|RejectionPage 3 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4)|
|You must be kidding, nhra--You're gorgeous and you know it. Understand people who delete your messages without reading probably get too many to deal with, or you are too young or old for them . . . or the stars aren't in alignment, who really knows. Or perhaps you should work on your capitalization, grammar and spelling--that can indicate you're not on their intellectual level. BTW, if you make a point to approach the hotest, youngest and most scantily clad women in the room, you probably should look like Brad Pitt and have money falling out of your pockets. Like it or not, looks are our trading cards in the singles market. There are very few of us who don't need physical attraction to begin a relationship. After that, many of us look for things like intelligence, humor, good personality and yes, stability--which has something to do with your career and income. |
We have to "Be what we seek." That means you probably should be on a par with someone in the looks, income, education departments, for things to work over the long term. There are cinderella stories out there, but I'm not talking about best sellers and Richard Gere movies. In real life hookers seldom attract extremely rich men for marriage, and men who work at the local gas station or McDonalds rarely hook up with the hottest, smartest, most accomplished women. I didn't make this rule, but it's the way it is. I was a single parent who raised my large family alone, despite being told I had model level good looks, intelligence and a great personality. All I had to do was mention I had six kids (their dad was killed in an accident) and the men lost any and all interest. Was that superficial? Probably, but it is also reality.
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:22:03 PM
|Ok 13 years out of the game, I spent 20 out of it but then the last 3 years my wife and I trained each other to be single so I missed the 'I'm lost out here' feeling. But I see it all the time. its difficult to walk into a new place cold and make friends and I agree with a few posts on here, singles meets blow badly. I've never been to one but can't see how they'd be a good thing.|
Another problem...age. Its not that we're old its that we're no longer young. I go out all the time dancing but I'm not staying till 3 and 5 am, I can't even sleep till 9 and have things to do anyway.
If you didn’t learn to dance in high school find a dance club and learn, its well worth the effort, hell I am a good dancer, instructor even and I still seek out dance clubs as their a great way to meet new people with common interest.
Going out to night clubs is tougher as the people are much younger than they were in my 40s but still a plausible place to be as I can in fact dance. Get to know the bartenders waitress's bouncers...never EVER sit at a table alone, EVERRRRRR. Once you get to know the staff take them cookies at xmas or candy at Halloween, ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW THEM. Their mostly collage kids that don't get that kinda thing anyway. But now your established, your visible, you know people and interact with them, your no longer someone who's never been seen before. Women get comfortable with someone they've seen before as long as your 1 not a barfly and ALWAYS there and 2 you don't develop the reputation as a creepazoid.
Be polite, be courteous, you can still be a bad boy and be polite about it. You can strike up a conversation anywhere especially in check out lines but you do need to be disarming about it.
The main thing is quit trying so hard, Real life is far easier than this online stuff, in real life you can look at the eyes and see if she's open to conversation or closed to it and if you see she's closed off don't bother
Go have fun with being you, the rest will fall into place :)
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:53:16 PM
|Well, for all kinds of legal reasons I spent some significant time "separated" in my life, and found that there was absolutely no problem finding dates. In fact, I don't think I ever have had so many dates as during the period I was separated. |
People can end up spending years as "separated" due to the legal system delays (about a year in a simple uncontested divorce), or due to a cranky ex, or due to issues with children, or due to many other things. Yes, its cleaner to date someone who is "single", "divorced" or "widowed", but to think that those stuck waiting for divorce do or should suffer rejection is, in my experience, naive. Life goes on, and I have yet to meet anyone who has suffered social deprivation simply because they were "separated". When a legal separation happens, you are no longer "married". Those who think you are have never been "separated"......
Posted: 7/4/2012 1:31:51 PM
|There is a legal difference between "legal separation" and the type of separation that simply means you are not living with your spouse pending the divorce. The first situation is equivalent to divorce since a court pronounces you legally separated. The second situation can be messy;the separated person is going through the emotional throes of divorce and, in my opinion, is not yet suitable for dating (unless you are a masochist). Just my opinion, YMMV.|
Posted: 7/4/2012 2:34:29 PM
|Emotional trials aside, as we all have them at all times in our lives, having been married and realized it is nothing but a corrupted vestige of anther time, I would never, under any circumstances, consider marrying again. In that context, whether I was legally separated or separated or divorced or whatever would have absolutely no impact on the development of any future relationships I might have. |
Those out there who are sticking on technicalities are, to my view, simply prejudging their own futures and I do suspect that in reality they are simply rationalizing their own reactions to situations with a view to making themselves feel good about the decisions they make.
Even marriage itself is no reason in my mind to limit the scope of one's relationships. Te world is full of people who met someone while married, split and came together for successful relationships. Morality aside, the happily married don't spend time looking outside of the marriage, and the ones that do may be amoral jerks, but then again, they may just be desperate souls looking for happiness that is not available at home.
I have no issue with people and their preferences, but I do have an issue with the moral hipocracy that is rampant. Every case is unique.....
Posted: 7/5/2012 5:24:01 AM
When a legal separation happens, you are no longer "married". Those who think you are have never been "separated"......
Well you are still married until the divorce is granted.. Yes it takes a year to get a divorce and then once granted you are no longer married..
Yes, its cleaner to date someone who is "single", "divorced" or "widowed", but to think that those stuck waiting for divorce do or should suffer rejection is, in my experience, naive.
Yes it is cleaner and so many women would not want to date someone that still has this lingering as unfinished business in the background.. I mean they have a choice divorced, widowed, single, separated.. It makes sense why they might choose one of the other alternatives..
I never said they should suffer rejection because suffering is not something I wish on people.. However you cannot fault another person for not wanting to date someone in this particular situation.. When I see that on a profile I am simply not interested..
Posted: 7/5/2012 7:57:23 AM
|Well, no IS NO such thing as being "legally separated" here in Texas. And usually you are divorced within 3 months of filing. And if someone refuses to sign the divorce papers? They will send a Constable to find that person and serve him or her with divorce paper's. Texas don't play. Lol|
Posted: 7/5/2012 2:43:47 PM
|I never worry about how old i am, but i am not particulary attracted to younger men either.|
What i worry most about is that my song will not be heard by the one who believes, that it is music to their ears.
So if i say the wrong thing, oh well~
Posted: 7/5/2012 3:22:53 PM
@ vintageblonde. not nice poking fun at me, saying im gorgeous and i know it, seriuosly, thats teenage stuff. my confidence level is down as it is from bieng cheated on and played by women, and told im ugly, now this. thats a bad joke! not nice!
OK, not trying to be mean but have you considered psychiatric help? Seriously dude. Something is just not right, so much so that I'm thinking Psychiatric help or troll?
ETA: Or drunk?
Posted: 7/5/2012 3:31:57 PM
@ vintageblonde. not nice poking fun at me, saying im gorgeous and i know it, seriuosly, thats teenage stuff. my confidence level is down as it is from bieng cheated on and played by women, and told im ugly, now this
nhra--on a serious note here....(yes, at times I come to the forums in a very playful mood and indulge in playful dialog with folks and did some of that on this thread--howEVER...) if I allow myself to believe that your profile is genuine and, in fact, the picture you have posted is you...YES, you are a very attractive looking man!! I also thought: "this guy HAS to be KIDDING, saying he is ugly, what's up with THAT?" I did notice that, there for a little while, your posts became actually pleasant to read---positive, fun, kind---and I thought: "wow, this man is learning and really bringing out the positive side-nice !"
Sometimes I read stuff here and think, surely, this is a student doing research and just wants to play the crowd to see how folks respond, jot down numbers and...Wallah ! Thesis. :) IF, in fact, you have been so wounded, hurt, done wrong, and have not HEALED that...then the very last thing you likely need is to attempt to "fix" all that with taking on new relationships on a dating site. Suggestion ( and I am saying this with kindness)---get into some therapy, learn to love you, don't expect someone else to FIX this for you...no one can fix it but YOU. Once you have done some work on unraveling the causes of the pain & hurt, THEN, maybe explore relationship. There are some great therapists out there who may be able to help you and there is nothing wrong with needing help to PULL YOURSELF UP. I hope you can read this as intended. Good luck.
Posted: 7/5/2012 6:28:49 PM
|I think he's nice looking. And seems happy in his pics, out and about. Maybe he's just after attention.|
Posted: 7/5/2012 6:36:41 PM
|I think everyone will agree that you did too much too soon with this one. Take it slower next time. You really take your chances when you go overboard.|
Posted: 7/5/2012 8:34:36 PM
|I don't think vintageblonde was being sarcastic. I took a long look at your profile pic too and thought you were good looking with a very nice smile. |
I do agree....too much....too soon!
I know it's hard but don't give up and you'll find someone to appreciate you.
Now, I must go back and read the OP so I can answer the poor guys question about rejection.
Posted: 7/6/2012 12:22:15 AM
basically all she needed was a date to her 25 yr high school reunion,
Yanno, I have to call complete bs on this--who takes an ugly guy to their high school reunion--stop blaming your looks--its your personality that is the issue--is screams in almost every post you make--plenty of people have advised you that they dont find you unattractive--
We all believe what we want about ourselves--we all have areas that we see as lacks--we can indulge ourselves or we can work on them-- or we can whine that the opposite sex doesnt like us--when in fact there are members of the opposite sex we will reject--rejection is part of life --so what if someone doesnt want you--someone else will if you open your eyes and heart and look at things differently --the issue is we have OVER expectations of what we deserve.
Would you like some cheese with that whine?
Posted: 7/6/2012 1:27:35 AM
nhra1966: unlike the person above you, some nerve saying im a troll and a drunk,
You know nhra........I am soooo not a mean spirited person....but your post generally scream "something's just not right", like I said, almost to the point of being troll like. I'm sorry If I'm wrong.
You know, it's kind of funny because a lot of your rant's remind me of another female poster, and then I read this from your post......and it really makes me go hmmmmmmm?
nhra: my profile is genuine and it is who i am which is a nice girl, and like the person above you, calling me names, thats what happens a lot on here, im sure shes perfect ( rolling eyes ).
Posted: 7/6/2012 2:35:16 AM
nhra: i personally think just because your gorgeous you come on here trying to belittle me and the other not so good looking guys like your really something,
That is simply not true. Like I said, I am NOT a mean spirited person but your post just seem a little hard to believe........so much so that I was thinking troll. I DID say I was sorry if I was wrong. Trying to date and find "the one" (for the lack of a better word right now) is not easy, especially for those of us that have some what fragile ego's. Your self esteem seems low and THAT is not an easy fix (trust me on this)... you have to WORK on that in order to FIX it. I would start by doing something simple and stop calling yourself ugly.
nhra: just look at your screen name. bitter much???
Maybe I am......but I would say no more than about 3/4 of all other poster's here on the forums!
Posted: 7/6/2012 4:04:35 AM
my profile is genuine and it is who i am which is a nice girl,
I thought you were a male? Which one are you?
Posted: 7/6/2012 1:29:56 PM
It's easy to forget how old you are (I certainly don't feel old as I am more physically active than I've ever been before). Minds and my perception don't seem to age, only bodies. Perhaps to qualify this, its other people's mind and perception that is the problem. If you look like an old fart there's probably not much you can do about if unless you want to look like an old fool.
Ya know, OP, if the age on your profile is correct, I am quite a bit older than you and I don't have this problem. I have the feeling that you shouldn't blame your age.
Posted: 7/6/2012 9:44:26 PM
|First off you have to change your attitude. You have to picture yourself a success with the ladies. You need to get a positive attitude ASAP. Believe it or not self confidence can get you anything you want. If you feel like a loser you will loose. If you feel like a winner you will win. |
Every thought you think, every word you say, goes out into the universe and it is heard. Dare to dream some beautiful dreams, and dare to make those dreams come true.
Think strong, self confident, and happy. Be witty, silly, and bright.
Posted: 7/6/2012 10:38:22 PM
|Rejection is part of life. The key to winning is getting up one more time than you are knocked down.|
Provided, of course, that you are not a creeper or desperate.
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:11:47 AM
|Op, if it's so bad, why hanging around?|
Not many problems here... beside small lies.
Posted: 7/10/2012 7:45:53 PM
|Thanks everybody for your input, I got a bit from all of you. You seem to be nice people. I think my problem was that it was my first journey back into the scene. There are a lot of interesting people out there and its a bit of an overstatement to suggest that everybody is shallow or superficial. But i can't help the feeling that a some women think that "hi, how are you" is the same as saying "would you like to go to bed with me" (which isn't always the case haha). I don't take life or things too seriously. I am positive but I really like talking to people (male or female). So, girls, all I have to say is that don't always think that a guy is hitting on you when he initiates a conversation - a lot of the time he just wants to socialise (with no strings attached). It's nice if everybody could lighten up and live for every minute. Thankyou.|
Posted: 7/10/2012 7:52:46 PM
|Good advice Janet, thanks.|
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:24:59 PM
|Lets just have fun ! ----- ;)|
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:32:19 PM
|Here's a suggestion: Psychology Today magazine online has a series of dating articles by Jeremy Nicholson, "The Attraction Doctor." They're really interesting articles based on psychological research and might help you out. For example, he has an articabout explaining how simply wearing the color red automatically makes you attractive to members of the opposite sex. You might get a picture taken of you wearing a red shirt and smiling to see if that works for you.|