| | She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?Page 3 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) |
If you're only spending $500/mo on restaurants, you should count yourself lucky.
I was seeing a woman for a short time a few years ago. Less than six months. When I discovered that I was spending $700+/mo, on just restaurants, I'd had enough. Thinking about it, she hardly even ate anything, and then wouldn't touch the stuff that was taken home.
One time, she'd ordered the most expensive lobster dinner on the menu. After about three bites, she was "full." Oh.. I was so peeved...
Wow, Womac, I had to check your profile, specifically your location, to make sure we were not talking about the same woman! But, I see you live about 2,000 miles away, so I gather not!
Do like the binary idea, that's pretty clever!
Anyway, thinking a little about it, if a woman makes a six-figure amount, then she probably knows a thing or two about business and investing, and return on investment. Let her know she is more of a liability than an asset, and even as an asset, she is considered a "non-performing" asset.
I once told a woman, that my time invested in her was returning me a "Pan-Am profit". (Pan-Am airlines once said they didn't post a loss, just a negative profit!)
That usually gets the point across without being mean or vulgar. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:02:21 PM |
ahhh so the pricy dinners would have been worth it if she would have put out.
---walks away shaking head
Me or Mr. binary?
Actually, I would rather high-maintenance women NOT put out, mostly on the basis that if they are expensive that early on, then if she has a kid, she will be more expensive for nearly the next two decades! Plus, if she really were to work that way, there's always that question of fidelity - am I just one of God-knows-who-many? If so, what disease does she carry, which will be another expense.
The one I was referring to, it was more than just pricey dinners. A "date" consisted of going to a high-price restaurant, and afterwards, her finding new and inventive ways to empty my wallet on her. Did not last long, and is usually good for a chuckle nowadays with my buddies. Seems she lost her car to the repo man after not having a guy pay her way through life. My friends at the bus line usually give her grief for me when she gets aboard. We usually get a good man-laugh out of it. See, I have no choice in using public transit due to health issues. She has no choice because she is financially irresponsible. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:14:56 PM | well what's done is done.
but I think you may have over reacted.
Maybe if you just TOLD HER you require more attention than the cat...
and maybe she should cook for you...or take you out...
she may have been fine with that.
If attracted to a woman....
I always tell her whats up to give her a chance to see if she wants to deal.
She may break it off.
but that only saves me the grief of doing so.
Preemptively dumping a girl without discussing issues...
well....you may end up doing that alot.
I mean what girl DOESN'T have issues?
:-P | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:27:37 PM | Op just be honest and move on.
I would rather stay in and cook a nice homemade dinner for my guy then go out.
How do you know that that lifestyle is apart of her DNA. She could have grown up dirt poor and understand that money doesn't grow on trees. Have you ever stated that you have a budget. Probably not you were probably just looking to dazzle her and get into the bedroom. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:28:59 PM | You were mad to offer to buy dinner that was expensive. she should have gone halves I agree but then it doesnt feel like she is dating then, does it! If you have seen her four times then there must have something there surely. Make suggestions about going dutch and see how she reacts. Women want equality and they cant have it all ways.
She is making big bucks so she is not playing fair. You have to tell her how you feel. Not prolong it. IF she is on dating sites for a long time she may be a meal whore or just playing around. If you dont want to see her again, dont. She will get over it I am sure. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/3/2012 8:32:23 PM | Are you really this . . . clueless?
If you like her enough to give it one more try, level with her. Tell her you can't afford to pay all the time and would like to try some less expensive entertainment. And let her know you'd like to spend more time with her.
She has told you she prefers to wait before becoming intimate--nothing wrong with that. You are the one who is not communicating your expectations, so don't make her out to be the monster. If she continues to prefer only dinners and 2 to 3 hours for each date, then she isn't the one for you. Your communication skills need work, b/c saying what you would like and being able to tell someone it isn't working for you are two things that should be easy to do if you aren't a teen anymore.
Of course, I think you are just pissed that you are spending money and not getting sex for it, but that was your choice. She didn't hold a gun to your head, did she? If you ask her out, you can pick the restaurant/activity. If she doesn't like you enough to want to do those things, well, you have your answer, don't you?
People can only use you if you let them. And I'm not convinced she is--maybe, but your inability to communicate with her means that she doesn't know your wants and limitations, so maybe she is just unaware. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/4/2012 6:38:18 AM | OP, this is on you dude. She is what she is, but you never know, maybe if you would have played things out a little more and actually communicated, she would have come around and got some sense into her. Isn't it wonderful how seemingly intelligent, career minded and goal oriented women can be so obtuse when it comes to things like expensive dinners etc? I know when I see on a profile they enjoy "fine dining" or something similar, that is a red flag. They are putting their priorities up there for eating, and not just cool down home eating (sharing recipes, likes and dislikes etc) but full blown expensive eating out meals. She didn't even want you to cook for her, and I think it's hilarious one of the gals here was insinuating it was because your kitchen is filthy and you must have****oaches lol, yet she came over to your house anyway. Uh, okay......
Everybody has a right to their likes and dislikes, but I don't personally believe in spending that kind of money on eating out often - way too practical for that. If they don't have much in their profile yet have expensive meals listed, run to the hills IMO.
I can't believe you didn't at least explain to this gal why you were breaking it off, you missed out on the whole point of letting her know her behavior is not conducive to meeting a man of less wealth than herself. Like others have said, she is most likely a cold serial dater and old hat at this stuff, so she will just move on to the next sucker/s. You could have at least laid it out there as to why though, because she needs to hear it. Of course, this is all assuming your story is the correct version of how this all went down, because we don't have her story as a couple gals pointed out (although they went crazy a$$ fiction on what they wanted the gal's story to be lol).
Communication man, you gotta have it or you are wasting your time in this universe. Is it that you are afraid to be honest in your own skin of what and who you are, both financially and emotionally? You gotta get over that, because there are plenty of gals out there who appreciate a man for what and who he is, not what he makes. If you would have communicated sooner with this gal, she may have been completely different with you and got off her high horse demands. BTW, splitting checks at expensive restaurants isn't the way to go either, you are still forking out cash you don't have, way too much even if you are not paying in full for both of you. She may have liked you enough to go about the courting a lot different, but she never had the chance because you never told her. You didn't even tell her when you sent the breakup text, WTF?
Stop being intimidated by women dude, be honest and forthright about things. They almost always at least respect that part :) | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/5/2012 1:32:38 PM | It's really simple...
the OP and this lady are not a match.
Now, the polite and ethical thing to do would be for the OP to let the lady know that he just isn't feeling it and doesn't want to continue seeing her.
He's not a dating instructor-there is no need to lecture her. He should save his breath to cool his soup.
Because no matter what he says, how many exercises in oratory speaking he indulges in-the lady will decide that she's being dumped because she didn't put out. whether that is actually an accurate assessment doesn't really matter any more. Whether or not the OP thought he could hook himself up with a sugar mama, that don't matter either.
The OP needs to pay better attention and be more realistic...regardless of what may be in TV shows, movies, books-most people tend to date and form SUCCESSFUL relationships within their own general socioeconomic bracket, and he needs to keep that in mind.
If he has a couple of dates with a lady, and then she sets down parameters that he doesn't agree with, he needs to stop tossing good money after bad hoping that she'll suddenly abandon said parameters.
OP, I'm sorry you had a string of dates that turned out to be unproductive by your standards. Simply let the lady know that you just don't think that you and she have sufficient compatibility to sustain a continuing involvement.
B*tching at her, whining, lecturing, etc will simply make you look like a sore loser.
Detach from this involvement and just let it go.
Cindy O | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/5/2012 9:11:40 PM | That reminds me of one online date I went on years ago, where I took someone to dinner on the first date, and they ordered filet mignon at a non white-cloth restaurant on my treat. Red flags went up at that moment, and I never took her out again. Although I am actually friends with her now.
The issue isn't that I have a problem taking someone I'm dating out for nice things; I do that all the time, so far as to go on random trips, just as a date. It's that she obviously didn't have the social skills to observe proper dating etiquette, or even common sense - if someone pays for you on a first date, you don't order the most expensive thing on the menu; that's just obvious. I was able to get a rundown on her personality type, just from that action, and it has held true all the years I've known her (overcompensating, trying to match ideals that she absorbed from media instead of parsing things as-is, etc.).
This is the kind of stuff the OP has to learn - you don't keep throwing your pearls to swine in hopes it will turn into a princess one day. life is too short for that, and there's no reason to waste time, energy, and effort (and money!) on something that obviously isn't worth it. Learn to spot the signs right away. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/6/2012 5:42:25 AM | oh i think that is terrible. i know that i am a cheap date, but really that is very thoughtless of the woman. i think however that you should consider, whether this was the reason that you arent interested. it doesnt seem as if you are being honest to yourself. is it because she failed to show any interest in you? or is it because she seemed a princess who had no sensitivity to your situation? if so i think you should have it out with her. be as polite as possible, she might well say that she thought that you would be too proud to allow her to pay etc. and be genuinely surprised. in my experience people who are well off are remarkably insensitive to others poverty. you shouldnt be embarrassed to mention this, though i do think that the woman is at fault not to have realised this.
good luck
caroline | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/6/2012 8:28:34 PM | One of the hardest lessons to learn in business is to hire slowly and fire quickly. Complicating matters is that employers usually feel they are responsible for the employee making their rent and supporting their family. But eventually you figure it out, when things start off bad they usually get worse so cut your losses and replace them.
That applies to dating too as long as you are communicating. This woman gave you fair warning that things would progress slowly as far as intimacy so that wasn't the issue but it looks to me from reading your comments that you guys weren't on the 4th date, you were having the first date over and over again. No progression. Nothing to judge if things were going anywhere.
Most likely damaged goods anyway based on her behaviour. Lots of fish in the sea. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/7/2012 12:05:52 AM |
I gathered that he really doesn't want to dump this gal since he has time and money invested, but since she apparently thinks he is an open ATM machine and can keep feeding her expensive meals with little to no affection in return, he is pretty much ready to move on.
Yeah, it sucks when a guy wastes so much on a woman for nothing.
Too bad he didn’t have the balls to walk away when he found out
she was months away from ever having sex. she said as much before we met
Oh well! Maybe next time he’ll be more thrifty with women he knows won’t put out to earn their free dinners.  | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/7/2012 1:08:03 PM |
Oh well! Maybe next time he’ll be more thrifty with women he knows won’t put out to earn their free dinners.
It doesn't appear as if you read this entire thread, because if you did, I doubt you would have cherry picked some one offs to use as the central theme of your debate. Attempting to defend this gal and claim it was all just because this guy didn't get sex is not the point, the point is she showed absolutely NO affection to this guy. I won't restate what I already have again, but an investment is more than just for sex, it is for progressing further in the dating period besides shelling out big bucks for meals when you don't have that kind of money to throw around - and getting zilch in return, nada.
Whether some gals like it or not, the courting period that costs that kind of money certainly shouldn't go on that long with no end in sight, not when the guy isn't in her socio-economic class. There could still be courting, but it should start going toward doing the little things (i.e. cooking for her which she wanted no part of), or maybe helping her with a household project etc. Show me the rule where courting means the guy has to continue throwing around money for barely eaten food and expensive glasses of wine.
This is not about the guy getting no sex, it is about the woman being a complete cold fish. He hadn't even gotten a real kiss after 4 dates and her being to his place?? Really? | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/8/2012 11:12:58 AM | Maybe you're not feeling the connection is because of the amount of money you had to pay. For me money isn't an issue so I don't worry about the bill at all and let the sweet time fly! :) Try this out:
Ask her to pay for the next few dates LOL and see how it goes and see if she still is "having a good time" | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/8/2012 9:01:01 PM | I have friends that I go out to dinner with now and then. We will take turns picking up the bill. There is no expectation of sex, because we are friends. Because we are friends, it's basically Dutch when it comes to the bill. Sometimes paydays don't work out so one or the other might end up picking up the tab a couple times in a row. It's no big deal, and we don't keep track, but it's generally alternating in nature.
Maybe you two just need to define what you have. If its friends, it's cool, just go 50/50 or take turns. If she ends up eating $20 when it's her turn and $80 when it's your turn, that's not the kind of friends I need.... | |
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