It is July 4th. I do want to add a few updates. I do have a POF account, but my profile is hidden for searches. I had told and discussed this situation with him several times before my posting to this forum. He did and does know it hurts and upsets me when he meets with her (normally at her house). I told him that if helping the Ex is so important then keep doing it and I will move out and on, I now have more hurt than love. "Your choice", I said. He was hurt and scared and said his choice is me, so we will see, a few weeks here or there is not going to make a big difference in any long term living arrangements, now or in the future.
Playing the Victim Role – This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. One thing that covert-aggressive personalities count on is the fact that less calloused and less hostile personalities usually can't stand to see anyone suffering. Therefore, the tactic is simple. Convince your victim you're suffering in some way, and they'll try to relieve your distress.
Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior - it is always about what everyone else has "done to them". One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the "hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me" variety. Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable. Believe me when I say that an emotional manipulator is about as vulnerable as a rabid pit bull, and there will always be a problem or a crisis to overcome.