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| | A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?Page 5 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | Capn
yeah, it is a complete turn off to me if a man doesn't have some sort of intellectual curiosity. i am a book worm. learning is my passion. i want to be with someone that has a passion for learning. if that makes you or anyone else feel insecure, well, too bad. i know who i am, and i know what works with me. a non-reading mate is not going to be a good match for me. period. he'd be bored, and i'd be miserable.
i think you are the one that is being judgmental. one's attitude towards education and knowledge are very important, especially if one is in the childbearing years and looking to start a family. i never ever ever would have married a man that didn't value education or wasn't passionate about learning - no way - not if those were values i wanted instill in my children. and even though i am of the age where i am no longer interested in having kids (as if i could easily at this point), i would not want to hook up with, date, or have a relationship with a man that didn't share my passion for learning. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 1:33:19 PM |
If you were an avid reader, would you or would you not be interested in getting into a LTR with someone who didn't read books?
This is much too general and vague of a question.
The last three books that I read were on the Paleolithic and the Neolithic (nonfiction) and the first book of the Gunslinger series by Stephen King. I do not read tripe by Danielle Steele nor Harlequin Romances. I read a lot of nonfiction about religion and mythology but am fairly ignorant (by choice) of modern authors.
And yes, I am a "literature" snob and always have been. Some people like velvet painting of Elvis; others disdain that type of art. Some people read Barbara Cartland (or used to) and consider her a good read; others disdain her work.
I would rather see an intelligent man who is able to converse but who doesn't read a lot than a man who reads a lot but it is stuff that I view as crap. There are other ways to absorb information.
This is like asking, "If you watch a lot of TV, would you be interested in dating someone who doesn't watch any TV?"
I don't own a TV, but I date guys who do. However, if that's all they can talk about, no.
By the way, I am an avid reader, but I don't read books nearly as much as I used to. I get MUCH information from the internet. If someone who classified himself as a "reader" but read modern, popular novels, I wouldn't have much to discuss with him.
Maybe my thought is that it takes imagination and interest, not to mention focus, to read a novel.
It depends on the novel. I have known people who read a lot, but again, their reading material is really substandard. Oh, and there are books other than novels, ya know.
I meant more for pleasure and furthering his knowledge outside of text books....Enjoying and learning about life as it progresses.
Some people have learning handicaps (not a lack of intelligence, mind you) that makes reading difficult for them. Others do not enjoy novels but read nonfiction. A person can extend his/her knowledge without reading novels. Some people can enjoy and learn about life by living it, not by reading about it.
Just different levels of snobbery, eh?
i have an english degree. i am well read. learning is my passion, and it is important to me to be around others that are passionate about learning as well.
I have two degrees in literature and learning is my passion, but again, it really depends upon the type of book--AND reading encompasses material outside of book covers. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 1:40:33 PM | | Join a book club/guild and send him to the basement for a poker game. I could care less if my partner loved books as much as me as long as he didnt complain about me being in my room reading them. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 1:44:48 PM | gwendolyn~
"I have two degrees in literature and learning is my passion, but again, it really depends upon the type of book--AND reading encompasses material outside of book covers."
i don't care what the type of book is...i mean, i do not mean comic books...i am way more into politics and non fiction at this point in my life...but i can honestly say that a man that didn't have any intellectual curiosity...who did not read regularly as i do...would find a relationship with me quite boring...and i would be bored as well... | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 1:50:25 PM | think you are the one that is being judgmental. one's attitude towards education and knowledge are very important, especially if one is in the childbearing years and looking to start a family.
Um, no. Being judgemental is passing judgement on others. I`m not passing judgement on ANYONE (depending how you look at it, I AM passing judgement on everyone, but lets pass that point for now) but doing just that. Your judging someone who doesnt enjoy the pass-time of reading by automatically associating him/her to being un-educated. I`m an avid reader; I barely finished high school, albeit with flying colors. I never went further. I know tons of people who read regularly, and we`re talking the Bio of Napoleon by Marx level here, who never even finished high school. So I`m not the one being the judge here; someone can have whatever hobbies or tastes that they want, it won`t stop me from loving or falling for the person for WHO they are, not what they do.
Like I said, you can NOT enjoy it, that`s a right. However, saying necessarily it would be bad for someone, or that people are X or Y because they don`t enjoy X or Y things is putting everything in the same basket and putting a little label on them; THAT is being judgemental.
But hey, if you want to put a little label on me, you can always pin the "This guy hates all the people on earth equally" label, and I`ll live with it 
"That which does not kill me, makes me stronger".
Before someone asks, although I DID read Nietsche, this is actually a Conan the Barbarian quote (Conan can rip people`s ARMS off; the other guy couldnt lol)
he'd be bored, and i'd be miserable.
My ex was the biggest reader in the world; she worked in a public library. I never read SQUAT back then, not even instructions on how to operate new machines.
We had 2 kids, worked a successfull relationship for numerous years; I don`t remember once the subject of books ever passing through our conversations, because our hobbies were our owns, not someone else`s.
So, I repeat; too many shallow people who judge without knowing. Not aimed at you kid, but someone people would really honestly benefit from the occasionnal mirror glance and questionning their own actions, sometimes... | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 1:51:39 PM | What is with referring to yourself in the third person? I thought only the Queen was allowed to do that...
Oh, and while you are being snippy about how important education is -- you may want to put a capital letter at the beginning of each sentence.
I am Dyslexic, and struggle at times with the text in books (some just send my eyes on a journey of their own).
Personally, I like Pop-up books -- they are amazing little works of art...
I have the coolest Star Wars one with light up light-sabers at the end --
It is ridiculous what some people will say is a deal breaker -- and somewhat frightening to me. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 2:17:30 PM |
I am Dyslexic, and struggle at times with the text in books (some just send my eyes on a journey of their own).
This was the point that I was making earlier! While some of us take reading for granted and do it with ease, there are highly intelligent people who struggle to read. However, reading Twilight and its ilk takes about a fifth grade reading level--reading many modern novels does not take a lot of effort or brain capacity. I actually enjoy books written for younger audiences including Harry Potter, The Prydain Chronicles, The Dark is Rising Series, and The Chronicles of Narnia, but I don't pat myself on the back for reading "intellectual" material when I enjoy them.
i don't care what the type of book is...i mean, i do not mean comic books... i am way more into politics and non fiction at this point in my life...but i can honestly say that a man that didn't have any intellectual curiosity..
Much of what people read today is in the same league as comic books. And not only that, graphic novels are often gritty and contain quite esoteric subject matter but have a comic book "look." It takes no intellectual curiosity to read much of what is published today. I would not consider an avid reader of Harlequin Romances as "intellectual," not even if he/she read five of them a day. When The da Vinci Code was published, people acted as if it were a totally new and novel idea, but to those of us who had read Holy Blood, Holy Grail, it was just a rehash.
People who read the Peretti series on the Christian tribulation are not intellectually fed; I read Stephen King (whose early work is underrated by academics), but it is for entertainment, not to satisfy my intellectual curiosity. I also know intellectuals who have spent their entire lives with their noses in books and have no practical experience!
I am an English teacher: I encourage everyone to read, but there are different venues in which one can read and gain knowledge. I have not read Fifty Shades of Grey, but from what others have said and from looking it up online, I find it amusing that someone who would read this book would look down on someone who doesn’t read books. I know that others are considering me snobbish for what I have written, but my view on literature is no different from this.
And by the way, after rereading the first few posts by the OP, having an Associate’s Degree does not make the guy “very well educated.”
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 2:24:44 PM | a recent POTUS didn't read books and was good enough to be POTUS for 8 years.
"50 shades of Grey" ..another 'erotic' book written by a woman, so daring!
** Yawn!* excuse me while I stifle the massive yawning attack that just came over me
VVVV
oh my gawd i get so hawt when the pages get turned..
How many hands are you using to turn the pages? If you use NO hands, that's a plus. Also, do you actually READ the pages?
he starts out with a400-page book that is reduced to 40- 50 or so with all the stuck-together paper..skps from page 37 to 54, etc.
VVV | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 2:25:59 PM |
oh my gawd i get so hawt when the pages get turned..
How many hands are you using to turn the pages? If you use NO hands, that's a plus. Also, do you actually READ the pages? | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 2:32:28 PM | "Mommy Porn", 30 + housewives getting soaking wet reading this pulp, part of a "trilogy" ..
oooh must be FINE literature ..The plot traces the relationship between recent college graduate Anastasia Steele and manipulative billionaire Christian Grey.
Author can't think of any BELIEVABLE names? "Anastasia Steele " & "Christian Grey" indeed, are those like stripper names or something>? | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 3:01:33 PM | | I read a LOT, and always have. While I wouldn't require that my partner be a reader, it would be disappointing if they were not. As it is, my wife is an avid reader, too, and we both enjoy many of the same books. That gives us additional topics for conversation. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 3:09:17 PM | I read technical manuals to learn about things but almost never read to be entertained. So I'm sure the OP would have issues with me as well.
So OP, if you do meet a guy that likes to read the two of you will spend countless hours together reading your books without any other interaction. If I want that, I'll go the library thank you, lol. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 3:33:26 PM | ""I do agree that people in general, not just on this website, see the most trivial and idiotic of things as problems, or dealbreakers, with anything. That`s why you get all those whinning old ladies yelling at cashiers in stores around the world, or lovers breaking up over who spilled the milk cup over the bed by accident.""
It's psychology 101, Cap'n. It's never about the spilled milk... it's about something much bigger that is not being expressed... underlying frustration and unhappiness or insecurity or fear over something much more important that becomes misdirected.
For example, this subject seems to have stirred up some pretty strong emotions for you. Perhaps this is your underlying issue:
"I barely finished high school"
Perhaps all these intelligent, educated and well read people are just making you feel insecure... and that's REALLY what has you so hot under the collar...
Compassion is the key, and recognizing that you don't know what is motivating a perfect stranger to act/react the way they do... why they broke up or why they yelled at a cashier or why they do anything... and then reserve your judgements. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 3:43:53 PM | I love to read but if my boyfriend didn't - big deal. It would be another topic for conversation, but how often have people read the same books aside from the ones assigned in school? People read at different paces too so when discussing books they're not always on the 'same page ' :P
My mom reads every evening while my dad watches tv. Works for them.
I could see if the OPs guy was illiterate or unintelligent or something - but it sounds like he's a smart man who values education and knowledge - can't make an exception for that? | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 5:05:42 PM |
Anyway, I'm not crazy about the Kindle or the Nook.
What? For someone who is supposed to be an avid reader, that seems ridiculous. E-Books are the future, paper books won't go away, but many people are using eReaders now. It seems wrong for someone who doesn't have a kindle or Nook to criticize someone else for their "lack" of reading. There's a good chance you would be reading more if you had a Nook, Kindle, or iPad. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 5:17:27 PM | | Most would feel emotionally stability, morals, values, getting along great & enjoying each others company to be better traits in potentials, but you go ahead & require avid reading to be your deal breaker. Whatever floats your boat. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 5:50:44 PM | yes. this is a deal breaker for me. i have an english degree. i am well read. learning is my passion, and it is important to me to be around others that are passionate about learning as well.
Hmmmm, whatever happened to capitals????? Sorry to break it to ya, but books are not the only place to gain an "education". All kinds of media nowadays at your fingertips for that "passion" of yours. Honest. It's right out there>>>>>>>>
Two quotes come to mind here,,,,
"If you believe everything you read, you better stop reading" ( you know you can read JUST for "entertainment" purposes only?????)
Anddddddd,,
""The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance,it is the illusion of knowldedge.""
When reading thru some of these posts I just discovered more "dealbreakers" for me. Or is it, "confirmed" my dealbreakers.
I'm confused.
Again. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 6:00:58 PM | but if you want any kind of intellectual depth, sorry...
Really???? Ya gotta go out and meet more people. I forget his name(it will come to me after I hit send) but one of the Montreal Canadian's coaches couldn't read .I could sit and listen to him talk all day though. He wasn't a dummy,just couldn't read. True story. Now, I gotta go Goggle it. Damn.
Edit to add; Boy that was fast for a grumpy old fart. Jacques Demers. Dats him. He even HAS a book!!!! Pretty sure he had a ghost writer though. ;) | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 6:07:43 PM |
I once asked a 35 year old (blond) woman what books she likes & she replied "I've never picked up a book that interested me enough to finish". ALARM BELLS went off for me! If all the relationship is about is sex & good times, fine, but if you want any kind of intellectual depth, sorry...
My first thought: Who give a crap what color her HAIR was!? Wow!
Second thought: Perhaps she is an active person and lacks the ability to sit still for long periods just reading... if so, she likely also lack the ability to sit through "tv fluff" as you call it. That should make her more desirable to you not less... Besides, there's always books on CD
My ex didn't read. However, when read to he could stay active and still listen and enjoy the books | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 6:30:29 PM |
50 shades was written for the sexually deprived who are too afraid to act out their fantasies or are stuck with husbands that could give a rats ass about their sexual desires.
Kind of like ALL the porn we can find on the net RIGHT this minute. Now yes it is a deal breaker for me. I have dated more than my fair share of men who DO NOT read THEY all want to enlightenment me on the pure delights of things they do enjoy. Sports (mainly), hunting, fishing etc. AND they are shocked I would expect them to read and hurt when I just refuse to do anything they find so much fun. NOW at 46 I have figured out something. I pick men who expect me to change just because they like something. So I only date men who already enjoy what I like...... I dont date a whole lot since taking up that philosophy. But I figure that cuts out the middle man since I will be single any way since I am not going to change for a soul.
What ever you want in a guy is ok. | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:06:10 PM |
If all the relationship is about is sex & good times, fine, but if you want any kind of intellectual depth, sorry...
All of the intellectuals coming out of the woodwork are making me laugh.
Out of curiosity, I looked up the 100 classics book collection--I wonder how many people have read a majority of these "intellectual" books? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/100_Classic_Book_Collection | |
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| A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:18:54 PM | Gwen:
I have read several of those books, seen most of the movies and a lot of both...I can't suffer through William Shakespeare in text let alone in movies but Romeo and Juliet was well done. I suppose if you can actually get through most of those books and understand the text/language then that would deem one "educated" in the sense of the word, but trying to agonize through Dostoyevsky just to say I could, is a waste of my time.
Now, if you feel educated by reading books that were written (or consisted of stories) before the turn of the century, or the early 1900's then that's fine, but it certainly doesn't pertain to much of the modern world. So educated in the literally traditional sense? Perhaps
Alice in Wonderland? Really?? Maybe while tripping acid and listening to Jeffereson Airplane
Truth is I love to read for pleasure. For the imagery, the feelings, the emotions, the connections....I also love to read for education. History, war, locale (James Michener comes to mind) Everything; Comedy, tragedy, love, romance, sex, intrigue and drama. To feed my brain, mind, fantasy, curiousity. Education comes in all forms and enhances all aspects of life, but it is not unilaterally defined as "Intelligence" in my book (no pun intended)
Would I read a book about car maintenance, computer stuff, managing money, how to get a job? Yes, definitely. Would I share those ideas and do those things with my man if he didn't read? Of course....
I want a man to read because he wants to expand his mind, tap into his creativity, enhance or supplement his knowledge of all things. To be able to discuss the nuances of relationships, politics, the world! The man in question (whom I've explained I'm not dating YET) has no interest in those things. He likes his internet world and his TV but doesn't have any desire to read for any other reason than what he needs at the time he needs it (as in not for pleasure), so he doesn't read books he just surfs the internet (doesn't read the newspapers or magazines either). THAT is my problem with him. We have other commonalities of course, but it's something ingrained in me and I can't (for now) see past that. Will it shrink my dating pool? Maybe, but it will also bring me closer to finding someone with whom I feel I can share my love, my soul and my passion for knowledge. And isn't that what we are all looking for?? | |
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