| | Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul matesPage 4 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | | If someone is deeply religious so what. If you are soulmates that would not come between you. As long as they dont try to convert you to their way of thinking. Of course some cultures do not mesh and family objections may make life difficult if you wanted to marry. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/28/2012 6:21:30 PM | my question would be how can you get to the status of soul mates, if religion has not been discussed and handled already?
My thoughts too.
I think it all comes down to tolerance and open-mindedness. If someone believes that their religion is the only religion and that non-believers are defective, then its going to be a huge problem. The believer will “lord” over the other partner. Some religious people are tolerant of, even open to, other religions and to not being religious. Some aren’t.
I had two relationships in which religion was an issue, but really the issue was tolerance in general. I dated a guy who melted down because my kids and I put up a Christmas tree. I dated another guy who melted down because I had a Harry Potter movie on when he arrived- he said it was satanic and had a yelling fit. Neither of those relationships were soul mate- level, though. Their intolerance, in all its forms, not just religion, was unlivable. They were intolerant about a million things and very sharp-edged people.
Although it is great to agree on all things there are times in relationships where differences cause people to study more, and revisit their belief systems, if nothing else to remind them how they got there.
I agree with this, and not just in terms of religion and beliefs of all kinds. (You see the same kind of extremism and rigidity in regard to politics as religion these days- demonizing and close-mindedness.) People who feel strongly about something but are unable to take pause when there is a difference in opinion or beliefs, and listen, understand and consider another view are extremely difficult people to interact with. My “soul mate” would not be intolerant and close minded. I couldn’t fall in love with someone like that. And I’m sure it would be clear waaaay before I thought he was my soul mate. If it wasn't clear early on, and I discovered it later, I'd conclude that I had made a mistake about his being my soul mate. :) | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 3:44:53 AM | When I first joined POF I was living in S. Florida. I had started talking to a lady who seemed to be a nice match for me.
WE emailed, then talked on the phone quite easily. It was going great!
So we decide to meet at a Borders book store and have coffee. We both show up, and YES! we continue to connect!
She is happy and friendly and we are talking easily. Yes she is cute and all is good. We then start to walk aimlessly around the book store...(trouble).
We wander into the religion section. BIG trouble coming!
I turn and see a large book with it's cover facing out and showing something about the Catholic religion and the crusades.
I wish I could remember my exact words, I don't, but I made a fairly soft comment on the picture. Something like,
'geez pretty graphic picture for a religious book'.
She quickly said, 'What you don't believe in God'? She was really staring at me hard. I told her, "Well, no. Not as religions try to persuade us. But I am very open minded'
I don't want to make me sound great and her sound evil. The point was, I was open to listen to her views on the subject and 'mostly' accept her and what she believed in. There could be extremes I would not want to be associated with. But she, the one who was strongly religious stormed out of the store without as much as one more word. She was furious. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 5:35:11 AM | It just happened to me, Happy Dude.
I used to be very religious, growing up in a small community there was only one religion; once I left my home town, as a teen, I saw the world in a different way, found my answers from sources other than religion, realized that what had been taught to me before was wrong, mainly because of the hypocrisy, abuse, treating " different" (handicapped) people unfairly, the use of its power by the Church... Lost the faith, yes to believe one has to have "faith", meaning closed eyes and no questions asked...
Last night was with a lady, no problems talking politics, current events,...then she started with religion... I just sat, my mind wondering "what did I do". I did not have the chance, then not the will, the explain we are all equals, no matter which God we believe in. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 6:20:58 AM | In my experience (with those I chose not to date or other acquaintances) is not that they push THEIR religion, they instead bad mouth others.
Atheists that go on and on about jesus freaks and those f'ed up bible thumpers -- is actually the most common. What is the atheist equivalent to a bible thumper? There are plenty of those out there for sure.
Christians of one denomination slamming other ones, Jews complaining about christians, etc.
I've never once had someone try to convert me or anything.
If you just read through this thread you'll see where the most aggressive language is coming from... it has nothing to do with their FAITH or BELIEFS. It's always slamming those "other guys".
I have one son who is an atheist and another that is a devout christian. I respect both of them equally and feel no need to agree or disagree with their choices.
It can be that way with an SO as well. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 6:49:54 AM | | I don't see atheists slamming believers publicly, and have never seen jews slam christians. When my agnostic friends and i get together, we privately, between ourselves, marvel at how and why intelligent people buy into religion, but our talks are only between us and then we normally veer off in to the wonders of the universe. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 7:20:53 AM | | I totally believe it is a deal breaker. I, who was brought up a strict catholic, now consider myself at the very least Agnostic. Someone who believes that everything will be taken care of by their god or prays and goes to church regularly would not fit into my life whatsoever. I never believe anything without question and I would want someone as my partner to feel the same. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 8:28:42 AM | I do not believe in 'soul mates' in a romantic context. A 'soul mate' is a guardian and guide. Someone who 'walks' the path of life with you. It may or may not be a romantic partner. It may not even be someone of the opposite sex. It may not be that they are human. It may also be that you will never encounter them in your lifetime, but an extremely heightened sense of self awareness lets you know they are there. This purely my definition, alone.
By spiritual practice, I am a Buddhist/Taoist hybrid. By denomination, I have been Unitarian Universalist for nearly 38 years. The UU 'faith' is merely a liberal, open door place of sanctuary that welcomes those of all faiths and walks of life. We are free to believe as we choose. It is a 'church' of fellowship.
Over the years, I have learned a great deal about many different faiths and belief systems. Even participated in customs of other faiths. I am perfectly accepting of those that believe differently than I do, yet, as others have stated, as long as they do not impose or force those beliefs on me, there is no issue.
At the very least, I do not think any relationship is worth changing our core values for unless this is a change we want to make for ourselves. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:23:53 AM | A great attitude Janet! (I mean that nicely).
Even though I just reread your statement and don't totally agree with you. My experience is that the biggest complainers or people attacking others verbally are the Christians and some of the more radical religions. But your thought of being open minded and tolerant, is what I agree with. This is not to put them down, just my observation.
Everyone should be allowed to follow what they believe in. As long as it is done without hurting others.
Be open minded!! hey and relax it is their life. Let them live it. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:45:06 AM | One of the most important aspects to loving someone is being able to accept who they are and what they are. If you love someone then you love them for who they are, and if they have religious feelings then a big part of who they are is probably associated with that religious belief. Respecting each others beliefs, even if they are different, is necessary for a healthy and loving relationship.
If someone is not able to do that then it's not a good match. And if it's not a good match then you are not really soul mates, no matter how much you want to be. | |
|
Eri713
| | Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 86 | |
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/30/2012 3:25:45 PM | I can only speak for myself because everyone has their own set of deal breakers. For me, religion is one. I am not a religious person, but being Jewish is a part of who I am. I want to spend my life with someone who shares the same history, culture, values, and traditions of Judaism as I do. Especially when there are children involved.
There's also that first inevitable question, that I still have ingrained in my head, that my grandparents would ask whenever I told them I had a boyfriend, "Is he Jewish?" Ha Ha. The answer wasn't always yes, but then again, I wasn't looking for a life partner back then. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/31/2012 12:18:28 AM | The OP's quesion is "Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates?"
That depends, I suppose, on how important it is to have someone in your life that shares your faith. For me the answer to this question is yes because even though I am far from fanatical, I do faithfully attend church. I was a church secretary for six years and am an ordained Presbyterian deacon so having a Christian church affiliation is something I look for when I search profiles. I have great respect for other faiths, but ultimately I want to share my life with someone who has similar beliefs and could pray, worship and study theology with me. If this culls the herd, so what? I am more likely to find my lamb following the Good Shepherd anyway. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/31/2012 7:37:04 AM | Soul mates is a rather cliched way of saying high compatibility. However, if you are religious, it may have additional connotations.
So, yes, religious differences can be a deal breaker. Your souls were made by different manufacturers in that case, so obviously due to competitive reasons and proprietary designs, they can't blend. | |
|
| |
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/31/2012 8:18:20 AM | Spence56 said:
One of the most important aspects to loving someone is being able to accept who they are and what they are. If you love someone then you love them for who they are, and if they have religious feelings then a big part of who they are is probably associated with that religious belief. Respecting each others beliefs, even if they are different, is necessary for a healthy and loving relationship.
If someone is not able to do that then it's not a good match. And if it's not a good match then you are not really soul mates, no matter how much you want to be.
I agree. If you are one of those who cannot accept a partner's beliefs, and respect your parner's beliefs, then itwill never work. If you feel any need to try to alter or change those beliefs, then it will never work.
Similarly, if your partner is one of those who cannot accept your own beliefs, and respect your own beliefs, then it will never work. If your partner feels any need to try to alter or change your own beliefs (something which has been cleverly built into many of those man-made religions), then it will never work.
My own belief is that the most mature love that exists is the type where your desire for the other person is strong enough to cause you to accept their differences, and even their own flaws and faults.
But then, I do not believe there is such a thing as a "soul mate" -- so, hey - what do I know? | |
|
| |
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/17/2012 12:22:00 PM | I think it depends if you are practicing or preaching your religion. I grew up in a religious household and have many really devout religious friends. As we have grown older we have gotten away from our religions and have sought spiritual paths with the religious core of morals and values intact.
Over the years I've dated and befriended many people with different core based religions who initially thought we had the same outlook and understanding in life. As time went on though, in reality it did make a difference to me personally.
I have read bible, like the Koran, the Buddhist beliefs and chinese practices the jewish faith. I respect them all and think there is merit and wonderful things to learn from all of them.
But when it comes right down to it... I'll stick with my own faith and beliefs. It's what I'm most comfortable with.
So no, religion would be a deal breaker and is one. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/19/2012 1:55:30 AM | I don't believe it has to be a deal breaker...but I think it often is. In the field of cultural anthropology most of the main world religions are called "univeralizing religions" meaning their primary goal is to create converts. To a hard core believer it would be her/his job to try to convert the SO. To me this would not create an atmosphere of mutual respect but that's just my own supposition.
Personally I've never come across any 'religion' that has not been interpreted by men for men to control women. Maybe someone has an example of one where women are accepted as equals to men? Therefore I don't think I would be compatable myself with someone who held deep religious beliefs of any kind.
As for soul mates...this is a rather stale cliche for those with a need to label everything without giving any independent thought to the label. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/19/2012 2:34:36 AM | I'm not sure about the concept of soul mates, but my late husband & I was very much in love. He was a Christian and church goer (but not fanatical), whereas I was brought up believing in reincarnation but I don't practise any religious format. Sure, we have several discussion about faith, but he never tried to convert me, and neither did I talk him out of his faith. I accompanied him to church and helped out when he volunteered with church activities, even attended bible class with him, because doing these things together was important to him. But he understood me enough to know that belief has to come from within, not forced on by someone else. So in my case, religious difference does not have to be a deal breaker if both sides are reasonable.
On the other hand, my brother had to convert to Catholic before he could marry his wife (which he did, and they are still married), but does he really believe in God? um.. not really! | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/20/2012 11:04:43 AM | But I will say this about the God of the Old testament. He killed a lot of people for lots of what might be considered frivolous reasons.
True, however he was ultimately forgiving. The God of the New Testament forgives all until you are dead, then lets you rot in Hell eternally for not believing in him. Not sure which approach is more psychotic... lol
I don't think I'd mesh well with any kind of fundamentalist, but I don't mind more moderate types of religious expression. Of course, I cared more about being the same religion when I was interested in having babies... | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/20/2012 11:16:23 AM | I prefer to try and avoid anyone with a mental illness...
For me, that would include invisible friends. Whether that be a god or an invisible bunny rabbit, its a definite nono.
I suspect that would be the major difference between the ever more secular UK and Europe and the ever more religious USA - religion here has become less and less acceptable (other than the token "church on weddings and funerals" attendance common to most of the country). | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/20/2012 2:37:57 PM | | I could see it as being a problem...just think when you're trying to connect to your imaginary friend, and you have a Christian talking to the ceiling, a Muslim talking to the floor, and a Jew talking to a wall, talk about being out of sync...that's my opinion and I am sticking to it! | |
|
| |
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/21/2012 11:02:49 PM |
I don't see atheists slamming believers publicly, and have never seen jews slam christians.
I half-way agree with you. I have NEVER seen Jews slamming Christians.
However, MANY, MANY threads you will see on POF there is some athiest bashing Christianity in one way or another. If you just read the news or see it on TV you will see how many attacks athiests make on Christianity over and over and over -- in the name of "First Amendment Rights".
I think I could live with a partner of just about any religion -- except one whose ultimate goal was to murder all persons of any faith but their own. Or live with a man whose religious belief encouraged the abuse or "honor killings" of women.
But I don't think I could live with an Athiest -- because I've never met one of them who didn't make a point day in and day out to attack amd insult my faith. | |
|
| Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 8/22/2012 12:41:59 AM |
you will see on POF there is some athiest bashing Christianity in one way or another
True.
But where is that "animosity" coming from ? Here is one of the ways how religious beliefs from Christians and others are being imposed on non-religious people (short excerpt from an article in "The Economist" titled "The new wars of religion" :
Religious people have either formed religious parties (such as India's BJP) or converted secular ones into more faith-driven outfits (such as America's Republican Party).
One of the most salient religious conflicts right here in America is Roe vs Wade. The abundant religious elements in the Republican Party have consistently and continuously bent the law to suit their beliefs. The constitution (separation of church and state) and the Supreme Court apparently take second place to the bible (or whatever it is their beliefs are based on.)
It is true that Atheists bash Christians. A lot of Atheists do, because of the continuous and recurrent disregard religious people show for anything but their way. While Atheists deliver their criticism to the religious face to face, the religious ones deceitfully twist and manipulate the laws to bend them to fit their beliefs and impose them on others.
While the above deception is not usually displayed by an individual, individuals promote it by providing financial support to the political institutions that have become as much a church as they are a political party.
As an Atheist, I am open to dating from any religion. I have dated christian girls and have gone to church on Sunday with them. That said, I view religion with a great deal of distrust, as religious beliefs too often become unreasonable i.e. must be imposed on others (openly or surreptitiously.)
Can religion be a deal breaker ? sure. Does it really have to be a deal breaker ? not on my account but, it takes to tango (but not two to pray.) | |
|
Home
login 
