| | She said itPage 2 of 2 (1, 2) | I had my former fiancée's 18 month old son do this to me at thanksgiving dinner, I know my face turned red when it happen. We simply corrected him but he would have none of it.
Our view point was this: B wasn't old enough to make that choice FOR HIMSELF. Personally I believe the children should be corrected until they can grasp a little bit more of the concept.
Did it bother me? Not one bit. Would it have kept me from commitment? Hell no, single parents have the toughest job in the world and men know what is expected of them if they're dating someone with a beautiful name like Mommy. | |
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| She said it
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:18:08 PM | | as a guy who has dating single moms in the ast i dont like it when their kids call me dad. i think that that title should be reserved for the actual father of the children, not the guy youre currently dating. | |
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| She said it
Posted: 7/30/2012 5:35:44 AM | | i wonder how mnay views/opinions would change if the baby called another woman "mommy"...and the dude was saying "well i fyou feel comfortable saying it..thats ok with me".....a huge majority of you ladies would have a fit...and rightly so....it would be devestating for me to hear my kids call someone else "dad" OR "mom"!!...but thats becasue i have a heart...darnit | |
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| She said it
Posted: 7/30/2012 7:03:30 AM | Justme I do have a heart. Thanks for asking. We jumped on this faster than white on rice but she keeps doing it. And maybe your circumstances are different than mine-sounds like you are involved in your children's lives, my daughters father is not. Big difference! I don't allow my child to walk around and call every male figure daddy let alone my boyfriend. The question was is this a phase that she will out grow? And how did anyone else handle this? Majority have given advice. Don't come in here and start bs that doesn't need to be started. If you read previous post to me it sounds like it is a child's way of identifying people as a couple or people that they also have in their life ie Mommy Daddy Grandma Grandpa ect ect. So appears that nothing I am doing is incorrect and this is one of those things that needs to be addressed when it happens and sooner or later it won't continue to happen because she will realize who is who.
And you can put your foot in your mouth now if you'd like. My kiddo called my mom-her grandma Mommy when she couldn't get the whole Grandma thing down and called me My Mommy. Took us awhile to figure out which she was wanting but we did and then a few weeks later she nailed Grandma and this hasn't been an issue since. I had no issues with her calling my mom Mommy as I call her Mom and she followed suit. And my mom has been there since birth and will continue to be there til Mom passes.
Now if the shoe was on the other foot and she had a relationship with her father and she started calling his girlfriend Mommy-yes I would have an issue with it because she is not Mommy I am Mommy. And more than likely this other woman has not been apart of my daughters life since birth. I have no issue with a nickname being made in place for this woman IF she is sticking around longer than a few months ie her name would be number one choice, but to a 2 year old I know she is not going to understand the importance of why she can't call everyone Mommy. Momma Betty-but the womans name would need to be part of the whole "momma" thing. For the simple fact, I AM MOMMY and MOMMY ONLY. It'd be the same if they had a relationship, he would probably have an issue with her calling my boyfriend daddy. We could come to an agreement on a nickname if we needed. Unfortunately they don't have a relationship so I can honestly tell you I don't care what he has to say about the whole situation. | |
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| She said it
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:53:23 AM | A 2 year old doesn't have much concept of time or commitment.. their reality is all about "NOW".
If you expose her to a family-type lifestyle with a guy you are not committed to, she will not understand he is just the guy for now... maybe not for later.
Imagine yourself if you were in her position and really thought this guy was your forever love... after only a few months... only to be disappointed down the road.
I would keep other men out of her life until you decide to marry or otherwise stay together as a committed couple.
Being a child is not a phase, and neither is wanting a father figure. Weigh these two factors carefully before allowing someone into her life. | |
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| She said it
Posted: 7/30/2012 11:34:49 AM | | @mom2jrt....i think its shows great class and motherly wisdom to handle this like you have or to put a great amount of thought into it (a huge part of the population would not have put as much work into it either way). i would also assume that you know people who have done this, who allow it to happen, who saw it as "cute" or a sign as "he is the right one"....yet when the other shoe falls....are hurt and confused. my grandfather was married at 17 (back in the depression) and lost his first wife in childbirth around 18. she went to live down the road with her maternal grandparents. my grandfather married my grandmother, had 4 kids, and stayed married 50 plus years till he died. my aunt would call me grandmother "mama (insert name here)"...i never "got" it till i was a teenager and i heard the story...then it made sense. i know thats not exactly what we are talking about, but i know that it stuck with me. anyhow...between you and me....the biggest fear i had when my X left was that she would replace me as the father...she had replaced me in every other faucet..so why not that as well??? i was scared.....so scared...and in a way still am. i think i could be easily replaced...and i think thats hard for any man or woman to handle..course i could be like most dudes and say "she can never replace all dissssss"...but im not that stupid!!! anyhow....at times i have alot of difficulty even picturing myself introduce someone to the kids...and we have been divorced 6 years!! hell most men are on their second divorce in that timeframe!!! | |
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| She said it
Posted: 7/30/2012 1:30:17 PM | Just me-I get the whole being scared I was myself when I was 3 months pregnant and her father was all about being apart of her life. She's two and half and he has never seen her.
I'm not trying to replace her father. She doesn't have a daddy she has a father. I know women who do try to replace. I have nothing to replace. In order to be daddy you have to be here to be daddy. He and his attorney came up with an agreement that he signed on his own willingness that he would have no contact with my kiddo until she was of legal consenting age-18 or 19. He signed it, it wasn't forced upon him. I agreed. I allowed it to happen. There are reasons behind it and if you really want to know feel free to message me and I'll be more than happy to share.
My guy and I are currently getting back into the whole dating thing. Not because she called him daddy but because he broke my trust and I broke his. We are slowly working to fix that and instead of having a relationship we are having a friendship. Which I do believe you need first before anything else. Finding these little things out as I go. I might be of the generation throw it away when its broken. I prefer to fix it and fight for it if its worth fixing and fighting for. I feel it is. We still hang out with each other alone and every now and then kiddo.
So back to original statement: I don't think its cute or adorable when she calls any daddy. Fireworks don't go off in my head and I'm singing here comes the bride because she said it. I was embarrassed more than anything. Luckily, I've got a really nice guy and because he could see the embarrassment he let me address it then confirmed that he wasn't daddy but Ken. Since the first incident she's only said it once more. We're reminding her all the time its "Ken" and nothing more. Ya know-"Ken can I have that toy?" "Ken, could you please pass the ketchup?" "Have a great night Ken, thanks for coming and playing." She's slowly getting it. We sound like idiots but it works for us.
About being replaced: It sounds like you are there-from your post, haven't read your profile-so I wouldn't worry about being replaced. Just inform the ex that if the D word comes out it needs to be addressed. And reinforced that Daddy is at his house and Bill has come over to see them. Everything is replaceable. You just have to give the children a reason not replace you. Love, support, understanding, caring ect ect. Kids are also smart, if ex is trying any of that vindictive bullsh*t ex's do they will eventually see throw it and no the truth by what you do. | |
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| She said it
Posted: 7/31/2012 5:28:26 AM | keep on keeping on girl!!! thanks for your advice to me. the kids have little contact with their mom, few phone calls and stopping to see her at work on birthdays and things like that. i am the local "joke" around here...being the dude that got dumped, cheated on, replaced....but still goes out of his way to get the kids to see her....when i walk into that workplace i can feel the eyes and the laughs on me....but its not the first time.
i didnt know he had signed over parental rights, if it was posted earlier i skipped over it. i dont know how any man or person for that matter could do that.....or i should say...i dont know how in the world i could have done that. my heart is with the two of you...you and the kid....its hard for me to pray for a guy!!! lol | |
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