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| | Grocery Store Dating.Page 3 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | All I know is that after reading this and the gym thread, some people are unfriendly, paranoid, socially inept, full of themselves, and/or ultra-sensitive to their own feelings without thinking of the feelings of others.
Cowboy is right. Social interaction - whether between the genders or within them - is an art, but it ain't rocket science. You have to practice it to get better at it. There is nothing wrong with being friendly but not rude, nor is there anything wrong with learning how to shut down the occasionally rude person who takes things too far. I've found that 99 times out of 100 they do so because they haven't practiced enough social interactions to have learned how to be gracious. The 1% who cross the line? I'm not going to worry about that person until I meet him, and then I know what to do.
I'm glad that I live in an area where people are still friendly at the gym, or the store, or in other public settings without being intrusive. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 2:34:59 PM |
I laugh at women who think that a man being friendly to them is "hitting" on them. Some of you women need to get over yourselves.
Hmmm . . . when men ask/say, "Are you married/dating/have a boyfriend?" "Can I have your phone number?" "Will you call me if I give you my phone number?" "Would you like to have dinner?" "What are you doing later today?" "Would you like to go do something?" "I really like your hair, can I touch it?" "You are attractive," or "I am single, you know"--that isn't hitting on me? Of course men speak and are not hitting on me, but unlike some of the men on this thread, I am quite capable of determining who is being friendly and who has an interest.
An 80+ year old man once spent 15 minutes or more talking to me while I was trying to grade papers, ignoring my "uh-huhs" and "Oh, really, that's nice--I need to get back to my work." His parting salvo was a story about him having sex with a red-haired woman back in the day and breaking the bed. As I sat there, open-mouthed that he would relate such a story to me, he said, "You look just like her."
by not being intrusive do you mean people not taking pictures of your debit/credit card while you're checking out
What about in the produce section? (Grin.) | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 4:51:24 PM | All I know is that after reading this and the gym thread, some people are unfriendly, paranoid, socially inept, full of themselves, and/or ultra-sensitive to their own feelings without thinking of the feelings of others.
Right, like some that think it's "presumptuous" of me to think they'd want to talk to me, if I'm attempting "small talk" while the party being spoken to is "presumptuous" in thinking that said person is ...as a "yahoo"....unless he's referring to the well renowned search engine, then correct me if I am wrong. LOL
But, such an opinion is only that...an opinion.
Cowboy is right. Social interaction - whether between the genders or within them - is an art, but it ain't rocket science. You have to practice it to get better at it. There is nothing wrong with being friendly but not rude, nor is there anything wrong with learning how to shut down the occasionally rude person who takes things too far. I've found that 99 times out of 100 they do so because they haven't practiced enough social interactions to have learned how to be gracious. The 1% who cross the line? I'm not going to worry about that person until I meet him, and then I know what to do.
I'm in agreement, it is an art form and it does take practice. If I see that person doesn't seem too chatty when waiting on food, drink, etc. I'll keep to myself. Of course, why practice such art on a person who will judge you as a "yahoo" for even trying, right?
Interesting, I met someone from France today, she typically goes on vacation in this area because she loves how people in this country, or at least my area, are less uptight than her high society counterparts in France. She likes the fact people tend to be more appreciative of the fellowship that people are more willing to give at social functions.
A judgement free community or at least a community that has no worry of being judged. Imagine that, she thinks her own people are up tight, snooty pants. lol.
She mentioned that when people get together for a potluck in her country, they are overly concerned about what dishes to bring. For instance, they are afraid that they might bring the same dish as other people. Here in the USA? We don't care what you bring to the table, as long as it's food we'll eat it, not pick at it. They tend to make a big deal out of a function, and have no casual attitude. Their self-image is of priority to them.
I'm glad that I live in an area where people are still friendly at the gym, or the store, or in other public settings without being intrusive.
Consider yourself blessed with those kinds of people. The people who are contrary to this are someone you'd probably not want to be part of your life anyhow. The callousness of such personality would be a turn off. Fellowship is something that is rather appealing.
Apparently, most people think being friendly is about them, not being polite to people who are socially inept. In other words, most people seem to think being friendly is a self-centered act since it doesn't seem to take into account that the other person might not appreciate being bothered.
How do we know that you don't want to be bothered? We don't know this when we first open our mouths. It's a chance or risk we are willing to take. But, if you seem unresponsive to that, we'll leave you be, so really we're being polite when we pick up on that. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 4:52:42 PM | UniquelyPassionateCandy. Heard that same story forever, indeed the reason I had posted on another form that it never happens to me, and truly thought this thread would take on the, see, be careful what you ask for, line. It didn't :~
Reg_Herring, in regards to all your posts, buy you chose your name well. :)
Infinity_G, I wouldn't have tried the second time, why do that to yourself? But are right the next guy may just hit it off great. That's singular attraction vs mutual attraction, happens all the time and eventually that mutual will be you. And yes it sometimes is the line, but more often it is just attraction. And it is a beginning. However what is wrong with a Doctors Waiting Room, if you both click, she may just be Mrs Perfect.
purfectmeow, I love your brother, leading him on just for that perfect garden landscape... Well ok, not so bad. But I've has the hard end of that stick. Nursemaided one girl for seven years, all the way through Law School. She use to call me the most quotable man she ever knew. We'd eat peanut butter sandwiches down by the crick while I helped her with her papers, played frisbee with her dog while helping her cram for an exam, all the while with her reminding me that these were not dates, she would not date till after she graduated. And I always respected that and never asked. I enjoyed our moments, as I enjoyed helping her, and patients has never been a problem for me. But it cut deep, when after her graduation, after seven years, she dropped the bomb, not ten years her senior, I was too old. She literally married some drunk in a bar, or so one of her friends told me later in life, she was a drunk before me, but I was her sobriety, and her ticket to the Law Degree she so coveted, but I was just a piece of toilet paper in the end.
Don't mean to be mean to you purfectmeow, I think you know, I do like you as a person. Just saying, us guys are fragile too, tread carefully.
GurugiGets, Getting laid is never a problem. You must not have looked at my profession GurugiGets. I could get laid for every hour of every day, of every week, for the rest of my life if I wanted to, well that may be a short life as I'm sure my heart would give out long before that. But, Love, real Love, mutual attraction, a total caring for each other, sharing each others lives, total complimentary personalities, more. That is the person that is hard to find, the person I am looking for. And trust me, it wont start off in the bedroom, maybe from behind the camera, but not from sex meaning no more then a handshake. Dude if that's your gig, that's fine for you. I'll never condemn you for it. It's not for me, and we're not all that way.
Bourne2LuvU, Been there, done that. Oh younger days... Girls don't beat this gentleman up to bad. There are plenty of women that love to flirt, indeed there are girls that will go out of their way to flirt enjoying the thought of knowing that you can not do anything about it without risking your job. Bourne2LuvU, don't sweat it, just smile and continue being the gentleman you are. And trust me, if the girl is truly interested, she'll slip you her phone number without you ever having to ask.
Coma White, Two thumbs up. | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/8/2012 5:05:06 PM | | Gwen2010: show me 1000 women that say a man "harassed" them, and I'll show you 999 women who are exaggerating, and one that may be telling the truth, instead of playing the "I'm so hot, the only possible reason men talk to me is to hit on me." Men are not the only ones to mis-read body language, hon. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 5:16:44 PM | I personally like it when men flirt with me. I am uaually polite about informing a man when Im not interested.
If they persist, or have different ideas than I do, then I can get rude.
My brother and I have been working on my mothers home. Its one of the main reasons Im here in NY. She had a stroke (some years back), and with home health care expenses we just cant afford to hire help. I was sincerely asking for free landscaping assistance while flirting back. My brother didnt like it cause Im still his kid sister. Yes I do need to be considerate of his feelings. Thanks for the heads up. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 5:17:44 PM | OP: the fates didn't 'deliver you a married woman'-'they' have more integrity than that!
and I'd just like to say, to all the Men who have politely moved out of the way, NOT blocked the aisle with their cart and offered to help load groceries into the car or return the shopping cart, THANK YOU! I noticed every kindness from every guy on his best behavior on every grocery trip over the years. Some of us women DO take note of the good stuff. Puts me in an even better mood everytime I go! ~so here's a smile for y'all :) | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 5:33:57 PM | ( don't sweat it, just smile and continue being the gentleman you are)
Thank You! | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 6:08:20 PM | | If it's easier to get dates from the IGA, Wal-Mart, or Piggly Wiggly, then online dating is not for you. More than likely, you already met someone from your extended family reunion. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 6:13:48 PM |
Gwen2010: show me 1000 women that say a man "harassed" them, and I'll show you 999 women who are exaggerating, and one that may be telling the truth, instead of playing the "I'm so hot, the only possible reason men talk to me is to hit on me." Men are not the only ones to mis-read body language, hon.
I, and other women, might misread body language, but it is impossible to misread what men SAY, eh? As I have said ad nauseum, I go to McD's (or Starbucks) to grade on my laptop because too many enticements exist in my house. At one McD's, a group of old farts gathered every morning--I say gathered because one who consistently said sexually inappropriate things to me also said something inappropriate to a gay man. He was banned from that McD's, but he just went to another.
This man asked me to his apartment, told me that his penis was titanium steel like his knee replacements, and that he liked to see me eat ice cream cones because my tongue did such a good job. I told him to leave me alone and he continued. Finally, I cut him down in front of his friends and he stopped talking to me. Yup, I could have complained to management, but I did it my way.
In the meantime, one of his friends also made a remark about the way I eat an ice cream cone! I can't sit in a public place without a man approaching me and making overt sexual remarks about eating ice cream???? I handled him and another man in the same way I handled the other guy.
Usually, men back off when you tell them to, but I have met men from POF who made grossly inappropriate moves when I wasn't expecting them, including one who stuck his tongue halfway down my throat in front of Barnes and Noble. Then, he couldn't understand why I was upset because HE had wanted to do "that" at the onset of our meeting. What's more, he thought that there would be a second meeting.
A man speaking to me in a grocery store is not harassing me, not even if he asks for my phone number, but if he persists, it could become harassment. When I have told men that they couldn't have my number, some have wanted to know WHY--because I say so.
I went on my daily walk this afternoon and as I got back to my car, a man who had been walking behind me started speaking to me. We exchanged pleasantries and he told me that he managed a motel and I told him that I was a teacher, adding that I had worked as a desk clerk for several years. He said I should come by and see him. My inner eyebrows were beginning to raise but he said he needed part-time help to teach his desk staff how to write emails and use the computer--none can spell and they also don't have good customer skills.
Maybe he is on the level and maybe he wasn't--but he was a pleasant man.
I wonder how much he would pay me?
And by the way, Reg, I am pretty hot for a 59 year old woman. Some guys talk to me to be friendly, but there is a substantial number who would like to be friendlier--you can believe it or not. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 6:28:43 PM | Abelian, apparently you thought I was posting about you (I wasn't) and you accused me of being rude and bothering others when you went on your rant about "irony":
Your idea of friendly is not everyone's idea of friendly and to criticize someone else for not knowing that is just the ultimate irony.
I wasn't criticizing anyone in particular, just the mindset that some people were expressing in this thread and the gym thread: "How DARE anyone speak to me in public? That's so rude!"
But then again, you did say:
I go out of my way to not talk to people when I go anywhere. Why would I want to talk to some random person out in public?
I, and many other people, do have enough social skills to read body language and expressions and not "bother" another person such as yourself who has such obvious and often-expressed disdain for us "yahoos". | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 6:42:34 PM | The etiquette really isn't that hard if you have a little bit of common sense. You see an attractive person, approach. From there you figure out if the interest is returned. If it is, you continue. If not, you move on with your life. Some people don't understand the simple concept of not bothering people who don't want to be bothered.
Dating is a numbers game. The more approaches you make, the better chance you have of getting a date. Some guys get overly persistent and rude and I understand that, though. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 6:45:08 PM | ^^^^^ BINGO!
Thank you for a concise, articulate and common-sense post. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 7:14:36 PM |
Dating is a numbers game. The more approaches you make, the better chance you have of getting a date. Some guys get overly persistent and rude and I understand that, though.
Remember the King of the Hill episode where Boomhauer took Bobby to the shoe store to show him how to pick up chicks? (It aired some time ago--I haven't had a TV for about four years.) Boomhauer asked about 50 women for their phone numbers and finally, one gave hers to him.
A game of numbers.
I can't believe the rude and crude guys ever score, but I guess some women are fairly desperate. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 7:21:47 PM |
Remember the King of the Hill episode where Boomhauer took Bobby to the shoe store to show him how to pick up chicks? (It aired some time ago--I haven't had a TV for about four years.) Boomhauer asked about 50 women for their phone numbers and finally, one gave hers to him.
A game of numbers.
I can't believe the rude and crude guys ever score, but I guess some women are fairly desperate.
Yes I remember that episode and it's true, and I can believe that rude and crude guys score because some chicks equate that with confidence when they don't know anything else. Guys tend to do what works, so if I ask 27,000 chicks if they wanna go to my house and screw and one says yes, I get laid.
The way to test a guys knowledge of dating is with this riddle. If you ask 100 women for their numbers and 10 say yes, what did you get?
If a guy answers 10 numbers, he understands dating. There's no further analysis required. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 7:31:43 PM | I, too, recall that episode!
It's like handing out resumes seeking for employment. You will receive many no's and then, a yes. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 8:18:44 PM | I don't really compare it job searching because I don't look at it quite in the same way, but I appreciate the analogy.
If I'm looking for a job, I tailor myself and my resume to the job. That's something I'd never do when I look for a relationship. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 10:49:18 PM | | ...I wonder if there are men/women on these singles sites that when they see a prospective candidate to approach via e-mail or Meet Me...that after reading the person's profile, they go back and tailor their profile to the one they just read and liked? Just like U mentioned about tailoring your Resume to the prospective job opening?? They tweak it just enough so that the P.O.F member will be more inclined to wanna talk?? Or they may even do a complete overhaul out of pure desperation? lol's | |
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Posted: 7/9/2012 7:35:28 AM | A smart person will do something about an uncomfortable or unpleasant situation (starting a thread on Plenty of Fish complaining doesn't count as doing something). A woman who won't do something about an uncomfortable situation, but expects everyone else in the world to change so that she doesn't have to change, is either dumb or stubborn.
And by the way, Reg, I am pretty hot for a 59 year old woman.
If you say so. | |
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Posted: 7/9/2012 8:29:50 AM | Every grocery store is going to be different. The social environment varies a lot from place to place, which is something that is often over looked in these forums.
The likelihood of meeting someone, and the effort necessary to do so will be different in a more densely populated community than in a more sparsely populated one; a community with a higher population of unattached people will be different than one where mostly everyone is all coupled up.
In some communities you could go to the grocery store every day for years and be all smiling and friendly and still not meet anyone you'd want to date. | |
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Posted: 7/9/2012 8:48:08 AM | I'm a friendly person. I smile and say hello to everyone.
I don't assume everyone who smiles back and says hello
is hitting on me.
I think you have to understand body language and send out
your own signals.
If I'm not interested, most people have no problem discerning
that. I usually don't have a problem figuring out who is being
nice and who is being interested in me either.
If I'm not sure what they're thinking, and I'm interested, I just act more interested,
it either works out or it doesn't.
It's really not rocket science.
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Posted: 7/9/2012 10:05:24 AM | Tops Friendly Overpriced Markets is having a special on slightly expired overripe guys in aisle four but you’ll need your bonus card.
The last thing I care about is picking up guys when I’m at the grocery store. I want to get what I need and get the heck out of there. I’ll chitchat with the cashiers for the minutes it takes to cash me out and then I’m gone. I don’t give guys the opportunity to approach me. | |
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Posted: 7/9/2012 10:07:03 AM |
... last time i went to a supermarket, i hooked up with a couple of firm, sweet melons and a rump roast, plus a bag of charcoal briquettes, which led to a very hot evening. and nutritionally enriching to boot.
Yeah baby. That's the ticket. | |
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Posted: 7/9/2012 10:42:51 AM |
The last thing I care about is picking up guys when I’m at the grocery store. I want to get what I need and get the heck out of there. I’ll chitchat with the cashiers for the minutes it takes to cash me out and then I’m gone. I don’t give guys the opportunity to approach me.
Just out of curiousity, you have stated that you don't like guys approaching you in the Gym or the Grocery store.
In your definition of an ideal world, where IS it okay for a guy to approach you? | |
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Posted: 7/9/2012 10:57:44 AM | "In your definition of an ideal world, where IS it okay for a guy to approach you?"
I'd be interested in knowing the answer to that as well.
I don't even approach women in bars and clubs because I've long been told by my female friends that they just go to bars and clubs to drink, dance and hang out with their friends and either hate being bothered by guys or just find them amusing but would never actually date them. So I try not to be THAT guy.
But there's really nowhere left for people to meet for the purposes of dating. Except, on a dating website. I mean, other than POF, which as we all know, is overwhelmingly stocked with people just for "forums only." As someone else pointed out in the gym thread, you know the dating world has imploded when you can't even ask a woman out on a dating website.
Basically you are going to be everywhere you are ever going to be for some purpose other than meeting someone. Grocery store, gym, church, work, mall, park, laundromat, sporting event, art gallery, film festivals, parties -- you basically don't leave your house unless you're going somewhere to do something. If everybody decided they weren't going to try to meet people at these places, no one would ever get together (since we know nobody ever gets together because of online dating!). But that said, I still follow these women's rules and don't approach them, even if all women aren't in agreement on that. I figure if a woman's at a place with meeting men in mind as either a primary or secondary goal, and she thinks I'm worth meeting, she will introduce herself. Admittedly, this strategy has not worked very well for me, but on the other hand, I haven't p-ssed off very many women in my life by bothering them in public either. | |
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