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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/11/2012 10:51:11 AM |
Unfortunately I have tried to be a better catch but the results are always the same. All my love interests in my short life have been unrequited and ion most cases has depleted any self respect for myself.
For most people in this world love is apart of life. For whatever reason I have never been loved by one female.. hell, my mother wished she had me terminated.
I've sufferd from major depression since I was 10yo.
I know you all will say I need to improve myself before looking for love, but I need it to give me a reason to wake up in the morning...
Any ideas on finding a lady that will reciprocate the love I have to give?
Please don't take this as an insult but you need to get help. It is your attitude and mental and emotional state that is your stumbling block. If you feel you are unworthy and suffer from depression then you need to deal with that before you can be in a healthy relationship. Lack of self confidence and self worth will be obvious to women and a major turn off. Obviously, whatever your mother said or did has had a major psychological impact on you and you need to address that.
It sounds a little trite but you can't truly love someone else unless you can love yourself. So how can you love a woman properly without being able to love yourself first? Having another person in your life should enhance what's already there, not be the end all and be all. Having a girlfriend won't give you a reason to get up in the morning. You need those reasons first without anyone else in your life and then you can share that with someone else.
In your current state the only person you might find is a similarly depressed person to form some unhealthy co dependency with. but it won't be love or a healthy happy relationship.
So I would encourage you to seek counselling and possibly anti depressants while you go through it and get yourself sorted. | |
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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:55:25 PM | Seems like you have traumatic events in your childhood, you need to see a shrink to sort it out. You got to figure out the root cause to deal with the problem. Trust me, they can help you.
As for girls, just approach the ones you like and talk to them, be calm, be yourself. Each time you get rejected, move to the next one, hopefully you learn something from each rejection to improve your game. I know it hurts when you get rejected, but failure is the only way to learn. Most of the times, they'll try to reject you politely.
Chin up bro, life is too short to sit around. Go out there and conquer. | |
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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/19/2012 9:09:37 PM | Well...
You're not alone. I just had my first kiss about a month or so ago, and recently turned 25. Kissed a few times after that, but when the dude found out that he was my first, he sort of freaked out. "You're 25 and have never kissed a guy, what is wrong with you?!" He felt really guilty and asked if I was saving that for my future husband. The truth is, he was the first guy I felt both physically and emotionally attacted to enough to want to kiss. For some reason it was really hard for him to get past that and I recently had to end things. So it can be tricky. To be honest, I'm still not sure whether I should have been honest upfront or not. Things ended pretty badly, but I do ont regret the experience.
Anyways, the important thing is, don't let that hold you back. As has been said by others, confidence is a key component to attraction. So know that you deserve someone good and are worthy of a meaningful relationship. That was my problem for a long time. Anyways, keep your head up, go out there and experience the dating world. There's a lot waiting for you, but you have to make it happen. | |
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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/19/2012 10:58:46 PM | hey, some people just put off a weird vibe and get treated differently. truth is i was about a month from turning 22 when i started my first relationship. before that i was never kissed, no sexual experiences whatsoever. why? well i do have a bit of social awkwardness from having aspergers but i'm pretty normal for having an autistic spectrum disorder. i was in the military, healthy weight, and a pretty decent circle of friends. but even the fitness, clean cut look, uniform, and awesome job working with aircraft and machines didn't help me meet people. it's weird, guys don't seem to notice anything unusual about me, or if they do it affect they way they talk to me. but women give me the strangest reactions. if they ackowledge me at all things are always calm and literal like i suck the life out of the conversation and sometimes they show me weird sympathy that i don't want as if they feel bad for me. sometimes i take lead of the conversations so that doesn't happen but then everyone is in listening mode, there is no feedback or interaction. i don't get those conversations normal people have that go both ways and everyone is smiling and interested in the other persons stories. in groups i'm not noticed at all. what it all boils down to is that women wind up being very unsure of me or want things to stay completely platonic. i never find that excitement of meeting people and wondering where things can go, or i should say people dont find that with me so dating just doesn't happen.
the girl i was seeing then had been working in my office for a year before we got involved, at night when we both worked swing shift and the brass went home things were relaxed i would talk to her because it was much better than talking to the guys i'm always surrounded with, it took time but things eventually happened. i can't go out and take a girl home no matter how well i dress or how much money i make so i can't give advice on what to change but i can tell you it doesn't reflect bad on you, and maybe you just need to wait for the right person or opportunity. as little success as i have finding dates, people don't think i'm weird, but whatever vibe i put off makes interaction hard. | |
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SamD83
| | Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 34 | |
| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/20/2012 6:04:24 AM | Avoid saying things like "I know I'm not a looker and I know I don't have much to give but Id really Like to be loved once in my life. (Even my mother couldn't love me )".
It's negative, you're unnecessarily down on yourself and sounds needy. Tbh I've said things like that before and been told by people who know more than me. You've got to like yourself before someone else will like you. Give it a go, be positive about yourself.
All the best :) | |
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SamD83
| | Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 35 | |
| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/20/2012 6:11:35 AM |
Yeah, I'm back on this site after basically exhausting my options on . After sending HUNDREDS of messages, and getting little to no response, I can only assume that WOMEN ARE F@#$ing PICKY. ...or that I am completely undesirable, and should give up now because I will never get a relationship because women seem to prefer any ***hole with a good job and confidence.
I'm gonna move on from loneliness into bitterness now, women.
Hi, I've messaged a lot of people with minimal response as well. Chances are though that's pretty much standard for everyone. If you think about it if you tried to talk to every girl who was a stranger who took your interest in life chances are you wouldn't have much success either. So this place is just mirroring real life. That applies for you, me and everyone else. I don't think it's a statement about you, it's just that you haven't spoke to the right person yet.
Btw when sending messages have you seen POF's guide to message lay outs? It's really good and tells you a lot about what sort of message will capture someone's attention.
Don't give up hope. | |
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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:46:44 PM |
but men need to have confidence, social-skills, conversation-skills, the right attitude, the right mindset, the right mentality, walk-right, sit-right, stand right, breathe-right, they have to have high self-esteem, have things, have stuff going for them in their lives, be a leader not a follower, be strong, be outgoing, overall
you do realize that's a bunch of baloney don't you. Men who have very few of those qualities have been meeting women, dating them, having sex and marrying them for thousands of years. | |
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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/21/2012 11:23:07 AM | There are plenty of guys who have very little confidence that have girlfriends. Women are all different. Don't buy into all that BS some women like to push about "women" liking confident guys or "bad boys". These are the ones that constantly end up with ***holes who treat them like shit and then they blame all guys of course.
Not all women are like that.
All your posts have the same theme and it seems like you're letting this get to you. | |
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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/21/2012 12:25:49 PM | It had nothing to do with your looks. I have personally seen guys who are much more average looking than you with some truly gorgeous women. It is all about confidence, self esteem, and personality. If you can treat a woman like a person, not put on airs to impress her, flirt and charm her, and have the confidence to be yourself, you will instantly be more attractive in her eyes. Women do have physical standards, but they don't put nearly as much emphasis on them as men do. You just need self esteem. If you don't like/respect yourself, why should any woman?
In your profile, I would remove the last part with you basically begging women to write you. This comes off as needy and desperate. That is the biggest turn off to women. | |
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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/21/2012 2:03:14 PM | | I never said that women don't have physical standards at all. I said that if you can charm her and win her over with personality, looks are much less of a factor. It may not seem like it with online dating where it is more marketing based. However, if you have ever had any real life dating experience, you would know that a good first impression, confidence, and overall personality can be much more influencing on a woman. | |
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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/21/2012 6:02:20 PM |
how is it accurate that women do not put as much emphasis on looks, physical standards as men?
In the online dating world looks have more importance than IRL. Since people are judged by the online persona you can't express the full range of your personality in a profile (not easily anyhow) so looks play more of a role. IRL you can charm a woman with your humour, personality and confidence and looks play a smaller role.
They aren't irrelevant but we often see really attractive women with mediocre looking men. And before you all say it has to do with money, that's not always the case. Sometimes you see mediocre looking women with very attractive men too because they have stellar personalities. I have dated very plain looking women because they were awesome people who's company I really enjoyed. | |
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LDF85
| | Joined: 6/29/2012
Msg: 42 | |
| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/22/2012 2:35:45 AM |
It blows my mind, especially when none of these people look troll-like to me (at least none so far). So it gets me thinking about what it is they are doing or not doing that has resulted in them never having a relationship/date with the opposite sex.
I think that part of the problem is that American culture worships machismo. It's not really OK for a man to be reserved. Only women can be reserved. If you're a man who's not blatantly extroverted, then you'll be perceived as shy, aloof, or a snob. I always say that looks only matter for a man if he's extremely gorgeous or extremely hideous. If you're average looking then you need an outgoing, entertaining personality. If you're hideous, you need a lot of money. | |
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LDF85
| | Joined: 6/29/2012
Msg: 43 | |
| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/22/2012 2:55:21 AM |
So this place is just mirroring real life. That applies for you, me and everyone else. I don't think it's a statement about you, it's just that you haven't spoke to the right person yet.
Great post. You're absolutely right. People get mad about their POF results but POF only reflects the reality of the dating world, which is that women generally have it easier. | |
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LDF85
| | Joined: 6/29/2012
Msg: 44 | |
| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/22/2012 3:12:38 AM | | I always see a lot of people posting about how this guy or that guy needs counseling or psychological evaluations, etc. But the truth is that women have a lot of issues too. The difference is that society prods everyone to conform to and comfort women. For example, if a woman says that she feels fat (whether she is or not is irrelevant), the man is supposed to reassure her that she's perfectly fine. But when a man has insecurities or doubts, nobody is there to insulate his ego. All of these men don't need medicine and doctors, what they need is for society to be a little less cold towards males. | |
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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/23/2012 2:46:04 AM |
I always see a lot of people posting about how this guy or that guy needs counseling or psychological evaluations, etc. But the truth is that women have a lot of issues too. The difference is that society prods everyone to conform to and comfort women. For example, if a woman says that she feels fat (whether she is or not is irrelevant), the man is supposed to reassure her that she's perfectly fine. But when a man has insecurities or doubts, nobody is there to insulate his ego. All of these men don't need medicine and doctors, what they need is for society to be a little less cold towards males.
Of course not everyone needs counselling and meds. But did you read the entire thread and read what the OP has been saying? He admits to suffering from depression and he is very, very down on himself. It is obvious he had major issues (possibly dating back to his childhood and things his mother said) that need to be resolved before he can find a healthy relationship.
I would most humbly and respectfully suggest counselling and perhaps medication to deal with his severe feelings of unworthiness etc. | |
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| 25 & never kissed a girl let alone been in a relationship, what to do?
Posted: 7/29/2012 12:23:37 PM | | Take time out ,,,,,take the music system and car off profile,,,,,,,get new hair do ,,,,,,, but always remember be yourself,,,I think your cute good luck | |
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