| | Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairsPage 2 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | | No problem, sex is highly overrated and human flesh is weak. The fact that she'd confide in me, just made her that much more desirable. Sadly I have never cheated, as some of those swing parties look totally awesome. But sex without love just looses too much. Maybe someday. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 7:23:02 PM | People tell you things like that to see what you will do. If you don't react then it gives them free ticket to do as they please. 'You knew I was like this, why are you so mad". type of thing.
To me trust is everything... but thats just me. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 7:34:04 PM |
I value honesty over EVERYTHING...
I like Winston Churchill's response to that sentiment. "Honesty and Loyalty are empty virtues and only have value in context. Hitler was honest about his intentions and loyal to his most evil associates. Give me a man with moral integrity over an honest and loyal one any day." | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 7:40:17 PM | sciencetreker
hint...if a woman thinks that the guy who justified his affair or shows remorse is a new person then...Ha! Ha!Ha!....you are delusional, a drama queen or just plain not too smart.
Have you ever broken any traffic law while driving? Maybe the State should revoke your driving privilege as it's been shown you don't respect the rules of the road and the laws of the State.
Or maybe you'll come back and show us mere mortals how to walk on water and raise the dead, too. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 7:58:09 PM | I would likely shy away from the situation, as I would first question as to why they told me this.
Taking about past relationships is off limits, as I am only there to see if there is an attraction and do I enjoy spending time with them.
Let's move slowly through this.
So I wouldn't continue on or end it because of the affair, I would not continue on because of the conversation.
Now there are times where one will ask the other if they have ever had an affair.
Those are individuals who have been burned, and haven't gone through their own healing process, and they are looking quickly to jump into another relationship, but want to make sure that he/she isn't a cheater. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:08:07 PM |
I don't care what the justifications are - if a relationship isn't working, fix it or get out. Have the spine to finish one before starting another. I bet the view is lovely from such high ground LOL | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:09:12 PM | I couldn't continue with someone who told me that unless i was absolutely convinced it wasn't in their nature ...but,my faith and trust in that person would be shot.
Ive never cheated on anyone in my life and id expect the same if i was in a committed,monogamous relationship.
The End. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:51:20 PM |
I bet the view is lovely from such high ground LOL
It sure beats swimming with the bottom feeders.
It has nothing to do with high ground - it has to do with personal morals based on personal experiences. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 9:04:21 PM | I would likely shy away from the situation, as I would first question as to why they told me this.
I'm inclined to agree. Why would someone divulge this information when they didn't have to---unless they were somehow setting up a relationship wherein they would have a built-in "escape clause" if they were caught cheating again, e.g. "You knew this about me going in---you willingly accepted the fact that I had difficulty with monogamy." | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 9:55:35 PM | I used to take a hard stance on this subject given that my marriage ended because of my ex-husband's affair. Now, I think that it takes courage to admit that you made a mistake and I would hear him out. I am not going to judge someone as unworthy because of something that happened in the past.
Moral character is not about never making a mistake. It is knowing that you made a mistake, owning it, and moving forward with resolve that you will not make that same mistake again. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 10:03:56 PM | Op, you mean cheating?
It is not a problem for me, I am a swinger, have an hammock in my office, even.
Seriously, when I am interested in a woman it's because of her present not her past, so no, it would not be a factor for me. If she where to confide such personal information, it would show that she is comfortable enough to be around me.
Actually, I would appreciate her being honest about telling me.
Now, if I were her husband... that is another story. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 10:04:03 PM |
Why would someone divulge this information when they didn't have to
if they had great remorse, then perhaps in the interest of scrupulous transparency, and respect for dealbreaker sensibilities like we're seeing here. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 6/30/2012 10:16:06 PM | Small story... recently met a wonderful, good looking woman, have been out few times; we like one another.
The second time, she told me that she did have an affair while married, I am not going into details about the whys.
Soon after she divorced, decided to join a convent... Should I condemn her?
No. I am going to keep on dating her and see how far we can go. | |
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pfif
| | Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 43 | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 7/1/2012 3:39:03 AM | | Kind of falls into the TMI category unless it's a serious relationship. Personally, I never go into a relationship saying, "High, pleased to meet you I'm a cheater." Virtually everyone will cheat given the right set of circumstances. For some people, those circumstances are very wide, for others it's an extremely narrow set. If you're a woman and think your man is cheating, he is. If you're a man who thinks his woman is cheating you better get conclusive proof because your intuition probably stinks. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 7/1/2012 4:12:40 AM | Landra2 posted
I know many women who, after a few years in a relationship, decide sex is a "chore" and their man is no longer on their to-do list. Yet expect "monogamy."
Landra2
I know women who feel men are little more than idiot children and need to be nagged and harangued for years, verbally castrating them. Yet expect "monogamy."
I'm getting paranoid! I wish Landra wouldn't talk about my life so directly. I'm starting to have flashbacks. All those years in the straight jacket. They are coming to take me away again! OOPS, I have forgotten. All I need to do is say I was having a nightmare and wake up.
I hope I used my inside voice. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 7/1/2012 4:23:23 AM |
I suspect we all want guarantees that our partner won't ever cheat on us, but since there is no such thing and cheating is so wide spread, we just have to learn to take the risks inheritant in sharing our hearts and lives with another, and in realizing that the end of a relationship is NOT the end of all happiness.
Indeed and we could well married to someone that is not exactly faithful.. I found the few successful couples I know (where one has strayed) just sort of choose to look the other way.. They just book more time on the treadmill and hope it is nothing serious.. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 7/1/2012 4:52:22 AM | Orrrrrrrr we can take the OP's initial question a little farther. What about the people that didn't tell you, yet, you found out later(somehow) that they had an affair????? What then???
For the initial scenario,I,now, would have to look at the context of it all, which would include at what age the affair had happened. In my younger years, I would never have considered any form of "reasoning" but, I have changed since then. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 7/1/2012 5:48:24 AM | | I would at least hear him out before I make such irrational decisions. If he's also repentant and has healed from the experience, it would it easier to come to a positive conclusion in the process. | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:46:57 AM | Some sad shyt on here, "choose to look the other way." "spend more time on the treadmill and hope it's not serious". Cr@p.
I may choose to date someone who was married once and cheated, if they had moved on, healed, etc. But the success rate of 2nd and 3rd marriages is not high. And I'd also have a trust issue if someone admitted to cheating in their 1st as well as their 2nd marriage or 3rd. To me it would mean that they don't have proper coping skills or the ability to work through issues in their marriage - not happy so I'll find someone else.
I had a couple dates with someone who said that his first marriage ended and it was his fault ( cheating) and that his second and third marriages ended because it was their fault. This guy seemed witty, charming and was drop dead handsome but I chose not to continue. I didn't like the fact that he'd been married 3 times as to me it showed he either had poor picking skills or didn't know how to resolve issues within his marriage. Plus the fact that he had trust issues. Geez.
Some folks cheat, once or twice. Some are serial cheaters and always will be. But I would never be one of those that said "he's cheating, I hope it will pass". To me that's like saying "he won't hit me a 3rd time, it will pass". | |
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| Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:03:30 AM |
Have you ever broken any traffic law while driving?
Psychology 101: Classic justification theory...cheating is not so bad because other things are bad, etc.
Virtually everyone will cheat given the right set of circumstances
Really? I find that insulting to the majority of people. I have never cheated and will never cheat on a partner under any circumstances. Most people have the integrity to first end a relationship.
When people start to justify cheating as 'just another' human failing and claim it to be 'the norm' ,take heed and away as fast as you can from them. | |
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