| | Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationshipPage 2 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | | I think it depends on your priority list. Everything on your list is important but somethings more so. Does great sex make up for an average personality? Does great sex make up for average looks? Does great sex make up for a lower earning potential? Each person has their own list and as we all know relationships are give and take. Do you want to wait until you find the guy that gets 10's on each of your priority items? If you found a guy and the sex was terrible, are you willing to work with him to make it better? For me sexual compatibility is a huge factor and something I want to find out as quickly as possible. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/29/2012 2:37:48 PM | we are all sexual beings
high sex , and low sex drives
sex is as important as any one thing in a loving relationship
there is nothing sadder then, finding out that, you are incompatable in a long term relationship
our culture has to open itself up to sex sexuality, and plain honesty!
so many people suffer, husbands wives their children, because, of this
if people where only honest,first with their own selves, then with anyone they grow a relationship with
the world would be a much better place
we would all be much happier ! | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/29/2012 2:56:01 PM | Just one to throw into the mix while yes I agree sexual compatabilty is really imprtant I also think that its something that can be worked on between a couple where as the rest of it can't if your going to sit in silence through every date then whats the point....
There are loads of ways to keep the sexual excitment between a couple | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/29/2012 3:19:11 PM | No matter what part of "compatibility" is at issue, I prefer to find out sooner rather than later. Not saying I need to jump in the sack, but if the two of us won't like each other, why go through a long dating process to only to find that out later?
For example, there was a thread on here from a woman that disliked men that mentioned sex in their profile. But to me
I think her finding that out right away is better than her dating someone for weeks or months only to find out later that they are incompatible.
So if "sex" or anything else is important to someone, why wait to find that out. Discuss it before investing a lot of time and effort dating someone you ultimately won't like. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/29/2012 3:35:43 PM | I think ya'll are missing the point. I have no problem discussing sex, but there is a person (not me) who wants to have sex on the first meeting to see if there is sexual compatibility. Not discuss it, talk about likes and dislikes, but actually do the deed to see if there is sexual compatibility there. He is really thinking that if the sex is great then everything else will fall into place.
Now, sex is important in a relationship, right up there with personality, compatibility, and all that. It just raised a question for me because there is a person that wants to have sex first and then have a relationship. Is this the norm now for dating? | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/29/2012 3:42:50 PM | I've had great sex with a woman that didn't lead to a great relationship. I have also loved a woman very much and the sex was mediocre at best, even after much time had past.
Op, your friend is wrong if he truly believes great sex will mean a great relationship, or vice versa. It would be nice if it were true but I know from experience that it isn't true. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/29/2012 4:35:39 PM | . . . thinking that if the sex is great then everything else will fall into place
Ha, ha, ha!!!! LOL. No way! It's the "norm" only if YOU make it the norm.
Sorry, IMO you're better off starting out with someone who has great relationship skills, good communication, negotiating skills, cares for you, and can make a commitment and . . . . THEN show them what you like if they happen to be subpar in their sexual skills. Everyone brings a different set of skills to the table and there is always room for improvement - that's the fun part! Good relationships are two-sided with both people wanting to please each other. Bad relationships are usually one-sided. Someone gets tired of that and then they decide to leave.
My guess is since this guy is a little pushy that he's bringing one-sided relationship skills to the table! | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/29/2012 7:02:45 PM | If you want to go to bed early with a relative stranger then that is up to you. I believe compatibility is based on knowing something of a person first and building some rapport. It the chemistry is there, that is a start but even if you are not of breeding age there are still diseases to be wary of.
You run the risk of him running off if you have sex early as the conquest can be what it is all about, with some men. Or once you have engaged in the intimate act and decide it doesnt work for you, can be very difficult to extricate yourself without hurt feelings or anger from the man. However I have had sex on the second date with a guy and we had a good relationship for many months but ultimately wanted different things. So there are no rules. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/29/2012 7:09:57 PM | A poorly skilled Lover, whether you are in love with them or not, doesn't change the fact that they are a poorly skilled Lover.
That's just it though. I wouldn't be able to love a woman who was a poorly skilled lover (poorly skilled in my mind, that is). If I was having sex with someone who wasn't meeting my basic physical and emotional needs, then I simply couldn't love that person.
As to the OP, whether sexual or emotional compatibility coming first is better, for me they go hand in hand and develop at more or less the same pace. Generally though, it takes me a tad longer to warm up physically to someone, so the sexual aspect may lag behind half a step or so.
am i the only person left in the world that thinks that if you honestly love someone.....the sex is gonna be great?
I would agree. It's the emotional connection that takes sex to the next level. Great sex isn't great without there being something deeper, at least for me.
It all boils down to the old workplace adage: It's a lot easier to train someone with a great attitude, than it is trying to teach a good attitude to someone who may be highly skilled but has a piss-poor attitude. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/29/2012 7:14:41 PM |
Sorry, IMO you're better off starting out with someone who has great relationship skills, good communication, negotiating skills, cares for you, and can make a commitment and . . . . THEN show them what you like if they happen to be subpar in their sexual skills. Everyone brings a different set of skills to the table and there is always room for improvement - that's the fun part! Good relationships are two-sided with both people wanting to please each other. Bad relationships are usually one-sided. Someone gets tired of that and then they decide to leave.
It's not always that simple.
Differering levels of sexual drive, willingness/unwillingness to do certain things, and physiological differences can all impact sex lives.
Some people desire sex more than others. Matching someone who wants sex 5 times a week with someone who wants sex 2 times a week often results in discord.
I've met women that have sworn they would never do Oral, or allow Oral, or do Anal, or any number of sexual activities no matter what Man they were with. Sometimes it's a personal distaste, or a philosophical/religious preference, or any of a number of factors. And even if you were to persuade them to do it, it's usually counterproductive. It becomes a chore and can breed resentment.
I've met women with physiological issues that are unable to enjoy certain activities, or who found sex painful. Once again not something that is always fixable.
And then there are women who have psychological trauma's related to Sex that they often will not reveal until you are very deep into a relationship, who postpone sex as long as possible or "endure" sex, hoping their relationship will be enough to retain you.
Very few things are cut and dry. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 1:33:35 AM | I wouldn't want to fall in love with someone, then have sex years later or when we got married to find out I hated the way he did certain things he couldn't or would't change or just came to hate his touch. Not every one is into the sa
e things and no amount of love can change it. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 3:01:59 AM | One way or another, every couple needs to get the sex issue out of the way early on. The longer you go without sex, the easier it is to go without sex.
Sex is important to everyone, in the beginning, but it becomes less important as time goes on. There are lots of couples who haven't had sex together in years, yet continue to stay together.
There are lots of couples who really don't get along at all , yet continue to stay together. They would be much happier with someone else, but out of laziness or fear they don't try to find anyone else who they'd like better. It's easier to be miserable with what you know, than try something else.
But one thing is certain.... nobody stays loyal to a dry well.
If they aren't having sex with you, sooner or later they are going to have sex with someone else. If you can't stand the idea of your partner having sex with someone else, then you need to be doing it with them. If you don't like doing it with them... somebody else will. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 3:30:57 AM | You can kind of tell without hopping in the sack right away. Being with someone who is open to communication is the key, that and a strong mutual physical attraction.
I am very easy to please, so for me, if I meet someone I find very attractive physically, I am not too concerned about what how "good" the sex may or may not be, if we do get that far. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 4:37:23 AM |
I think ya'll are missing the point. I have no problem discussing sex, but there is a person (not me) who wants to have sex on the first meeting to see if there is sexual compatibility. Not discuss it, talk about likes and dislikes, but actually do the deed to see if there is sexual compatibility there. He is really thinking that if the sex is great then everything else will fall into place.
Now, sex is important in a relationship, right up there with personality, compatibility, and all that. It just raised a question for me because there is a person that wants to have sex first and then have a relationship. Is this the norm now for dating?
Well,it's one way to get laid without any emotional responsibility.Sort of that "test drive" mentality men and women have that guarentee's nothing.But it's your call.Take the risk that you will "add to your list" for no good reason,wind up with a ONS,or find out that you are sexually compatible and start to work on building a relationship.I managed to find someone whom I had sex with on the first date,whom I was sexually compatible with and we have been together for the past 3 years.But we had to build the rest of the relationship no less than had we waited to have sex.
There was no "plan",we just allowed nature to take it's course.I think expecting to be able to "test drive" someone sexually is pretty presumptuous of the man in question.And you can find out ALOT by simply talking to someone about thier likes and dislikes before you have sex to find out if starting a relationship is wise. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 5:07:43 AM | In a nutshell:
Sexual compatibility is equally important along with other factors. Which element to test for first, really doesn't matter in a purely logical sense, since all or at least the vast majority of all the elements required to make for a lasting, healthy relationship, must be present. So from that dry, logical standpoint, I would say that having sex on the first date, instead of finding out if the person is a good conversationalist, or is dependable, or communicates honestly, etc, is as good as any other "test" you might want to run.
But in real, human application, it is a mistake. It's a mistake, because sex is not JUST a mechanical alignment of appendages, extrusion of lubricants, and coordination of movements. There are lots of cultural implications and communications indicated to many people by way of it, and more than that, a significant part of whether it is "good" or "bad," has nothing to do with the act (or acts)itself (themselves).
I myself am in the "let it happen when it happens" camp, for the most part, as well as being ancient enough to realize that unless something VERY repulsive happens during the first attempt, that an early "sex test run" wont provide any more really useful information than having sex AFTER checking other things out. If anything, if I have sex too soon, I know that I will very likely be holding back a large part of myself, for fear that I'm going to drive the other person away.
It's a little like a situation I was in long ago, where someone wanted to test my speaking abilities, and handed me a phrase to say to them, with no hint of direction as to what they wanted at all. I read it back as clearly as I could, to demonstrate that I could read, and pronounce all of the words. It turned out that what they actually were looking for, was to see if I could pretend to be a wild Sports Announcer, so they discarded me, and used someone else who was actually dreadful, compared to what I could have done, had I only known what they wanted.
So sex first? Go ahead, but don't bother patting yourself on the back for "discovering the real quick test for a good relationship." And on behalf of all the players and "conquest counters" out there, I thank you. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 5:48:02 AM | | RIPTIDE59 Im sure most do "post what they think female observers will lap up", but those are the ones running game and only interested in getting them in the sack. Some of us are older farts, though, and are looking for more than a quick roll in the hay. Its not the sex, experimentation, the positions, etc., that makes sex great, it being close to someone you actually care for. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:04:04 AM | From a purely logical standpoint, both are perfectly acceptable solutions.
If we posit that a relationship requires Physical, mental and emotional compatibility, then in the strictest terms it does not matter which aspects of the relationship you test first.
However, in practical terms we all realize it's a bit more complicated. Human beings are individual products of their experiences, physiology and genetic disposition. Thus it is impossible to know what will work the best on a Specific basis until the specific situation is encountered.
It still comes down to the most basic of questions, where does each partner prioritize the testing in that process? | |
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