| | Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationshipPage 5 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | | ^^^^^When SOME OF THEM look at it as a commodity. Every time I read the words from some woman about "giving it away" or any of that other crap, it makes me shudder. What I am suppose to wait until it is paid for like some whore? I am not giving anything away, I am sharing a wonderful mutual act with someone that I may or may not have a future with and better to find out if we are compatible fairly early on in the relationship. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/9/2012 4:39:14 AM | You dont have to have sex to tell if you would be compatible, in fact sex to soon after your heart goes zing could be disappointing the first time, then what?
Most usually give up.
Courtship is like foreplay if done right.Esp mentally.
The showing of being desired by someone and respected. Humor................all plays into chemistry.
I have desired men i have dated then they show no signs of being somewhat sexually "aggressive?" for a lack of a better word or interesting..I lose that zing I felt in the beginning.
There are those that can look in your eyes and you know or at least have a good idea you would at least have PASSION. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:03:40 AM | | Im getting my****wet to find out sexual compatibility. none of this guessing game horseshit and talking... **** first.. And that will show you whether ornoyour compatible sexually.. Work out the emotions later, then it doesnt need to get serious if you dont like it.. A fair exchange you could call it.. It aint no robberyyy... | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:20:38 PM | | I believe that if you decide to be in a relationship with someone then that means you have a real connection with that person. Therefore sex afterwards will be fun no matter what skills both ppl bring to the table. I myself do not ever have sex with someone I am not in a committed relationship with. I'm not a fan of fooling around. And if the sex turns out to not be that great with your partner then it can be fun practicing;) o many guys insist on sleeping with me before even getting to know me...I think they are just trying to get some without having the relationship. To each their own. Luckily, I have yet to meet a woman so shallow=) | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:57:37 PM | Finding out about sexual compatibility I think it should be first talked about
it is just a drag to end up in the sac with your new love to fine out that she isn't into doing what you enjoy doing just like the one I just ended it with all she wated was just str8 sex no foreplaying from her she love it when I give her oral sex but she just wouldn't an when she did I could tell she didn't won't to so yes it should be talked about | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/9/2012 1:19:51 PM | Ah, Ms.'tunias,
Isn't that what courtship ought to be? Drawn out foreplay?
When I had naught but the makings of a man if it was female (of the human persuasion) and moved I wanted to mount. Fortunately, that desire was tempered with a larger dose of restraint and character.
Perhaps it is like growing your own tomatoes or peaches vs. buying the dreck sold in stores. With the latter you do have the form and function, but lack the character and flavor; with the former, you have all the goodness that time and maturity provide - that juicy pleasure that only patience can serve up.
When we rush into a physically intimate relationship too soon we miss out on the joy that patience can provide. And as Ms. 'tunia tells, compatibility outside the bedroom is what makes for long term compatibility within the bedroom.
Maybe that's what make adults more enjoyable: we don't have to be so overt in our displays and intentions to cypher out the rest. Perhaps it does take a bit of living to get good at loving.
TK | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:58:13 PM | | In this day and age I would want to know if she thinks and acts the same in bed as I do....without any disrespect too many just give up and skip on their siginifant others for lack of.......I pride my self on the satisfaction of a woman but also enjoy every bit of it!..... | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:39:20 AM | Another aspect of this to recognize, is that if a relationship does last for more than a few dates, the sex is likely to evolve.
Who you were with before, and what seemed to work, and what you wanted and didn't find, can require quite a bit of experimentation and exploration with a new person, in order to discover what is and isn't a real part of even your own sexuality. I know of myself, for example, that there are a number of aspects to my desires and emotions that would likely require a large number of experiences in order to visit them all, and discover how many are just fantasies left over from my past, and how many are things I really want as a regular part of my life.
Because of that, sex is another part of a relationship which can take a long time to discover compatibility about, especially because it can change, and change quite a bit over a short period of time. I remember when I was very young, that I tried a different approach (for lots of reasons) with each woman I was fortunate enough to be found desirable to. That meant that each one of them got an entirely different first impression of me sexually. None of the ones who gave up on me after the first go, ever learned about the rest of my facets, nor did I ever find out what they were about.
So again, sex early tells you as little as any other first impression, and can mislead you just as much. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/10/2012 6:22:57 AM | Yes but what if a man that isnt physically able to give me what I need sexually to remain in a relationship?
Im not going to know unless I have sex with man. Im too old to invest all that time and energy.
I only have three relationship requirements. Sexual compatibility is one for sure.
Ive had great long term relationships so from my personal history it works for me. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/10/2012 7:07:26 AM |
Therefore sex afterwards will be fun no matter what skills both ppl bring to the table.
If you're desperate or have no taste, maybe.
There's no way to tell if someone will be bad or good at sex without having sex with them. At most you'll get an "idea" that you can make a general guess from. But there have been quite a few women that you would think would be really good in bed, that would have no chance of making me orgasm, and then the exact opposite.
For instance some women have giant cavernous depths, others are far too tight, even when aroused. Some men are too small, others are too big. Their tongue/mouth shape dexterity might not be great, even if they try their best. They may orgasm too slowly or too quickly. Your bodies just might not fit together well, limiting the angles/positions you can do. Etc. etc. etc. etc.
As someone said, it's like not test driving a car before you buy it - it just makes no sense at all, and isn't practical in the slightest. If you aren't sexually compatible with someone, you can just be friends with them and have just as fulfilling of a relationship, but it's better to figure that out as soon as possible. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:50:18 AM | "Just wondering...should you find out if a potential date/relationship is sexually compatible BEFORE going through the courting process. In other words, hop in the sac and see if you ya'll click in bed and figure out the rest afterwards?"
My Dear old mum said to me once " test your good before you buy"
My last girlfriend lasted 9 years
:) | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 11:42:56 AM |
My Dear old mum said to me once " test your good before you buy"
Does anyone else find this line of reasoning as insulting and obnoxious as I do. It's just another way of saying "kick the tires before buying."
It is offensive. Ya' know, when I buy a truck, have never bought a car, I do "kick the tires." It's because that truck does one thing for me - haul my fat a$$ around with what ever cr ap I need to put in the back or in the trailer. I also know that as soon as I take that rig off the lot it ain't gonna get any better. It is also gonna start going down in value. When I buy any other piece of merchandise I will also test that article for suitability of purpose.
But, when/if ever I get into a relationship with a woman our relationship is not based upon just one thing. If it was, then yes, I would "kick the tires" to make sure that one thing was up to snuff; likewise, as said woman and I get to know each other better we will theoretically find out more and more about each other that will either add to or take away from the basis for our initial attraction. I have yet to meet a woman intimately (not necessarily physically intimately) that didn't also have something amazing hidden that was only discoverable after a long time together.
I also still hew to my opinion that what you learn about a woman (or a man) with your clothes on tells you enough to know about the person with their clothes off. Are there going to be outliers? Of course, but in any relationship there are going to be outliers regarding facets of the other person's personality, character, history, and [something].
As much as I like, hmm, need, physical intimacy and place it near the heights of my personal hierarchy of needs, I know, for me, it is the other aspects of a woman that will make or break the sexual relationship, not necessarily the other way around.
Now in defense of that proposition, from personal experience I know that frank discussions of sexual proclivities, preferences, and expectations will be necessary at some time during the initial stages of getting to know one another. The refusal to enter into or honestly share would be a cautionary note for me.
TK | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 12:35:26 PM | Dont excuse me for being so aloof or stoic in my response, but its all int he package.
If its not a right fit, or doesnt work to my liking, than the man attached
will not survive relationship longevity.
That might be half the problem with relationships today.
Few want to hear nor admit that truth. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 1:09:50 PM | Exactly^^^
a man can tell me for 6 weeks that he loves to perform oral sex....and then we get in the bedroom and he's clueless and refuses to listen to my wants and needs and continues to use his bad technique.
I've just wasted 6 weeks and possibly breaking his and my heart because I WILL end the relationship.
Sure, sex gets better and better as you learn each others triggers......and I won't say that it's a "one and done" trial.....but if after a couple times there isn't a spark being ignited for me.......I move on. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 1:42:47 PM | I agree.....sexual compatibility is VERY high on the list. Therefore it's best to find out as soon as possible.......without undermining the other components of compatibility.
By that I mean......I wouldn't be so sexually single minded with a new relationship, that it comes across as forced or obsessive. Oops.....can't believe I'm saying that......given my nature....grins. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 6:27:57 PM | MsMicki, Purrrrrfectmeow;
I think it would be a fair statement that you are both far more experienced in this arena than I am, even will be, or, truthfully, want to be. And the same could be said for most of the other men and women on this site. I do not deny the importance of physical intimacy and sexual compatibility be it frequency, style, proclivities, or even kinks and fetishes. My perspective, being a more traditional type of guy, is to not rush into introducing physical intimacy into a relationship. The emotional, physical, and even spiritual entanglements that result easily obscure elements that are necessary for an enduring relationship. Yes, I know, maybe all you really want is a roll in the hay, but for most folk long term compatibility centers around issues like finances, religion, etc., and sex. Of the reasons given for divorce finances ranks higher than sex.
As to the specific issue you sited, MsMicki, it is my contention that introducing physical intimacy later in to a relationship allows for sussing out the character of the man with whom you desire to get intimate. We are no spring chickens. As stringy and gamy as we may be now a days we also have developed a fairly good barometer of a persons character. A BS meter if you will. I confess that my ability to suss out that nature was quite immature way back then and I ignored signs that I would either take at face value or would investigate further. But while the issue of physical intimacy was an issue in our marriage it wasn't the only one. If the other conflicts had not been present or had been able to be worked out the issues of physical intimacy would have been minimized and, I believe, healed.
But this forum is not about me convincing you of the rightness of my position it is about getting my opinion posted for public consumption. I am no fool holding a belief that my way of thinking or approaching the world is held by more than a small fraction of the users of this site or of those whom I interact. I applaud you, both, for knowing what floats your boat and only wish I had that same knowledge several decades ago.
TK | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:39:03 PM |
Yes, I know, maybe all you really want is a roll in the hay, but for most folk long term compatibility centers around issues like finances, religion, etc., and sex.
excuse me, but I am in a committed relationship.....and I am quite aware of all that makes a relationship work......
and sex is definately a major issue.....but the funny thing is.......it is only an "issue" if it's bad sex!!
I wouldn't enter into a committed relationship without knowing a man's religion, financial stability, relationship with his family/kids, hobbies, dreams and future plans.......
Why would I enter a relationship without knowing his interests in the bedroom???
it is my contention that introducing physical intimacy later in to a relationship allows for sussing out the character of the man with whom you desire to get intimate
Ha! "character" has nothing to do with sexual abilities!!
Why do you think so many women fall for "bad boys"??  Because 9 times out of 10, they are damn fun in bed!!
Being nice, compassionate, giving, etc outside of the bedroom does not always equate to being the same in the bedroom.
In all my life, and the numerous discussions I have had with men about sex........I have never once have a man admit he was a "minute man" or that he wasn't very good at giving oral.........I had to find those things out the one and only way one can truly find out........by having sex with them. | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/11/2012 8:30:47 PM | MsMicki,
My apologies, that was a corporate "you." I toiled over whether to say that differently or with a modifier, forgot in my proofing. I know you are in a committed situation. Well, not personally, you've expressed that several times in other threads. I'm glad you are content there.
Your final line points out one of the central themes of my previous post: you have much more experience in there matters than I and our varied experiences are different.
Again, my apologies for inept language, to you and Ms. purrrrrrfectmeow,
TK | |
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/13/2012 4:09:24 AM | Sex before commitment can be "different" , just like a personality. People may do things to please the other they don't really enjoy just to get someone interested/commited and starry eyed.
Guess yall never worked with people or knew people that complained.."Before we moved in together /got engaged/hitched they used to **** and ** me like crazy".
"Now I get a Sat night **/**** on occasion ect and it's considered a GIFT when he or she does this or that".
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| Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:22:35 AM | | OKay, Here is my situation. Met a wonderful lady and have hit it off well. Spend quality time together, many sleep overs cuddling, Vacation cruise together. We are very close to a spiritual walk and try to live a good life. But we do have lusts for each other!! Problem is I have a bad hip and back injury that interferes with my performance, we have tried 4 or 5 times to make it work but I fall short of satisfying her in that manner. We do enjoy healthy sex , oral and toys that gives her orgasms, but I feel bad not being able to give her all she needs. I am satisfied in what we share and I do hope to recover eventually to be able to be a better partner for her. We have courted and developed some close bonds that hopefully will get us through this rough patch and not cheat on each other. After all at almost 50 there is more to life then just sex. | |
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