| | Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?Page 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) |
He claims to be in 'upper management' for a 'large' corporation yet I don't think he even works.
If your interaction with him reveals he lied about his employment status (I'm talking concrete evidence beyond him not wanting to spend money), this should be the main concern. Secondary concern is if he suggests dutch whenever he chooses, then switches to "chooser pays" when it's your idea.
I'm curious, why are you bothered that he may have gotten free tickets to the show at the Guthrie? I thought people liked it if you had connections/savvy and can get the hook up on a discount or even free. That's part of the appeal of Groupon and LivingSocial. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 6:20:36 AM |
Someone explain this to me.
If a guy does not want to be taken advantage of and he plays low key activities, free dates, and then expects a woman to contribute financially when appropriate, he is labeled a cheapskate.
Yet if a woman complains that she has to pay at all, it is OK because she is a woman.
In my opinion, any woman complaining about having to contribute financially has no right whatsoever to call a man a cheapskate when she herself is trying to avoid spending any money. It is a case of the pot calling the kettle black IMO.
That is EXACTLY what was going through my mind as I read the OP. She's the one sounding like a cheapskate for complaining about having to buy her own dang $2 coffee. Give me a break. Your stomach and entertainment are not his responsibility. You're not a child and he's not your father. I'd prefer to do free activities with a guy. If YOU want to do something that's not free, then be willing to pay your own way, and maybe his too if that's not what he wants to do. If and when a man offers to pay, take that as a generous GIFT. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:30:33 AM | Texan Gal,
You have a level of maturity and class that is rare in young 20 something women your age. I wish that more women followed your mindset and embraced a modern realistic outlook on dating. Kudos to you! That is why I think the term gentleman needs to be re-defined a bit. Chivalry and respect are paramount. However, being a gentleman should have nothing to do with how much money is spent or the activity planned. Some women still hold onto ancient ideas that the guy should always plan/pay because he is a guy and it is the gentlemanly thing to do. However, putting up with anything one sided makes you a sucker IMO. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:57:20 AM | For this type of offense, you will risk banishment from posting in the forums.
As far as your "date," is concerned - he isn't interested in dating. He has other plans that do not involve your input, so don't date him, anymore. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:21:05 PM | Hi i have come across a couple of total timewasters and would so like to warn others, the problem with being able to do that is anyone that takes a disliking to you, for whatever reason, if any, can tell lies for all to see....
theres one guy who ive not met yet[and wont now] as he wanted to meet me in a local park to walk his dogs, when i say no because raining so it be muddy, but can meet for a lunchtime coffee, ive not heard anymore from him... another one a while ago was only interested in picking me up in his car, or meet at a pub then he drives me somewhere nice....yeah right...afraid i dont trust anyone, and certainly dont get in cars with strangers.... | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:37:53 PM | If this guy isn't what you're looking for move on!
You don't have to make him into a bad guy to decide he's not right for you... sometimes it just isn't a good fit.
Don't bad mouth him or insult his dating tactics, just be done with him. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:56:45 PM | If a guy does not want to be taken advantage of and he plays low key activities, free dates, and then expects a woman to contribute financially when appropriate, he is labeled a cheapskate.
IF all the dates require me buying food AND cooking it and sitting on my sofa OR me paying for my own drinks and food THEN YOU are suggesting this guy isnt attempting to take advantage??? PLEASE. I dont ask you out. I will cook for you ONCE we are in a committed relationship. I will go out with my girl friends and text you about how much fun I had. WE will not hang out at my place and I will hang out at your place ONCE we are in a committed relationship. There are inexpensive date ideas out there but if you dont feel like paying, then simple DONT DATE. AND you dont get a hand shake until we are in a committed relationship.
And yes... IF this isnt your idea of a good date THEN dont go. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 3:36:52 PM | | And truthfully yes dating changed. WHILE we were married in a very short time. BUT not so much by men as by women. They lower their expectations and standards to near non existence in order to have the joy of being able to say (and I quote) "at least I have a man". NOW men can have someone and DO nothing for her but sit on her sofa, eat her food, watch her TV, then have sex in her bed and that is DATING... Progress UH? | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 3:48:19 PM | @dallassbf i know right huh...ya seems dating has changed atleast in the eyes of the few people who actually still date an want to date..
then there are those who are only looking for just NSA sex with whatever that comes along you mention the word date or possiable relationship an they act like you just said the words "life sentence in prison"..
I've been outside of his place but he won't let me see the inside (always has an excuse for not letting me in)
among the other screaming red flags this 1 stands out to me the most..
so wait you mean to tell me he's been to your place been all in your house an sat on your couch watching your tv ect ect
but everytime your outside his place he can never let you come in???
i would say hey if i cant come in your house you cant come in mine either!
what is he hiding a dead body in there or is he hiding his girlfriend/wife or possiable boyfriend
what exscuses?? is he coming up with hell would make you wonder if the man even actually lives there..
@ Lina1952 how bout you start telling him hey i wanna look in your frigde an eat your food too or how bout i sit on your couch while you go to the grocery store an then cook us a meal..see how he reacts when you say that...seems like from what you said it would only be fair.. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 3:51:39 PM | I have no issues whatsoever with 'going dutch' or taking a man out for dinner/movie etc.. what I have an issue with is not being told we're going dutch until a bill happens to arrive.
I have an issue with being the only person paying for the food we eat. He will look in my fridge, see some food he wants to eat (crab legs, a steak, etc...) and suggest I cook that item for dinner. so I buy the food, I cook it and he eats it... where is that financially fair? I was the person who went grocery shopping to buy that food. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 4:33:14 PM |
If this guy isn't what you're looking for move on!
You don't have to make him into a bad guy to decide he's not right for you... sometimes it just isn't a good fit.
Don't bad mouth him or insult his dating tactics, just be done with him.
Not sure what this guy's behavior says about him, but some of these replies sure do, IMHO, say a lot about what some of the posters here value, or don't. It's actually pretty sad in some ways. Well to each their own choices.
Janet Always is one of the great ones. I see it in every post that she writes. Whomever he is for her, he's one of the luckiest guys on this planet. If only more of us guys could be as fortunate. I don't know ladies, I wish some of you were more like Janet, the dating world would be an infinitely better place for it.
OP, I've traveled all over the world for work. Also outside of the "western" world and seen all manners of horror and indignities that some humans can lay down upon their fellow man. Frankly, there were some warlords who deprived starving village children from food and medicine that I've come across that seem more merciful than you. I never thought that could be possible, but there it is. Just because a man spends more on you doesn't mean he cares about you more. Or you could always do the crazy thing and love yourself first without the external validation. Just sad, really sad. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 6:04:43 PM | What is it with " some" women ? They have there own jobs and there own money and lives , but when it
comes to dating . they give up there manners . Would you go on outings with your friends and expect them to pay each and every time ?? In today's world that is just very rude . Then if a man does not pay for everything that a woman wants then he is cheap ??????
I would love for a woman to explain this to me ?? | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 6:36:19 PM | First of all have no problem sharing expenses when dating but if a man won't even buy me a cup of coffee there's a problem. In the early stages of dating he should not be hanging out at your house eating your food and calling walking his dog a date.
Always dutch when going out but always on your dime when hanging out at home, doesn't sound fair to me.
Not being allowed to see his place would be enough for me to move on. What's he hiding? Not sure why you're still seeing him with all these complaints. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 7:01:41 PM | If you dont like his mean ways dont see him anymore. Simple. I find that attitude very offputting and I would not have bothered to see him again let alone have any kind of intimacy. I would want equality and to have him pay sometimes and me others. It depends on the income of each person. In this day and age men dont have to fork out always on dates. I agree with that. But he sounds really mean. That is why he is on dating sites, no woman will put with him for long. Mean outside the bedroom, mean inside....
Forget him. I would not bother to name and shame, it is not allowed and it is only your side of the story. Women have to be wary of connecting through cyberspace and it is up to them to handle any situation with whoever comes along.
You have got it off your chest now so you make the decision about the future. If you have expressed your concerns to him and he has not changed, then move on. He is probably seeing others and you should do the same. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:33:37 PM | No offense to you OP, this is just me on a soapbox...but I really hate threads about cheap men. Sometimes when I read these threads it shocks me how flippant some women are about "how little he spent" or what a "cheapskate" he is.
Let me ask you this. Could you afford to go out once a week and always foot the bill until at long last, you found love or whatever it is you're looking for? How long could you afford that sort of spending? Especially with a date that demanded only the best? And what if you'd planned more than one date in a week (no clue if guys do this or not)?
It's just not realistic or sane. Men have bills too. Rent, mortgage, car payment, car insurance, child support, medical, dental, gas, groceries, utilities, alimony....why are they expected to have a never ending supply of funds? I'll grant you that most men (in America) are paid better than women on the average, but not enough that they should be the primary spenders until they're basically broke. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:51:52 PM | Well firstly, there must be something terribly wrong as your profile says you "Joined in 2009". Sooo not to be rude but if you are 'new' as you claim that would really be something to look at.
Aside from my busting you about this. If, as it states that you have joined back in 2009 you, I and everyone else reading this thread can see part of the problem is fixing you before entering into a relationship. 1) If you allow the guy to be 'staying at your place' free as you stated we all know it is simply for what we call a booty call-nothing more. You are clearly not in a dating relationship but if you were it would not be a one sided relationship. You have in essence become his sugar momma and he is your boy toy. If this is the 'relationship' you signed up for then you can't really complain.
If you want something that is meaningful then actually date. Go out, enjoy spending time together, talking and learning about that person before you hop into bed. AND by all means don't have him move in or live with you.WTH! If over time you develop something and of course we all know any healthy relationship (committed) will involve sex, and you decide to take it to the next level of moving in together than by all means.
When you put your card before the horse you are doing a disservice to yourself and any possible positive outcome. Don't do things ass backwards. If you are not worth the chase then what are you worth? Being taken advantage of--clearly.
SOrry to be so blunt but you are a grown woman and I am most certain you can handle the truth and the reality is-check yourself and know what you do or don't deserve and don't settle on anything less. IF you do-then you repeat your own mistakes and are made a foul.
Good Luck | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:02:23 PM | we've been dating for about 6 weeks and have not gone out to dinner or lunch or breakfast. We have not gone to a movie either or a club for a****ail, etc..
If he's not working then honesty would be better than suggesting we go dutch, and he never paying for anything (again I have NO issues with that but the last I knew going dutch meant we each paid for our own dinner, movie ticket, etc...)
all I asked was if the 'dating' parameters had changed or not... apparently a lot of people would rather analyze me as apposed to answer my original question.
I am not a ATM machine or a bank.... | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:12:33 PM | I think this is the funniest thread on here. I totally understand. That never actually happened to me in so much detail, but I've experienced the brokeness before, only difference with me is that I smell that off the muscle and they never get the opportunity to share that stank with me again.
But that only happened a few times in my lifetime. There is a way that a man can grasp the kind of woman you are what you will expect to him. But you'll get those bold ones that'll try pulling that cheap mess on you. You have to be upfront with many things these days.
The rule is: No man should ever come see you broke. It's insulting. He obviously doesn't think much of the date. I know this is a new day and age, but at the end of the day...a man should always represent himself as a man--a provider. Unless you're asking for a car on the first date I don't see why he doesn't have coffee money. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:02:52 PM | Thank Lina
How is ok for men to expect women to pay for half the dates but turn up on my doors with nothing but an empty belly and hard on. Wow and look at the long line of thirsty broads ready to cook clean and suck just as long as he is male. My daddy would kick me in my butt if i worked this hard for nothing but sex. And if they were getting any more than that they wouldnt be on here. Next women on here will be offering straight up cash just for the attention. And happy he took it and sex but still single. Dont listen to thristy attention seekers. Next time dont cook till you are in a committed relationship sure dont let them in your house until then. It weeds out the losers and yes Virgina cheapskates are losers. | |
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| Has the definition of 'dating' changed and no one told me?
Posted: 7/13/2012 5:21:54 AM |
"The rule is: No man should ever come see you broke."
Who's Rule ? Sounds to me like you are EXPECTING to be wined and dined, or gifted.
So, if a responsible man who has bills, is broke, which could be a temporary condition, he is not worth dating ? That says more about the women who reject the man, than it does about anything, or anyone else. I've never seen this so called RULE, except from SOME women who have ENTITLEMENT ISSUES.
A Woman is not ENTITLED to my Money, or what I can provide for her. My G/F APPRECIATES what I have to offer, and I feel the same way about what she has to offer me.
I guess so for some women - so when I had to put a new roof on my house last year (around this time, to the tune of almost $10K - thankfully it was only leaking into the soffet and not the house "yet") and I cut back on pretty much everything, apparently I would have suddenly become an evil cheap **stard or something, worthy of being dumped on the spot, because I'm responsible enough to try and live within my means and cut back on things until I had it paid for and saved a little 'cushion' back? Good luck with that strategy, the old saying "sh*t happens" comes up on occasion. | |
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