| | Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Marco, your post makes a lot of sense. But, I tried to have relationships with men I wasn't attracted to. Trust me, they knew something was missing. It wasn't fair to them. While I would have kept the relationships going because there were so many other things that were good they wanted a woman who was attracted to them, rightfully so.
Lot's of things you can work with in a relationship, attraction is a tough one. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/26/2012 11:19:00 AM | | I think it just comes down to the fact that he hasn't "made a move" Five dates and no physical connection of any kind. ( kissing, holding hands, etc) Men and women crave that connection, it provides the spark. I think OP has a great catch, but he needs to be brave enough to show her he is interested too...if he actually is | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/26/2012 11:21:53 AM | for those w/ instant chemistry.. i'm guessing that's for looks and personality.. but, after that?.. i mean what if he has no... ambition, is lazy, or just not into what you're into.. and you find this out after you did the we had chemistry sex.. then what?... if he find s these things in you... and decides you're not the right one .. he's a dawg and player.. ?...
and vice versa ??? | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/26/2012 12:32:12 PM | | I've been dating someone for the past month and I did not experience instant chemistry. We seem to like each other quite a bit, he's easy on the eyes, employed,straight and single.. but no instant fireworks. Now after a month things are heating up more and there's definitely a lot of mutual attraction going on. I do believe in instant chemistry.. I had it with my ex husband... but I've also had it develop more slowly... I guess it doesn't matter how long it takes to develop as long as it does develop. If I was dating someone for a few months and STILL didn't feel anything developing, I'd move on. Just because chemistry CAN develop slowly doesn't mean it WILL. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/26/2012 1:28:02 PM | I have some female friends that are awesome, we connect, do things together, talk about life, living, jobs, relationships, family, on and on and on......BUT........there is no attraction physically to want them as a relationship that is physical, and they are pushed to the friend zone.
This does not mean that we do not have compatibility and connect in many ways, it just means that the physical attraction is not there to motivate that chemistry that makes us want to be with each other physically and emotionally. I can look at them and say to myself....."I bet she is good in bed.......but....not with me, because I do not feel it"........These are the ones that we can shop together, go to movies, ride my bike on adventures, have dinner together, on and on, but there is not going to be anything beyond that.... dealing with an ongoing physical relationship.
Many of these kinds of situations can be where the friends with benefits will start because you enjoy each others company but not tied to them emotionally. Even if this happens, more times than not, they are still in the friend zone, and my litmus test is always....."Do I want to wake up to them, as much as I did taking them to bed?" My good females friends are the ones that I do not want to wake up to in the morning, and rather have them ring my door bell to head out for more adventures.
cd | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/26/2012 3:50:28 PM | | It appears that you are spinning your wheels with this guy. While some guys might have reservations on religious or .moral grounds regarding intimate sex, shyness is not a good reason to not kiss. If he is still lacking confidence at this point, you are dealing with someone who has a serious problem with his sexuality. Who knows, he might be a homosexual who's trying to deal with his sexual disorientation but just can't make the leap. In any event, that's his problem, not yours MOVE ON! | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:56:57 PM | | I usually can tell how good the chemistry is within 3 dates. The first kiss is usually the biggest indicator for me. I would make a point to get closer and see if any sparks fly. If not, you have your answer. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:13:53 PM | | It's always been something that took time for me. Sometimes even years, and those are the ones that take the longest to get over should things not work out as well. Glad to hear you are giving the guy a chance. Perhaps just tell him you're not feeling any chemistry at the moment? That way if he chooses to keep dating you to see if anything developed, that was his choice, and he was aware of how you felt. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:33:13 PM | | In some instances, I can tell very quickly that there is no chemistry. Usually that happens when there is a clear turn off. ( Lack of physical attraction, personality flaws etc ) In other instances, I need to spend more time getting to know somebody to see if the chemistry will develop. I had first dates with no instant spark. But there was a spark on the second or third date. | |
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DB0011
| | Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 36 | |
| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/26/2012 9:16:16 PM | In my opinion it comes right away. I tried to find chemistry in the second or third date and never came. If is not there the soon I see him, forge it!!!!
That is the way my mind works. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/27/2012 6:50:55 AM | I think many people who expect instant chemistry base their decision on a vibe or intuition or some other intangible trait. I don't think that is always accurate indicator though. Some people have claimed that they had instant chemistry on a first date. But it quickly fizzled out by the end of the 2nd or 3rd date.
I think some other people base chemistry purely on physical attraction. I agree that there won't be chemistry if there isn't at least some physical attraction. However I think there is more to chemistry than just physical attraction. I can find a woman to be physically attractive. But not have instant chemistry with her on a first date. Often because she is still a virtual stranger among other possible reasons. Chemistry can ( not always though ) develop over time as we get to know each other better. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/27/2012 6:22:33 PM | Based on what you say of his nature, I would be inclined to initiate that first kiss to see how you feel about more intimate contact. While both my PoF relationships started with at least an initial spark (when I was meeting my current SO for the first time he walked right by me, and I caught a glimpse and thought 'I hope that is my date'!!) I could imagine a situation where I truly liked a man but that spark was not there at first. However shy he may be, a soft, sweet kiss could be just what he (and you!) needs to realise how wonderful intimacy can be with someone you already like.
Good luck. And congrats on actually giving someone an extended chance... too many on here are willing to run before any connection can be made. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/27/2012 8:03:41 PM | I had an experience where I met a girl off here, we seem to have "click" on here...and when we went on our first date everything was flowing and it seemed natural. End of the night we got a little physical but nothing overly sexual. So naturally one would think okay something is working. Next day I get a message no spark, no romantic feelings. I got extremely confused...after the nice night, and just the interaction between us was smooth and not awkward...I didn't want to push it..so I left her alone.
I think the problem with online dating is when you talk to someone for a certain amount of time before meeting you have a good idea about them already. There is no surprise when you meet the first time, so how can that spark be lit if it already had been just before meeting? Honestly give it time. If you are attracted to him, enjoy his company, and you think about him naturally and effortlessly....doesn't that mean there is something there? Most importantly do you have any sort of romantic feelings?
From what you've been telling us I picture everything in my head like a movie...it seems really sweet, and I think you're quite fortunate someone like this is in your life...ESPECIALLY that you are not familiar with it, it's new, it's different, it's not what you're use to. Perhaps deep down you really do adore his shyness and poking at his limits and expanding on it :) | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/27/2012 10:36:22 PM | I think the best relationships are ones that dont have that instant spark. That *instant spark* is what I refer to as a crush or infatuation. Do you really know how attracted to someone or how good of chemistry you have together right away? No.
I find the best relationships are ones that are built slowly and surely with solid foundation, not off of a sexual whim that will fizzle away just as quickly as it came.
They say the hottest love has the coldest end. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/28/2012 8:23:05 AM | | OP- Give him a chance, especially if you find him perfect in every other way. I think the reason you dont feel the chemistry is because you guys dont have any physicaly contact of which you are used to. Eventually he will become alot more comfortable with you and you will get all of the hugs and kisses you have been waiting for. He is a shy guy, so just be patient. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/28/2012 10:18:17 PM | | I think chemistry is at first encounter. whether it develops into a relationship is an entirely different thing. The first spark gives you at least something to work with. I've had a few where the chemistry was definitely there, but after dating a few weeks/ months, we really had nothing else there. I would have never known if I didn't at least give it an opportunity. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/29/2012 12:34:58 AM | | It's not bad to give someone a chance as long as there's some sort of attraction there. I think it's very easy to know upon first meeting someone if you could never be attracted to them. On the other hand, the person might be "attractive" but you still don't feel that elusive chemistry. As you get to know them, I think it can develop. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/29/2012 11:42:18 AM | | I think chemistry takes a bit of time and women no with in the first 5 min just by talking to the guy if they want to bring it up to the next level maybe a date! if the date goes well and chemistry is there they will persue it a little farther maybe a second date and it depends on how that goes! Sometimes ya cant judge a book by its cover! | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:14:54 PM | Hi,
You're a helluva lot more attractive IMHO than myself so, I am sure you have a lot of potential suitors unlike my empty mailbox.
However, I will say this, no-one on this planet is perfect. I am finding from personal experience & being on a lot of websites since 2004 that, it all comes down to personal preference. Yes, there could be that immediate spark, "love at first sight type of thing" but, I am finding that in laymen's terms....if someone is attracted to you, fat/thin, black/white, rich/poor or whatever....that person then, will find a way to do everything in his/her power to contact you. Love is blind in the sense that if I say someone is hot, the next woman could think that guy is ugly. Besides, who am I to judge when I am imperfect obviously myself?
Sure, there's models & very, very handsome men but, they all have their own stigmas & corrections too.
It all comes down to what you like, how you are & if the other person reciprocates.
As stated, you are attractive so, I am sure you have many men contacting you. Good luck! | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 6/29/2012 3:55:45 PM | | I have only had the instant spark twice. The other relationships have all been a gradual connection building. In my own experience, the ones where I felt instant chemistry had the most passion, which is something I desire in a relationship. I would not, however, leave a good relationship for lack of sparks. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:23:41 AM | Have you considered that HE might be experiencing the same feelings as you? Likes you as a person but doesn't feel enough attraction to make a move? Or is perhaps feeling intimidated by you?
Five dates and no kiss = friend zone! There's something wrong. But if you feel you *must* pursue this, plan a night out. Find a nice restaurant with soft music and dancing, and if a nice dinner, wine and holding you in his arms doesn't stir him, then I don't know what will.
For me, chemistry is either there from the start, or it is not. Chemistry is about sex appeal. It's whether he makes me lose myself in his kiss, and whether I want to wake up next to him in the morning.
That has nothing whatever to do with his attractiveness as a person. I'm a left brain, cerebral being - thus intelligence and wit are a huge drawcard to me. An unattractive man grows more attractive if he has great qualities and personality; and conversely an attractive man will have as much appeal as a stinking fish if he's empty between the ears.
I need both - chemistry and attractiveness. Only you can answer the question in relation to your relationship needs. Some people are prepared to "settle". I could not because the problem with settling are the unintended consequences that will arise should you find a person who gives you that spark in the future.
Even if you have the chemistry and attractiveness, you still need to have one more element for a long term partnership - the willingness to let go any notion that there is someone else out there who might be better. Not withstanding the inevitable imperfections we all need to overcome in one another, IMO, only then are you truly content. | |
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| Chemistry-Does it come right away or take time??
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:26:00 PM | The key for chemistry is, get past attracttion and have long coversations, there are 3 places to do it.
(1) walk on beach in summer evening (2) walk on main street in center of town (3) walk around aisle in supermarket. | |
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