| | Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationshipPage 3 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) |
OP -I think ya'll are missing the point. I have no problem discussing sex, but there is a person (not me) who wants to have sex on the first meeting to see if there is sexual compatibility. Not discuss it, talk about likes and dislikes, but actually do the deed to see if there is sexual compatibility there. He is really thinking that if the sex is great then everything else will fall into place.
I can understand someone wanting to be with someone sexually compatible, but to me this sounds ridiculous. It's quite possible for the sex to be great and yet there not be compatibility in other areas. Again, I think it better to take the time and progress naturally in a relationship. I realize some people might feel the scenario above is natural, but it wouldn't be for me. It sounds like someone whose top priority is sex, and if that person found someone with the same top[/] priority, it might work for them. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:49:12 AM | I can understand someone wanting to be with someone sexually compatible, but to me this sounds ridiculous. It's quite possible for the sex to be great and yet there not be compatibility in other areas. Again, I think it better to take the time and progress naturally in a relationship. I realize some people might feel the scenario above is natural, but it wouldn't be for me. It sounds like someone whose top priority is sex, and if that person found someone with the same top[/] priority, it might work for them.
That's not necessarily true either.
Let's look at it from a different view.... (to play devil's advocate)
Which is the worse outcome?
1) Become emotionally invested in a partner, only to discover that they are not sexually compatible (dealbreaker)
2) Become physically invested in a partner, only to discover they are not emotionally compatible (dealbreaker)
The answer will of course depend on each individual.
The assumption that Emotional intimacy always leads to a sexually acceptable relationship is on its face ludicrous. If that were true there would not be anyone who is sexually dissatisfied in a relationship.
Just a someone can be "fooled" into a relationship by good sex, they can be "fooled" into a relationship with bad sex. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:51:30 AM |
. . . there is a person (not me) who wants to have sex on the first meeting to see if there is sexual compatibility.
I’d like to know if we would enjoy each other’s company. But first I have to see how my penis feels in your vagina. How’s Tuesday for you? | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 9:14:26 AM |
am i the only person left in the world that thinks that if you honestly love someone.....the sex is gonna be great?
Wow !
I can't believe the age of some people and the opinions they have !
Hey, if that's been your experience then cheers but that SOOOOOOOOOOOOO hasn't been mine !
Sex is not going to be even close to great if she has inhibitions and/or has no interest in doing things that I'm into.
All the love in the world won't change that.
Ever heard of women who absolutely refuse to do oral ?
Is love going to make her guy shrug his shoulders and say " oh well " ?
Yeah, ok. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 9:32:34 AM | Hi, Op. Good question - you've sparked interest from a lot of folks.
The answer is 'no'. Go thru the courting process. It's been worked out over thousands of years, and it works.
If you give in to a guy ('hop in the sac') early on, it's very probable he won't stick around to continue courting you! Then you feel bad, and he's got another notch.
I think you'll find most women follow this rule. It's a good one! | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 9:43:22 AM |
The answer is 'no'. Go thru the courting process. It's been worked out over thousands of years, and it works.
Yahhh..... sorry, that is SO historically inaccurate I'm not even sure where to begin.
HERE is the historical model for Marriage through the bulk of human history.
A - Parents meet Parents, decide it's a good fit. Marriage.
B - Man meets Parents, Parents check out Man. Marriage.
C - Man kills Parents, enslaves woman. Marriage/concubine
The concept of Romantic Love is for marriage is not only NOT internationally accepted, but is relatively new in terms of widespread acceptance even in European nations and North America.
You overestimate the amount of influence that Women ACTUALLY have had in terms of marriage contracts in a world where they were considered chattel and could not vote. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 9:47:31 AM | | Me personally, I agree with the courting process, having that emotional connection and then exploring each other's bodies and having that physical pleasure. That does not in any way mean waiting 6 months before being intimate, rather if there is that emotional connection, then being intimate is the next step. I know I "perform" better when I have that connection with a man, knowing I feel safe, and he accepts me as I am lets me be more free in the bedroom or where ever it happens to be. LOL I guess that emotional connection is just a tad bit higher on my priority list - and just pray that he is wonderful in the bedroom! | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 9:58:50 AM |
He is really thinking that if the sex is great then everything else will fall into place.
What is he , 18 years old or something ????
It's been my sad experience that the better things are in the bedroom the worse it is outside and vice versa - it's like being in a twilight zone episode ! Take a hike already Mr. Serling ! | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/1/2012 4:35:49 AM | Willingness in the initial stages does not mean the willingness will continue.
I have a friend whi met a girl. Sex third date. Then they were at it like rabbits for three years. Marriage followed and one year later sex is down to birthdays and Xmas. Drives him up the wall now and I don't think things will continue for much longer. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/1/2012 5:18:05 AM | | sorry you feel like to have sex you give into a guy. I love sex and if i like a guy then its never giving in, its a joint decision to have have sex. Not all men consider having sex a 'notch' think you are dating the wrong men. Sex to me is a really important part of a relationship and if the sex is bad i am afraid its a deal breaker | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/1/2012 8:04:18 AM | To paminsd:
Wow, that is interesting, the women want to try out the merchandise first and the men want to wait...
Does not surpise me in the least. In fact, the older I have gotten, the more I realize how wrong ALL of those silly gender-based stereotypes were, and how much damage they have done. The fact is, we are all different.
Back on topic -- To the OP: My own experiences have been that it is best to try to explore this in a mature discussion just prior to the first time in the sack. The timing is tough to predict, of course. But, that would be an ideal. (And, I also believe in jumping in the sack ONLY when both are fully comfortable, of course). Intimacy is a high priority in my relationhips, so it will come sooner than with some others, of either gender. If it doesn't occur reasonably early, then I have learned it might not be as high a priority with her, or she may have some hang-ups which will cause it to fail, or there may be issues of frigidity, or the silly ingrained religious equation of sex as "sin." And, as soon as I become aware that any of those is a reality, I will be moving on, anyway, so the sex will never occur.
The old conundrum - try to have this discussion too early with some folk, they will panic and run. But then, if they panic and run, is that in itself a sign that the two of you do not share similar views of intimacy? If so, it might be termed a "good thing" [grin].
More: If a mature discussion does not take place, then there is more of a likelihood that that first time might be "sub-par" - much less than it could have been. Now, both partners are in the dark, and guessing at how to fully give pleasure and share pleasure. And, as we all know, once never gets a second chance to make a first impression. A cliche' - but this is often going to be the case (grin). | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/1/2012 1:14:43 PM | I have a pretty good idea, in a general sense, of how compatible I am with someone before we get naked the first time.
If the sex doesn't work, then there will steps taken to see if it can be improved. If it can't be, then.. we decide if we can live with it or not. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 1:12:22 PM | | Very important to find out ahead of time, especially in my situation. God knows I've wasted LOTS of time and money "hiding" my wants/needs and bringing them up LATER, and receiving a negative response... then being embarassed and leaving the relationship. Hence why my profile is the way it is now. Gotta get it out there, up front! | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 2:07:37 PM | | Pam, I find it interesting how sexually open minded you are but yet you won't even allow someone to contact you if they're even spoken to someone who is looking for an intimate encounter. "Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex" | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 2:29:04 PM |
Pam, I find it interesting how sexually open minded you are but yet you won't even allow someone to contact you if they're even spoken to someone who is looking for an intimate encounter. "Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex"
Why is this perplexing? Just because some of us are sex-positive doesn't mean we're sex-positive with those who are into casual encounters. Maybe we're open-minded and sex-positive in nature with the men who are relationship/long-term material ONLY. I make no excuses for my sexual preferences/diversities ~ yet I have NO interest in someone who's trolling the net seeking intimate encounters.
Just wondering...should you find out if a potential date/relationship is sexually compatible BEFORE going through the courting process. In other words, hop in the sac and see if you ya'll click in bed and figure out the rest afterwards?
I don't know what the answer is. The last time I let my heart get involved with someone prior to being physically intimate it was disastrous. There was absolutely NO sexual chemistry. It was beyond disappointing, heartbreaking for us both and a whole lot tougher to end things than had the sex happened earlier without all of the emotions being shared. I haven't been in a position to determine sexual chemistry for a long while, but I doubt I'll be going the emotional-attachment route prior to finding out if there is sexual chemistry again. JMO  | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 2:48:54 PM | Mr. Cowboy,
That is in my profile because I am not looking for a one-night stand and want others to know that is not what I want. I would like something with substance and that will last. If I had not put that there, then someone would be able to contact me who just wants to have sex and nothing else.
Yes, I am open about sex and there is nothing wrong with that. Its a huge part of a relationship. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 3:48:30 PM |
verygreeneyez
I don't know what the answer is. The last time I let my heart get involved with someone prior to being physically intimate it was disastrous. There was absolutely NO sexual chemistry. It was beyond disappointing, heartbreaking for us both and a whole lot tougher to end things than had the sex happened earlier without all of the emotions being shared. I haven't been in a position to determine sexual chemistry for a long while, but I doubt I'll be going the emotional-attachment route prior to finding out if there is sexual chemistry again. JMO
VGE, that's my thoughts on it. If the sex is very good, but the emotional part sucks, it would be easier with less heartache and pain to break it off. If you have an emotional bond and the sex is horrible, you'll try and work on it for a while and then break it off. To me that breakup will be worse, but it will still happen. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 4:03:10 PM | He made love like a ....... boy,
......never asked me once ,what I wanted or desired...
...... my needs were not being meet at all.
I eneded the courtship,because I couldnt imagine living the rest of my life with out passion and satisfaction.
^^
There's no way I would let a great guy get away just because I was waiting for him to ask me what I wanted in the bedroom (and he never asked!). I would be teaching him what I wanted, at some point.
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OP. Having a super relationship with a great partner means endless opportunities for working on sexual compatibility. There’s no obligation to verify every sexual skill prior to investing life skills.
If there are health issues....menopause/impotence/heart disease, it might put a damper on things. Two people can work thru this. Being willing to try is all that's needed. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 4:20:24 PM |
Being willing to try is all that's needed.
I don't agree...
You can't teach someone passion. It is not the same as put your legs there, and move your hips this way, and watch out for the chicken.
Sexual Compatibility is HUGE in a relationship.
Granted, if in time something happened over a period of time that prevented one or both from having a satisfying sex life you would try and work through it ---
BUT,
it is a deal-breaker if the sex is really bad at the start (not just the awkward first time fumbling). | |
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