| | Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?Page 2 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | | Ah, I see who you were talking about now. Womac looks like a guy I used to buy caffeine pills from in high school so I just subconsciously skipped his comment, I think. I have to disagree, though. It wasn't all that funny. For a minute there I was thinking that I really was guilty of second-handing a flirt-joke there for a second. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 3:32:25 AM |
It wasn't all that funny. For a minute there I was thinking that I really was guilty of second-handing a flirt-joke there for a second
I'll bet you don't watch Monty Python, do you? If not, you wouldn't find it funny.
OP is from the UK, so I'll bet she has. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 3:44:18 AM | | Again, what is wrong with the guys in England? Is it the gloomy weather, the Queen is getting older and they're worried Prince Charles might be the King soon, they lost out on dating Kate or Pippa won't give them the time of day? If I was your age and you messaged me, darlin, I'd be all over you like a dog waiting for fallout from a BBQ. I guess you're going to have to ask these clowns out yourself, hell, take em to Piccadilly Circus, maybe they'll feel more at home around real clowns. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 4:44:50 AM |
Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate.
Just as you were given bad advice, maybe they too had some bad info. Somehow you got the crazy idea that asking a guy out makes you look desperate. Maybe they got the message that asking someone out too soon online makes them look desperate. Bad advice, bad assumptions, bad combination all around.
I suggest you drop the "I'm 1950's old-fashioned" crutch. Ask them out, or make some suggestions. Or stick to your "old-fashioned" method and wait for the guy, on his time table, with no input whatsoever from you. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 5:34:28 AM |
I'll bet you don't watch Monty Python, do you? If not, you wouldn't find it funny.
OP is from the UK, so I'll bet she has.
Do be honest, it wasn't that bad, and I do know exactly what you're talking about. Big Python fan. The skit you refer to is the one where the shop owner refuses to admit that the parrot he sold John Cleese is now dead. He even shakes the cage to prove that he's still moving (the funniest part to me). I really just said that because I didn't like lostmynumber's snark. The funny thing is that I JUST acquired a full set (all skit seasons and movies) of Python. Small world. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 7:29:12 AM | | why dont ask guy out we love it, one word REJECTION. women are brainwashed/social conditioned, you wanted equality you got it so grab the bull by the horns+ ask him.perhaps they just yanking your chain? not that into you, or got other women they talking too? could be any those. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 7:51:09 AM | "If a man really wants to take you out, it won't take him long to ask"
Because when we do ask and the woman doesnt feel enough time passes she gets weirded out and then stops responding to your messages. Its the same thing with asking to talk on the phone.
Asking for a date and asking to talk on the phone is like the kiss of death when it comes to online dating | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:02:32 AM |
If a man really wants to take you out, it won't take him long to ask.
I wish I could agree with this statement but I don't. I am one of those people that do not want to waste computer time. I tend to ask a girl out by the end of our 3 email. Or if anything, try to set up the real thing, like mentioning the type of places I like to go.
But there are a lot of guys that have their cojones in the freezer. They are so afraid of the rejection, that they never ask. Consequently they miss the opportunity.
Now, for a girl that is old fashioned, I can understand that you want the guy to take the initiative. But asking does not make you look desperate, it makes you look confident. Second, you can still hint. You can tell them after a long email the following "this is nice all you are telling me, but I am not for long emails, and I prefer face to face." That is a smack on your face hint for him to then say "Okay, do you want to meet?"
So you see, you can still have him ask you out. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:05:12 AM |
"If a man really wants to take you out, it won't take him long to ask"
Because when we do ask and the woman doesnt feel enough time passes she gets weirded out and then stops responding to your messages. Its the same thing with asking to talk on the phone.
Asking for a date and asking to talk on the phone is like the kiss of death when it comes to online dating
I thought I was alone for a second there..
Either you're too desperate or a creep if you message too early... Or you're a gay time waster who's already married or has a g/f because you haven't asked her out in less than a week... Because well... Clearly she has attractive pictures on her profile.
Why bother trying to find common interests or personalities. Clearly she's cute and wants to date.... "hey you're cute, want to grab coffee"... "hey f**k off jerk I'm not a slut".
Uh too bad you chose option A. Fail. Better luck next time. Hah. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:30:12 AM | You're so "old fashioned" you're on an online site asking strangers what to do pertaining to dating.
And here's a thought: you are e-mailing not one, not two, but three guys. (Old fashioned??) Why not determine who you are acutally interested in and ASK ONE PERSON? Doesn't sound like you are particularly interested in any of them, and maybe they pick up on this? The types of responses and interactions you provide kind of help them determine interest. Maybe they are confounded by you?
Your profile sounds completely canned by the way. Reads like every American one, interestingly. I thought there might be SOME difference, but no. Sad. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:12:14 AM | Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate. And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking. Of course I dont want a man to ask in the very first message, but after 15 messages surely you would know if you wanted to meet up?
Borrow a technique from successful sales professionals and treat it as an "assumptive sale". Get things rolling and ask the guy, "So -----, when would you like to meet for a drink?" If he doesn't pick the ball up at that point and suggest a time and place, move on---he was not really that interested, or could already have a girlfriend. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:52:00 AM | | lol. Or the best is when you spend 2 weeks e-mailing and then you ask for a date or a phone call and she says " I dont even know you" and I'm left thinking well then what did we just spend the last 2 weeks doing? | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:55:30 AM |
Ive been emailing 3 guys for well over a week now and none of them have suggested meeting up. What am I meant to do to get them to ask me out? Theres been plenty of chat with all of them, its not like its just been one-liners. I would quite like to actually go out on a date as im not the sort of person who wants to just live through their computer. And also I think that there comes a point with emailing on here (well for me anyway) that the chat is kind of coming to an end and its either 'date or break'.
Presuumably they like communicating with me as they reply every time I send a message. We are all on here to potentially meet someone we are compatible with but how is that gonna happen if nobody ever meets up?
Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate. And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking. Of course I dont want a man to ask in the very first message, but after 15 messages surely you would know if you wanted to meet up?
It depends on the guy, but speaking for myself, I can think of three main reasons:
1) I am gun-shy and afraid of rejection and getting my heart stomped on when I'm not sure what you really want gets old really, really quick. So it could be that the man in question could be afraid to "take the leap."
---IF that's the case, the easiest way to solve the situation is to be direct enough to say "I like you... I REALLY like you... Let's go out..."
2) Men like to be chased and wanted as much as women do. Seriously. It's nice to have a woman want to be with you as much as you want to be with her. But being a guy and having to constantly chase and chase and not know if she desires you or said "yes" because nobody else asked first or whatever sucks.
---If this is the case, surprise him by planning out a date (the restaurant, evening, etc...) and romance him.
3) Pardon the phrase, but "he just isn't into you."
---If this is the case and he doesn't commit, walk away. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:51:01 AM |
Ive been emailing 3 guys for well over a week now and none of them have suggested meeting up.
I don't know what is holding you back from making the suggestion, but go ahead!
I have done this on several occasions, and never regretted it.
Maybe it won't work out or whatever, but at least you get to meet the person face to face and know what you're dealing with. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:37:24 AM | If a guy really likes you he will want to meet you and he will make some type of effort in doing so.
If a guy hasnt made his move on me yet and he isnt "stepping up" then I believe I am his "second best" or "last minute choice" to me that shows he is not really interested in meeting if doesnt initiate anything.
And if he is shy then...sorry I dont do shy boys I like MEN :) | |
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SamD83
| | Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 42 | |
| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:50:42 AM | Personally speaking I don't like to ask too early in case I scare her off. Also I prefer to see if there's enough of a rapport between us that I think she'd be interested. If I'm the only one asking questions, directing the conversation, etc then it feels like she isn't really interested.
But as plenty have already said, make the move yourself. You've got no excuses not to, you obviously want to but the only thing stopping you appears to be some out dated notion of gender roles. If you want something, grab it. Don't wait for it to come to you. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:05:45 PM | | If a woman responds to my initial email and I like what I read, I respond and ask for her number. Then when she gives it to me, I respond with mine, and I call her. I talk to her 10-15 minutes on the phone to see if there is any initial chemistry and if there is I set the meet for the following week. Then a few days prior to the meet, I confirm via email and banter back and forth with her for a few emails to build comfort. However I barely talk to women at all online before meeting. I treat it just like the real life dating process. I prefer to get to know a woman in person and base my judgement on that instead of expectations I create in my head from extended email communication. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 5:18:51 PM |
Yes I know, I could ask THEM out, this isnt the 1950's etc etc, but Im being totally honest when I say that women are given the message that we shouldnt do it as it emasculates men and makes us look desperate.
It seems I missed the memo. I've never been given that message.
And also I am old-fashioned in that sense that I like the man to be the one doing the asking.
Then there really isn't much you can do but wait it out and see what happens. But by doing that you're at the mercy of his dating timeline, so if he feels like taking a week, two weeks, or more to ask you out, you've got little choice aside from moving onto someone else or waiting for him to get his act together. You can hint drop but I guess I don't really see the point when you can just make it happen yourself.
Me personally, I'm long over the "women don't ask" thing. This woman asks, if need be. I don't mess around with hints, flirts, and pokes, either. I just get the guy on the phone and say, "Sooo...since you're taking your sweet time over there I'll just ask your cute butt out my damn self. Let's go do something fun this weekend." Works like a charm. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/20/2012 5:38:28 PM | Just ask the guy out if its not quick enough.
Regarding your 'emasculation' idea,
Were often told that if we ask too quickly the women will run like we're infected with the plague.
Howabout we all cut such nonsense and just ask each other as soon as one of us feels ready to do so?
Because 9/10 the 'information' that we get about the opposite gender is a load of crap, case in point. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/21/2012 2:58:23 AM | My best advice:
1. Get the book- "He's just not that into you.
2. "Act like a lady, think like a man" (or see Steve Harveys movie that just came out...)
Both of these books are written by men. Its plain and simple- If he's not asking you out, he's not interested in doing so. And more than likely wont.
If a man is interested, he will ask you out. As all of them are quick to point out on here.. there are like 20 men for every woman. Competition is fierce.. you snooze you lose. As another poster said.. they're time wasters!
As Steve Harvey says: "Men respect standards, get some!" If youre not requiring him to be timely, he wont be. You are an attractive woman. You dont have to waste your time on men who dont have the balls to step up to the plate and ask you out for a simple date.
I think after chatting via the site, text, and phone calls, a week should be long enough for a man to ask you out if hes interested.
One guy I talked to for 2 weeks via text. I told him I was tired of this and a phone call needed to be forthcoming. he told me he only called someone when he thought there was a chance for a relationship.. WTF?! How do you gauge that if you havent even talked or went out on a date?! I told him dont bother, I was done.
BUY THE BOOKS!!!
(And you are a pretty girl, you dont have to ask a guy out..leave that for the not so pretty girls to do.) | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/21/2012 2:10:52 PM | The second you start buying into the book mentality and trying to live by someone else's rules you are done. All the books do is cause you to over think and analyze every situation which leads to game playing. You don't need a book to tell you that if a guy has not asked you out after a week, he is not interested. Your best weapon in dating is common sense.
However, here is an idea. If you like a guy, ask him out. It always cracks me up when women talk about equality in every aspect of life except for dating. This is the 21st century. It is perfectly OK for a woman to ask a man out, plan a date, and god forbid.. even pick up a check once and awhile. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/24/2012 6:11:02 PM | Pass them by. Stop communicating with them. Wait for a REAL man who isn't so passive and timid.
Well said Fair Oaks Chick....I have been emailing this guy now for about 2 weeks. He keeps dropping "hints" to ask him out. I just flat out told him...if you are waiting for me to ask you out, you are gonna be waiting a LONG time. I just don't do that....He knows I am interested...gave him my number, suggested a meet and greet....but he won't take the initiative. If they are that lazy now I can imagine what else they are lazy at...LOL !! I don't do lazy. | |
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| Why does it take men so long to ask for a date?
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:39:48 PM | If a guy hasnt asked me out within a few days its pretty obvious hes only toying with you.
Id rather grab the bull by the horns and ask him out...if they run for the hills and dont reply then yuo know they arent serious about meeting anyone. I mean why waste time and energy on guys who just want to chat and chat and chat. Its pointless.
Its not about a women being desperate or anything like that, I like to know where I stand with someone and if he hasnt had the courage to ask you out forget it.
Next! | |
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