| | Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?Page 3 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | OP,
I read your profile. Very witty. You seem to "get it". I don't find any problem with your pics either. There are only a few possibilities why you are not as successful as you were five years ago.
1) You are a few years older and are moving into middle age. No, this is not a "death sentence" when it comes to dating. Actually, I do a whole lot better now than when I was 24 and in my physical prime. BUT once you move into this zone the game changes a bit. Guys who had their kids young and now have more free time are at an advantage over those who are still coaching soccer and chauffering kids to and from Tae kwon do. Also, the women in our age group are now focusing on their careers and are determined to make up for the years when they were focused on young children. The good news is your kids won't stay this age forever.
2) Six years ago there were fewer people dating online and there were fewer sites. Now every single person has a profile up. Actually a profile is no longer the key factor in getting a date. It is how funny you can be in your initial message. You should be good at this. My suspicion, based on your profile and responses here, is that you had game at one time. However, you became complacent and started to rely totally on your profile.
3) Wilkes Barre, PA would never be on my short list of cities to find single women. Scranton is even worse. And don't get me started on places like Berwick or Selinsgrove. Not much you can do about this. But Wilkes Barre is not all that far from NJ, an area where you might have more luck. Bethlehem/Allentown/Easton might be a little bit better than where you are if you don't want to pay the dollar toll to get back into PA. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 7/4/2012 6:57:18 PM | I'd try to avoid that type of mindset, it can become a self fulfilling prophecy. I remember when I was your age (well pretty much...haha) and had minor children. I looked at the dating sites as being social, along with the other things I was involved in. It was mostly for company, wasn't looking for anthing serious and any dating was fairly infrequent and rarely serious. I met my second (now late) husband at a Parents Without Partners group. If you have one in your area, it's worth at least a visit to check out. We had a younger parents sort of group that did a lot of things together so I got to know him without having to just "date".
I think social activities are a lot more relaxed and conducive environment to get to know someone, so I'd try to do as many of those as possible. Events, festivals...things like that where you can take your kids along can be good as well as just the adults only type activities.
You just don't have the resources, especially time, that someone who doesn't have children will. I'm sure you probably will feel as I do that I wouldn't have changed that for anything. Your kids will always be your kids, even after they're grown. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 7/4/2012 9:13:15 PM | | Yes POF. I met a guy who would have rather asked my daughter for a massage then me. I got rid of him so quick, I could just tell he was a predator looking to touch her. He was charming, had all the nice things, paid for dates cuz 'he was a man' but he had a creepy aura. They are out there. And I am not ugly. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 7/4/2012 9:43:57 PM | People have figured out that they can say whatever they want online... so they do.
Face it... if all these women were *REALLY* into 'the outdoors' and 'the gym' there wouldn't be a place to walk outside and gyms would replace bars on every corner.
I've actually had more dates from PoF than I ever did in real life (mainly because I was in long term relationships and never needed to date).
But online dating let you avoid making some pretty big mistakes like dating someone you work with or having to suffer through blind dates. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 7/5/2012 3:15:39 AM | OP - I think it's gotten easier.
And because it's gotten easier, the ponds have grown, exponentially!
And since it's grown exponentially, many people think they see a smorgasbord of all the people they have to choose from.
This has lead to a lot of unrealistic expectations.
Not to mention those whom think they've entered into hostage negotiations....what with their list of demands and all!
I do think that the recession and the slow climb out of it is a valid point to consider.
And I suppose you could toss in there, the potential negative impacts of other women and their kids coming into and then leaving your kids' lives. But I'm out of my element on that, so I'm not gonna do more than just mention it.
And finally.....maybe all the women in your neck of the woods, that have dated you, are now comparing notes and sharing with those whom haven't dated you.
So, maybe it's easier AND harder all at once?!?!?!?! | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 7/5/2012 8:23:04 AM | I have to say the opposite. Back when I started dating online, I was sending a ton of emails. And out of 100 emails, maybe 9 would respond and out of that 9 one or two would take it to the next level and out of that one date. It was a lot of work, but in the end it paid off.
Now, I hardly send any emails. I have become so picky that if I don't see a good angle to talk to them about, I ignore them. They truly have to have something of value to me on their profile. It annoys me what some of the more attractive women do that practically say nothing on their profile because they know they will get about 300 emails a week. I went out with those before and the dates were so boring, yet she felt like she was doing me a favor because now I had eye candy to be with. Hell no. So I do more ignoring now than I did back then. I send now about one tenth of the emails I sent before and out of maybe 12 emails I get to start talking to one or two. And out of that get a date.
What happens after the first date it's not quantifiable yet because I have not hit that chemistry button yet.
So are things better now?
Absolutely. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 7/5/2012 8:49:57 AM | I have noticed, the ONLY luck I ever had with online dating, is if the woman was NEW to the website or even online dating in general. So if you see an UN-familiar face show up as a new person on the POF listings....strike when the irons hot.
The longer someone is on a dating site, the less likely they are to respond. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 7/5/2012 9:00:44 AM |
I have to say the opposite. Back when I started dating online, I was sending a ton of emails. And out of 100 emails, maybe 9 would respond and out of that 9 one or two would take it to the next level and out of that one date. It was a lot of work, but in the end it paid off.
Now, I hardly send any emails. I have become so picky that if I don't see a good angle to talk to them about, I ignore them. They truly have to have something of value to me on their profile. It annoys me what some of the more attractive women do that practically say nothing on their profile because they know they will get about 300 emails a week. I went out with those before and the dates were so boring, yet she felt like she was doing me a favor because now I had eye candy to be with. Hell no. So I do more ignoring now than I did back then. I send now about one tenth of the emails I sent before and out of maybe 12 emails I get to start talking to one or two. And out of that get a date.
What happens after the first date it's not quantifiable yet because I have not hit that chemistry button yet.
So are things better now?
Absolutely.
Your approach to all this is very similar to mine. I don't do a lot of reaching out with emails anymore. I used to carefully look through the profiles for sincere gals I was attracted to who seemed to be serious, then send them a very nicely worded message addressing their interests or feelings and relate them to mine. This worked more often than not, as they were so used to getting the short messages from guys where it was obvious they didn't read their profiles.
The amount of traffic and messages being sent these days makes it pretty much not worth my time to put serious effort into a message anymore. Invariably, there is no response and if there is it's just a simple one line reply saying thanks or something. Why waste the time? I don't want to turn into one of the guys who start firing out 20 of the short "hey baby what up" type messages that most of them just sort through to find the hottest guy to respond to with another worthless "im fine how u".
If I have a feel for a certain gal by perusing through the profiles carefully, then I still may fire off a nice first message. I tend to still get a response, but it is usually the worthless polite type that I know I am wasting my time with. If they're truly interested and have some sense, they reply in kind, but it is usually a one liner.
Hence, I generally don't do much of the searching and reaching out anymore. If a gal messages me, I know for fairly certain they are interested. It is more a pleasant surprise type of thing rather than being all concerned about getting replies or trying to correspond with a gal whose vocab consists of text message responses. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 8/1/2012 1:54:18 PM | | There are too many people showing up to the party, leading to too many options. When people have too many options to choose from, they become......dumb. Like the guy at the RedBox reading each movie description before making a choice while 10 people are in line behind him. Or the fellow staring a little to hard at the McDonald's menu in the drive thru. They finally make a choice and then they are like, "Damn, I should have gotten something else". So to fix this, they narrow the scope of what they are looking for by placing more requirements on a potential mate, while simultaneously lengthening their personal list of deal breakers. Soon everyone becomes jaded that they can't find their perfect partner. And these feeling must then be expressed through one's profile. Soon all that is left is a ton of singles profiles in a given area that are comprised of the exact same people from last year. Then more people show up and the vicious cycle repeats itself! | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 8/1/2012 4:09:03 PM | Ya; I've found that online dating has attracted tire kickers galore. Like you; I was here up until 3-4 years ago. At that time; a lady who messaged you, or messaged you back, was open to dating or (at least) going out to a concert or to get some dinner to sense the vibe. You may have a weekend stand, you may just end up casual buddies, or you may tuie into a relationship; but at least you were doing SOMETHING "real". These days; it seems that 95% of the people who are on here have "0" intention of ever meeting "anyone" off of here. (for whatever reason)
As for the children on a profile thing: I see no problem with it, as long as you take much due caution. To use your kids to get dates is a sort of cheap way to get females interested in you, but so is: shirtless muscle pics, flashin the wheels, sharing a top vacation pic etc etc etc.
As to the original question; ya, the place has dived in quality and truth a ton.
Cheers:
Aj | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 8/1/2012 6:52:38 PM | | I think people are more phony, out to play games and no one wants to settle down anymore. I met my ex husband off of a dating site and we married pretty quickly (bad idea lol) and most guys in my life after the first date have asked me to be exclusive with them while we date and see where it goes (offline and on) but the last few dates I have had, this has not been the case. I am meeting more men that I would like to see more and see where it goesm while they are wanting to "hang out" and "date". So yes, it has gotten ALOT harder since 6 years ago when I was on a dating site before. Pretty much sucks now. I have learned to just date and try not to think much more about it after that. Guess I am turning into most men on this site...... | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/2/2012 5:55:22 PM | Your profile says nothing about you. Trying to be funny, you completely left out:
1. What you're looking for in a relationship;
2. Describing yourself; and
3. Activities you enjoy.
How can you expect to attract a woman? You can't catch fish without bait. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/2/2012 6:57:09 PM | Meeting up with a stranger is a cinch. People who don't date online think I'm a stud and it's pathetic because I tell them it ain't 9 1/2 weeks or 50 Shades of Gray every time you meet someone!
It's a blind date between 2 strangers and that's it. Veterans wouldn't even call it a date.
Difficult is finding someone to date exclusively.
So, to answer your question, 'dating' per se is easy. At least in a large metropolitan area. The cons being there's a lot of other fish to compete with. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/3/2012 12:13:29 AM | OP: dating in general has become more difficult, online dating has become almost impossible. ive got my theories as to why, but thats best left for another thread.
halcyon: so having pics of your kids online is a way of putting them in danger? the camera doesnt actually steal your soul, despite those old rumors. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/3/2012 12:20:45 AM | | When I started the online thing 3 1/2 years ago I found it to be somewhat easy. I could get several responses, and would go on a lot of dates. But the last year has been extremely difficult. It's gotten so bad that I dont even message females anymore, and mostly just stick to the forums on here. I got sick of no replies. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/3/2012 2:00:53 AM | | I have to agree with...Halcyon_Skies...Posting your kids pics is a turn off to me. To me it's like the guy who borrows his friends dog to walk in the park to get female attention..'oh what a cute puppy'. Littlies cannot give their informed consent. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/3/2012 2:48:22 PM | | I've been in and out of here for years and always thought it was great. Now, pretty much given up on online dating. More popular should mean more/better choices. I've found the exact opposite. So many with issues, so many who treat others badly. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/3/2012 3:50:09 PM | abelian: i no longer use pof for dating either, but i have some friends who do. the reports i get from their dates are unsettling at times.
one of my friends is a good looking guy and gets a tons of dates on here. whenever he comes back from one of these dates, he gives the scoop. so far, every single girl he has met has either...A: lied about her body type B: used old pics when she wasnt fat C: either has no job, or works part time only, yet is really concerned with the type of work he does | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/3/2012 4:58:27 PM | | I agree it is getting harder and if you work every day except on weekends you don't want to spend it in a bar to try to meet someone.............. and it seems that some men no matter how old they still think they are in high school and don't behave according to their age sometimes or they want to play games | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/4/2012 7:54:17 AM | | I think pretty soon a lot of this online dating stuff will disappear, because Facebook (or some other social network) will develop a 'dating' wish list you can access. If I knew their true names and personalities, it would be light years easier than dealing with the phony ID's, false bravado, and the overblown expectations people push forth constantly in these dating sites. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/4/2012 2:14:57 PM | and maybe more people will start using Skype, chatting with Web-Cams hopefully
+1 to that. I actually put that on my profile once to encourage the video-ready ladies to deal with the awkward meet-and-greet with Skype online first, and then plan a REAL first date. I think - depending on the age bracket - some people just aren't too savvy about that kind of technology. Either that, or they don't want to bother cleaning up the room behind the web cam so it doesn't look like a pig sty, LOL. | |
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| Has Online dating become A LOT more difficult?
Posted: 9/4/2012 3:36:15 PM | | I don't understand if you post pics of your kids how would a predator harm them? I don't post mine as I prefer to start a relationship with someone one on one and not to bring multiple people into their lives if it doesn't work out. Rejection can be very difficult for kids more so than an adult. | |
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