| | Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | The first time you meet someone, whatever you call it, for me it's about being comfortable around them and having a pleasant conversation. Although I've had a LOT of firsts, there've been rarely a second, for many reasons. Most common, for me, is the man being too overanxious/eager, wanting to be touchy feely or too familiar. I've never gotten past that turn off no matter how many other things about the person I may think I like. I am very selective about who gets into my personal space. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 6/27/2012 7:01:45 PM | .
Most common, for me, is the man being too overanxious/eager, wanting to be touchy freely or too familiar.
Good point bucsgirl, as when one who has been out of any kind of the dating, relationship's, friendships, sex etc scene ,
then "Katy bar the door" at what comes knocking at your door here.
Another sad fact on internet, but never think of it as a date. good luck | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 6/27/2012 7:08:18 PM | Whenever I have plans with a person from a dating site, I consider it to be a date. Whether it was having a cup of coffee for 30 minutes or dinner at a five star restaurant. I had some 2nd dates largely because my expectations for the first date / meeting / encounter / whatever you want to call it aren't as high compared to some other people.
I would not lose interest in someone just because there wasn't an instant spark on the first date etc. Having said that, I wouldn't want a second date when there are clear turn offs. Such as lack of physical attraction, being rude towards the waitstaff, making offensive comments, constant complaining, becoming drunk and obnoxious etc. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 6/27/2012 7:45:43 PM | | You are so right. I havent dated in years but because of my husbands passing , im back in it. Wow is this different . Not liking it much at all. I think im doing it all wrong. I cant seem to "find" a nice one ! We do a meet and then nothing ! One even chated with me for 4mos we met then didnt chat for a bit, so I continued to "meet" people n this guy come back giving me crap about not waiting on him saing I was a player ! WTH is that? I'd really like some opinions about dating again at this stage of the game in my life. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/19/2012 3:57:36 PM | | I do the meet and greets first, then proceed to the 1st date. I'll just pick a # here , but 1-10 "gentleman" (and I do say that nicely) I've met on a "meet and greet," maybe 2 I've made plans for a 1st date. I'ts the 3rd date I get stuck on, Either him or I are ready to be exclusive , but the other isn't so we part ways. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/19/2012 4:54:15 PM | On-line dating is ass-half backwards to real life. In the real world, you ask someone for a date once you talk to them in person and feel there's a connection and physical attraction. In the on-line world, you're meeting a total stranger you really don't know anything about and don't know if there's any truth in their profile and the few exchanged texts. You don't know if they actually look like their profile pictures. The problem is during the first meet, the meet often turns into a job interview type of session because both sides are trying to figure out the true you and what makes you tick. That becomes exhausting and frustrating. If you don't give the proper and perfect answers to all of the listed questions, you get a failing grade and there's no second meet/date. The first meet is more like a business meeting to see if you make the grade.
If a woman doesn't feel instant attraction in the first tenth of a second upon seeing you, there will be no second meet regardless of what else goes on, unless you have the wealth of Bill Gates.
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/19/2012 5:09:41 PM | I cannot believe the number of men who misrepresent themselves. Here's what usually happens:
I arrive early at a restaurant, nicely dressed to honor the occasion. "Kathleen!" I hear. Turning, I recognize NO ONE. My hot date has suddenly gone bald and gained 60 pounds, AS IF I WOULDN'T NOTICE. He lied about his physical activity level and posted old photos taken 15 years ago.
I gamely make conversation for a few minutes and say, "I don't think we make a good match." Men never leave it at that. WHY NOT? they ask. "I don't think you're in good enough shape to join me hiking up a steep, difficult trail, gaining 4,000 feet in elevation over seven miles," I reply.
Just because he finds me attractive doesn't mean the feeling is mutual. I am not attracted to fat, out of shape men who can't see their feet when they look down. For that reason, most men don't make it past the first date with me.
The last man I met said he was athletic, a runner and loves hiking. Turns out he last ran in the eighth grade and had never hiked before. He arrived badly overweight and out of shape. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/19/2012 5:27:59 PM |
I do the meet and greets first, then proceed to the 1st date. I'll just pick a # here , but 1-10 "gentleman" (and I do say that nicely) I've met on a "meet and greet," maybe 2 I've made plans for a 1st date. I'ts the 3rd date I get stuck on, Either him or I are ready to be exclusive , but the other isn't so we part ways.
Exclusive by the third date? Are you serious? If a woman wanted to be in an exclusive relationship with me after barely knowing me, I would never contact her again. I can see being exclusive with a woman after 12-16 dates which is like 6-8 weeks of dating 2x a week in person, combined with semi-regular communication. However, there is no way you can know someone well enough after three dates to where you are ready to be exclusive. If you are asking a guy to be exclusive by date three, I can see why they all bail on you. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/19/2012 5:49:58 PM | | I have been on quite a few dates that ended up being one date only. I can say that it has been pretty evenly split between me not wanting a second date or vice versa. Ya just never know until you go on that first date. It can be frustrating when it seems like an endless stream of first dates and nothing more. But eventually someone comes along that a second date actually happens and if a person is really lucky it leads to more. It all starts with the first date. Hang in there :) | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:45:04 AM |
However, there is no way you can know someone well enough after three dates to where you are ready to be exclusive.
Whenever I start seeing someone new we are exclusive from date ONE.
I don't continue to see others, and there's always just been a mutual wanting to see where things go with each other... so why date others at the same time?
It's not about knowing someone well enough, it's about focusing on just one person at a time.
That's just my opinion, and apparently everyone I've dated thus far. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 5:32:07 AM | | I am doing ok getting to the second date, or the second time I meet a man. My issue is the same as buc, I find a lot of men in their 50's are eager to be in a "serious" relationship right away, and I tend to back off. Once on a third date a man asked me to move in with him, I was shocked, and he thought I had an issue with living together, so he said if I preferred we could get married . . . OMG, it was only the third date!!! I ran away. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 5:52:32 AM |
Once on a third date a man asked me to move in with him, I was shocked, and he thought I had an issue with living together, so he said if I preferred we could get married . . . OMG, it was only the third date!!! I ran away.
At least he wasn't afraid of commitment :-)
You girls always find something to complain about :-P (LMAO just kidding!) | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:24:07 AM | Whenever I start seeing someone new we are exclusive from date ONE.
I don't continue to see others, and there's always just been a mutual wanting to see where things go with each other... so why date others at the same time?
It's not about knowing someone well enough, it's about focusing on just one person at a time.
That's just my opinion, and apparently everyone I've dated thus far.
Sequential dating has never worked out very well for me---for this reason, I don't believe in putting all my eggs in one basket. I've always gone by the assumption that until a man and I had the exclusivity talk, he was dating other women. This might be because I often attracted the type of men that many other women found desirable, as well.
I multi-dated before becoming exclusive with my current boyfriend, and he was aware of this from the beginning---although he chose not to see any other women after he met me. The two other men I met prior to him were seeing other women besides me---however, I stopped dating them once my current boyfriend and I decided to become exclusive with each other. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:11:46 AM |
I don't even have much luck with the 1st message. The last one I received was "I don't date ugly guys". I'm probably going to give this online thing up.
Wow, women can be so mean !
But , anyone who would say something like that to someone else is ugly on the inside IMO | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/25/2012 11:20:06 AM | well I must be old school.......
I date 1 at a time.
If someone has caught my attention that much I'd want to date, then it's one and only til it runs it's course. Listen, it isn't needy, clingy, jealous or desperately lonely. If someone has their arms around my neck and is smiling looking into my eyes, well it just loses credibility if she was doing the same 2 nights before to someone else. It just doesn't feel special to me. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/25/2012 12:08:59 PM |
rdeffley: Exclusive by the third date? Are you serious? If a woman wanted to be in an exclusive relationship with me after barely knowing me, I would never contact her again. I can see being exclusive with a woman after 12-16 dates which is like 6-8 weeks of dating 2x a week in person, combined with semi-regular communication. However, there is no way you can know someone well enough after three dates to where you are ready to be exclusive. If you are asking a guy to be exclusive by date three, I can see why they all bail on you.
OMG, finally someone who sees 'my' point of view! I just went on a first meet with someone I had chatted slightly with for about 2 weeks. For the THIRD time, on a 'first met' the man point blank said he liked me, enjoyed my company, etc...and wanted to be exclusive. Seriously???? I have written in my profile that I am not going to JUMP HEADFIRST into a commitment after meeting 1 time...probably not even 2 or more. These guys were not looking for sex (not on that date anyway), they really wanted to just jump into a relationship. I've been told by some that I am wrong and should say okay and try. To me, this is lying. What is sad, is I genuinely liked and felt comfortable with all 3 of these guys up until I was given an ultimatum of sorts. Agree to be exclusive or ... they'll find someone who will. I wished them luck. I don't understand how anyone would want a relationship without knowing even the basics of each other. Are we getting that desperate in our old age? Is it because this is a 'dating' site so we are just expected to agree to be in a relationship because we have enjoyed an hour or 2 of each other's company? Because I'm affectionate, smile and hug upon greeting someone? Because I will give a kiss goodnight?
So, it's either no first date due to 'lack' of chemistry, or 'lack' of committing....how are we ever going to find the person we were meant to be with? Yes it is a conundrum.... | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 1:24:34 AM |
OMG, finally someone who sees 'my' point of view! I just went on a first meet with someone I had chatted slightly with for about 2 weeks. For the THIRD time, on a 'first met' the man point blank said he liked me, enjoyed my company, etc...and wanted to be exclusive. Seriously???? I have written in my profile that I am not going to JUMP HEADFIRST into a commitment after meeting 1 time...probably not even 2 or more. These guys were not looking for sex (not on that date anyway), they really wanted to just jump into a relationship. I've been told by some that I am wrong and should say okay and try. To me, this is lying. What is sad, is I genuinely liked and felt comfortable with all 3 of these guys up until I was given an ultimatum of sorts. Agree to be exclusive or ... they'll find someone who will. I wished them luck. I don't understand how anyone would want a relationship without knowing even the basics of each other. Are we getting that desperate in our old age? Is it because this is a 'dating' site so we are just expected to agree to be in a relationship because we have enjoyed an hour or 2 of each other's company? Because I'm affectionate, smile and hug upon greeting someone? Because I will give a kiss goodnight?
So, it's either no first date due to 'lack' of chemistry, or 'lack' of committing....how are we ever going to find the person we were meant to be with? Yes it is a conundrum....
Ha Ha.. No worries. To me your POV makes perfect sense. No jumping into anything too fast.
Personally, the first date is easy. The conversation is there because of basic getting to know you stuff. It is the second date that I always feel slightly nervous about. Now usually with online dating I don't consider a first meet a first date. The only time I would consider a first meet a date, is if there is a kiss close at the end of it. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 8:54:41 PM | | This happens to me all the time. It happened to me last year, I met someone nice and I said I had fun and I would like to do this again, and...nothing. I assume that even though they said they had "fun" I can tell when things aren't going right. I go for the chemistry before the physical attraction, but even that has a way of blowing up in a person face. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/26/2012 11:16:00 PM | I only ever had one first date...and we fell in love. So, I've also only had one second date and one third ...and one hundreth.
She said she had been to France so I said that's good because now I told her can act the way I feel more comfortable with. So I reached across the table, took both of her hands, looked into her eyes and told her that she was an angel and that I was mesmerized by her. Then I let go of her hands and we talked about other things.
I don't know why guys are not more direct in letting a woman know she is special if you like her. Make it clear without saying anything else to make her uncomfortable. You don't have to ask her anything at the end of the meetng about another date but just express your complete joy in meeting her. This might be the woman you spend the rest of your life with so make her feel at that moment that she is the center of the Universe. She will have fond memories of your first meeting forever. Perhaps she won't want a second date but, if she does, you have made it crystal clear that you want to see her again without making her answer. When we parted I gave her a hug which she returned...whispered a thank you in her ear and then gave her a soft kiss on her lips. When I got home I emailed her and told her I was enchanted with her. Again, I didn't ask her anything in return.
Anyways, you can never really know how she feels but you can definitely let her know how you feel in a repectful way. Don't leave her wondering if you found her pretty or charming, etc. A woman liks t,o know she is special so if she is, let her know it. You want her to feel uplifted and good after leaving you. She'll have the confidence to express her feelings for you if she has any. | |
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| Anyone having trouble getting past the first date?
Posted: 7/27/2012 11:47:15 AM | | i have even got to a third date , everything seemed to progress well, even had an email after 3rd one thanking me for a great evening woohoo ! then no news for 2 days followed up with another email "sorry , work and family issues" , will call you tonight and then he went poof, i guess i should just date multiple guys and not get excited when one progresses to a 3rd date | |
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