| | who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothingPage 3 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) |
I do not expect the guy I am dating to buy me anything. I am not with him for the things he can or does buy me. I am with him because I enjoy his company.
This is how most relationships start. Ah the euphoria of a new relationship. So I can go with this in the beginning.
I do not argue with someone who I am not mingling money with over fiances. Only man I have and argument over money with was my ex husband.
I'm confused? When you tire of his company, then money comes into play? To be fair, in a few of my experiences, this is how they end up after the initial dating euphoria. You are not alone. | |
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largo2
| | Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 53 | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/3/2012 10:27:00 AM | For the OP:
It seems obvious to me:
IF she can't afford to buy her own ticket...
And IF he truly WANTS her to go...
And IF he can afford to buy her ticket without hardship to himself...
Then he will OFFER.
If he doesn't offer then she should simply tell him that she is sorry, she's love to go, but she can't afford the trip. Because....that's the truth, right?
HE's under no obligation to pay for her, but she's also under no obligation to pay for something she can't afford to pay for. It's not really about whether he makes more money than her--it's about whether he, as the better paid person, expects her to fork out money she doesn't have in order to take a trip she can't afford to take. It's just as unfair for him to expect her to pay for something she can't, as it is for her to expect him to pay for her to take a trip she can't afford to pay for. If the trip was her idea, knowing her own limits--she was being thoughtless. If it was his, also knowing her situation-- he was.
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To the guy above (Mountheardbreak, message 50):
Well, you seem like a classic case: because there ARE some gold diggers out there (and believe me, there are male ones as well as female ones), ANY woman who has ANY concerns about a man's income and/or ambition (not always the same thing) is terrible terrible terrible--shallow, mean, greedy....right? Well sorry, but some of us work hard and don't WANT to hook up with someone who doesn’t have a comparable standard of living. I can only really speak for myself, but I know that when I was dating as an adult woman (as opposed to a young person with years available for making seriously poor choices and then recovering from them), I was not prepared to get myself involved in a relationship in which I would end up compromising MY standard of living. NO, I've worked too hard. AND since my income is only a moderate one, I could not take on a guy making much LESS than me without that happening. And why would I do that? Why SHOULD I? Why should ANY woman OR MAN for that matter?
So….for example (and this relates to the problem of the thread)…I like to travel, and I’ve worked hard to get to a place where I CAN travel because I can afford to pay for MYSELF. Why would I want to hook up with someone I can’t share that with, without footing the bill for him too? All that would mean for me is that I would no longer be ABLE to afford it for myself. No, I would much rather be with someone who can SHARE with me the pleasures in life that I enjoy, some of which actually DO cost money.
Go to the single parents forum sometimes and read how so many want to say they don't need no new Daddy for their kids and they don't need a man to take care of them and how she's a strong independent woman and her kids are fine and she can support them. Then take that same woman around Xmas time, and let's see what happens when new prospective guy decides to not buy her kids Xmas presents and holds her to those words. Let's see how those words hold up then under basic social convention. Odds are, now the guy is cheap, he isn't invested in her, he doesn't like kids, he's not a good catch and on and on and on. This is, IMHO, the happy horseshit that drives a lot of guys bonkers about the money issue.
First of all, I don’t believe that MOST single mothers would expect a guy they had JUST met and who hadn’t gotten to know their kids at all to get presents for them—even though it would be a NICE thing for the man to do (and not doing it to make some kind of point would just make him a****.
But otherwise, IF he’s been around the kids at all by the time Christmas comes around, the guy in your scenario is NOT a good catch.
A) IF he didn’t get the kids gifts because he can’t afford even a little token—sorry, but that IS something to think about, especially for a woman with considerable financial responsibilities (like dependents) herself.
B) But more importantly….let’s assume that the guy COULD have gotten the kids SOMETHING for Christmas but simply DECIDED not to. Now, I don’t have kids, but my suspicion is that in that case I’d dump the guy because he had just proven himself to be a thoughtless **stard, ESPECIALLY if I had reason to believe he was “testing” me by being inconsiderate of my children.
I’m describing real reasons that women SHOULD legitimately consider a man’s life-situation, including income, as part of her broader evaluation of him. That’s my view—woman, especially those able to support themselves, are as morally entitled to that as you are avoid women you would consider to be gold diggers. However, YOU come off as so obsessed by this issue that you see gold diggers around every corner, because you SEEM to EXPECT that to NOT be classified in this way a woman can’t give a damn at all about one of the central issues in everyday life. At the same time, it’s hard to imagine you wanting to date a woman with little income herself—because surely (right?) she must be looking for a man to support her?
Frankly, I think it’s very easy to get yourself so wound up over your pessimistic expectations of others, that you yourself become the problem you THINK you are seeking to avoid. | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/3/2012 10:27:55 AM | | She should pay her own way, if she can't afford it and if he refuses to buy the ticket for her, then she's not going. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks, it's his choice and he's not buying her that ticket. She can decide if he's not her type, not treating her right, whatever and break up with him, but he isn't her meal ticket and he has the right to not buy her ticket. I really don't know why men should pay or why the one with the most money should pay, that makes the other person sound like a freeloader. If you can't afford to pay, then you don't get to go. It would be nice if he paid, but I don't think he feels that way about her, and certainly he's not a jerk for not wanting to pay her way, it is what it is. I'm guessing she's staying home or suddenly finding a way to pay for that ticket. | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/3/2012 11:10:05 AM | | I think if you can't afford it then just tell them . I was invited on a trip and said I can't make it financially so I missed out on a great trip . I just figured if I can't pay my way then I luck out and if they really want me to go then they can pay for me. If they mentioned a trip at the beginning I would of said and who is paying and if they say split I say yes or no right then and there. | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/3/2012 11:12:11 AM | I would say it does entirely depend on the exact situation, if its an LDR or a holiday or one time visit when he works away?
So if this is a one time off where they need to go on the plane to see each other, costs should be more equal to who earns what, if both wanna see each other.
If this is a holiday that both planned also eccoriding to income, if they both want it.
So pretty much it depends on, if they both want it and how much the cost difference is. Plane tickets compared to staying costs. If the plane tickets compared to the staying costs are not that much, then i cant see a problem. Otherwise round, hmmmm would think that a bit weird. | |
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largo2
| | Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 58 | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/3/2012 12:00:17 PM | My friend is dating this guy for almost 1 year and half . He makes more than her a lot . in this case I told her she should ask him for the all ticket , since he is in better economic position . She already ask him and he said no , because he will provide staying there and food . I am not agree since she does not make that much , and I think the men should pay if he is making 10 times the money than she makes.
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You can take this a lot of different ways. She makes next to nothing? OK, let's say she lives with her parents and works part-time clearing $150.00 monthly. He makes 10 times as much for a grand total of $1500.00. The ticket costs $1200.00. She expects him to pay for it although he's already providing lodging and food (possibly even entertainment). He expects her to do whatever it takes to come and see him, she expects him to pay her way. Under this scenario, I'd find someone else as she would make a lousy partner. | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/4/2012 3:32:27 AM |
Did he invite her to come? Then he should pay for the ticket. If she initiated the visit, then she should pay for her own ticket.
Ahem.....
Isn't that a bit one sided? Are you implying that if he invited her to come, he should pay for both tickets, but if she initiated the visit, she only pays for hers?
If she can't afford the same lifestyle as his, perhaps she should find a boyfriend in the same financial position as herself. This bloke will eventually get sick of coughing up for a perpetually broke girlfriend, and find a girl who doesn't sponge. | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:48:52 AM | Hi, she could take a lower priced transportation. In the long distance relationship I had back years ago. He would fly in, but I would greyhound out. Once, he had me rent a car on his credit card so I could drive out and pick him up and then we back tracked across the country from his place to go to a music festival. When he would come to see me, many times I would pay for a hotel and leave the younger kiddos with grandma. When i went to his place, we stayed in his home (and ate his food!)- he didnt have a family installed. I really loved this man. He was awesome and generous, but I knew how to be fair. :)
To put it direct. I dont think he should pay for her ticket unless he wants to. Perhaps you are hoping a lot of people will be on your side so you can tell her everyone agrees with you. Try not to cause to many waves in their relationship. You might be causing her a lot of stress with this. Try not to meddle TOO much. :) | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:48:33 PM | It all depends on the individuals in the relationship.
Some may be more than happy to spend on their partner.
Some may not want to spend anything on a partner.
Some may feel it best to split expenses.
Some may have a "I will get this, if you get the next one".
Some may just go with the flow.
However, since this particular man said he is only paying for the stay & meals, then she either has the choice to go & buy her ticket, or tell him she cant do it, & not go.
I personally think that the offer of paying for the stay & meals is generous, as all that stuff easily adds up on a vacation (I like to go on mini-vacations to Orlando frequently because we love the attractions in that area & are Disney freaks, & enjoy the time away, and even though we drive rather than fly, the hotels & meals do add up & we have to take that into account when planning the trip, even when there is no flying involved.) When i was married, we used to drive to Miami on my Husbands days off to get off the island and into the big city for a few days. You can have fun without venturing too far from home.
But, if she cant afford it, she cant. Maybe down the road they can plan something a little more local & cheaper, that will still be enjoyable. | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/20/2012 8:32:13 AM | Ticket to where?
Just because someone makes more money than the other doesn't mean they must pay for everything!
I really don't think it is your business to interfere with your friend and her relationship.
If she has been puttting up with her previous arrangements for 1.5 years and is happy in doing so then why are you rocking the boat?
If she is not happy with the current arrangements then she need's to start doing some thinking without your involvement. | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:24:11 PM | | I agree with the women who say they want to know what the guy makes. Some of them do that to make sure that he has enough of his own and they won't have the need to help him pay when they go out or want to travel. Unless guys want to pay for the woman they are dating guys should do same. If the woman can't match his income or she tend to not handle her money properly. The guy should not date her. In a way it does make dating harder for everyone and less people to date. But its also makes it much easier as well. The fault is mostly with the guys realy. Women rarely date down mostly up. Guys never seem to pay attention to what a woman makes and then complain. When they end up paying for everything. Stop dating poor and broke women. | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:58:55 PM | My friend is dating this guy for almost 1 year and half . He makes more than her a lot . in this case I told her she should ask him for the all ticket , since he is in better economic position . She already ask him and he said no , because he will provide staying there and food . I am not agree since she does not make that much , and I think the men should pay if he is making 10 times the money than she makes.
Where does her risk ratio fall in all of this is she expects to pay NOTHING? It is a question of principal, not economics. If they get together and don't click, both parties should have something to lose...otherwise, she just got a free vacation and he gets stuck holding the bag.
Women have been turning men away who (quote/unquote) "cant afford to date them" for decades. If this lady is unable to add to the pot in any appreciable way, than perhaps she's just out of her league. Avoiding conundrums like this is precisely why I don't date women who cannot transport themselves back and fourth to and from dates.
A risk free dating experience on either side practically begs to turn parasitic. As a matter of principal, both parties should be willing to put their money where their mouths are. | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:56:29 PM | | Chessman did you read my post or just part of it.. The problem starts when someone is used to live a life style if the other person can't then its you who has to has to support them at your level or you have to go down to there level. If you date someone who has hard time to pay rent every month. It could be cuase they don't make the money or cause they like to spend it as soon as they get it. At the end of the month do you want to deal with it??? I put money that most women won't deal with a man at that position. This way you won't need to complain about a woman who can't afford to join you at what you like to do or share at the cost of dating. | |
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| who should pay for an airline ticket the one that make most or the one that dont make almost nothing
Posted: 7/21/2012 6:48:33 PM | Sometimes we can have the wool pulled over our eyes.
I respect that a person earns whatever and it is their choice on how to spend their hard earned cash.
I don't respect people who 'con' other's.
I bought my now ex a drink at the bar because he 'had no money' due to his failed business, he appologised for bumming a drink from me. He appologised for not being able to buy a card for my birthday. He appologised for not being able to afford a christmas gift when I presented him with his.
Then he took off to Rome (From Australia) and spent a lovely month over there and even met a new chicky!
I appologised to myself for being so stupid!
Going dutch is the best way to go, then you don't have to expect anything or owe anyone. | |
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