| | Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choicesPage 2 of 2 (1, 2) | well,,i guess i should be less comical and just spell it out,,,,fair enough..
there are two different answers to this quandary because there are two distinct kind of personalities at work here and of course those who are in the middle,,,but let's focus on the two opposite types and why they will respond as they will to this question..
imagine if you will,,your a person who is not society's version of attractive or popular and have spent your life being rejected time after time...you are aware of this and have simply learned to accept it as fact and gone on with your life,,,..........now,,,,do you think this person needs to be told ,,,,yet one more time! that they are being rejected?
seriously? do you think they need to hear ...yet again,,,why they are not _______ enough? really? well,,,,,,,,,trust me,,,they do not!
then,,,,,,in this corner,,you have,,,the pretty and popular people who have limited experience with being rejected for anything,,they are always first in line and the rest of us adore and cater to them their whole lives,,,if your a hot chick you know exactly what i am saying,,,
so i guess for them they need an explanation as to why they are being rejected since it is such a seldom felt experience in their lives....
so,,i guess it is all about how you are as a person,,,,is rejection something your familiar with and do not need explained to you,,again,,,or are you someone for who rejection requires an explanation since it so rarely happens
and that,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,is the rest of the story | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 7/17/2012 3:50:22 PM | Personally for me, rejection happens rarely. So I guess I need an explanation as to why I am being rejected.
I can also understand the other person feeling rejected all the time and NO they don't want to hear it again. I understand what your trying to say.
A person whose been rejected so many times feel like there's nothing in this world for them and they feel that something is wrong with them. But really it's not them it's society. Society expects ppl to be a certain way and look a certain way. An average person believes 'y the need to change their look when ppl should accept them for the way they are'. But at the same time, those average ppl will soon find their worth in life when they stop feeling sorry for themselves and pick up all the rejection and hold their head high and say 'f**k u world, I am better than the "hot chick" who cheats on her man, and I'm better than 'fat **stard" who comes home and rapes his wife every day'. And that I will find a person who loves me for me one day!" | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 7/17/2012 4:04:50 PM | Darlite- I'm an honest person, so I just say it straight. I'm not cruel, but over explaining leaves an opening for the other person to argue the point. I don't use threats of a break up as a weapon, if I say it's over, it is.
As far as friendships, I'm incredibly loyal, so it takes A LOT for me to end a friendship, but I have. My method is the same as cutting off a love interest. I've only ended two friendships and both times I realized they were NOT my friend. | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 7/17/2012 4:30:39 PM | I know one thing. If I'm gonna tell ya to phuck off, you will have ample warning that it's coming. I'm that kinda guy. And no, I don't "owe" anybody a whole lot, other than I will treat others like I would like to be treated. So,before I put the hammer down, you will know I'm swinging it. No surprises.
On the other hand, if someone doesn't wanna hang around with me, it wouldn't matter one way or the other if ya told me the "reasons" why. I know that I'm not that easy of a person to understand though I'm a very simple man. Funny how that reads,when I type it. Another reason for my book, I guess. | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 7/17/2012 4:44:17 PM | jamie:
so,,i guess it is all about how you are as a person,,,,is rejection something your familiar with and do not need explained to you,,again,,,or are you someone for who rejection requires an explanation since it so rarely happens While I may not be overly familiar with rejection, that doesn't mean I want someone to trip over himself to explain it to me when it is happening. Like I said, just rip the freakin' bandaid off.
And really, I knew before a word was uttered anyway.
As for doing the breaking up, I give what I myself would want- the straight facts, not all sugar coated and crap.
An ex bf of mine actually phoned me up once to ask for my advice on how to break up with a current gf, because he said I was an expert at it, lol.. | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:35:03 PM | | If the relationship is still pretty new and I want out I will usually start acting real clingy and needy. I will bug the crap out of her about why didn't she call me and act like I just can't deal with it when she's not around. I dont know a woman yet that can stand a needy man so I get myself dumped and get to move on without the mess of her being all heartbroken. It really works like magic. | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:48:57 PM |
Many of us have had a relationship or friendship that was ended either by yourself or by the other person. Do you feel that you are owed an explanation by the other person ending the relationship/friendship?
No I don't feel I'm "owed" anything. If someone doesn't want to hang, then they don't want to hang. I let them go.
I don't feel need to explain why something is ending as well, 99 out of 100 time they "know" why it's going down already. | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:51:24 PM | My cardinal rule is this:
OWN YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE.
In other words, own up to your own-self and play no games. If you're breaking up, don't "start an argument and hope he/she breaks up first." Don't play games with people, trying to "make them" do what you don't want to face.
There is no "cute" way of ending a relationship. Think about how you want to be treated and act likewise.
As for the explanation...well, the deeper the relationship, the more needs to be unwound. A couple of dates, and the only "explanation" needed is "I just don't want to see you any longer." A marriage of eleven years? Yeah, Lucy, you have some 'esplanin to do.
But again, in my experience an "explanation" is usually used to palm off the responsibility on the other person (ie. "I feel bad about telling you I don't want to be with you, so I'll make it ALL your fault..."). OWN YOURSELF AND NOBODY ELSE. You have your own reasons for ending a relationship...own up to them.
It really is not any more complicated than that... | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:58:38 PM | Nah... I don't feel I am owed an explanation, BUT... if the other person has a litany of imaginary or nonsensical "reasons" (which are most likely excuses)... No we cannot be "friends" afterwards..Hit the road and keep going.
Not that I am upset so much that they are breaking up,just upset that they thought I'd buy such BS.
Now if you do it in the proper manner.. hey great.. we'll see what we can work out about being friends. | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 7/17/2012 7:21:30 PM | Wow thanks for your insight. I have had a relationship for a year and have never discussed anything significant. He is a wonderful honest man and tells great stories about his life
but there is no chemistry there. I am trying to just "disappear". So I appreciate what you said about the communication. | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 8/16/2012 9:20:21 AM | | If I am the one that is ending the relationship,Yes, I would explain the reason ,because it is only right for the other person to know, rather than given the other person a"Dear John Letter". Or walk away and turn my back without saying anything. I think it is only fair this way. | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 8/16/2012 9:39:11 AM | | I explain. Its usually been because of a recurring behavior. Given how my exes have often reacted, I’m wondering if lying might not be best. They tend to think or say at the end that its because I found someone else, which has never been the case. But now I wonder if it might not be more efficient to say that I’ve fallen in love with someone else- less emotional thrashing. That appears to be much easier for many men to swallow than saying, in essence, “I’d rather be alone than with you because on balance, I really don’t like you. It’s you, not me.” | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 8/16/2012 9:55:57 AM |
Many of us have had a relationship or friendship that was ended either by yourself or by the other person. Do you feel that you are owed an explanation by the other person ending the relationship/friendship?
Hard question. Am I "owed" it? I wouldn't think so, but I think if the relationship was worth anything and there's a problem, it would be a natural part of the relationship to discuss it.
Do you feel that you owe the other person an explanation if you are the one ending the relationship/friendship? Do you have certain rules or a personal code of conduct that you like to follow when you want to end a relationship/friendship? For example....do you discuss the issue(s) that are distressing you 1, 2 or 3 times before deciding to end the relationship/friendship?
Yes; if there is a problem that is serious enough to end a relationship/friendship, I prefer to discuss it and then give up to a year before deciding that the relationship needs to end.
Do you usually aim for calmness before attempting a discussion or do you wait until you are really angry?
I used to "wait" till I got angry, and then discuss again when I calmed down. As I matured, I got better at discussing things before I was really angry.
Do you purposely start an argument..............in hopes that the other person will end the relationship/friendship first?
Never. If I feel I must end a relationship, I am straight with the person involved. This can be extremely painful and difficult for both people.
Being honest and straight with someone with whom you've shared an intimate relationship is just respect, in my opinion. | |
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| Ending a Relationship or Friendship....do's and don'ts & personal choices
Posted: 8/16/2012 10:01:15 AM | eh.. the real question is:.. Do people give you the REAL reasons they are dumping you?
Last boyfriend messaged me on facebook, He said "hey.. we need to talk... there is someone else"
uh huh.. the very b/f who swore he was not a cheater.. .. oops.. there it is.. :)).. mr pretend nice guy.. Someone is waiting in the wings for him.
Of course I unleashed holy facebook fury on him.. haha.. Tried to call him a few times.
Next day.. he tried to tell me.. "its not you.. its me.. i am an alcoholic.. and cant be with you right now.. I must try to get my life together.. no no.. there is no one else".. (as he quickly changed the locks on his door)
Yep.. i just wish he would not frequent the same bars i go to.. Ruins my mood and my line dancing!
Fool told his close friends that I DUMPED HIM!.. what a lying douche. | |
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