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| | I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner! Page 5 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | If a man is happy to pay for dinner and you take your own transport then it is up to you. However, if you dont hit it off it can be awkward to sit down and eat. Perhaps they want to drink and get you looser also!!. I would agree that a lunch is best. Dutch.
The chemistry or attraction is usually there at the start and then you can extend or cut short the meet. I think a lot of men dont want to feel that the first meet is an interview but really in a way that is what it is. You are strangers, no matter how many times you have texted or webcammed.
I can imagine how they would feel if they showed up and the woman was not who she says she is. 20 years older and 30 lbs heavier. Then he would be glad to cut the first encounter short and vice versa. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/28/2012 7:32:15 PM |
It is why a first date location is negotiated, Not dictated by one party or another. That's right... and she made it crystal clear that she'd prefer a simple casual venue. The man is the suitor, if he can't adapt to something so simple as a casual first meet... he's got some real problems. Do yourself a favor, stop talking from both sides of your mouth. It's either one way or the other. Either the lady's wishes are respected by her suitor or they aren't. We certainly disagree on the rest of your post. That's quite an understatement.
What you are describing is not a Gentleman, what you are describing is a Doormat.
Are you attempting to suggest that a man who would "concede" to a simple casual first meet, in order to make his date comfortable is a doormat ? You have got to be kidding me. Never mind. Have it your way. At the end of the day, the ladies will decide who they would rather be with. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/28/2012 8:12:00 PM |
That's right... and she made it crystal clear that she'd prefer a simple casual venue. The man is the suitor, if he can't adapt to something so simple as a casual first meet... he's got some real problems.
Do yourself a favor, stop talking from both sides of your mouth. It's either one way or the other. Either the lady's wishes are respected by her suitor or they aren't
The thread OP asked the following, "gentlemen, do you insist on dinner as a first date vs the quick meet?"
My reply was clear in that I preferred dinner but was open to other options.
I'm sorry that you can not distinguish the difference between a statement of preference and how that translates into an actual date. There is a difference between "demanding" an outcome and seeking input. If you feel that you still are having difficult discerning the difference, I would be happy to further clarify my thoughts on the matter.
Are you attempting to suggest that a man who would "concede" to a simple casual first meet, in order to make his date comfortable is a doormat ? You have got to be kidding me.
I said nothing of the like. I said that a Woman who showed Zero concern for the preferences of the Man she is meeting and who is not open to discussing the topic is desirous of a doormat. The end result of whether you end up having Coffee or Dinner, or drinks or playing mini-golf is actually irrelevant to the implications of the process in determining that outcome. How you reach the choice of destination is in some ways just as important as the destination itself. Once again, a substantive difference. If that is still unclear, once again I'd be happy to clarify.
At the end of the day, the ladies will decide who they would rather be with.
Thank you for your concern, 3+ years in a loving relationship leaves me with no desire to pursue other ladies.
I wish you the best of luck. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 6:04:36 AM |
I don't need to be in a coffee shop to get away from a creep. I'd feel perfectly comfortable leaving any restaurant where a guy is a jerk just as easily.
I really don't understand the inability to get away if one needs to from ANYWHERE.
Are you kidding me?
Unless you feel locked in your seat until the bill arrives when they throw a cloth napkin on your lap :
So would I feel very comfortable saying goodnight and grabbing a cab home..It has never happened but if the situation presented off I would go.. That reminds me of the time I left some gent at the racetrack, and did not feel the least bit remorseful about it.. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 6:15:07 AM |
That reminds me of the time I left some gent at the racetrack, and did not feel the least bit remorseful about it..
Yes....but did your horse win? Did you offer to split your winnings with him before you left???????? | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 8:44:12 AM |
1388SmartBlonde
OP, here in my area the opposite is true...the guys want to meet for coffee to see if you look bed-able.
That’s how they do it in Cedar Rapids, eh? Funny thing, they do exactly the same thing here in Houston. And not only that, but the women feel exactly the same as the men!
Now, admittedly, they (the women) tend to express it differently – “chemistry”, “spark”, etc. But in the end, we are all talking about the same thing.
1388SmartBlonde
Some of my best first meetings have not been in a coffee shop or restaurant...they have been at car shows, concerts in the park, farmer's markets, football games, walks along the river, etc. Think outside the box... a little creativity goes a long way.
I agree with you 100% except – not for an initial meeting, first date, absolutely, but not initial meeting.
If you suggested such an outing as a first meeting, I would certainly consider it. My answer would depend on a lot of factors. Negotiation is a good thing, and if we can’t reach an effective compromise about such a small matter, best that we find out before we waste each other’s time.
Hint: To meet with someone as pretty as you, I would agree to a night out at the opera (Marx Brothers, anyone?) | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 10:16:22 AM |
Yes....but did your horse win? Did you offer to split your winnings with him before you left????????
Yes my horse won, and I collected my big winnings before leaving the track.. Last I saw of him he became some kind of scent dog and was following the hostess in the cutout jumpsuit..lol | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 109 | |
| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:27:20 PM |
My now ex-fiancee told me that her decision to date me was influenced by many things she learned about me by eating dinner - my table manners, how kind I was to the service personnel, and lots of other little things that told her what kind of person I am.
Sorry to hear that Abe. Its tough out there to find the right connection. I must have dated one hundred women before I got married and socialized with hundreds more and I would say that I only truly connected with two of them. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:37:28 PM |
OP, here in my area the opposite is true...the guys want to meet for coffee to see if you look bed-able.
That is pretty funny... only because isn't that what we ALL do?
When I say I want to see if there's chemistry, I'm really having to imagine myself at some point getting naked with the guy... otherwise it's not going anywhere.
We're all the same... if you say otherwise you're only lying to yourself. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 6:04:05 PM |
I collected my big winnings before leaving the track.
Would it not be politically correct to at least split the purse? What is the etiquette in this kind of situation (in case I ever find myself so pinioned)?
I trust you bought your own wager?
You sound perfect, Native...we should do lunch....separate restaurants to avoid any possible difficult pauses......we can chat using text or google chat...If things go sour, we can beg off using a poor signal strength excuse.....all very sanitary........ | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 6:38:25 PM |
Would it not be politically correct to at least split the purse? What is the etiquette in this kind of situation (in case I ever find myself so pinioned)?
Ok, I know you were probably being facetious ... BUT.... just in case you're not...
Profits from Wagers belong to the person who placed the Wager (bettor) assuming that they furnished the entirety of the Monies.
IF the monies were pooled prior to the placing of the Wager (let's put our cash together and place some bets!), they are then split proportionately unless another arrangement has been made (such as a commission or increased percentage for expertise).
Profits from a wager where another person supplied the money (a gift -- Go entertain yourself with this!) is generally considered the property of the bettor, unless a specific arrangement is made like a commission to the bettor, or a specific request (Bet this for me! You're lucky!).
This is just general etiquette of course. There's always some weasel that will show their true colors when real Money is involved. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 7:59:37 PM | My 2 cents.
coffee, Hate the stuff. Very few "coffee" places have anything I'm interested in drinking. Drinks... I don't hear well in noisy places. I work in a lot of sketchy resource towns where I have to watch my back, this doesn't go away when I'm at home.
A simple dinner at a family restaurant allows for quiet talking. I can sit with my back to a wall and focus on her not everything else around me. Family restaurants mean that short skirted tip bunnys will not be a distraction for either of us.
I had a girlfriend (owned a house together at this point) get mad and uncomfortable because the waitress's skirt was so short we knew she shaved when she served the table across from us.
Simple family rest, order appies asap. If it's going south check watch or phone near end of appies and bail. But if your anything close to your profile I think I could suffer through dinner.
If it's going to be a 30 sec "safety' meet, ya I'm probably going to be in my work clothes, hoping for dinner after I've cleaned up. And I'd suggest it as such. "hey we haven't actually met yet but I've like to take you to dinner tonight. I'm off at ??pm, lets meet for a few seconds so you can see I'm not an ax murderer, then I'll get cleaned up and we can txt pick up times etc? sound good?"
But coffee or drinks? Not if I could help it. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 8:48:21 PM | Abelian:
I dunno. Maybe you're just meeting him because you figured he was worth risking 30 minutes for, but not 2 hours. Who knows? Well I think I would know, no?
I'd just find it weird that someone I'd talked for an hour several times before meeting her would have a problem talking more than 30 minutes in person I have repeatedly stated that I have had lengthy coffee's with men that I knew almost immediately I wasn't physically attracted to. I didn't cut things short as soon as I knew this, I enjoyed (most times) the conversation over a coffee. How much time we sit and converse is NOT a factor for me as I have attempted to make clear several times.
If I only had conversations with women I found physically attractive, I wouldn't talk to more than 95% of the women I see. However, I don't have to be physically attracted to someone to have a conversation. It's a conversation, not sex. I'm not sure why you felt the need to announce this in relation to my post? I was commenting that I had already determined mental attraction (hence the desire to meet at all) but wouldn't know about the physical attraction until I met him in person. I prefer to move on to dinner when both line up. Which is my prerogative after all. I have never, not once had a man complain regarding the particulars of our meeting.
In fact, most men put the ball in my court in that regard. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/29/2012 9:31:35 PM | I've been on and off this site for a few years. About six years ago.....and at that time I was actually open to meeting someone...."he" contacted me and invited me to an auction.
What the hell? I said yes! We went and had a great time! It was SORT of awkward as we hadn't had a WHOLE lot of previous conversation but it was FUN! To clarify, we HAD had enough communication for each of us to think we'd at least enjoy a few hours together......and we did! And we'd "met" before this when he came by the store I used to run....so, we'd "met" but hadn't spent any time together.
Without doubt, it was an "original" meet.
Too bad it turned out he was way too old to STILL think himself a rockstar........literally.......oh, how I wish I was kidding ;)
I think the way you "meet" someone for the first time depends on how the two of you have been interacting to begin with.......no stock answer. But if someone was "insisting" on dinner? And I didn't feel comfortable? No frickin' way............
Edit: OP, I just re-read your initial post. You're more comfortable going on a "walk" with someone than having lunch? I don't really "get that". Really? For me it'd be FAR easier to meet someone over lunch than meeting someone for a "walk". Do you meet under the third tree to the left of the park sign? Do you wear a helmet? What do you do with your hands? Sounds WAY more awkward than chomping on a salad...........just my opinion! :)
(wth?) | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/30/2012 12:05:59 AM |
I don’t date men who argue with me…especially men I haven’t even met yet.
Amen.
I have a favorite pub that I like to meet at. They have tons of imported beers and the food is really good.
The staff knows what I'm up to and they are very discreet. However if something went wrong, he would have to fight his way thru the entire staff to hurt me.
No reason to go anywhere else. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/30/2012 5:15:28 AM |
Would it not be politically correct to at least split the purse? What is the etiquette in this kind of situation (in case I ever find myself so pinioned)I trust you bought your own wager??
No I decided to keep the entire few hundred for myself.. Okay I must admit he did pay for my bet, but he just wasn't a good one in my books.. lol
In fact grabbed a cab from the track and went out to dine at one of my very favorite vegan rest stops.. GGG
You sound perfect, Native...we should do lunch....separate restaurants to avoid any possible difficult pauses......we can chat using text or google chat...If things go sour, we can beg off using a poor signal strength excuse.....all very sanitary........
Ohhh sounds like the purrfect date to look forward to.. How about I take Java 4U, while you sit at Drunken Donuts? Nice way for you to still remain incognito, n'est pas? | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:05:48 AM | If I met somebody= I would rather a quick meeting- not a dinner date- as it may be awkward- I may not like the person at all. They may be creepy to me, where I would want to get away from them. That has happened to me, more than once.
Personally- I haven't met anybody, that I have felt comfortable with at all..
The internet is a difficult place to meet anybody that is good for somebody. It does get very discouraging..
Have good day out there, and I wish you alot of happiness and success on your journey! | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:56:42 AM | | I was out to dinner last night at our favorite chinese restaurant. There was a couple that came in, sat next to us and it was obvious it was a first date. Asking questions about when their birthdays were, where they grew up and such. So yeah i was easedropping lol my BF and I met on Match so it was kind of interesting to watch things play out. She was trying very hard to have a nice time, he kept putting her down for wasting money on a manicure, wouldn't let her order what she wanted, .. things like that. I felt for her. She gave it a good go though, trying to stay positive, but I doubt there will be a 2nd date. | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/30/2012 2:35:01 PM | Reading these posts have been interesting. Now that I've experienced online dating on and off for over 3 years, and now that I'm a bit older and wiser, here's what I've learned.
It's my choice really. I enjoy meeting people and getting to know them, so that's how I approach this whole thing. Usually I will meet for some type of beverage and keep it to about an hour or so. That's the time I allow. Only once, early on, did the date/meeting continue on for several hours. I decided then not to do that any more, even if we did hit it off. We could wait for another day; that anticipation is worth something, too. ( BTW, I like and appreciate it when the man pays, and it is an inexpensive time)
If the guy approaches it as a quick meet to assess, it doesn't bother me. It does tell me something about him. Personally, that's not my style. I'm not looking for that strong, immediate attraction anymore, but there has to be some attraction. Just because that strong attraction is not there doesn't mean that there won't be another date, either. Then the second date will reveal more.
I know what's important to me (physical attraction is not the #1 thing), so by me learning to allow things to unfold has been so helpful. There are some great men out there, and unfortunately, some real jerks, too. And such is life... | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/30/2012 3:43:31 PM |
Ohhh sounds like the purrfect date to look forward to.. How about I take Java 4U, while you sit at Drunken Donuts?
Well, I am frequently in Java U, so we have probably met.....
Dunken is out....too fattening, lousy coffee......I'll do Valliers.......That way, if there is chemistry, we can just cross the street....... | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/30/2012 3:49:28 PM | | I always insist on a casual meet and greet the first time, have a coffee or drink so there's no awkwardness is there's no chemistry. Who wants to sit through a dinner with someone you don't know? | |
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| I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner!
Posted: 6/30/2012 3:53:05 PM |
Well, I am frequently in Java U, so we have probably met.....
Only been to Java U once so highly doubt our paths crossed.. Darn it!! I wanted to picture you eating a nice fattening sugary Donut and now you just had to go ahead and ruin my fantasy? lol
Dunken is out....too fattening, lousy coffee......I'll do Valliers.......That way, if there is chemistry, we can just cross the street.......
Is Valliers on Monkland? I don't seem to recall seeing that place.. If the chemistry is there we can always meet right in the middle of the street.. Throw caution to the wind and take our chances at surviving the oncoming traffic? Let me know because if we do survive this meeting, guess what? I expect you to treat me to dinner.. That is assuming we are not both sipping through a felxible straw at our local JGH hospital.. lol | |
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