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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/5/2012 10:19:58 AM |
So the question for many of us over 45 fortunate up to this point to have dodged the STD bullets from the days of our youth, now seems to be, "Do I leave myself open to falling in love with someone in his/her 50-60's knowing that s/he has herpes? Honestly, I don't know what I would do. What about you?
I'm not sure what the over 45 part has to do with it. If anything a 25 year old would have more at risk (time) than someone who is 45.
To answer your question OP. For the right person there's not much I wouldn't do. It would be a factor, but not the deciding factor. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/5/2012 11:20:33 AM |
I'm not sure what the over 45 part has to do with it. If anything a 25 year old would have more at risk (time) than someone who is 45.
To clarify: many 25 year olds are still virgins, and others have had one lover whom they marrried. For these now widowed or divorced persons, this means getting out into the dating world open to their first intimate/romantic relationship in many years. Others 45+ have had multiple intimate relationships over the course of their 20-40 years since age 25. Many --as stated multiple times across a variety of threads in this 45+ forum --- have been neither LTR nor monogamous, and for some 45+ adults, these ave translated to as "many" as triple digits.
Thus the odds of someone 45+ having contracted herpes along the course of life since 25+ becomes a significant factor for many seeking an LTR at this age. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/5/2012 11:30:30 AM | I don't know much about it, so I would have to think about it a lot before getting involved.
I read in Wikipedia worldwide rates of HSV infection are between 65% and 90%. HSV1 is more common than HSV2 with rates of both increasing as people age. Rates of infection are determined by the presence of antibodies against either viral species.
So it would seem most all active sexual participants have been infected.
If some people never have any signs, which is common, then likely they never got tested, so they don't even know.
I think the current tests for antibodies will detect a previous infection even if the disease is not active, is that correct? | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/5/2012 12:29:44 PM | And to further clarify your further clarification.
Someone who is 25 risking infection would be risking it for a much greater amount of time than someone who is 45+.
I'm 55 soon to be 56. The next LTR I get into I'm pretty sure will be my last. We know what the record is for those in their 20's. Knowing that I want to be pretty certain that my most likely final LTR will last, I would take it pretty slow regardless of circumstances. Soo for the sake a long story short here, if I had to make this hypothetical decision in 3 years I would be nearing 60. No one can predict how long they will live, but I would guess that the 25 year old would be risking many more years of possibly being infected than I would.
Then again, there is the argument that our immune systems are typically comprimised as we age. This would subject us to the H and any other kind of virus floating around out there. The human body is already home to many viruses and bacteria, but our immune system fights them off. As earlier in the thread it was noted, that anyone who has had the chicken pox carries a H virus, but your body has built up antibodies to succesfully fight it off. As people get older and their immune systems get weaker, they are at great risk to get the shingles. And everything else.
2 different points entirely.
It's easy for us to sit back in the comfort of our protected world and write what we think we would do in any particular circumstance. I was on the 14th St Bridge in DC 15 minutes before the plane crashed and I often wondered had I been closer, would I have jumped into the icy river to try and save some of those people. A few men did and died doing it. I would hope that I would have done everything possible to save a life, but until I'm faced with it, I can only speculate.
I remember reading a thread on here about a man who was going to donate a kidney to save a life. The man was roasted for it. Yes, he was taking a risk. But don't soldiers, policemen, firemen, medical professionals and many regular people risk their lives all the time for people they don't even know?
OP- You mentioned you had a friend or two with H and that's what made you think about the possibility. I too had a friend that made me look at all of this through a microscope. As a result of knowing her, I now know a lot of people that have H. If the numbers are 1 in 6 known people and 1 in 4 suspected, then my bet is we all know a lot of people carrying the virus. Many don't go public in fear of how they will be treated. And looking at many of the comments I read on some of these threads , I'm not surprised. So many holier than thou attitudes. Carrying an STD is not automatic grounds for promiscuity or drug use. A woman or man could easily catch something like that from a cheating spouse and now they get treated like a leper. Nice.
Stay up on new data too. Hep C is not even listed on many STD lists anymore. It is listed as uncommon to be transmitted by sexual contact. I've never noticed MS either, but now being the anal person that I am, I'll have to read up on that too.
As mentioned, you do have to specifically ask to be tested for the Herpes Virus. It's not cheap (around $200) and rarely covered by insurance. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/5/2012 12:51:12 PM |
So many holier than thou attitudes. Carrying an STD is not automatic grounds for promiscuity or drug use. A woman or man could easily catch something like that from a cheating spouse and now they get treated like a leper. Nice.
And to clarify your clarification of my clarification:) :)
The notion that someone with herpes has contracted it because s/he is promiscuous and/or a drug user is (or should be IMO)about numbers ------- not about morality. However, if the person knows s/he has herpes and fails to inform any sexual partner, s/he has behaved egregiously whether/not the partner becomes infected. Which is exactly what happened to both friends mentioned in the OP who did become infected.
The above adds another dimension (unintended in the OP but certainly worth noting) to the thread's title question: "Would you begin an LTR with someone dx. with herpes who has knowingly infected another person with herpes?" | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/5/2012 1:29:02 PM |
And to clarify your clarification of my clarification:) :)
Don't make me have to come up to those finger lakes and settle this!
should be IMO)about numbers ------- not about morality
I don't necessarily agree with the numbers theory. Alright. Let's use this example. A man and a woman both marry as virgins. The man goes out and cheats with someone who was infected with an STD. The man comes home and unknowingly infects the wife. The wife has only had one partner as far as she knows. So I will agree that numbers increase your risk just like more sex increases the chance of pregnancy. However all it takes is once. Sometimes I think it's the people who THINK they are safe, that are the bigger risks. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/5/2012 2:47:33 PM |
Don't make me have to come up to those finger lakes and settle this!
You don't have to come up ------- DANG IT!!!
We're on the same page here.
In fact? A third person whom I have spent my entire adult life loving. . . just learrned that he has herpes. He has upheld his marriage vows 100% for the past 30 yearrs. She cheated. He now has herpes.
At the moment, my heart is literally hurting for this person. And if anyone ever were to say one single unkind syllable to him about his herpes (assuming i were a fly on his wall capable of understanding human conversation) I'd knock her block off! | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/5/2012 3:45:30 PM | HELL freakin' NO!
While I feel sorry for those who have an std caught unknowingly, I wish to not thank you very much. After having lots of troubles over the years with my "plumbing", I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago and feel wonderful! An STD is the LAST thing I need.
I know a nurse who dated someone who not only gave her herpes, he was also married and a man ho to boot, having infected several other women. When I started dating the last guy I dated, I went in and got tested. When I asked him to either do that or to wear a condom, he got indignant. Guess what?? We didn't have sex and it was a good riddance in many ways and if anyone objects in the future, then oh well...my health is worth more than their hard on. Wake up people! You are NOT immune. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/5/2012 5:20:56 PM | Um is UTI an STD? I dont think so. If you are "older" and are sexually active you can get a UTI just thinking about sex! LOL!
ps... i know chicks who get yeast infections and they never even had sex! so thats out too! | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/5/2012 11:05:32 PM |
Hep C is not even listed on many STD lists anymore. It is listed as uncommon to be transmitted by sexual contact.
No, it may not be an official STD, but Hepatitis B & C are blood borne pathogens that can kill the liver. If you are sharing a sink,razor, toothbrush, or having relations during that time of month, there is blood present. Hep C can be dormant for years so many that have been infected by tattoos, blood transfusions, etc., do not even know they have it until they start having liver issues. If a partner has it, then blood borne precautions similar to those with HIV must be taken to avoid exposure. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/6/2012 9:07:41 AM |
If you are sharing a sink,razor, toothbrush, or having relations during that time of month, there is blood present.
And another one that was never publicized years ago is that it can be passed on by sharing a straw or bill used to snort cocaine. It makes sense. The blood vessels in the nasal passages can break open with regular use and the straw is the tool to pass it on.
The lesson here? Don't share the straw. I mean don't do drugs. And don't share a toothbrush even if the person isn't infected with any viruses. That's just sick. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/6/2012 10:17:40 AM |
They have candida and need to change their diet and get off the sugar.
yeast infections are very common in women. your bodies friendly bacillus can easily get out of whack for various reasons. you don’t have to have candida to get a yeast infection, and if you are having a reoccurrence you need to see your doctor and stop goggling the answer to everything. i cant believe the miss-information on these forums by adults no less! it is creepy! get educated! | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/6/2012 12:26:31 PM | | No. Someone I met on here a while back said she would definitely march any man into the clinic and get tested for anything and everything. It made sense to me. I had chickenpox at 27 and get freaked at those commercials telling me I could get shingles. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/6/2012 12:39:38 PM | you don’t have to have candida to get a yeast infection,
well, yeah, you do...beCAUSE Candida is a fungus, a form of yeast...of which there are many sub-groups.
Native is correct, in part, anyway.....diet CAN affect what happens with yeast imbalance in our system. Antibiotics can produce an imbalance and overgrowth of yeast, in the oral cavity (thrush), and skin irritations where skin folds are not cleansed/dried well, along with vaginal yeast infections. Balancing "good" bacteria is absolutely a factor...think, probiotics, yogurt.
So, in essence, we all have it...the problems occur with imbalances of it.
Yep, we all get to take on different challenges to learning...it never stops. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/6/2012 1:17:09 PM |
So, in essence, we all have it...the problems occur with imbalances of it.
Yes we all have Candida but when you have something like a yeast infection your body is out of balance.. It is called Candidiasis.. Antibiotics can produce an imbalance, however since most people do not take them it can be caused by your diet.. Especially those that eat a vegan or vegetarian diet if that diet is high in sugar..
Probiotics are good and so is fermented foods.. but sugar is the culprit | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/6/2012 2:26:16 PM | | all i know is its not an std. i am 48 and i think ive had 3 in my whole life. as soon as the doctor puts me on an antibiotic i start eating yogurt... i remember when women used to douche! talk about an imbalance; what a stigma that was placed on women. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/6/2012 3:44:54 PM |
as soon as the doctor puts me on an antibiotic i start eating yogurt
The problem is some yogurts have no cultures in them, other yogurts do have a few.. However taking probiotics you have thousands more.. I make my own nut yogurts and use live kefir grains to culture them. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/6/2012 9:33:34 PM | I've heard that STD's are on the rise in the over 45 age range. They claim that the older population is not informed and that is how it happens.
There is no way I would ever engage in casual sex. It seems that a huge percentage of the population thinks that sex on the third date is acceptable.
The best part of over 40 is the knowledge that you gain. I am not in a hurry for anything, especailly sex. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:00:32 AM | Yes, I would, any sickness as a matter of fact. Only you need is some education and patience.
We all say are not afraid to die, yet reject sick persons; it's apparent hypocrisy is very well alive around here. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:05:10 AM |
We all say are not afraid to die, yet reject sick persons; it's apparent hypocrisy is very well alive around here.
Not that I ever said I fear death what I fear is the pain possibly associated with it.. I do not see what this has to do with rejecting someone who is ill? This is different because they could possibly make you ill.. I do think that is a huge difference. | |
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