| | No dating criteria on some profilesPage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) |
Then a man I was seeing mentioned it, said it looked like I would date anyone.
Wow, that’s quite a leap.
I’d wonder why he was dating me if I looked easy to him.
I don't care for people who determine my character based on pixels on a profile. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:22:18 PM |
OP, you remind me of people that will assume that just because there is "rule/law" against certain actions, it will never happen. Ever. The "list" is supposedly to stop people(that tell/expose the "truth") from contacting you. All you are doing is eliminating people that are honest on their profiles. Kinda cool huh????
To clarify, I absolutely don’t assume everyone is being honest. However, I do think that the dating/ messaging filter is a useful mechanism for ‘weeding out’ people who you are completely unsuited to. And as for those who are dishonest, they usually make their intent pretty clear through the kind of initial message they send.
I think it would be time for you(and probably a lot of others) to "rethink" your list, and what it does and doesn't "do" for you and your "search".
I’m on this site primary for ‘dating’ (not the forums) so I’ll be sticking to my guns on what I feel is a reasonable list for someone who is seeking a serious relationship. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:28:10 PM | In my opinion, with online dating, you have to be prepared to make certain assumptions, or you could waste a lot of time communicating with people who don't have anything in common with you
You may not know it,but, you have just layed out the reason why many people never really "discover" anything new about anything,let alone the differences in people and what they can bring to the table. To "eliminate" or "dismiss" because of assumptions, is well, bumbackwards thinking. It is for me anyways.
"" To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge. ""
In other words, I don't dismiss,because, really, I don't always "know",even though I can always assume I do.
Edit to add; I would think from your past(living in different parts of the world/different types of people) you would understand this kinda stuff???? Sorry,just read your profile,and I see you are a "researcher". It does explain your way of thinking one way or the other.
However, I do think that the dating/ messaging filter is a useful mechanism for ‘weeding out’ people who you are completely unsuited to
I guess. But, somewhere in that pile of people you are "weeding out" do you not think there is a possibility that you could have a flower that you included in the trash pile????? | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:33:30 PM | I have some on mine but I don't see a problem with anyone not having any because I would assume they didn't feel the need to or most likely did not see that they could put them up.
Personally I am mainly here to see if a person wants a serious relationship. I had my profile written out before for casual dating and it did not attract good-hearted people. So I re-wrote it more formally and had it reviewed.
I filtered out things like hang out and friendship. I have friends and don't need to make more, especially off of a dating website. I can see that causing confusion for a potential partner who is looking for a serious relationship if I were talking to numerous girls off of this site. I did not put a mile limit just in case forum members wanted to talk.
I would not call these "dating criteria" and I would not be surprised if people lied about them also just to get in touch with somebody. I have already read stories about people bypassing the character limit and such. But I can see them sending an indirect message about somebody being more serious on here. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:42:50 PM |
A good example of this might be distance. A person might have a notion that they would like to meet someone within 75 miles, but then come into contact with someone 80 miles, 100 miles, or from another country and like them enough to change their minds, finding a way of making things work.
Agree. I am very flexible regarding distance.
If you make assumptions about people and dismiss them without communicating, what hope have you of making a relationship work?
Disagree. People who are on here for a serious relationship have every right to make assumptions regarding the kind of person they are likely to get along with…this site/ all other dating sites acknowledge that we are all individuals with different likes/ dislikes/ personalities – that’s why they have messaging/ dating criteria. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:53:56 PM | | I don't think that all of the restrictions are useful. Having "friends" or "hang out", whatever doesn't always indicate people's intentions and can block potentially good matches. It can give you a good idea, though. Some are very useful, like "must have picture". In every case, the women that have sent a message to me without a picture were already in a relationship. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:54:16 PM | I have my criteria:
Must not have a mental illness.
Must not do crack
Must not eat in any way shape or form SPAM
Must not wear at any time Granny panties
Must not be a bible thumper
Must not be a prima dona barbie doll type of woman
Must prefer plastic over paper or bring her own bags
Must be able to articulate in the sentence form and be able to use verbs in her expression
Must never have in her profile references to how many times she has been played
Must not play victim, yeah baby you enjoyed the sex as much as he did | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/2/2012 7:16:10 PM |
or you could waste a lot of time communicating with people who don't have anything in common with you
This is the second time I have seen a comment by you insisting on the importance of communicating with people with whom you share common interests. In the other thread you railed against men for writing messages to women they were "unsuited" to message.
Are you never, ever curious what's on the other side of the tracks?
The water's fine, jump in; you're the shark after all. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/2/2012 7:48:37 PM | | Hmm, sometimes I'm playful and care to pick their brains once I get their phone numbers. Mostly, I just want to see how many women are willing to engage, not really putting too much into it. It's one of those features that might be predominately used by females me thinks. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 12:03:46 AM | Most of the mailing restrictions are easily avoided by those who would normally be disqualified...:
(And others are very helpful in 'filtering' certain people out.)
"Must not do Drugs"....
I could do drugs Every Day...and merely put in my profile that I Don't....I can still write you!
"Must not...Int/ Enc..."...
Same thing...I just don't _Write_ to those that Are looking for I/E...
And...Most of us have our preferences for 'Age', and that's Okay...but I get Real disappointed when someone that I think is _Perfect_ for me...and I for them...disqualifies me by 2 or 3 years!!
But my Biggest ~Teeth-Grinder~ is the *Distance-Factor*...!!
Long-Distance-Relationships _Can_ work....IF...they're not Long Term...
and one party is agreeable to relocate in an amicably agreed-on time frame!!
Distance isn't necessarily...Permanent...!!
Give it a decent Chance..!! | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 4:34:15 AM | | I have learnt,lol very few things in my young life, but a few are that anything is possible, what I may want now is not what I may want tomorrow(If I even know myself what I want) , and not to judge people, non the less discriminate them with silly POF filters... | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 4:46:48 AM | women are so funny,
they think, there is a bull of a man, who will use her hard everyday
but also be sensitive, and rich, and everything......!!!!!
thats what I think when i see a 45, year old woman with restrictions on her profile
I know these women are not serious, all men, want sex
not just that but,
yes it is a priority
it like they are still in there dead marriages and still, want the sexual control, they had over their poor husbands, but now with someone new
I wish they had a restriction, on dyed up, miserable materialistic women,who want and expect everything, without doing anything | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:10:23 AM |
That's true, except that lots of people make the wrong assumptions and go on lots of bad dates, if they actually get dates.
This is so true. It's easy to jump to conclusions and make snap judgments based on people's profiles. If you have a question about somebody's profile, or a concern you have, why don't you ask them about it??
I hope most women don't think like the OP does, that's a wrong attitude to have. For starters, you can't take anything on anyone's profile at face value. You have women with "long-term" on their profiles, who have one night stands, and you have women looking for "friends" who want serious relationships.
Until you start talking to someone, and go on a date, you're not going to know anything.
Btw, no matter what you do, you can end up going on bad dates with people on POF. It's a possibility with anyone on here, no matter how much you try to screen guys or weed them out, or go by your "checklist".
Besides, you only learn from experience. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:55:20 AM | Certainly the lack of any dating criteria would be a red flag for me
What a load of horsecrap...
I don't even know if I put any on mine. If I didn't, I wouldnt change anything on it. I have better things to do of my time than spend it finding the freaking option you click to block people from messaging.
It's only a website for God's sake. Someone not putting a search critteria wouldn't be a red flag for me; someone I read dealing or doing drugs WOULD. Big difference.
I never used to have any restrictions. Then a man I was seeing mentioned it, said it looked like I would date anyone. So I put some in, and really, it makes no difference. Only blocks those being honest on their profiles and I can do that myself.
My thoughts exactly. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:57:30 AM | I do a pretty good job of keeping myself safe -- I don't need POF's automated system to do it for me.
Those filter things do nothing but make you look paranoid, uptight and naive.
Anyone wanting to get through can easily create a new profile and word it any way they want to bypass any silly filter you have set. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:58:26 AM | I hope most women don't think like the OP does, that's a wrong attitude to have. For starters, you can't take anything on anyone's profile at face value. You have women with "long-term" on their profiles, who have one night stands, and you have women looking for "friends" who want serious relationships.
Oh how very, very true
((slurps tea))
Until you start talking to someone, and go on a date, you're not going to know anything.
For some... you may have to go on more than one date to 'peel the onion', so to speak, to learn who they really are. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 8:06:58 AM | It occurred to me that the absence of ANY dating criteria on a profile implies that the person does not really care who they date which arguably suggests that they are not serious.
That's YOUR assumption.
The truth could be farthest from it.
Certainly the lack of any dating criteria would be a red flag for me.
Your choice to feel this way. Good luck with it.
or you could waste a lot of time communicating with people who don't have anything in common with you
If I only spoke with those who have something in common with me, I would never discover anything new.
Expand your mind, expand your world. That is something I would definitely give time for.
Maybe.. just maybe this could be a reason some have no criteria. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 8:31:56 AM | "My guess is that since most men get few messages/replies, they assume that restrictions or other 'criteria' would only work against them. If you're not getting very many messages, is it logical to think restrictions on who can message you will increase the number of messages you get?"
What this guy said. Do I really need mailing restrictions to prevent the one first contact email I get every 3 months from making its way to me? Because, you know, it is SO hard to read and ignore/delete that one email at some point during that 3 month period.
I doubt I would care even if a miracle occurred and I started receiving an onslaught of first contact emails from tons of women I wanted nothing to do with. Unless you're one of the top 10% most attractive young women on this site, I think it's pretty likely you can manage your emails without much trouble. The age restriction is the only one that probably really has any merit, because there really is nothing good to come from an 18-year-old girl receiving a bunch of emails from 60-year-old men (the "ick" factor might drive her from the site).
As for this other side of the coin you've brought up, I seriously doubt very many women are looking at men's profiles and thinking, "There must be something wrong with this guy if he has no mailing restrictions." But that said, I have seen a few older women in the forums yap at older men for not having age restrictions on their profile (or more likely, "inappopriate" age restrictions). So maybe a few are. But that's not the purpose of mail settings, so making that leap is just hurting yourself, really. Most people that don't have any mailing restrictions don't have any because they don't have significant mail management issues.
Now requests for POF to have PREFERENCE listings are a mile high, but most other sites that have preference listings don't use them in a restrictive manner -- it's just so people don't waste time emailing people that probably wouldn't date them for some upfront reason. But if you wish to waste time doing so, then most of them will let you. Which is quite different from a mail setting. Which is why it's a little dangerous to use a mail setting to begin with. Really, you are 40 and will only date men 35-45, and the world's greatest 46-year-old comes along and you won't date him? Well, you probably would, but on POF he can't get by your mail setting, while on, say, Match, he could get by the preference settings (although probably get sent to the junk folder).
Anyway, what bothers me on POF is how few women spell out their preferences in their profiles -- because I have to waste tons of time emailing women that probably do have preferences that exclude me. But under normal circumstances, it's not like I can make a leap based on their lack of preferences: Wow, she doesn't list any, so she must be willing to date any guy on the planet! Yeah, right. (Actually, I tend to skip right over any profile that has "country music" has an interest because typically, such a woman probably has no interest in dating someone that looks like me. Although, I have in real life dated a couple of women who were big country music fans, but online dating doesn't work the same way as real life.)
I also agree with whoever said you're attempting to read between lines a lot more than you probably should. A lack of mail settings means nothing more than the person doesn't have any mail management issues. And few men on this site have mail management issues. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 9:10:05 AM | What about that perfect guy who had his search set to "Anything", and accidentally emailed someone that was looking for sex?
If this site gave some kind of warning, or if you could remove things like that from your search results, then using those restrictions as a way of screening can make sense... But mistakes happen... And one mistake can easily take half the site off of someone's list of who he could message.
It's not that we have no standards in who we date, it's just that we give everyone the chance to see what they have to say. | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 9:13:02 AM | | Personally anyone who would message me and want a date is a Huge red flag for me!! So why would I need restrictions? | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 9:19:19 AM |
Personally anyone who would message me and want a date is a Huge red flag for me!! So why would I need restrictions?
Bwahaha! Nice to see you back on the planet, Groucho!  | |
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| No dating criteria on some profiles
Posted: 7/3/2012 9:38:33 AM | | My only message restrictions (when actually using this site for more than forums or not) are the "intimate encounters" restrictions since I don't want to unknowingly end up grouped in with them by exchanging harmless emails. Everyone else is free to message me because I've exchanged messages with forum members. I'm still quite selective when it comes to dating, I assure you. Just because I don't have "must not smoke" as a restriction doesn't mean jack squat; I'll never date someone who smokes! That's something I can filter out after a message has been received, if the intention is dating. | |
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