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| | She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?Page 4 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | I have friends that I go out to dinner with now and then. We will take turns picking up the bill. There is no expectation of sex, because we are friends. Because we are friends, it's basically Dutch when it comes to the bill. Sometimes paydays don't work out so one or the other might end up picking up the tab a couple times in a row. It's no big deal, and we don't keep track, but it's generally alternating in nature.
Maybe you two just need to define what you have. If its friends, it's cool, just go 50/50 or take turns. If she ends up eating $20 when it's her turn and $80 when it's your turn, that's not the kind of friends I need.... | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/8/2012 10:58:18 PM |
It doesn't appear as if you read this entire thread, because if you did, I doubt you would have cherry picked some one offs to use as the central theme of your debate
At best OP hoped for sex after being told it was ‘months away;’ at worst, he was hoping for a free ride of his own with this woman….per my understanding of HIS posts.
I’m not debating, I’m stating my opinion. You don’t have to like it or agree with me. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:49:37 AM | Some women expect to be wined and dined others are willing to go dutch. It really just comes down to how they see themselves in the world.
I guess I would have a little more sympathy for the OP if didn't talk about money and sex very often. I am guessing he brought up the sex first and that is why he is upset because he sees all his time (err money) down the tubes.
There are times that a woman will use a guy for a meal and other expensive things. I don't think this is one of them.
I do feel sorry for that cat though, it won't be getting any more action! | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/9/2012 2:22:58 PM | | I never asked her for sex other then inviting her to sleep at my house instead of driving home one night when she was out with her friends. Sure I wanted to have sex. Ive been dumped by a few girls cause I didnt want to sleep with them after a date or two. They flat out told me we are having sex or its over. So as a guy, you have to at least let the girl know you want to have sex because if she is horny, she will sleep with someone else then. Every good looking girl gets hit on, all the time ...friends at work, nights out with the girl friends, this girl was only a 8.5 and she was getting hit on while I was out with her by the waiter right in front of me. But she was a cold fish. All I wanted was a make out session, but I didnt even try and kiss her after paying for the meal again cause I knew I wasnt going to see her again. I did kiss her good bye when she left, in the car, and even then she didnt try and really "kiss :" me. Basically from my experience half the girls dont know how to kiss or dont like to REALLY kiss. She was one of them. I cant date that type unless Im all in love with them or something and they do something else to make up for it if you know what I mean. ANyway im still pissed she told me how the guy in her past got upset about the cat then she had the nerve to do that to me....it was her idea to come to my house. Probably just to make sure I didnt have a wife living here. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/9/2012 3:43:43 PM | | So false. A man would not continue to take a woman out if he was looking for payment and didn't get it. She earns more than you but your paying. Then why didn't you suggest a few nights in? and if you did and she wanted to go out why didn't you say sorry can't afford it?. Still wanting to get your leg over?? Then your at fault. Not working is not working. Most people don't take it to 4 dates when its not for you. Great fairy story. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:40:15 PM | So how do i do this? Tell her I cant afford $500 a month on restaurants?
Yes, I think you should tell her exactly that. If you don't want women to think you have disposable income, don't list "Atlantic City" as one of your interests. You're sending the wrong message. She probably figured that if you could afford to gamble, you could afford to buy her expensive meals. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:17:24 PM |
So as a guy, you have to at least let the girl know you want to have sex because if she is horny, she will sleep with someone else then.
 This is hilarious. ‘Girls’ know guys want sex, it’s not a big secret. If you’re worried about your girl screwing somebody else, maybe you should be a bit choosier of who you’re dating.
Basically from my experience half the girls dont know how to kiss or dont like to REALLY kiss. She was one of them. I cant date that type unless Im all in love with them or something and they do something else to make up for it if you know what I mean.
Your last post (msg. 82) was repulsive from beginning to end (except for the hilarious part). I would have guessed you were 20 years younger. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:55:29 PM |
Ok, here's what we do. We'll knock her out, put her in the car, cover the inside with alcohol and a bunch of booze bottles (make it seem like she's had one too many to drink), aim the car towards a cliff, light the ****er on fire, release the gas, and send her on her way. :D
Naaaa. If the OP can't afford to drop $500 a month on dinner, then he certainly can't afford to destroy a perfectly good car. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/10/2012 9:36:48 PM | | without reading the rest of the responses... If you can't afford to take her to $100 dinners.. then why do you ask her to go to dinner at places that cost that much? Did she SAY that she would not be ok with applebees or are you just assuming? Call me old fashioned... but I feel like especially while you are going on dates, and not yet dating exclusively... If you ask for the date, then you better be prepared to plan and pay for the date... If you can't afford to pay for the date, then pick a cheaper thing to do for the date... Shoot there are even lots of things you could do for free if money is an issue. But I do think that if you have made it to at least date number 4 you should have the decency to tell her that you don't want to see her again instead of just not responding... | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/17/2012 4:35:29 PM | Sex and dinner are two separate issues, dinner does not buy you sex.
When a women wants to be intimate with someone, she will not warn you against it .
When you want to have dinner with someone than
Ask, if you want to go dutch your going to have to broach that subject before you start eating.
Why not ask her what she wants to do, and if she says going out to eat, you could say: do you have any place that you like that is in your budget? Then offer to pay for your share when the bill comes. If she looks at you with that entitled aghast taken back look , then offer to make dinner.
If you sre unhappy with the pace that she wants to take, maybe you should think of it like this: you are ready to dump her because you fear that she is using you, are you really ready to connect this closely with her? Four dates is really not any indication of whether or not she will
Be totally into you and rocking your world a month from now.
She may surprise you... | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/17/2012 8:47:27 PM | There are two separate issues here -
1) One is do you want to end it? I think, you really do. And, I personally think you should (not as important, since it is my own opinion.)
2.) The second issue is, "How do I tell her?" Your subject heading. The big picture.
My own (humble) response:
1) Yes, you should end it. Now. Immediately.
2) You send her a message (does she still read her POF messages? Do you have her E-Mail? I would avoid text, if possible. I would also avoid phone, if possible.
Sample message --
I think you are a very nice person, and I did enjoy getting to know you, and spending time with you, however, I also know that we are really not a good match. I do wish you the best, and sincerely hope that you find what you are seeking.
Thanks,
(Your name here.) | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/17/2012 9:10:53 PM | After reading ALL of the responses - and most importantly, after reading the additional information you have posted in your later responses, I would slightly amend my suggestion above. I do believe the above is still valid, but I would also suggest this alternative --
Do absolutely nothing. Do not ask her out again. If she stops by to pet the pu$$y (evil grin) let her pet the pu$$y. Be polite. Then, let her leave. Do NOT ask her out, on any date. And if she suggests a date, tell her you have been re-thinking things, and that you do not wish to see her anymore in that way. Or, if she does not ask you out, no worries - you have already moved on to find someone who IS a good match.
Usually I advise that you let the other party know the instant you know it is not going to work. Out of kindness. The only exception might be a case like this, where she is showing some signs of "game-playing." I refer to her stating at the outset that sex was "a long way off" or "months off" (?) That might indicate some serious issues, or fears, or paranoia... it might also indicate that she is trying to play you. And, no matter what anyone says, none of us can know that for certain, based on what you have posted so far.
If she is one of those who enjoys using the dating game for a very nice free meal every week (I have an acquaintance who now claims she gets fout to five, and has for the past year, just this way) -- then she will now simply realize you figured out her game, and quickly start targeting another, to fill your shoes... to bring her back up to her own quota, whatever that may be.
If not, then -- who cares - whatever is going on, it is obvious you do not want it. If she is sexually repressed, do you want that? If she has issues with paranoia ("I am going to give it away too soon! Gasp!") - do you want that? Whatever her deal is, it is obvious you are not a good match. So, just move on. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:44:09 AM | | Why do people start threads on issues that should be common sense? If you don't want to see her again you be honest with her and tell her straight out. What you should have done is said this after the first date "It was nice meeting you, but I don't see anything happening between us. I wish you luck in your search." Then you shake her hand and leave. Hell what I do now, is I don't even wait for the end of the date. If I am not feeling it 15-20 minutes in, I call it early. Honesty is always the best policy and life is too short to force yourself to stay in bad situations. | |
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| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/18/2012 7:39:06 AM | If you do not want to see her again, it would be one thing. But what I gather from all the discussions is that you don't want to spend that type of money on this woman and you are not happy that when she came to your place, it didn't evolve to sex.
In both cases, I think you are having a problem that is related to having your cojones completely frozen and in the back of the freezer.
Now, if you just don't want to see her again. Then don't call her, play the hard to get type of person. Or when you see her the next time tell her.
Now if you want her as a more intimate type of partner, which also involves sex you are going to have to behave in a different way. One, stop buying her dinner. Tell her that you are on a limited budget, and if she wants to chip in, or pay for it, she is welcome. Also start doing other things together than just restaurants. You can go for a run together. I am big into outdoor activities. That is something I do, whether they are with me or not. After that have a low cal meal together. Also, start cooking at home. I am a rather good cook, so it's quite easy for me to impress the ladies, since my dishes tend to be even better than most 4 star restaurants, and I have to hit a 5 star restaurant to be impressed. But let's say that you are not a good, or great cook. So what. Ask her for her help. She is a horrible cook as well. GEt a tape of some cooking show and watch it together and make the dish while having fun and making a mess. Then set candles outside, open a nice bottle of wine and move to the next level.
Now, that begs the question. When you start dating one thing that needs to be happening is escalation of sexual tension. If you are not doing this, it's not only your own fault, but you are turning what could potentially can be great sex, into a just Friends situation. It is your job as a guy to escalate attraction. I hear so many times when the girl said that she was smitten by what a great looking guy he was, but after the date, she felt flat. Funny that the girl doesn't usually tells you what went wrong but how it felt. What happened was that the guy didn't have the confidence to properly break her personal space and start creating sexual attraction.
Now, don't get me wrong. This does not mean that when you are with the girl, that you are all paws, all over her. That can be extremely annoying to a woman, particularly when there's no reciprocity. So what you have to do is test the water and touch her. Touch her in semi erroneous zones that also happen to be safe. What that means is that don't go straight way and touch her tide or but, big no no until you have establish trust. But touch her on the knee, the elbow, the wrist, the shoulder. You know that you are getting better, when you touch her face and instead of slightly pulling back, she pulls forward and lets you.
The reason I mention all this is because by the time that she comes to your place, all this should have taken place. You got pissed because she didn't move it to the next level. But it doesn't sound like you took it there. Also, if she had come to my place, like that, I would have used a reversed tactic, which is not to move forward and make her feel at home. Maybe even leave the room, and get a bottle of wine. And almost tread it as inconsequential, like it doesn't matter. Even make her feel like, you are not that easy.
In the end, there are a lot of non verbal communication, that quite frankly is not even good to talk about, because it makes both of you self conscious and it kills spontaneity. And even though, it's the man that takes the initiative, it is the woman that feels comfortable and allows it.
So decide. If you are not going to pursue this woman. Let her go. | |
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RT_2
| | Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 95 | |
| She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her?
Posted: 7/18/2012 4:57:34 PM | If you see her while jogging in front of her place, give her the cold shoulder.
I will refrain from bashing her because 1) her affection towards pets, and 2) she communicated that she probably wasn't going to put out (as opposed to the teases who lead fellas on).
You could have revoked your invitation for her to visit her place. By mentioning a date with another man, she showed she most likely doesn't want to be more than friends with you. She hinted she might spend all the time at your place petting the cat and ignoring you.
Why does your profile say no pets? Should say cat unless something happened to your kitty.
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