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| | Grocery Store Dating.Page 5 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) |
I wasn't criticizing anyone in particular, just the mindset that some people were expressing in this thread and the gym thread: "How DARE anyone speak to me in public? That's so rude!" Apprently, you didn't get it. You were criticizing those 1% who crossed the line, as you put it and you left that part of my post out of what you quoted so that you could misconstrue what I said. Don't do that. I, and many other people, do have enough social skills to read body language and expressions and not "bother" another person such as yourself who has such obvious and often-expressed disdain for us "yahoos". Maybe maybe not, but that wasn't the point. The point was that you apparently think that social skills are required to deal with the 99% of the people who act in the way you consider acceptable, and with whom you don't mind interacting, when in fact that requires no social skill whatsover. What requires social skill is handling what you called the 1% who cross the line without being rude. Social skill is only required to handle the interactions you consider rude or improper without being rude. What you are calling social skill is just the ability to chit chat with someone who wants to chit chat with you as if that's actually a skill.
Social skills are required to some extent in ANY interaction with other human beings, whether or not their actions are "acceptable" to me or to anyone else.
You completely missed MY point. Not surprising, since according to your other posts you admittedly have no desire to practice any social skills or chit chat. When you misconstrue what is said and twist others' words so you can wring out something to pick on, I'll give you back your own words: "Don't do that." | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:53:14 PM | "Most men I’ve dated have been introduced to me by friends or other people I knew, and usually started out as friends. I’m not receptive to strange men who want to ‘date’ me. That has never worked out well for me. I’ve been approached by men I didn’t know for years and I don’t like it. I wouldn’t be interested in a man I’ve just laid eyes on for the first time. I’m not perpetually on the make and I don’t want to be approached by someone who is."
I think this is actually a pretty fair response. If you are uncomfortable engaging with strangers, then certainly you shouldn't feel compelled or obligated to do so. Although one problem with that concept is you're automatically assuming the stranger approaching you is "perpetually on the make" when you could in fact be the only woman he's ever approached like that in his entire life (if it were me, that would be true!) and he had to get up all kinds of nerve just because he thought you were so special that he just felt like he couldn't afford to miss what might be his one and only opportunity. (I hate to drag a movie into this discussion, but since it is a movie based on a real life story: "We Bought A Zoo's" romance comes to mind, in which Matt Damon's character says exactly that to the woman he eventually marries. Apparently, these things actually happen in real life... if people would just let them happen.)
However, if *I* relied on my friends to introduce me to my potential dates, I would still be waiting for my first date. I've very rarely ended up at a party or social event at which there were any single women (except, of course, during the two years I was dating someone!). And even though all of my closest friends have been female throughout my adult life, nobody's ever tried to set me up (I am not a "catch," obviously). So if I don't actively seek out strangers to date, I will not be dating. Your strategy works for you and you seem more than happy with the trade-off of having a much smaller dating circle in favor of getting to know potential dates extremely well before dating them (although, you say stranger dating has never worked out well for you... apparently, neither has social circle dating or you would currently be married to one of them!). That strategy will simply never work for some people and I'm one of those.
But rather than just saying "to each his own" and being done with it, the problem is, MY strategy interferes with YOUR strategy. As it is impossible for me or any other man to know which "stranger women" are willing to "stranger date" and which women will only "social circle date." *I* personally have yielded to your concerns over this matter... and therefore rarely date partially as a result, but at least I am one less person you will ever have to worry about disrupting your pristine grocery store experience. But it is understandable to me why many men don't feel the same way, so I don't know what to tell you about them. I just don't feel like you should look upon them so harshly. After all, some have gotten dates from that strategy... some have married from that strategy. Which means a significant number of women aren't completely dismissive of the strategy.
And it's not really that much of an empathetic thing with me anyway -- a couple dozen years of female best friends hasn't really brainwashed me that much. The real difference between me and the guys that choose to pursue women anywhere and everywhere is that I have almost never been right when I thought a woman was flirting with me, so there's really not any reason to bother pursuing false leads. If women actually did flirt with me, I'm not sure I would care all that much about yielding to the concerns of a minority of women (or maybe it's a majority -- who knows?). | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:23:27 PM |
So are you supposed to squeeze them, thump them smell them or WHAT? Because I obviously dont know how to pick out a ripe cantalope. Do you??"
My mom taught me to thunk 'em, smell 'em and check the bottom... uh, ya know, that lil' spot on the bottom—dunno the actual name of it—but check & make sure its soft. :-) | |
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Posted: 7/9/2012 8:30:43 PM | My mom taught me to thunk 'em, smell 'em and check the bottom... uh, ya know, that lil' spot on the bottom—dunno the actual name of it—but check & make sure its soft. :-)
Not sure what it's called on a man, but on a woman, we call that the "taint." It taint p*ssy and it taint a$$hole... It's that soft spot in between and it taint good for much of anything!
Wait, are we talking about fruit??? Damm! | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:35:25 PM | These kinds of threads are ironic to me. I should read the whole thing and the gym thread as well, I am sure I could learn something.
I chat with men and women all the time when in public, it's very easy.
But I have never asked for a phone number or contact. Not even sure how to do that, it usually goes over my head when a woman has an interest in me, at least in a public place. And even if I do have an interest, never was sure how to ask for a phone number, it just seem like too I don't have a smooth way to move from chatting about this and that to asking for contact info.
What was really hilarious was I was on a plane one time chatting with the woman next to me, she said she her job was massage. Then she starts to massage my legs, and somehow I didn't think anything was unusual.
It didn't occur to me that this was an invitation to join her after the plane landed until I mentioned I had a GF at the city I was flying into, and she turned cold as ice. | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:04:02 PM | "Although one problem with that concept is you're automatically assuming the stranger approaching you is "perpetually on the make" when you could in fact be the only woman he's ever approached like that in his entire life (if it were me, that would be true!) and he had to get up all kinds of nerve just because he thought you were so special that he just felt like he couldn't afford to miss what might be his one and only opportunity."
How would he know/assume that a women was so special that he just felt like he couldn't afford to miss what might be his one and only opportunity? He has seen the women briefly and has decided that she is so special he must do his best to try to date her? Sorry but that scream that he would approach anyone half attractive and try his luck.
" I've very rarely ended up at a party or social event at which there were any single women " Maybe that is the problem. Might be an idea to change social lifestyle to being where women are in clubs or organizations. Then I say clubs, I don't mean dance clubs. I mean hiking, biking type clubs.
"Your strategy works for you and you seem more than happy with the trade-off of having a much smaller dating circle in favor of getting to know potential dates extremely well before dating them (although, you say stranger dating has never worked out well for you... apparently, neither has social circle dating or you would currently be married to one of them!)."
How do you know that social circle dating isn't working for us, or that we didn't meet our husband that way. How do you know that we haven't had a till death parting us marriage, and at this stage of our life we don't want a live in partner?
Thing is people don't know that. Some people think if they see some one in public that that person must be interested in finding a partner where 9 times 10 for multiple reasons the last thing on that persons mind is seeking an SO.
I dislike shopping. I power shop. In, out, done.
Yes, I stop and speak with people I know in my small town grocery store. Some times it can take a long time to pick up bread and milk because I dump into many people I know. I might just say, sorry, can't stop to chat. I am having a busy day. I sure am not going to spend time chatting with any stranger who can't take no for an answer.
"It didn't occur to me that this was an invitation to join her after the plane landed "
That could be another thread entirely. Stranger that I have been stuck sitting next to on a plane. | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:18:49 PM |
…you could in fact be the only woman he's ever approached like that in his entire life (if it were me, that would be true!) and he had to get up all kinds of nerve just because he thought you were so special that he just felt like he couldn't afford to miss what might be his one and only opportunity.
Well….I have a difficult time imagining a total stranger would think I was "so special" just from seeing me push a cart around at the grocery store. I want a man who sees more in me than what he thinks I can provide for him in bed.
That does sound like a movie... with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, probably. Here in Hicksville, I don’t think so.
Your strategy works for you and you seem more than happy with the trade-off of having a much smaller dating circle in favor of getting to know potential dates extremely well before dating them (although, you say stranger dating has never worked out well for you... apparently, neither has social circle dating or you would currently be married to one of them!). That strategy will simply never work for some people and I'm one of those.
It’s not a strategy, it’s the way I’m built. I’m not the kind of girl who dates 35 or 85 or 205 guys hoping one of them is my Prince Charming.
If you pay enough attention to a woman in a grocery store (or wherever) to know that you’d like to approach her (based on the way she looks ....there really is nothing else to base that on with a total stranger) then you can pay enough attention to her to recognize whether or not she is approachable. Is she giving you hints? Winking at you? Licking her lips? Or is she crossing stuff off her list and focused on what she’s doing, oblivious to distractions? I mean a bit of common sense and courtesy and thinking of HER feelings rather than your own desires will go a long way.
I am one less person you will ever have to worry about disrupting your pristine grocery store experience.
Oh, come on. Like so many of these threads, it’s a matter of respect. If you think you like a strange woman enough to approach her for your own selfish reasons, you can show her the respect she deserves if it appears she would prefer not to be approached.
I never said my grocery shopping experience is ‘pristine’. It’s a necessary pain in my ass. I’m not a rude person but I won’t be receptive to unwanted attention or attempted pick ups when all I want to do is get it done and go home.
I just don't feel like you should look upon them so harshly. After all, some have gotten dates from that strategy... some have married from that strategy. Which means a significant number of women aren't completely dismissive of the strategy.
Again, it’s not a ‘strategy’ for me. I don’t see my personal life as some kind of game between me and any man who happens to exist and likes the way I look. It’s not ‘harsh’; it’s just reality.
Goody for people who are happy operating that way and get married and all that. I’m sure there are many, many women who are nothing like me.
If women actually did flirt with me, I'm not sure I would care all that much about yielding to the concerns of a minority of women (or maybe it's a majority -- who knows?).
Hey, if you think you’re getting the green light, go for it. Like I said, I doubt I’m like most women. | |
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Posted: 7/9/2012 9:35:30 PM |
Well….I have a difficult time imagining a total stranger would think I was "so special" just from seeing me push a cart around at the grocery store. I want a man who sees more in me than what he thinks I can provide for him in bed
Not as far fetched as you think.
Have you ever seen someone walk into a room that commands everyone's attention? Or who seems to radiate confidence? Or glows with a je ne sais quoi? Or moves with catlike grace? Or who when you see their smile it's as if you suddenly have seen an almost blinding radiance? Or whose eyes seem like deep pools of kindness?
Some people are different than others. You can almost feel them radiating to everyone around them, even when they're sitting still, even when they're not talking, and yes, even when they're pushing a shopping cart.
Is it so inconcievable to see someone and feel an immediate attraction that goes beyond mere physical beauty?
Such experiences as those should not be dismissed so quickly. | |
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Posted: 7/9/2012 9:51:13 PM | "Not as far fetched as you think.
Have you ever seen someone walk into a room that commands everyone's attention? Or who seems to radiate confidence? Or glows with a je ne sais quoi? Or moves with catlike grace? Or who when you see their smile it's as if you suddenly have seen an almost blinding radiance? Or whose eyes seem like deep pools of kindness?
Some people are different than others. You can almost feel them radiating to everyone around them, even when they're sitting still, even when they're not talking, and yes, even when they're pushing a shopping cart."
Oh my! Come back down to earth. Give head a shake.
Sorry, that that is simply not part of reality.
Anyone who told me that I or any other female in a grocery store was radiating the about requires an immediate 911 call.
It is a grocery store, where people go to buy food, not a bad soap opera. | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:57:02 PM | | Blame years and years of stupid entertainment for all these peoples' goofy love at first sight butterfly fantasies. You see it over and over again, you try to recreate it yourself - bam, dating is now 200% more annoying than it should be because of a bunch of people trying to turn their base infatuation into a Disney movie. | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:58:23 PM |
Have you ever seen someone walk into a room that commands everyone's attention? Or who seems to radiate confidence? Or glows with a je ne sais quoi? Or moves with catlike grace? Or who when you see their smile it's as if you suddenly have seen an almost blinding radiance? Or whose eyes seem like deep pools of kindness?
Have we met? 
No, actually….that’s never happened to me that I remember, and I think I would remember an experience like that. And definitely never at the grocery store.
Such experiences as those should not be dismissed so quickly.
If a man saw any of those things in me, I guess he’d be special enough himself to be capable of figuring out a way to get my attention. A man like that wouldn’t be schmoozing up to me over the rag magazines and bargain day old baked goods at the check out line.
je ne sais quoi
Nice. :) | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:17:51 PM | I never get hit on while out.
OK I rarely (a few times a year) a year get hit on. And it's usually at a store. At that point I'm so surprised I say something wildly stupid.
I'm caught off guard. I laugh, make a fool of myself and wander out, laughing at myself as I exit. | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:22:46 PM | I told my friend it might be my heels and dresses making me intimidating/unapproachable, because I was hit on more when I hit the store a few times in a rush wearing gym clothes.
She said "No, they probably just see you in gym clothes with your hair a mess and think you're easy"
Friends like these. | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:42:03 PM |
Oh my! Come back down to earth. Give head a shake.
Sorry, that that is simply not part of reality.
Anyone who told me that I or any other female in a grocery store was radiating the about requires an immediate 911 call.
It is a grocery store, where people go to buy food, not a bad soap opera.
I'm sorry that you've never had the pleasure of such an experience.
I've met literally thousands of people through work and leisure, travelled to over 20 countries, and lived in 4 countries.
They are exceedingly rare, but yes, I've met people like that. Probably less than a dozen in total, but they do exist. .
Some people are magnetic, or make you feel instant trust, or seem to radiate compassion without uttering a single word.
There are extraordinary individuals on this earth, and if you're fortunate you'll meet them | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/10/2012 7:20:19 AM |
Have you ever seen someone walk into a room that commands everyone's attention? Or who seems to radiate confidence? Or glows with a je ne sais quoi? Or moves with catlike grace? Or who when you see their smile it's as if you suddenly have seen an almost blinding radiance? Or whose eyes seem like deep pools of kindness?
Yeah, actually I have...and it was me on Sunday.
It was "hat day" at work at the bookstore, and I stopped at the grocery store on my to
get something for lunch. When I wear hats...I wear HATS. This one was a summer white
one with a wide brim, black polka dotted ribbon and black roses, which coordinated nicely
with my black dress, white pearls, red shoes and matching red rose. So yeah, when I walked
into the grocery store, I got me some stares and smiles. They continued most of the day while
I was working.
I'll admit I don't always dress like that, but I like the feeling when I do.
Me, I notice people everywhere I go and there have been plenty of times when I've been in a
grocery store or the home depot or the fabric store for that matter, and I've noticed someone
and thought "wow".
I can't imagine living in a world where you walk around with sunglasses on, ear plugs in and head
down hoping to get your business done without anyone noticing you.
Maybe I'm just adept at sending signals and responding in a way that lets others know where we both
stand, but I've never felt harrassed or bothered so much by someone in public I've had to get pissy
about it.
Or maybe I'm just not good looking enough...that could be it. | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:42:58 AM | moraima/fleuron: I figured as women, you would be able to tell if the guy was genuine about you being special or if he was just a player hitting up every woman in the store. But I'm not sure it really matters, if you believe by definition that a man who would approach a stranger woman in a store is a man with a personality that you have no interest in dating. Which, as I said before, is a fair viewpoint. Certainly if I'm at a KKK rally, I'm probably not going to have much interest in a woman hitting on me there. Well, depends. Maybe. Damn it! I hate being desperate.
"Might be an idea to change social lifestyle to being where women are in clubs or organizations."
Do note that I said *single* women. I am involved with many things that have multitudes of women in attendance... who are married or otherwise attached. I don't know when the last time I was invited to a party that had any single women, yet they've all been crawling with women -- the last one (for my best friend's birthday) I was the only man there! Just me and a dozen married women... This is what happens in your 30s (I am a little surprised more of them have not gotten divorced at this point, but whatever). My other best friend has always been pretty good about getting single women to her parties but they are always the same women that rejected me many years ago -- she really needs to get some new female friends (instead... she keeps getting new MALE friends). I work 70-100 hours a week -- I can't really be piling on the activities, but I try to stay active as possible.
But again, women at hiking and biking clubs are there to hike and bike, are they not? No different than women being at a grocery store to grocery shop. Basically, EVERY place is either a place to meet someone... or a place to do anything exept meet someone, depending on your attitude about it. You can meet people at funerals if you want to. You can avoid meeting people at dances if you don't want to. Some people are just there to dance!
"How do you know that social circle dating isn't working for us"
I was talking to Fleuron specifically. I have no idea what your deal is.
"based on the way she looks ....there really is nothing else to base that on with a total stranger"
Au contraire'. I will notice the way she speaks, the way she dresses herself, the way she smells, the way she conducts herself, how she shops and her general mannerisms -- all from a couple of passes by each other in a grocery store. I'm pretty odd among men in that a woman's speech can be one of my biggest attractions. The last woman I had a crush on was cute without question, but the way she spoke drove me absolutely crazy. One of my all-time biggest crushes from years ago had a way of saying my name that caused me to melt all over the floor... and I hate my name and prefer people never call me by it. She knew what she was doing to me, too, and sometimes did it at the most inopportune moments just to see my reaction. I really need to call that girl... I haven't heard from her in a year.
"Is she giving you hints? Winking at you? Licking her lips?"
Do women really do that? I mean, I *know* they don't do it to me, but I've never seen any women do that to guys they're obviously hot for, even when they're sloppy drunk. They usually just follow them around like puppy dogs. My female friends will sometimes wink at me or give me a sexy look, but it's obviously a complete joke brought about by some circumstances where such a joke makes sense. If winking and licking lips is a serious flirtation requirement, then, yup, never been flirted with.
"It’s not a strategy, it’s the way I’m built. I’m not the kind of girl who dates 35 or 85 or 205 guys hoping one of them is my Prince Charming."
Not a conscious strategy, perhaps, but it is one. But again, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your preference not to "stranger date." But you live in a world where a lot of people do and some people have no choice but to "stranger date" and since no one can tell who will and who won't... men are going to attempt it. If they're rude or foolish about it, then I think they deserve what they get. I just don't think you're any more likely to stop all men from approaching women in public places than any of us are likely to convince you to occasionally take a chance with men who attempt to approach you in public places. Society is what it is... until it changes again.
PS "The Importance of Being Ernest" was a focal point of my second film. I'm not really sure why -- I am not particularly gung-ho about Wilde (if I must go with an Irish poet, I'll usually go with Heaney). I'm sure it had something to do with me having written that screenplay in the same year the Rupert Everett/Colin Firth adaptation came out. Now that I think about it... the following year I wrote a screenplay in which "Dorian Gray" played a role. Somehow I never made that connection before... | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/10/2012 10:53:24 AM | Interesting thread. I have been around on the forums for more than 2 years, and I am learning things about people that I never would have expected. Some have gained more of my respect, and others have lost a little.
I can say a few words to a woman, in a grocery store, or the gym, or wherever, and almost immediately pick up on whether she would be interested in more conversation. And I would never overstay my welcome.
And the ones who spend their lives racing through the store, hurrying to finish, wearing ear buds, never making eye contact, those are not my type of people.
And here's another Oscar Wilde quote for you:
In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/10/2012 11:15:46 AM |
And the ones who spend their lives racing through the store, hurrying to finish, wearing ear buds, never making eye contact, those are not my type of people
True. Some that have such poor social coping skills that they proactively shun contact. Retreating behind electronics and and sunglasses is the modern equivalent of the Muslim woman who keeps the world out by covering herself from head to foot. | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/10/2012 11:25:11 AM | "Retreating behind electronics and and sunglasses is the modern equivalent of the Muslim woman who keeps the world out by covering herself from head to foot."
Jesus Chris, son. We don't have enough mops and buckets for all the blood that's about to spill. | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/10/2012 11:38:22 AM | | One of my best friends met her husband in the grocery store. She was in the produce aisle, he was a stock boy. After seeing her a few times and some well placed comments on her part, he asked her out. They have been together 18 years now with 2 amazing kids. I'd check out our grocery store, but it's a small town and I have no desire to date anyone here LOL | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/10/2012 12:35:02 PM | get over yourself......
she said "husband" on purpose,dumb ass ! | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/10/2012 1:15:29 PM | | .....our hands brushed against one another as we both reached for the same bag of frozen peas...... | |
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| Grocery Store Dating.
Posted: 7/10/2012 1:36:07 PM | | "Oh how I envy that avocado... to have have such a beautiful woman stare at me with the same intesity." | |
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