellow Forumites, You can stop reading anytime now. This is where the story ends. . . and happens again. . . and ends. . . and happens again. . .
This woman has a wonderful sense of insight, wit & humor. cheers | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 8:49:33 AM | I think the ONLY time in my life that I drastically changed my appearance for someone was shortly after my divorce. I lost about twenty pounds, coloured my hair blonde, joined a gym and worked out like mad. I so wanted him to see me as a hot, desirable woman...and regret the split. And everytime I knew I was going to run into him, or when he popped by to pick up the kids, I made damn sure I was looking good.
It seemed to make perfect sense at the time *embarrased* ... but now I realize how pathetic and childish that was.
I still keep an eye on my weight, watch what I eat, but I have discovered that I need to look good and feel good for me...no one else.
Edit to add: Someone that I dated a while back had suggested I grow my hair He actually said I would look so much more sexier with longer hair. Note: hair still the same length *grin*
....mae | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 9:06:50 AM | Mae.....You promised that you would not tell anyone that story....and yes, your hair longer would make you look even more sexy.....and....If you colored it blonde......omg......lmao
OT.......I am constantly evaluating my current position in life with how life is changing, and if I need to change too. I remember those days, long ago, where everyone wore "whitey tighty" underwear, and we were told to bind our parts up and not show bulges and protect those babies, and then the wave of boxers moved in, and now if one wears the "whitey tighty" shorts, we wonder about them or know we are visiting them in the nursing home......go figure
Life changes, and so will we, and if not wanted, then you do not need to, but to not at least evaluate who and what you are, and what you are trying to accomplish, just does not make sense to me.
cd | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 9:50:35 AM | If I was struggling getting dates, and dating was important to me, I would try and make some superficial changes to see if it made a difference. Seems silly not to at least try, if dating is the goal.
We can either evolve/change or become extinct.
Like anything, it is balance. Would I diet, lose weight etc to change my appearance to nab a guy and then eat like a piggy afterwards, gain weight and expect him to stick around? No. Try to always remain who you are inside, while dressing up the package a little. There is faking an appearance and there is enhancing an appearance. Big difference. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 10:44:06 AM | I've always dressed, took care of my hair and make up for myself. In my 40's, I did some work on the inner me and I'm happy with myself.
Over the past 10 years, I have put on a bit of weight and am now in the midst of taking it off (lost 10 lbs over the past 6 weeks), which is a challenge for a "foodie" such as myself. I am doing this for ME and my health, and no one else. If I meet someone along the way, great...if not, that's fine too. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 11:13:46 AM | As much as we all want to be loved for who we are, human beings take physical appearance into account when dating, especially when meeting initially.
The reality is, when you're dating, you as an individual is a product. The opposite sex is the marketplace.
We all want a certain kind of person, but if we let ourselves reach the point where we are not physically attractive to that individual, we won't get the opportunity to demonstrate the other sides of us. Men and Women do this all the time. They look at eachother and notice untucked and wrinkly shirts, dirty shoes, unkempt hair, unhealthy skin tone and body shape, etc, etc.
So, our choice is either try to fight the reality, or accept that sometimes you need to give the audience what it wants. That doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel or GQ model, just that you need to take the time and effort to maximize and improve what you already have.
If your natural beauty/handsomeness is good enough to compensate, that's great. However, most of us are not in that boat, we're average, or above/below average in base looks.
Dating is competitive whether we like to admit it or not. The best potential partners have multiple choices and are approached by multiple people. If you want to even get to the "get to know" phase, then you have to get past the initial screening. Some people can do it with exceptional eloquence, rapier sharp wit, magnetic charisma, or outgoing personalities. If you are not one of those people, then physical appearance is your first and easiest entre.
This is about bringing your 'A' game, not whether you feel you should change to fit someone. This also applies to photo's, profiles, e-mails, etc. Every time we send a message, post a photo, or see someone in person we are being assessed as a prospective mate just as you are assessing the other person as a prospective mate.
The choices are simple.
Step up your game and maximize your chances, or take a "stand" against the system and accept the consequences.
In my mind it's a no brainer. I'd rather step up my game and end up with someone wonderful than forfeit before it starts and end up alone with a pyhhric moral victory.
As a side note, I can speak from some personal experience on this topic. My current GF of 3+ years has told me that when she initially saw me, she didn't find me all that cute at first, but was impressed by my sharp dress (I was wearing a suit jacket, jeans, and dress shoes at the time). I didn't fall under her typical "type", but wasn't going to disqualify me out of hand. I then proceeded to stun her like an ox with my wit, charm and personality (my words, not hers). :)
Would I have still won her heart if I wasn't dressed to impressed? Maybe, maybe not. However, I do believe it improved my odds, and for me that's what counts. When it's the right person, why wouldn't I want to stack the deck as much in my favor as I can?
Heck, I'd rig the game if I could. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 11:27:44 AM |
[We all want a certain kind of person, but if we let ourselves reach the point where we are not physically attractive to that individual, we won't get the opportunity to demonstrate the other sides of us. Men and Women do this all the time. They look at eachother and notice untucked and wrinkly shirts, dirty shoes, unkempt hair, unhealthy skin tone and body shape, etc, etc.
So, our choice is either try to fight the reality, or accept that sometimes you need to give the audience what it wants. That doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel or GQ model, just that you need to take the time and effort to maximize and improve what you already have.
If your natural beauty/handsomeness is good enough to compensate, that's great. However, most of us are not in that boat, we're average, or above/below average in base looks.
Dating is competitive whether we like to admit it or not. The best potential partners have multiple choices and are approached by multiple people. If you want to even get to the "get to know" phase, then you have to get past the initial screening. Some people can do it with exceptional eloquence, rapier sharp wit, magnetic charisma, or outgoing personalities. If you are not one of those people, then physical appearance is your first and easiest entre.
This is about bringing your 'A' game, not whether you feel you should change to fit someone. This also applies to photo's, profiles, e-mails, etc. Every time we send a message, post a photo, or see someone in person we are being assessed as a prospective mate just as you are assessing the other person as a prospective mate.
All this is true, but ignores the basic problem.
The problem with somone with that has wrinkly shirts, dirty shoes, unkempt hair, unhealthy skin tone and body shape itsn't the game aspect of it, is this is their true personality. If someone makes a big but short term effort to change, then at sometime in the future they will revert, and then what happens? To what degree are these things a reflection of our longer term personality?
This is the reason so many have a positive profile, yet when you get to know them, they don't appear to be anything like their self description. It is also the reason that when someone mentions the slightest negative item on their profile, many assume this to mean a much larger problem.
Not just a problem with online, but I suspect online it is more pronounced since IRL we don't walk around with a resume attached to our bodies. Not something we can really get around, just the way that it is. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 12:31:58 PM | All this is true, but ignores the basic problem.
The problem with somone with that has wrinkly shirts, dirty shoes, unkempt hair, unhealthy skin tone and body shape itsn't the game aspect of it, is this is their true personality. If someone makes a big but short term effort to change, then at sometime in the future they will revert, and then what happens? To what degree are these things a reflection of our longer term personality?
Sorry, I don't buy it.
Your personality is whether you like food spicy or mild, reggae or rock, CIS or UFC, or whether you are Kind or Cruel. It has nothing to do with whether your shoes are wrinkled or your shoes aren't polished.
Try showing up at a job interview or Wedding in a tank top and shorts and see how much sympathy you get for being "true to your personality".
Wearing nice clothing and being well groomed doesn't change who you are. Does your taste in food, music or women change because you put on a tie? Do you suddenly become cruel and abusive when you slip on those polished shoes? Does your relationships with your friends suddenly end because your shirt is ironed this week?
You iron your shirts when it's appropriate and you wear nice shoes when it's appropriate. It's PART of who you are just as wearing those wrinkled shirts are part of who you are. The question is which Facet of yourself are you going to present to another human being the FIRST time you meet.
It's not like a woman will expect a man to wear a suit around the house, or a tie when you go camping, or a jacket to the basketball court. You wear what is appropriate for the situation.
As for reverting, what clothes you wear when is a habit like any other. Do you worry about reverting back to leaving the toilet seat up, or watching a "chick flick" with your date? We all make compromises in our behavior when we date, just as we expect compromises from our dates. If one of those compromises means ironing your shirts a little more often, how is that compromising one's true self?
I find it amazing how people will wax on about how they will do anything for the ones they love... how they'll walk on broken glass, cross oceans, and defend them with their lives... but tuck in their shirt? Oh no! The Inhumanity!
This is about Effort, not personality. How much Effort are you willing to put in to win the heart of your potential Love? Is wearing an ironed shirt and nice shoes too much effort for a first date? Is it too much effort to make changes to your life to keep another person happy?
It's like you're screaming from the rooftops, "Love me for who I am! Even if I can't be bothered to put forth any kind of real effort!"
This is the reason so many have a positive profile, yet when you get to know them, they don't appear to be anything like their self description. It is also the reason that when someone mentions the slightest negative item on their profile, many assume this to mean a much larger problem.
Not just a problem with online, but I suspect online it is more pronounced since IRL we don't walk around with a resume attached to our bodies. Not something we can really get around, just the way that it is.
This happens often because people truly believe they are those things. This happens in real life and online. There are psychological studies that show that the Majority of people consider themselves to be above average intelligence. The fact is most of us are average or slightly above/below average, but we don't like to see ourselves that way.
We all view ourselves through rose colored mirrors. Worse still, we apply our own expectations to those profiles.
When someone says thay have a great sense of humor, we Assume that it's OUR sense of humor. When they say they are intelligent, we assume it's how WE define intelligence. And when they say they are attractive, we assume they fit OUR definition of attractive.
It's why all profiles should be taken with a grain of salt. Not because everyone is lying, but because people are not only putting their best feet forward but they are not being Objective about themselves.
There are three facets to who we are... Who we think we are, How others see us, and who we Actually are. They are nearly always different. It's like when you ask a friend how they see you... often it's not the same way we see ourselves. For some people it's close to who they actually are, sometimes it's wildly divergent.
People need to lower our expectations when we read profiles. Just like Women expect men to exagerrate their accomplishments and careers, and Men expect women to exagerrate their ages and weight, we should take all profiles with a grain of salt.
If a profile reads like a 10, lower your expectations to a 7 or 8. That way if they turn out to be a 9 you are pleasantly surprised instead of mildly disappointed.
Ultimately, it still all comes down to the same point. We can choose to either step up our games, or forfeit before the game starts.
I know which one I would choose. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 12:55:59 PM | Mae.....You promised that you would not tell anyone that story....and yes, your hair longer would make you look even more sexy.....and....If you colored it blonde......omg......lmao
Lol....I actually felt the "blonde vibe"...and maybe just a tad sexier..hehe. But in reality, the hair colour did not really suit me, or so I thought.
Although I would make minor changes to my appearance if my guy wanted me to...like wearing high heels and pearls...hehe
...mae | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 1:14:07 PM | I'm attracted to fit women who lead a healthy lifestyle. Women who like to turn on the sex appeal by looking and dressing accordingly. I like physical affection
Nobody 'has to' attempt to be more attractive and nobody 'has to' be attracted to anyone else. Each to their own.
We can all say ''take me or leave me for who I am'...and the reality is that's how things are. I'm happy to skip over a mature woman who doesn't have the desire to make herself sexually appealing. She'll also be happier with sone fellow who loves her for who she is, and would prefer to share a pizza while sitting on the sofa. In contrast, I like a woman I can go for an invigorating hike with , fantasize about her tight body as she walks in front of me and then getting off the trail for some friskiness.
Each to their own. There are guys who like the overweight woman who has the granny look. ...manageable hair and sensible shoes. Such a woman would be as unhappy with me as I would be with them....my eyes would soon wander to a mature woman with a slim figure, long hair, and heels or a bit of cleavage. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 1:25:50 PM |
There are guys who like the overweight woman who has the granny look. ...manageable hair and sensible shoes.
Really, which guys? And I would add that I am amused that there are women photos on this site that are about as unflattering as can be. I am not talking about physical attributes here, but the face they are presenting to the world. Some of them even show disdain in their faces. Why would a guy want to date a woman who looks like a complete slob in her profile photo, or who doesn't crack a smile? If some women intend to look mean or be mistaken for bulldogs, they are doing a good job of it, but unlikely they are going to be attracting very men quality guys (there are always those guys looking for intimate encounters who probably don't have much discernment about who they have them with). | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 2:05:01 PM | Mae, I have made minor changes upon request / suggestion.
While I often liked long hair, wild looking hair short hard gives a woman an interesting look, it really isn't all that significant as personalitiy is more important.
A woman on PoF thought i would look better with my mustache shaved off, I was inclined to agree, so I shaved. Many have told me it's better leave my shirt not tucked in, ok, likely the are right. .
A women I was dating wanted me to beef up my arms so it would be easy for me to pin her down in bed, which I though was a little over the top. She was quite athletic, very fit and wiry, like trying wrestling a python. But it takes time and a lot of effort to increase one's strength. I would have likely gone along with that if had thought we made a good LTR, but I think it was an out of the ordinary suggestion. So we didn't see each ofter for long.
But I used to be a boy scout and always remember the motto, so I am going off line to head to the gym. | |
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| Would U @ MiddleAge B willing 2 make a change in your appearance 2B more successful w/dates?
Posted: 6/25/2012 3:23:21 PM |
A women I was dating wanted me to beef up my arms so it would be easy for me to pin her down in bed, which I though was a little over the top. She was quite athletic, very fit and wiry, like trying wrestling a python
Cripes, i just got back fromn the gym, poured a cup of coffee, sat down took a sip and it almost squirted out my nose when I read that. Too funny. At least I hadn't drank ther coffee yet or I may have peed myself. | |
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