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| | Emphasis on music, dancing, moviesPage 2 of 2 (1, 2) | I'm sure it varies from person to person. People can enjoy those things without them qualifying as an actual, life consuming hobby. Then there are movie/music/dancing buffs.
I love music - I couldn't imagine being with anyone who doesn't. My husband loves music, but is a fan of different genres. It's fine because we can both appreciate good points in all areas, and we have a few commonalities. We both love classic rock. I cannot stand his classic/outlaw country for the most part, but I've grown to love a few songs/artists.
I'm a firm believer that an interesting person can find value in anything. You may not love every style of dancing, but there is still fun to be had. You may not be movie obsessed, but there have to be SOME movies out there that would strike your fancy.
I dunno...I have little kids. I'm out of the world of having time for hobbies so I'm not an expert on them I guess ;) | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/15/2012 3:48:27 PM | You might consider it herd mentality, JD, that a lot of folk list their interests in their profiles. But, many of them are just considering what they and their potential "relationship" might do together when they aren't fvcking or otherwise engaging in seriously meaningful conversation. If you continually just send her off to engage in her own interests, alone, likely she might one day discover she doesn't really need you for the other, either. Maybe, that's okay with you. But, you needn’t be so smugly superior about it.
You’re looking to meet somebody. But, you think dating is silly at this point in your life. Do you just want to have a cup of coffee, some conversation and then get right down to it? That might work on occasion. Good luck. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:17:18 PM | Music is EXTREMELY important in my life, but mainly for personal reasons. Music is a way for me to escape stress. I don't care if the person I am dating has different tastes in music than I, it wouldn't bother me.
I can't dance so it's okay... Of course unless I'm a little under the influence.... (-;
I like a wide variety of movies so if a man didn't like the same as me I guess it would have to be a compromise.
Differences in the 3 things you've mentioned are definitely NOT a deal breaker. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/15/2012 9:34:06 PM |
As a person who does NOT watch movies (or videos or porn) and who does NOT own nor watch television, I challenge your statement. This is not a recent position of mine but one that has been true for decades.
You sound like a serious man, solid and honest, and I agree with your life choices. My advice is to the point. Rather than trying to find completely like minded people to share with, bring those who cross your path into your world. Take people where they are, and lead them, by degrees, according to what they are able to accept, to a higher place. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/15/2012 10:26:30 PM |
Flaneur001: OP, I read your profile, and it seems that you value nature, country living and non traditional ways of thinking. I assume that like many of us (with different sensibilities) it's a needle in a haystack situation finding a par amour.
Thank you for a reasoned and helpful reply. Yes, it is a "needle in a haystack situation" finding someone compatible. However, since "not very compatible" relationships have self-destructed, looking for the needle seems like the best course of action.
Flaneur001:As an aside, I understand from your profile that you are separated, which for some women might be an issue. I would say, though that many women would be uneasy dating a man who is still wearing his wedding band. I'm assuming it's a dated photo. You might want to reconsider the photo. Just saying! Good luck.
The photo is from last spring or late winter. The wedding band is no longer there. I'll crop the photo for now and replace it when I can. Thanks.
Thomas_Andronicus: Rather than trying to find completely like minded people to share with, bring those who cross your path into your world. Take people where they are, and lead them, by degrees, according to what they are able to accept, to a higher place.
I understand and agree – and do that to a limited degree (replacing "higher" with "different") – and am also willing to compromise somewhat in their direction. However, I do not ask or expect anyone to make substantial changes in their lifestyle or preferences because that is "beyond my job description" and do not want anyone to expect major changes in me.
AspenJack: You’re looking to meet somebody. But, you think dating is silly at this point in your life. Do you just want to have a cup of coffee, some conversation and then get right down to it?
What does "get right down to it" mean in your mind?
In my mind meeting for coffee and conversation could be the beginning of a relationship. If compatibility is evident, spending further time together might be mutually desirable – without "dating" as such.
BlooFlame there have to be SOME movies out there that would strike your fancy.
Perhaps there are. However, that would be rare and it would be difficult to predict in advance. Sitting through many to find one that strikes my fancy doesn't sound very appealing. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 1:28:38 AM | these people believe in nature, country living, non-traditional thinking, and feel that moving pictures are the work of the devil.
who are, mennonites?
now i'll take deviants for $400.
a non-traditional thinker, believes movies and modern culture to be propaganda and causing complacency in the public at large, often referring to mainstream society as "sheeple".
what is, a conspiracy theorist?
now to truly offer an answer, in the form of an answer, to the topic...
the first or second guy to answer was of the opinion i am. certain genres of music or film could be very off-putting to some. he likes horror, she likes rom-coms, and they can't compromise. he likes metal, she likes bieber, and all hell is going to break loose. (examples only, i know many girls like horror also, and also that many relationships are not of the form he+she). and when the differences are so vast and the people so passionate about their preferences, it can be too much to look past.
and not to be offensive, and maybe if you were alive before the tv it is less meaningful to you, i grew up without an internet until i was a teenager. anyways back the the thing which i was saying i didn't mean to be offensive: nearly 100% of profiles i read use the albeit cliche "stay in cuddling and watching a movie" or some variant. you are never going to want to do that, and that is going to seriously make people stop and think about a future with you. not everyone is gung-ho to do activities of varying strenuousness all the time, or have to spend time away from you every time they want to see a new movie.
one more thing, "watch movies" usually/often/occasionally means "making the f^cking", and you don't want to mistakenly indicate that you don't like that! for that matter, just any time your girl wants to watch movies, put one on and then start putting the moves on her so you don't end up watching, or does the movie playing in the background, or even the act of renting or acquiring it and pressing play, mean your mind is still being manipulated?
and i guess i am passive-aggressively flaming the OP a bit, but i really feel like his subsequent posts lent a strong holier-than-thou-ness to the thread. bottom line is that something that is a huge deal to someone (either staunchly in favour of or against movies or whatever else) is just that, a huge deal. if they say "movies are my life" or "i HATE movies" then it's a good bet that is almost certainly a deal-breaker if the other is the extreme opposite.
but take with a grain or two of salt, as some have said in this thread, that people are giving a lazy or canned word-bite, the very first (and widely accepted) things that come to mind, and it may not be of great importance to them despite being listed as an interest. the things you mention are things that 99.9% of people are also interested in or at least indifferent to, and therefore they feel comfortable revealing they like (versus for instance being handcuffed to a bed and sodomized by a fist) and that many others will find in common with them (in order to have a larger pool of candidates, ie not turn anyone away by having a strong opinion). you, john david, are the 0.1%er. but it's well done for you to be candid, because it will eliminate those undesirables for you before you put any time into fostering a relationship that is likely to be unsatisfying. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 2:28:12 AM | | Well, never met one woman I was interested in who didn't like to dance. Movies, music, dance are just forms of art to admired or not depending on one's tastes or interests. You don't have to dance well to appeal to most women, just be out there on the dance floor with them is all it takes. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 2:39:50 AM | | well i cant say that you are not missing out on almost all modern culture, and finding a woman who wants to nestle down ignoring her world with you, might be tricky - let her read this post first though, she ought to know what she is in for. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 5:21:34 AM | | I wouldnt care so much about the genre of movies/music so much as the amount of time devoted to such. Im not a movie watcher. I think if I see 2 movies a year thats a lot for me. So, Id prefer a man who also did not want to spend tons of time watching movies...but it wouldnt chase me away from an otherwise good man, there are other things I can be doing while he watches/listens. The only misic genre that would put me off is country. I cannot tolerate it for long periods of time. A top 40 hit here and there is fine, but if ALL he will listen to is country, Im outta there...head ache city! | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 5:24:59 AM | Heres the average profile I come across:
'Music is my life!!!
*Lists 20 bands they like the most*
Spend my time going to gigs, going to clubs, listening to music, dancing and drinking.
Like all sorts of movies and music, anything really'
THIS is pretty much it (or atleast a large percentage of the profile itself) most of the time these days.
Its one thing to list some of the things you like, its another to turn a dating site into myspace.com | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 5:30:06 AM | | When you first sign up on POF, it says "speak about your favorite music and movies". Some people have nothing to say or take that too literally. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 6:10:07 AM | One doesn't spend one's life in a horizontal position, therefore common or complimentary interests are as important as physical attraction in the long term. So I find it helpful to see these listed, though few would be deal-breakers for me. If it occupies "a considerable percentage" then it's probably because she found it hard to write about herself. Let's face it, a lot of you blokes also suck at writing profiles!
Nevertheless, given your strong opposition to popular forms of entertainment, perhaps you might consider making reference to that in your profile. The fact that you drink, smoke and are still married would be far greater deal-breakers for many than your aversion to TV/movies.
Personally, I couldn't envision life *without* TV or movies any more than without books, art or the internet. I do not see conspiracy everywhere; I enjoy these forms of entertainment for the pleasure they provide, whether fictional or documentary. But to each his own. Good luck to you.
DB. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 6:21:36 AM | | I think to increase your chances of success in a LTR if that's what you want, you should be flexible. It won't kill you to get out on the dance floor or watch a movie occasionally. Just like I wouldn't mind going to a sporting event or other activity my SO enjoyed on occasion. It's just a few hours out of your life to make the other happy. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 7:58:10 AM | A lot of people don't have hobbies or interests to list... or none that comes to mind.
Movies and music is easy.
Don't pay attention to much at all in profiles anyway.
Be a real man... if you think she's hot, go ahead and hit on her. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 8:35:57 AM | Ah, the infamous Clintonesque defining of “it!”
What does "get right down to it" mean in your mind?
In my mind meeting for coffee and conversation could be the beginning of a relationship. If compatibility is evident, spending further time together might be mutually desirable – without "dating" as such.
Let’s start with your definition of “dating.” To me, a date is a prearranged meeting or gathering for some specific purpose, ie.: a coffee date, a dinner date, a special event date or just getting together at the house to spend time together, the key being that it is planned, specifically or somewhat loosely. So, to my mind you are saying that planning is silly.
The alternative to planning, “getting right down to it,” as Bill once said, is dependent upon the meaning of “it.” So, I ask you, what is the “it” that is YOUR alternative to “dating?” | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 1:48:56 PM | I can tell you, for this woman, music, dancing and movies are not the most important things in my life.
However, as way of an explanation for why you're seeing it alot may be that in the edit section for "about me" there are little "hints" the site gives as to what to talk about - taste in music, hobbies etc.
I see in alomst all the men's profiles mention of what kind of music they like too.
And I agree with you, it's almost a "who cares" and comes across as shallow information, well, it is really.
But, the profiles/online dating is what it is. There is very little substance that can be expressed in this venue. You have to meet them in person to start that, IMO.
What's coming across on a profile may be far from who the person really is. But it's also hard to ignore, isn't it. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 2:03:43 PM | | Sometimes it does matter if certain activities mean a lot to you and you really like to discuss and even get more involved in them. You " love them" and you would feel sad to your soul if u couldnt have them anymore. It is a part of your personality because they mean so much to you. If I saw a profile or talked to a guy who had such a serious thing for say free form jazz we couldn't be a good match together because I "hate" it so much I can't even stand to listen to it. So yes its an important part of his life I just couldn't ne involved with because my feelings are so strongly the opposite. Perhaps none of those thingss interest you so you find it superficial. | |
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| Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/16/2012 2:27:30 PM | | I have a tremendous aversion to women that prefer paper than plastic. I will not date them. Unless the paper is at least 60 percent recycled. | |
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