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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:01:49 PM | | When they come on so hot and strong and say they are separated it is red flag for me. That he refused the sex even so early, is rather unusual. You are relative strangers and he may be wary. He may well be very much married and his conscience pricked him or maybe he thought you were too fast and would be that way with others. Men do have double standards often. That you have kids can also be a deal breaker. It happens to both genders. The disappearing act. Who would really know why unless they tell you. He may be unstable mentally. He may also have met with some kind of accident. Unless he lets you know, it is all a matter of conjecture. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:09:55 PM | OP, I think it has to do with the fast pace of today and easy meetings on the Internet.
We meet without a lot of real effort, meaning just typing words. So get all this info about a person from their profiles, txt msgs, emails, very quickly. It becomes easy to break it off, just stop communicating.
In the past one was more likely to meet again even after breaking it off. Now days people have relationships and don't ever visit one or the others home.
Life in general seems more fleeting. The whole world is changing quickly, I think this is a period in history of greater flux.
I think the cycle of relationships has also speeded up.
When a man or woman comes on hot and heavy, it's often a red flag. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:42:36 PM | | Easy comes, easy goes. Finding/getting a date/relationship online is like playing with the stock market. When a stock goes up fast and at its peak, it will fall down in no time. And a date/relationship with all the hot stuffs happening so fast is like a penny stock. Learn your lesson. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:45:51 PM | In my experience and observations, the faster the guy wants to move, the faster he's going to disappear.
Don't know why - and can't speak to women doing the same since I don't date women - but it seems to be fairly common. I think it has always gone on, but we notice it more these days because we now have so many ways to instantly communicate. Before the web, cell phones and texting, the guy may have been long gone but the woman wasn't expecting to hear from him as often, so she didn't realize it. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:15:19 PM | | SSC-SAF, not only do we notice it more( going to disappear), I think things like a forum make it more apparent this goes on often and to many. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:25:11 PM | Well, first he is married, seperated means just that. Divorce means he's not married.
I made the mistake of dating a seperated man. I won't do it again. I didn't hear from him for over a week so I finally asked what was up. He told me he was too emotionally drained to date. WTF? Why not figure that out before you start dating but apparently I helped him learn his lesson and he helped me learn mine.
I will no longer date a seperated men, they aren't ready, I don't care what anybody says. The ones who tell you they are ready are the seperated ones.
Try to move on and just date men who are single/divorced, you'll most likely never hear his reasons for disappearing. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/23/2012 10:41:27 PM | | Honey, If the train didn't stop at your station then that was NOT your train! Be patient. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/24/2012 12:31:15 AM | SSC-SAF
I agree with you. The faster they come on to you, the faster they go. They are usually wanting a quick hook up and any man who is really interested will take his time. However if a woman offers sex early then the conquest is made perhaps and they just move on. It is easy for reasonably attractive men to find women especially on the net and use a false name or whatever and just disappear into the ethers or on to the next one. THey can lie and create a false situation very easily. Texting and chatting, costs very little to arrange the meet up. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/24/2012 4:22:06 AM |
For people saying it happens all the time. YES it does happen all the time. ON POF!
Other sites don't seem to suffer from this phenomenon. People are extremely immature. Even in my dating bracket 30's the chicks at like they are 19.
I totally agree with this. POF has got this problem bad and is next to useless for dating. Unless you are looking for just sex and endless meet and greets. You get what you pay for on here. There seems to be a snowball effect for becoming jaded on this site! :-(
IRL is the much better way to go! | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:43:26 AM |
Other sites don't seem to suffer from this phenomenon.
Yes, actually other sites DO, whether they are pay sites where people are supposedly more "serious", or free sites like this one. It happens all the time (not just based on my experience, but that of others) because people are people - and of course most folks are on more than one site, so logically it is going to happen wherever they may be.
It also happens with people "met" on non-dating sites, such as sites which serve a common interest. (Yes, people do meet there too! What a concept.)
And, believe it or not...it also happens IRL. But there, the person to whom it happens doesn't have a forum like this to ask "why?" so the only folks who know about it are their close friends. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/24/2012 1:35:04 PM | | Oh yeah. It happens to men too. A lady did it to me recently. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:04:20 PM | | Being more of a challenge always helps. You are a very pretty lady but maybe he didn't want a 41 year old party girl holding drinks in every picture. (just being real) he toyed with you because it was a fun game to him. You lost his respect the first night. But if that's who you are fine, live your life....find a guy on the same page who want to drink, party and sex the first night. There are plenty out there...good luck :) | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/24/2012 5:28:53 PM |
i wanted to sleep with him that first day..he said no, we should wait because he wanted it to be more.
I'm sorry, but the above quote is from the OT-and I get no sense that the OP and this guy actually had sex so what is all this talk about the guy getting the OP out of her panties, calling her a slut and a party girl,etc? Are people here really all that twisted up over sex that if a woman even says she WANTED to have sex with a guy, people have to start calling names and PRESUMING(or maybe ASSuming) that the woman got pumped and dumped.
OP-regardless of what did or did not happen, guys fall off the face of the earth all the time.
Even in situations where the guy is met in the "old-fashioned" way, they can tend to be all interested in dating and romance one night and the next time you see them they are apologizing and backpedalling. The other scenario is a few dates and then the guy comes up with some reason to not keep seeing each other, even though there has not been sexual intimacy. And of course the few dates/sexual intimacy and then the fade-out.
The problem being, that there are just enough incidences of something developing into an ongoing dating situation,even a relationship-so you cannot just make a default presumption that a guy is going to either disappear , do a slow fade-out disappearance, or say after a few dates, "I don't think we are right for each other". Guys, I say the same thing to you.
"Vanishing" is just part of the dating scene nowadays. It's a little easier to do if the 2 peoples' paths don't cross otherwise, something that didn't used to happen much because people dated from contacts made in real life and "disappearing" was difficult.
OP, if you want to guard strongly against "the vanishing man", then you will need to date from real life, people that you would tend to be in the same social/activity groups or a situation where your paths would cross often-other than people you work with. Even then, if the guy starts losing his nerve about becoming an "item" and progressing to a relationship, he will disassociate but at least he may find it necessary to tell you that he's lost interest in continuing to see you.
Cindy O | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 12:07:30 AM | Beachluvr56
Why blame the guy? You are the one who let him know on the first date that you were an easy lay. You set the tone of the "relationship" and now you want to blame him for treating you like a s*lut??? Whatever!
I'm surprised it took this long for one of the judgmental ones to post a reply like this.
OP most of us are grown ups here though the old double standard is still put forward by some. I've never felt this way about anyone in my life. If I felt they were easy, then I was just as easy too. If we made a connection and had sex, it was we felt the sparks.
I'm sorry, but the above quote is from the OT-and I get no sense that the OP and this guy actually had sex so what is all this talk about the guy getting the OP out of her panties, calling her a slut and a party girl,etc? Are people here really all that twisted up over sex that if a woman even says she WANTED to have sex with a guy, people have to start calling names and PRESUMING(or maybe ASSuming) that the woman got pumped and dumped.
CindyO, It seems so many here see the words sex and she wanted to, and they stop reading right there and climb up on their High Horse so they can look down their nose at someone. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 3:32:28 AM |
i changed my mind..my kids mean too much to me (he was separated he said)
is he married? why disappear with no word? Now no reply to text, email or calls and the phone is still on.
Sounds like he's married.Do you know where he lives? I'd drive on by and say hi to his wife. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 5:18:11 AM |
Sounds like he's married.Do you know where he lives? I'd drive on by and say hi to his wife.
of course!!!!! He has to be!!!!
I mean...It couldnt be that he just LOST INTREST......nope, it CANT be on her, its totally HIS fault no doubt about it.
I think I will start a thread about all the women on here who I didnt here from after 2 dates and say...she was married!!!! what a skank!!!!
I once got a phone call from a woman I blew off after 2 dates. Told her plain and simple.."I just dont feel chemistry with you"...
I then got blasted for 10 minutes about how I am the real loser, dont have a real job, I have never been married cause I am a loser...bla bla bla...finally just hung up on her.
This is why some guys just dissapear.....so much easier. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 6:44:40 AM | | It isn't you. It's him. There are loads of "him" out there. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 12:31:25 PM |
You are a very pretty lady but maybe he didn't want a 41 year old party girl holding drinks in every picture. (just being real) he toyed with you because it was a fun game to him. You lost his respect the first night. But if that's who you are fine, live your life....find a guy on the same page who want to drink, party and sex the first night. There are plenty out there...good luck :)
I second this.
If the OP was 18 years old we could chime in with wordly advice and 'what a bad guy he is....blah, blah.." But, at her age, sorry, she already knows what the answer is and just wants attention or false pity. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 12:42:19 PM | | Usually they disappear because they either have had another offer which they think is better or they get cold feet. But in this case I would guess he's married. Being honest is one trait that a lot of the men on here don't seem to have. Don 't waste anymore time wondering, it's time wasted!! | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 3:49:40 PM | | That happend to me also but we saw each other for about a month he even had me meet his daughter. She spent the night he was excited she liked me. Then one day he was working at another site for a few days on friday he text me told me he misses me and cant wait to see me. Then nothing, not a word its like he fell off the face of the earth. Im good if he didnt want to see me anymore just come out and say it. I've seen him online so its not like he is hurt or dead. Just not cool. But his loss cause I am a beautiful , funny, loving woman | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 5:35:35 PM | | i've had a lot of people, both men and women disappear on me so don't feel bad. as a matter of fact i met a guy from this site last year and we were strictly friends and we emailed each other a lot. had lunch with him a few times and then low and behold one day he just vanished!! whatever!! guess some people are just weird that way. you shouldn't spend time analyzing it and worrying about it. he obviously didn't care enough to give you an explanation and now you will never know why he disappeared so i would just move on. | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 5:53:48 PM |
Why blame the guy? You are the one who let him know on the first date that you were an easy lay. You set the tone of the "relationship" and now you want to blame him for treating you like a s*lut??? Whatever!
Pretty harsh.
Just because the OP felt she would have liked to have slept with this chap it doesn't paint her as 'easy'. I've had this happen to me and I certainly didn't take it to mean the lady was loose. I'd certainly not think any less of her if it were the first or tenth date we had sex.
The bloke 'disappeared', it happens, plenty of women 'disappear' also for whatever reason.
At least the OP is not coming on here complaining about sleeping with him and then having him disappear?
And it is grossly unfair to the OP to call her derogatory names like that.
Well, first he is married, seperated means just that. Divorce means he's not married.
Well this thread has taken a life of it's own. Exactly whereabouts in any of the OP's posts has she stated the marital status of this bloke? It's only been the assumptions of some of the posters indicating he might have been married unless I'm mistaken?
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 7:19:20 PM |
(he was separated he said) In OP's OP, BlokeInSydney
Ah, mea culpa, missed that in the great jumble of her OP, without the benefit of paragraphs where she also asks the question 'is he married?'.
Now no reply to text, email or calls and the phone is still on. Is he married. I am a very wel grounded individual, not particularly emotional, quite strong minded so i don't understand why someone would not just say...i changed my mind..my kids mean too much to me (he was separated he said) , Why depart without just saying...sorry this is not for me? So my question to the greater experience of the people on this site is...is he married? | |
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| the vanishing man
Posted: 6/25/2012 11:29:39 PM | It isn't you.
I have had it happen a few times to me.
They just dissapear.
There is no standard.
It has happened to me twice this year.
One after the first date, we got on so well on the phone prior to meeting we had dinner as a first meeting.
(And yes I kept my panties on)
He continued to ring me at least once a day after that. But no more meetings and when I started to 'push' to see him again after 3 weeks of phone calls and texts he dissapeared. No response to any communication. He has deleted his profile from here.
And the second this year after 3 dates - he also just dissapeared.
He is still on here but deleted me from his favourites and blocked me and did not answer any messages. Again after him contacting me multiple times a day for about 2 weeks and then absolutely nothing.
No goodbye from either of them.
Just vanished from the planet.
Personally I think it is rude.
If they were no longer interested just say so.
Both said they were divorced. But married men don't tell fibs! Do they? | |
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