| | Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | The whole mess with the ex's is neither here nor there... he cheated on you once already, so be done with him.
If you were married with children, I may say that there is something worth saving, but for a new relationship like this, no way! | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/9/2012 3:55:10 PM | Me personally I wouldnt care if they remained friends since I should trust him we are both adults (he is a grown as*s man he can make his own decisions).
If there is no trust then there is no foundation for the relationship. Why be with someone you cant trust? ugh! some people make their lives way more complicated than it needs to be.
He should know what is and is not inapproprate and if he crosses those boundaries BYE! its not up to me to make that decision for him.
People are so close minded, people can be friends with their ex with NO intent of EVER! going back EVER! | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:57:44 AM | | I am the male she is talking about. I am 65 and still very active, in fact I work as a river guide on the Ocoee , otherwise I am retired. I have been dating this woman for about 4 years and yes I was dating several women before I met her. I have been divorced for about 9 years and I am still friends with my ex, she lives behind me next to the creek and we talked once every several weeks. I have had a drink with her on occasion, but it is not a weekly thing. I am not sleeping with her and haven't since we have been divorced....... we are only friends. She fell in love with my ex-partner.... what can I say. I have a female roommate at another house, she has a boy friend and lives with him. She is only a friend now, yes I dated her and it ended about 7 years ago. I do not sleep with her.. I love sweethuntress and have have been faithful to her for a long time. She quit participating in sex over 2 1/2 years ago with me and yet I have stayed with her to prove my love for her. Yes, I cheated on her in the beginning of our relationship and I am sorry for that, it will not happen again if we are in an exclusive relationship. The woman that I slept with, I no longer see or talk to.....Sweethuntress has been lying to me about being on pof and about other things. She has an ex who she talks to everyday and won't let me come up when he is around. ... I was in the construction industry and I know how to build houses, install h&a units, electrical, plumbing, etc. , yet he is the one that she asks to help her. If he is who she wants to be with, then I wish her all the best; but I am not going to wait on the side lines for much longer. I am getting old and want to be happy. I have never done anything intentionally to hurt her but have done so unintentionally. I don't know whether this is important or not, but she cheated on him with a married man, not once but many times. He found out about it 10 years after the fact and left her. In fact she was separated from him when I met her. As I said earlier, I cheated on her during the first several months of our exclusive relationship.... and yes, I am very sorry for doing so. | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 7:35:43 AM | lol... I do like it when the person someone posts about gives there side.....
you say your 65 and your profile says 57.... ummmmm
relationships should always be interesting and when they are not people create there own drama.... If its been a year and a half since you 2 hv had sex ... that could be the real problem.. best of luck... | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 7:46:49 AM | My honest opinion on this matter..
Not a good idea unless you have a child with that person. If there is an attraction from one to the other, they will NEVER just be friends. What I mean by this is for example; If the man is still attracted to his X, he will ALWAYS try to get her/him in some way.
The only thing that can stop this is his loyalty to his (Wife, Girlfriend, Significant other). Even then, he is thinking about the what if's... Always better to stay away if there is an attraction. | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:46:54 AM | Friends with exes?
Two types:
A/ When they say it's over, it's over.
B/ They say it's over.....(But as Yogi Berra remarked) it ain't over 'til it's over.........
- not about exes, friendships..............
it's about trust. | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 10:53:01 AM | | He lied about his age on his profile also, making statements on what he is written will only rehash what we have rehashed over and over again... | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 1:01:39 PM | | What is toxic about keeping someone that was special as a friend. I agree sex has to be relinquished between the two but not the friendship. So aren't we able to make a mistake once or twice in our lives? I don't claim to be a Christian, but I did learn from Him to forgive. Do you give up all of your friends of the opposite sex when you start dating someone new? Do You let your GF or BF tell you who you can be friends with? The exgirlfriends are from years before I met sweethuntress Yes, counseling was approached....twice...by me. Sweethuntress has an ex who she has been talking too almost everyday for the past 4 months... She says he is only a friend . Should I believe her? Oh yes...one more thing... who wants to date someone 65....?.......so I stretched the truth or rather shrunk the truth.. Should I be put up on a cross with my hand and feet bound and spiked........ | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 1:06:15 PM | I've never been married, but I'm friends with almost everyone I've dated to varying degrees. In fact, it's people that can't be friends with their exes that is probably the more negative statement - either what it tells you about how they would handle their disagreements/grudges, or how horrible their decision making/intuition is in the first place.
Barring someone from seeing someone/being scared of their significant others hanging around people they dated is one of the silliest things people do in relationships. The problem with cheating is the mentality that leads someone to do that, not the act itself (unless it has disease or other results). If you have to worry about someone committing the act, no matter who they're hanging out with, then you're relationship is pretty much already screwed and you may as well give it up. | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:19:57 PM | What is toxic about keeping someone that was special as a friend. I agree sex has to be relinquished between the two but not the friendship.
You never quit the emotional intimacy, so technically you never really broke up. Did you know that there is a lot more to a relationship than sex? You just keep creating an emotional mess for yourself and your new partner.
You gotta let go of past romance for new romance to begin, period.
And if all of that isn't enough, real passionate sex and romance does not and cannot drop down to casual friendship, impossible. Basically what you have to offer huntress is a non-committal superficial type relationhip that doesn't mean much of anything.
Anyone who comes on here and states how they are close friends with their ex's bla bla bla are saying that they basically never really loved that person in the first place. And their idea of a relationship is very superficial with lousy sex because when you are in love with someone the sex and emotional intimacy will make the world stand still. You can't just be "pals" after the break, kicking over coffee or a drink. You will alway be reminded of that powerful connection, and the word casual doesn't fit into the equation. Their presence will alway move you....in one way or another.
Either you can love someone or you can't. And if you are super pals with all the ex's all you ever did was play house, thinking it was real love because you don't know the difference... | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:30:46 PM | | You can love someone and rationally understand that you can't be with them. You can love someone and love someone else more. You can love someone and have the romantic passion die down and it become more of a friendship love. You can love someone and stop loving them but still get along with them. etc. etc. etc. Emotions aren't binary either/ors; that's grade-school type thinking. | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:36:28 PM | You can love someone and love someone else more.
Is that what you tell your girlfriends, lol? You love the ex's you pal around with, but you love them more? You might want to tweak your game a little or alot. | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:40:33 PM | It is not a control issue for me. It is about making solid choices that support your end goal.
If your goal is to be in an exclusive long term relationship (even marriage), then you DO have to foresake your past loves. How can you expect someone to devote thier life to you, and still have ex lovers hanging around? If all you ever want to do is perpetually date forever, then carry on.
People who say they want to get married one day, and then keep surrounding themselves with people they failed at relating with in the first place send a clear message-they really dont want to end up married one day....or they would make better choices day in and day out. Not too many people with an ounce of self respect are going to tolerate dating someone who still makes time for an ex on a regular basis.
In some utopic world, there isnt jealousy and insecurities. I live in this very real world where humans actually feel these things and Id rather make choices that will support one another with these feelings than try to fight it forever. I actually dont get jealous very often...but I wont be made to look the fool either. Anyone who says they should be able to date someone exclusively AND hang out with thier exes needs to face reality....the only people who will accept that, have pretty low standards to begin with. A person who values themselves and is confident with what they bring to the table, wont tolerate monkey business like that. So, what your types end up with is a merry go round of lower standards people...a self fullfilling prophecy if you ask me, and evidence that you dont really want to be married one day. You will win your battle...you WILL date people who WILL accept your exes...but you wont win the war because those who accept that, for the most part are NOT the ones YOU want to end up married to one day. But the ones you would like to end up married to one day, wont date you because you are known to hang out with your exes and you refuse to leave them behind. Hows that workin for y'all? lol | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:46:18 PM | I wouldn't have to "tell" anyone anything, as I would only date people who a) had a mature, adult view of human relationships, instead of a built up infatuation fantasy based on media, or codependent personalities that imbalanced their feelings, and b) people who were self assured or confident enough to not be paranoid about "the other person" whenever someone hung out with someone who they previously copulated with. You either trust the person you're with or don't - other people shouldn't factor into it at all and signs should be apparent outside who in particular you hang out with. Something some learn over time, thus the "maturity" statement.
It's basically about perspective. Only people with huge ego issues would want to be the only person someone ever loved ever. Otherwise, you realize that people have varying degrees and types of past and future loves, and hopefully accurately gauge in how their love for you relates with those and work from there. | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:49:47 PM |
In some utopic world, there isnt jealousy and insecurities. I live in this very real world where humans actually feel these things and Id rather make choices that will support one another with these feelings than try to fight it forever.
I don't get jealous or insecure, nor do a lot (but not all) of the people I associate, or if they do, it's not necessarily about relationships. It's not a "utopic world"; there are just people that don't have the same weaknesses as others in existence, and have different weaknesses elsewhere. You and the people you run into in your bubble aren't the only types of people out there. | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 3:00:36 PM |
there are just people that don't have the same weaknesses as others in existence, and have different weaknesses elsewhere. You and the people you run into in your bubble aren't the only types of people out there.
It's an emotional state known as vulnerability and without it you will never step out of the superficial. Fear of the unknown makes you label it weakness. When you truly love, you must face your fears, insecurities and jealousies replacing them with trust and a solid relationship. You kinda skip that whole process because you never wade deeper than your ankles. | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 3:32:29 PM |
You either trust the person you're with or don't -
True, and over the years I've slept with ex's who were with great guys who trusted them... some of them are probably still married to those great guys who are no wiser...
b) people who were self assured or confident enough to not be paranoid about "the other person" whenever someone hung out with someone who they previously copulated with
I've also ended up back in relationships with several of my Ex's that I've run into again years later... I'd bet a couple of them dumped other guys to go back out with me....
And too, on the flip side, I've met the Ex's of a few women who have tried really hard to screw up the relationships that I was in with her so they could go out with her again...
enough to not be paranoid about "the other person"
Just because you're 'paranooid' doesn't mean you have nothing to worry about.... | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/10/2012 4:12:34 PM | | Wow.. You guys are really both on here airing out each other's dirty laundry, you guys both have cheated in the past, and you guys both are friendly with the exes? And what are you guys complaining about? Sounds like you guys are a match! | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/11/2012 12:35:51 AM | | My ex girlfriend and I still talk and hang out at times. Shes dating another man at this point but I teach her son Kung Fu and her daughters still want to see me from time to time. Every so often we get together and do a movie night. | |
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ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 48 | |
| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/11/2012 5:21:25 AM | I agree with abelian (see message 2)
I have never remained friends with an ex. - Just isn't worth it.....
and ex is an ex for a reason......if I don't want to date my ex, why would I remain friendly with him????
Besides, my policy is once you walk out the door of a relationship and say you are finished, then you are. - doesn't matter who ended it....the point is it ended.
Now...if there are children involved, then that is a whole different deal, as the parents involved need to communicate to care for their children.....but if it's a situation of hanging out and hitting the sheets......well.....then......you know the answer to that as well. | |
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| Being friends with Ex's...how friendly?
Posted: 7/11/2012 10:29:37 AM | | Yes, I agree.... I had written a comment earlier yesterday but must have forgotten to hit send....You must open up your heart to truly enjoy love......take a chance......your heart can only hold so much...if it is crowded with jealousies and revenge/hate issues there won't be enough room for love....or so I am afraid...............I do not hold grudges/resentment, I forgive and make room for positive feelings.............If this is not possible, I guess I would just have to shove the negativity out and move on to get away from it...... I have not had to do this very often in my life. | |
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